A/N: Sorry about all the problems with this chapter, I've reuploaded it so hopefully that fixes everything. Let me know if anything else pops up.

Rarely did Paige ever make resolutions for the start of the New Year. That tradition was one that her mother made sure they kept. Her's were typically something that represented how good of a person she was. 'Knit hats for the premature baby ward of the hospital', 'Serve at the soup kitchen once a week'. Her's were the type that you would feel proud to keep and share. Paige's were more along the lines of, 'Eat all the vegetables on my plate without complaining.' Her mom thought of that one too; she was five at the time.

This year, entering the second leg of her sophomore year, Paige wanted a new start. It had been too long since she made a point of visiting her mother's grave and now was the perfect time. It was a cool Saturday morning when Paige chose to go. She bundled in her coat and scarf as well as a hat to keep from getting chilled. She hurried out the front door, slightly begrudging herself for not making hot chocolate or tea to warm her insides. "As much as the Lord warms our souls, Paigey, we too must warm our bodies," her mother often told her.

When she reached the barely weathered stone she dropped to her knees. The snow on the cold earth started seeping through her pants almost instantly, but Paige found she didn't mind. "Hi, Mama." Paige brushed the stone etching, "Sorry I haven't visited in a while." She regarded the tombstone for a couple minutes before she shifted in order to lean back on it. When she closed her eyes she could almost imagine her mother behind her, wrapping her in a warm hug. Paige played with her fingers which were constricted by woolen gloves. "I don't really have an excuse. But sometimes, sometimes, Mom, it's so hard. I miss you so much. You were my cheerleader, not Dad. And I just get this feeling that he looks at me and is disappointed in whatever I do. Sometimes he looks right through me, Mama. You know," Paige laughed lightly, the dark of the early morning and the gently falling snow swallowed the sound, "Sometimes he looks through me and I swear he is looking for you."

"He misses you so much, Mom. More than he would ever admit to anyone, even Pastor John. Do you think you could keep an eye on him for me? I don't want him to be alone in his grief." A cold wind burst through the trees, shaking her already iced frame. She looked up at the sky and smiled, "I know, Mom, that's my resolution for the year, make more friends. Get out of my shell. I'm going to make you proud."

With the flakes growing fatter, Paige could almost hear her mother's voice, "You already make me proud."

Paige wiped a tear from her cheek, "I love you." She rose and looked at the grave, the snow was quickly filling in her indentations, it was almost as if she was never there.

The next week school started again. This time, instead of keeping to herself, she made a point of sitting with the swimming team at lunch and joining in their conversations. She didn't want to be remembered in high school as the girl with no friends who only had a passing success in regards to swimming.

Soon, some of the girls became he best friends, though she didn't feel the same toward anyone as she did toward Emily. Maybe first best friends are like that, she thought. Interestingly enough her father was happy with the development. "You should invite some of the girls over. Maybe you could have a sleepover, do teenagers still do that?" When she looked at him, disbelief clear on her face, he just looked at her and said, "It's what your mother would have wanted."

Tears formed in her eyes and fell down her cheeks, she couldn't help herself as she took a few strides to meet him. She threw her arms around him, "Thank you, Daddy." She pulled back, realizing what she had just done. She looked at him and was unable to read his expression. She cleared her throat and turned to head to her room.

"Paige?" She looked back at him, "Friday would work well, don't you think?"

She smiled widely at him, "I'll give them a call."

"Alright, dinner is at seven. Try to be done with your homework before then if possible."

"Yes, sir." Paige just about skipped up the stairs, she needed to call Melanie and Danielle to see if they were free.

The rest of the week was filled with a sense of joy that Paige hadn't experienced in quite some time. It was a different sort of joy than her mother had brought, but a similar one to having Emily in her life, similar, but not the same. Instead of dwelling on the difference, Paige focused on planning for Friday she wanted everything to get well. She tried not to let the fact that hadn't had friends over in years keep from having a good time.

Soon Friday morning shined and Paige couldn't help but get up with a smile on her face once she remembered the day. She had only to make it through the school day, including a quiz in English, and ten swim practice, after those, her friends were free to come over. There was an extra bounce in her step, one even her father noticed. "Have a good day, Paige. I'll see you and your friends tonight. Neither of them are vegetarians, right?" Paige shook her head. "Good, crazy liberals."

Paige couldn't help but laugh, "See you later, Dad."

"Bye, Paige."

She kissed his cheek and headed to school.

The day went almost without snag until the girls were getting ready to go to Paige's after swimming had finished. Melanie and Danielle were waiting for Paige to gather her things, Coach had pulled her aside after practice so she was running late behind them. She looked up when she heard someone clear their throat near her. It was Emily. She smiled at Emily tightly, "Hi?"

Paige couldn't read Emily's expression. Emily nodded over in the direction of where the other girls were standing. "I guess they're better friends than I ever was, if they're going over to your house."

Paige didn't even know how Emily heard about them coming over, all she knew was that in that moment she couldn't take it anymore, "I don't really think you're in any soft of position to claim that, Emily. Remember, we're not friends anymore, per your request." Paige paused and looked at her, she gathered her bag and started to leave, "You have no right,Emily. Not any more." She turned to face Danielle and Melanie as she reached them, "You two ready?"

"What was that about?" Melanie asked as they left the locker room

"Nothing, nothing at all." Paige tried to dismiss the moment that had just passed from her mind but found it difficult when all she could see when she blinked was the look on Emily's face after Paige said her bit. Paige knew she was fully within her right to say what she said, especially given how Emily responded, but that didn't help with the feeling of intense guilt she was wracked with, almost as if she had just ruined any chance of Emily wanting to be her friend again, but she couldn't wait forever, she wouldn't wait forever. Glad that Melanie and Danielle weren't the type of friend that required constant attention, Paige unlocked her front door and ushered them inside.

"Wow," Danielle said once they were in the foyer. Her voice echoed, "This place is huge."

"I guess." Paige shuffled and kicked the rug as the two girls looked around. She had to agree with Danielle, though not in the same way. After her mother died, the house that had been filled to the brim with joy and laughter no longer felt welcoming. Instead, the size became something that she hated. "Okay, want to see my room?"

"Sure!" Melanie chirped. "Is it upstairs? Let me guess, your room is blue."

Paige couldn't help but laugh, leave it to Melanie to put her at ease. "Want to bet on it?"

"Ooh!" She bounded up ahead of Paige and Danielle. "That means no. How about white? Pink?" Paige crinkled her nose and Melanie laughed. "Okay, that's a huge no."

They reached the door to Paige's room, "Last chance, Mel. Speak now or-"

"Forever hold my peace, I know. Yellow?"

Paige opened her door and smiled widely as she heard Melanie gasp and then exclaim as Danielle punched her.

"Green," Danielle's cool blue eyes surveyed the modest sized room, "It suits you."

Paige felt the beginnings of a blush on her face. "Thanks." She turned and walked in the room farther. "So, we can either sleep in here or in one of the guest rooms. Or there are couches in the Recreation Room."

Melanie laughed, "Did you hear that, Dani? She has a 'Recreation Room'."

"I heard, Mel."

Both girls chose then to look at Paige and she found herself blushing again, "So...which do you think?"

"I don't know about you, Dani, but I think I want to see the 'Rec Room'."

Paige laughed and motioned down the hall, "Come on, Fred and George, let's go investigate."

Dani linked her arm with Paige's an dragged her down the hall, "I think we're going to have a grand time!"

Paige couldn't describe the feeling of relief that coursed through her, "Neither of you are vegetarian or vegan, right? Because my dad is making hamburgers for dinner."

"Not me." Melanie skipped ahead of the two girls. "So, where is this room? I feel like Alice lost in Wonderland right now."

"My house isn't that big."

"News flash, Paige, it kind of is. But that's cool. And I think hamburgers sound great." Danielle squeezed Paige's arm and her heart fluttered.

She pulled away from Dani quickly and gestured to the double doors on her left. With a flourish she opened the doors, "Voila!"

If Paige had to use a word to describe Melanie, it would be excitable. "Oh my god, your TV is huge!"

"Yeah, my mom liked movies so my dad had this room made for her. The TV was her idea."

"Sounds like a great lady."

"She was," Paige looked around the room and touched one of the leather couches.

"Hey," Dani put her hand on Paige's shoulder, "I'm sorry."

Paige turned to meet her gaze. "It's alright." The mood was broken by the sound of Melanie plopping onto one of the couches. Paige shook her head, clearing the thoughts that cluttered it, "Well, let's go see if we can find out when dinner is!"

"Sounds good to me," Dani removed her hand. "Come on, Mel. I'm sure we can see what movies they have after dinner." As Melanie left in front of them Dani turned once more to Paige, "I'm pretty sure Mel never actually grew up."

Paige laughed and closed the door behind them, "It's refreshing. Maybe she's happier that way."

They followed Melanie down the stairs and into the kitchen, "Yeah, maybe." Dani smiled at Paige and winked, "But sometimes it's more fun to be older."

Paige shivered, her dad would not like this side of Danielle if he ever found out.

"Right," she licked her lips. "Let's eat." She spotted her dad with a plate of burgers on it. She walked over to him and took it from his hands, "Hi, Dad," she kissed his cheek, "Smells good."

He closed the patio door behind him, "There are fixings on the counter in the kitchen."

"Great!" She placed the plate next to the toasted buns.

"This is Danielle, or Dani," Paige gestured to the girl on her right, "And this is Melanie, or Mel."

"Good to meet you, Mr. McCullers. You have a lovely home." Dani smiled so wide Paige was almost convinced her cheeks would crack.

Paige elbowed her, "Laying it on a little thick?" She said out of the corner of her mouth.

"I'm trying to make a good impression."

"Danielle, Melanie," he nodded at them.

"Looks great, Mr. M!"

"Okay well, let's eat?" Paige looked at her father who motioned to the food. "Guests first."

As they settled down at the table, Paige had to cough and hit Melanie on the arm before she took a bite of her food. "What?" She mouthed. Her eyes widened when Paige motioned to her father.

"Shall we say grace?" He looked to Paige. "Paige?"

"Yes, Father. Thank you, Lord for what we are about to receive. Amen."

He looked a little less than pleased with her feeble prayer but the desire to melt to the floor overwhelmed her beyond the lecture she was sure to receive once her friends were out of the vicinity. "Amen."

"Amen."

"Amen." Melanie looked at Paige, "Can we eat now?"

Paige nodded, "Dig in."

Thankfully dinner passed without further snafus. When she saw that the girls were done she addressed her father again, "May we please be excused?"

He watched her for a few moments, "Yes, please clear your plates. I'll take care of the leftovers."

"Okay, come on girls." They followed her to the sink where they washed their plates and then put them into the dishwasher. They walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs, "Do you want to pick out a movie, Mel?"

"Yes!" Melanie bounded up the stairs.

"I swear, she's going to be seventy years old and still running up and down stairs."

"Put us all to shame, just like swimming."

"True, I swear she's going to be Emily one of these days."

Paige's laugh felt full of air and lies, "Right."

Dani thankfully didn't mention anything about the oddness that fell over them.

"Hey guys, do we want to do a RomCom or something else?"

"Please no RomComs!" Paige couldn't help herself.

Dani quirked an eyebrow, "Passionate much?"

Paige looked away and rubbed her arm, "I find it hard to relate to them and doesn't think they actually happen in real life."

Melanie looked horrified at Paige's words. "But, it's love, what could be wrong with that?"

You have no idea. Paige grimaced, "I just—can we watch something else? Maybe a drama."

"Sure," Dani pulled Paige to the nearest couch and sat next to her, "Find us a movie, Mel!"

"Hmm," Melanie dug through the boxes of movies. "Oh! How about Boondock Saints?"

"Works for me." Dani looked to Paige and laid her hand on Paige's arm and squeezed it lightly, "Paige?"

Paige's eyes met Dani's, she slowly nodded.

"Great!" Melanie put the movie in, pressed play and then sat down on Paige's other side. "Now cheer-up! Hot accents!"

Paige laughed, "Right, that's why this movie is awesome."

Dani nudged her slightly, "Just let her have this one." She winked.

Paige swallowed thickly.

Inviting the two girls over turned out to be one of the best ideas Paige had ever had. Melanie was just the effervescent person to bring her out of the various funks she often found herself in. And Dani, there was just something about the way she could put Paige at ease, simply by leaning over and resting her hand on Paige's thigh or squeezing her arm. Being friends with them was effortless.

To say that she didn't feel anything toward Dani past friendship would be a bold face lie (the type she was getting used to making). The fact that she could hardly imagine even being in the position to act on her feelings only added to her decision that the truth needed to be buried deep inside (much as it had been regarding Emily). Her father was one of the main reasons, the second the fact that Dani (or Emily for that matter) would never feel the same way so it was better for Paige to leave well enough alone. The other major reason was that there was a huge past of Paige that believed (or hoped and prayed) that if she didn't act on her thoughts or feelings then they would go away like a bad dream. The problem she was finding was that no matter how many times she tried to close her eyes to the truth, it always came knocking again.

The rest of the school year passed with relatively little how-to-do. There were only a few notable instances where Paige found herself leaning in closer to Dani than would be considered proper. In those moments, where Paige could count the freckles splattered across Dani's nose and could smell the way she always smelled of lemon and sunshine and how somehow Paige could see both of those reflected in Dani's hair.

It was pathetic, she thought, how even still she thought o Emily and how thinking of Dani in this way seemed almost as if she were somehow being dishonest to both of them. But really she didn't have to answer to either of them, only God (and, if what Pastor John said was true, herself).

Unwittingly she found herself in the chair across from the Pastor not far into the summer. He looked up at her when she walked in and motioned to the seat. "Tell me what's troubling you, Paige."

She watched the hands of the clock to his left tick for some times before finally speaking, "Do you think God is ever wrong?"

Silence overwhelmed them, but for once silence didn't choke her. It was comforting to hear that someone else needed to take their time to find an answer to the question that had been plaguing her ever since first meeting Emily and was then solidified further through her friendship with Dani.

"How do you mean?"

His question almost made her smile, it's not as easy as everyone claimed it to be. "Does God make mistakes? I mean, clearly the existence of sadists, murderers says that something isn't quite right. Or are those choices that people make? Or is it based on biology?"

"You ask a lot of questions, Paige." He chuckled.

"I guess I just want to better understand myself, and others. Are we the way we are because of choice that we or someone else made or something else? And then is it our fault if we feel a certain way that we believe to be out of our control?"

"What is it that you're asking?"

"I don't really even know." She wished that she could actually ask these questions without fear of what would happen or what he would say.

"Let me ask you this, Paige. Do you believe in God?" She nodded. "And do you believe that He has a plan for you?" Nod. "Then what is it that's concerning to you?"

"What if he messed up? What if there is something wrong with me?"

"Paige, there is nothing wrong with you. I can assure you of that."

"How can you know that for sure?"

"Simple," his voice was kind, "I believe."

When Paige saw the picture of Emily kissing a girl, Paige almost couldn't believe it. Dani had laughed, said, "I knew it!" and slapped Emily on the back. Paige just swallowed her tongue, too afraid she would say or do something she would regret.

Later that week, after the excitement had died down, Paige found herself with Dani in her room, the door closed. Everything that was happening was so overwhelming for Paige. Emily being gay or, at the very least, liking girls was something that she hadn't even allowed herself to think about as a possibly. Paige felt like she couldn't breathe when she was around either Emily or Dani, as if someone had dunked her head under water and expected her to breathe. Around them it was all sunshine, lemon and quicksand.

She sunk even faster when Dani sat next to her on the bed, presumably finished with her homework. "I think that was really brave of Emily." Dani finally spoke.

"Brave?" Paige scoffed and her breath quickened, "It wasn't like she intended for anyone to find out."

Danielle stretched out over the length of the bed, "Maybe not, but she rose to what happened and didn't try to hide."

"What's wrong with hiding if it keeps you safe?" Paige snapped and then tried to revert to her earlier state of assumed indifference.

"Whoa, Paige," Dani sat up slightly and looked at her, concerned. Paige hated the way Dani's shirt rose to show smooth skin and a hint of hipbones. She hated how she could see the way the cool of the air in her room prickled the delicate skin and cause a rise that Paige wanted to experience with her tongue, just to see how they felt against her mouth.

Her mother once told her, "People only hate that which they do not understand." Paige knew she was quoting something even if she believed it to be true. The only difference there was Paige did understand and that's why she hated it.

She was startled by the feeling of a hand on her arm and then a slow moving thumb drawing her back to reality. "You alright?"

Paige stifled the urge to pull away. She sighed heavily, "Yeah, I guess."

"Hey," Dani took Paige into her arms, now sitting upright, "What's going on?"

"Does it ever stop being hard?"

Dani looked like she finally had discovered the answer to a long asked question, "Does what stop being hard?"

Paige paused, "Life." She decided finally.

"No, not really." Dani pulled away from her and took Paige's face into her hands, "But Paige, sometimes it can be so good and so much better than we could ever imagine it if we only let it."

Paige glanced down at Dani's lips to escape the gaze of her eyes, they were too deep and she was so close to drowning. She licked her lips, they were so close. If they were outside in the winter Paige knew she would be able to see and feel Dani's breath. Paige whimpered as Dani moved closer, her eyes crossed and she was unable to see Dani's lips because they were on her own. The kiss was short, gently, and Paige felt herself submerging fully for the first time in her life. Her lips parted slowly in sigh and she couldn't help the urge to push into Dani deeper. She allowed herself to sinking the feeling and revel in how much better this felt than anything she had ever experienced.

Reality came crashing down on her in a wave as she realized what was happening. She broke the kiss by scrambling backwards and almost falling off her bed in her haste to get away. "We can't!" She touched her hand to her lips, they were tingling.

Dani looked as though Paige had just sucker punched her. The worst part, Paige noted, was how there seemed to be a part of Dani that wasn't surprised. "Why, Paige? Why can't we?"

"Because," Paige sputtered, grappling for words, "I dated Michael!" Her words were bogus and Dani could see right through her.

"And I dated Sam. It happens, Paige. It doesn't define us."

"But?"

"But nothing, Paige. Just breathe. Talk to me. What are you really afraid of, because I don't think it's me and I don't think it's Emily. I think it's because of how we make you feel. You're afraid, Paige. You're afraid of what that means."

"Stop!" Paige couldn't take it. "Please! Just be quiet."

Silence descended over them. Finally, Dani spoke again. "I'm sorry, Paige." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I just really like you. I probably overstepped there." Paige only nodded. Dani stood from the bed, leaned over Paige and kissed her on the forehead. She picked up her books and put them in her bag. Pausing at the door she turned toward Paige, "Hey you." Paige looked up. "You know where to find me, okay? And Paige? Just remember, you're right just the way you are, no matter what anyone else says. Understand me?"

Paige smiled, "Yeah, I do."

"Good, don't forget it."