A/N: I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through this journey and I hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I have. I know sometimes it seemed as if this would never be finished, but here we are. I hope in this chapter you find what you were looking for.
"I've given you a lot of time," Paige said as she sat down across from her father at the breakfast table. It was Saturday.
He nodded. She didn't think she would ever get used to the look of uncertainty on her father's typically assured face. "It's a lot to think about, Paige." He rubbed his face with his hand, shaking his head, "It's wrong."
Paige winced, still feeling the sting of the words directed at her, "I know you think that, Dad." His expressed appeared to strain at the name. "But I can't believe that's true because what would that make me?" He looked like he wanted to interrupt her but she stopped him, "Can I talk now and explain myself?" He nodded.
"If there is one thing I have learned to accept from my sessions with Pastor John, it is that God has a path for us and He does not make mistakes." Paige took a deep breath and continued, "I thought that I was a mistake. That somehow God has done something wrong. Or maybe He perverted me to teach a lesson to other people, If you're bad then you'll end up like me, an outsider who doesn't love God.
"But then I really started to think about it. How could I be a mistake knowing that I needed to put my trust in God?"
Paige paused, hesitating, "I go visit Mom a lot. She knows everything that has been going on recently. I just needed someone to talk to when I didn't know how to talk to you. Someone who would love me no matter what. Even though she can't respond. But sometimes it feels like she does anyway."
Paige looked at her father and noticed tears glistening in his eyes. She swallowed hard, there was a reason she rarely brought up her mother around him, "How does her-her grave look?"
"It looks good. I bring her flowers sometimes and try and clear any debris that's gathered there."
"Good," he cleared his throat.
"Before she died," Paige made sure he was okay before continuing, "Before she died, Mom told me that she would love me no matter what . And I know that even if she was here, she would never doubt her love for me."
Her father sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "Your mother was a good person. One of the best I've known."
Paige smiled faintly, "I miss her."
He picked up his fork again and began to move the food around the plate, "Me too, Paige. Every day."
Paige waited until the following week to contact Dani. She couldn't stand how even after having given it months of thought, she still didn't have all the answers that she was looking for regarding the entire situation. She felt like a horrible person, and an even worse girlfriend. A good girlfriend should want to be with her girlfriend and not be thinking of someone else.
She beat Dani to the park and took a seat on one of the open benches and waited for the other girl to show up. Her tongue felt like it caught in her throat when she saw the other girl at the top of the small hill. The light was moving through Dani's bright hair, catching her attention and keeping it from straying until Dani was right in front of her. Was she making the wrong decision?
Dani took a seat next to her and carefully took her hand, tangling them together. She seemed hesitant to break the careful silence surrounding them. After what felt like ten minutes, Dani sighed and tightened her grip on Paige's hand. "Did you think about it?"
Paige nodded slowly and turned her head in the direction of Dani, she opened her mouth to speak but closed it abruptly, she didn't want to ruin this moment any more than she had to. Finally she took her hand from Dani's and clasped her own together, "Dani." She pleaded. She didn't want to say the words, but she knew that Dani deserved to hear them. "I'm so sorry."
Paige watched as Dani bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath, "Look, Paige, I knew this day was coming and while I really wish this wasn't how it has to be, I know this is for the best." Dani moved away from Paige but looked at her more fully. "It's always been her, Paige, I know that. You told me as much before we even started dating. This is the part of the movie where I'm supposed to step aside and get out of true love's way, right? It's okay, I've known that for a while."
Paige shook her head fiercely, "No, that's not how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to convince me that I'm wrong and make me stay with you."
"I'm not going to make you stay. That wouldn't be right, and you know that. So I'm going to do what's best for me here. I need to let you go because you were never mine, as much as I wish you were. It's time for me to find someone that will be mine." Dani put her hand on Paige's thigh gently, "I loved being with you. Almost every moment, but I know now what I need to do. Go, tell her how you. Explain everything to her that you've told me. Go be happy." Dani leaned over and kissed Paige on the cheek, her lips lingered.
"Dani," Paige started to say.
"Don't worry, I'll be around."
"What would you have said if I picked you?" Paige had to know.
"I knew you wouldn't."
Paige watched as Dani stood up, "I did love you."
"But not as much as you loved her. I know. It's alright. I get that. You're an amazing person, Paige. Go get your girl, you can tell me all about it later."
Paige couldn't help her smile, "Thank you. You're really something special, you know? You'll find your forever person, I know it."
"Yeah," Dani's eyes teared up and she looked away quickly, "I will."
"I'll talk to you later?" Paige stood up and squeezed Dani's shoulder.
"Go, I'll be fine," Dani said shaking her off.
Paige nodded and started walking away. She turned when she was almost to her bike, Dani had already started walking away, shoulders visibly quaking even from their distance. Paige turned back to her bike and fought the urge to head back to Dani, it wasn't her job to comfort Dani anymore, not when she was the reason for her distress. Paige sighed and hopped on her bike, this was turning out to be even harder than she had first thought.
Paige knocked lightly on the door to Pastor John's office. "Hello? Can I come in?"
He looked up from his bible, "Of course, come on in," he motioned to the chairs in front of him. "I was just working on the sermon for next week."
"Are you sure?" She hesitated at the doorway, "I can come back later."
"Sit, Paige. I don't mind at all." She sat down on one of the chairs in front of the large mahogany desk. "What is on your mind?" He folded his hands on top of the papers and looked to her.
"I just wanted to say thank you for everything."
"It's my job," he winked at her.
"Well yeah, but I mean, you didn't have to be so cool about everything, but you were. And I really appreciate that."
"Anytime, Paige." He watched her closely, noticing how for the first time in a while she looked like there was less weighing her down. "How are you feeling?"
She looked up at him and smiled, "Better. A lot better."
"I'm happy to hear that."
"I was thinking that maybe in a couple weeks I could lead a discussion with some of the younger kids about inclusion and friendship, things like that. Maybe help open their minds to God's love of everyone in a forum they would be able to understand better."
Pastor John smiled at her, "You've come a long way, Paige. I'm proud of you."
She stood and extended a cookie tin to him, "These are for you, sugar cookies. They're my mom's special recipe."
He took the tin from her and nodded gently, "Thank you."
She began to leave the office but turned to look back once more, "I'll see you on Sunday, Pastor."
"See you then, Paige."
Paige pulled Melanie aside after school a couple days after her talk with Dani. "Hi," she said scuffing her chuck against the asphalt.
"Hey," Melanie said, seeming to hesitate.
"Look, I know you probably don't like me a lot right now because I broke up with your best friend and you were friends before you were friends with me. I get all that. But I just wanted you to know I'm sorry that all that happened, but I did what you said, and I made a choice. And-" Paige ran her fingers through her hair, tangling them in the loose waves, "I don't know if anything is going to come out of me talking to Emily, chances are they won't. But I think you're right in that I needed to stop being unfair to Dani, and I need to figure this whole thing out.
"I really hate that I hurt Dani, I just need you to know that, Mel. I never meant for any of this to happen." Paige sighed, "I truly thought I could be with her and that I was over Emily. But I guess not. It seems stupid for me to feel this way for someone who never really gave me the time of day."
Melanie reached out and squeezed Paige's arm, "There comes to be a point where you have to stop thinking about what you should do and just start doing it. I know it's hard, but sometimes the important things are." Melanie laughed wryly, "And yeah, you're not my favorite person for breaking my best friend's heart, but she'll heal. She's a big girl. And I'll be there for her." Melanie looked at her phone, checking the time, "I'm supposed to meet my brother in ten minutes, I'll talk to you later, Paige. Just give Dani time, she'll be okay."
Paige nodded and watched Melanie go, "Yeah, alright. Bye, Mel." She waved as the other girl left. Taking a deep breath, Paige counted to ten before leaving the school's campus. She still needed to talk to Emily, and she wasn't looking forward to it in the slightest.
"Emily? Do you think we could get together sometime soon and talk?" Paige felt like crossing her fingers would be a bit much but knew that there was no way Emily would be able to see the action over the phone.
"Sure, I have something I need to say to you anyway."
Paige frowned into the phone, "Where do you want to meet?"
"Can you come over to my house? My mom has been kind of ridiculous lately about letting me leave."
"That would be fine. What time?"
"Thirty minutes?"
"See you then."
Paige knocked on the Fields' front door close to thirty minutes later and waited with increasing nervousness for someone to answer. She didn't have to wait long, "Paige," Emily's mom open the door and motioned her inside, "Come on in. Emily's up in her room."
"Thank you, Mrs. Fields."
"Go on up."
Emily's door was open when Paige reached the end of the hallway, "Hi," she said, announcing her presence. "Can I-?"
Emily nodded and watched as Paige made her way into her room and sat down on her desk chair. "Look, Paige-"
"Can I talk first, Em? I don't think I'll be able to say anything if I don't get it out now."
"Okay."
Paige looked at Emily for a moment before taking a deep breath and speaking all that had been on her mind, "I know we've had our differences and have different truths, versions, of what happened and should happen. And you may hate me, but I could never hate you. And I want, no need, you to know to know that." Paige stood up from the desk and began to pace around the room at the end of the bed, looking up at Emily she began to speak again, "I've liked you for a long, Emily, and maybe you could never feel that for me, but if we could be friends, I think that would be enough for me. I miss having you as a friend. Especially when I was finally understanding that I was-am gay.
"I know a lot of what happened in the past was misconstrued and I hate that it happened because it really made a mess of everything. You were one of my best friends, even if I wasn't one of yours. And I just needed to tell you all of this." Paige headed for the door, "I can go now."
"Paige, wait!" Emily called out to her, stopping her from exiting the room. She waited until Paige was sitting at the desk again before she spoke, "I realized recently how I've been a huge jerk to you. And I wasn't fair to you at all." Emily sat on the edge of her bed, facing Paige, "I was talking to Hanna about it the other day and we both talked about how Ali treated us and how that made us treat others. I never wanted to be a mean person, and somehow I turned into one. And for that I'm sorry."
"I think we've all said things that we didn't mean, Emily." At Emily's look of disbelief, Paige amended her statement, "Okay, so you were especially hurtful at times. I know you've been going through a lot with Ali dying and all of that. Neither of us has had it easy."
"Yeah, I wish I could change it though."
Paige shrugged, "I don't know if I would change anything, honestly. I mean, if I could, I would love to have my mother back, but I don't think that's something that would change even if I prayed hard enough. I've learned to live with it." Paige fiddled with her fingers, "I'd like to be friends, that's all I want."
"Friends?" Emily breathed, looking at Paige as if seeing her for the first time as the girl who was her best friend all those years ago.
"Friends," Paige affirmed.
"Okay, friends. And I'm sorry, about all that happened."
"Me too. It's in the past now. It's okay."
Paige was getting ready to go on a run when her father called her in from the foyer, her foot almost out the door, "Paige?" He sounded serious.
Paige felt the blood drain from her face as she headed for his office, this was it, he was going to make her leave. She walked into the room, the image of him sitting at his desk burning into her memory, grand and imposing. "Please don't send me away!" She burst out, unwilling to leave without a final say.
He looked surprised and stood from his place at the desk and moved to the front of it, "Paige, why would you say that?"
"I don't want to leave. I love it here, I don't want to go somewhere where they will try and make it so I'm not gay."
"Paige," he said calmly, walking over to her, she felt like she was a tiny flower trying to stay upright in a large windstorm. "I'm not going to make you go anywhere."
"Because there's nothing you could say to me that I haven't already thought of at least once. And I tried not to be gay, I really did. But I think I was supposed to be, otherwise I wouldn't be. That's how it works right?" She looked up at her father, tears gathering quickly in her eyes, "Right? I wasn't a mistake?"
He sighed deeply, placing his hands on her shoulders and drawing her into a firm hug. She crumpled into his touch, reveling in the warmth she found there. "I may not like this thing about you, Paige, but you're my daughter and I love you. Talking about your mother the other day really showed me how cruel I've been." He kissed the top of her head, "I can't say I'll ever accept this part of you, but I love you."
Paige rested her ear against her father's chest, hearing the slow rhythmic beat of his heart, "Thank you," she mumbled against him. "That's all I need."
He pulled back from her and wiped the tears from her eyes. He straightened his shoulders and his mask fell back over his face, "Now then," he said, clearing his throat, "Weren't you doing something?"
"Going for a run," she said, smiling at him.
"Good then. Go do that."
She nodded, "Yes, sir." She walked back through the foyer and out the front door. She looked up at street as she jogged down their front steps. A flash of blonde caught her attention and she grinned as she saw Dani walking past her house. She lifted her hand in a wave and felt a rush of warmth as Dani waved back. Exiting the yard, Paige picked a slow pace to warm up and started jogging in the opposite direction. She smiled widely, wind whipping through her hair and stinging her face, she had never felt so alive, so free.