I do not own anything, none of the characters portrayed in this story or the stories afterward. This all belongs to Brenda Hampton, well everything but the plot.
Sorry I have not been around for a while my computer was infected with a virus and I have had to find alternative means to comment on stories. If any of you are still reading them and interested in seeing me finish then I will be happy to finish. Do to information I have received I have learned that "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", maybe canceled do to the large decline in ratings. With that in my mind I have decided to finish hopefully all my stories beginning with this one. I will also continue "Ben Boykewich", "My Biggest Mistake", and in October I will begin the chapters of "Blood Lines", and "The Secret Fairy Tale of the Imaginary Teenager".
Ben looked at his mother with awe, and heartbreak as he saw her standing before him wearing a white dress walking toward him with her arms outstretched ready to embrace him in a warm hug. "Mom is this really you," Ben asked as he went to his mother and embraced her warmly? "Yes, Benji its really me." "My you have grown my little puppy", she said holding her son in front of her and looking up at him with a large smile.
"Mom, stop calling me that." Ben said as he looked at his mother with tears streaming from his eyes so happy to be here with his mother, and after just seeing his little girl. "Benji, it has been so long since I have seen you and you are still embarrassed by that name I gave you," she said with a laugh as her son's cheeks began to turn a rose colored from his mother's nick name. "Mom, I didn't like being called Benji as a kid, and I definitely don't like being called Benji now that I am a grown man, he said staring down at her with a grin.
"Well, excuse me Mr. Boykewich I didn't know being called Benji, by your mother still embarrassed you", she said with a smile. "But will you humor your mother for a while, its' not like I can call you by my nick name for you anymore", she said with a laugh. "No, I guess we can't," Ben said becoming sad again for he once again realized that his mother like his daughter was no longer alive. "Benji, don't look so sad. Even though I am not alive anymore, it does not mean I stopped being your mother, or that I am not with you." Sarah said as she took her son by the hand and began to walk through the meadow which was not turning into a long pathway with a garden of flowers on both sides of the path.
"Mom, where are we," Ben asked still confused of his present location. "I mean are we in heaven or something, am I dead, or is this all a dream," he asked as he turned to look at his mom. "This is something like a dream, son. Sometimes when people are sad and their spirits have taken all that they can take they begin to give up on themselves, and their life." However in the case of some people like you, those who have loved ones watching over them we have the power to talk to them in their dreams." "Also, sometimes certain events happen which draw them to this place. This world is a nexus of sort, a meeting place between the land of dreams and the spirit world where spirits meet." Sarah then looked at Ben who was taken in awe at this wonderful place.
"So I'm not dead, but you and Mercy are really are here with me", he asked. "Yes, but you can't stay here long Benji. We only brought you here so we could talk with you" Sarah replied. "Mom do you have to keep calling me Benji," Ben said in a downed tone. "Benjamin Alfredo Boykewich, do you forget how you got your name," his mom replied. "How could I forget, its one of the reason's why I started disliking dogs", he responded. "I'll have you know Benjamin that Benjamin is a perfectly good biblical name." "Yes it is mom, its a perfect biblical name. But you didn't name me after the Benjamin in the Bible did you. Or even after Ben Hur from the movie, or even Benjamin Franklin the inventor.
You named me after Benji "The Wonder Dog", Ben said looking sternly at her. "Yes, and you are named after one of the most beloved K-9's and animal performer's in entertainment history, she said with a laughing grin on her face, which made Ben smile remembering that joyful smile his mother had. His mother's smile always had a way of making him feel at ease no matter how bad he was feeling. He missed it so much when she died now here he was in this strange place able to enjoy it once more.
"Also Benji, that is because you were my little wonder," Sarah said placing a hand on Ben's cheek. "When your father and I were married it was determined, it would be almost impossible for me to have children. Then one day after going to see a re-airing of Benji for our anniversary to remember my first date with your father, we discovered I was pregnant. "Then nine months later you were born sweetie," she said looking at Ben. "You were so small, with that soft brown hair, and those soft puppy dog eyes looking just like Benji, I couldn't think of another name for you" Sarah said remembering the day Ben was born so fondly. "You weren't the one dealing with every kid in school, petting my head, and asking if they could scratch me behind the ears when they found out who my name sake was," Ben said with embarrassment.
Yes, but like your father you stood proud and took their name calling in stride" she said smiling up at her son. "What do you expect, I am a Boyekwich remember." Ben said smiling back at her. "Yes, you are Ben. You are the next generation of Boykewich men, and the son of a very great, and noble man. So why aren't you acting like it?" She said now looking at him sternly and the garden scenery had transformed into a beach at mid-day. "No I'm not acting like that, but I'm so tired of trying to be the better man like dad is, mom." "Its so hard trying to do the right thing all the time, and never being right." Ben said becoming frustrated with himself and his actions.
"I don't know how Dad does it all the time, being the good man even though others aren't." "I was there for Amy when she needed me, I put her first before everything, and it still wasn't enough." "I loved her literally under the worst circumstances, and she still chose Ricky." "I got down on one knee and proposed at fifteen, when I found out she was pregnant." "She didn't even tell me the truth about sleeping with Ricky, much less that she was pregnant, and I still forgave her, and loved her." "I got the crap kicked out of me by some bully who called her a slut, and it still wasn't enough." "I even became friends with Ricky, broke up with her, and got back together with her, and let her control the relationship because that is what she wanted. And it still wasn't enough for her." Ben then sat down in the sand and wiped the tears that were coming from his face.
"What didn't I do for her." "Why wasn't I the one." Ben said angrily. "Honey, do you ever think it wasn't that you weren't the one for her, but she wasn't the one for you." "In your whole relationship with Amy, did you ever ask yourself what did Amy sacrifice for you. She was young and pregnant, but you were young and innocent. She knew what she did, and she knew who was responsible and why, but she never told you the truth." "If she really loved you do you think she would have kept a secret like that from you, or asked you to go through all of that pain and agony with her if she had real feelings for you. Benji in a relationship both people have to be honest with each other and themselves, and Amy wasn't honest with you or herself. She wanted to pretend that her being pregnant was just a dream she could wake up from." You were the reality she wanted to wake up to but, you were the dream and Ricky was her reality.' Sarah said kneeling beside her son and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Ricky was the one she gave herself too, and whether either of you liked it he was the father of her child." She said still touching him. "I know that mom, but it still doesn't mean they had to be together. We could have worked something out." Ben said pleadingly. "Could you Benji? Could you really have spent the rest of your life with Amy, John, AND RICKY she emphasized." Could you have lived with Amy looking at Ricky with a longing expression and wondered to yourself if she wanted him and only settled for you. Could you have lived your life taking care of John, but always being reminded of the fact that he is Ricky's son." Benji you might not understand this, but you deserve better than that, and you should have wanted better than that." Sarah said becoming stern with Ben once again.
"You were caring, naive, loving, and kind, and Amy appreciated those things about you. But do you really believed she loved you." "Love is what you did, and made sacrifices to make the person you love happy even if that means that you are not with them." "You mean like how I broke up with Amy, and walked away." Ben said looking sad about how his relationship with Amy ended." "Yes like that. Ben, if Amy really loved you as much as you loved her would she have really put you through all of that only to end up with Ricky." Ricky may be John's father but she knew she didn't have to be with him. And if she loved you as much as you believed she did, she would have never wanted for you to endure so much," Sarah said feeling sorry for her son. "But, mom what if we could have made it, if I had never slept with Adrian." "Yes, Benji and you would never have had Mercy." Sara said with anger in her voice. This statement made Ben feel ashamed for forgetting that he had just held his beautiful little girl in his arms only a while ago.
"Now, tell me why didn't you and Adrian work out," she asked standing to her feet and taking Ben by the hand. "Because we were totally wrong for each other mom. The only reason we even slept together was to get back at Amy, and Ricky." "And our daughter paid the price for that." "So there was no other reason you gave your virginity to Adrian?, Sarah asked looking at him intently. Ben felt constrained by her gaze as if he was being examined under a doctors light by his mom, or interrogated by a detective in a police murder investigation. "Yes, I think that is all it was," he stammered trying to avoid his mothers' stare. "Benjamin, look at me in the eye and tell me the truth right now." she said in a very strict yet loving voice which made Ben face her looking like a child who did something wrong and was about to admit it.
"I guess it was possibly more than that," he said thinking back to that night he slept with Adrian. "So why did you lose your virginity to Adrian if you didn't have feelings for her?" she asked still gazing at her son. "Its' not that I didn't have feelings for Adrian mom its just I don't know what I felt for her" he said still confused about his real feelings for Adrian. "When I think back to that night all I want to think is it was a mistake that should never have happened, but then." he said pausing. "But then, what", Sarah asked? "Then I remember back to the first time I saw Adrian and how she looked so beautiful, and exotic." Ben said reminscing his first day at Grant High.
"I remember how she had eyes that looked like they could stop the world with just one look, and how she had a smile that was so mischevious, it scared me, thrilled me, and mezmerised me all at the same time. "I think back to how we first became friends, and how much we talked to one another, and how easy it was for me to talk to her about things I never wanted to tell anyone else. Ben said looking off into his thoughts of he and Adrian. "That night Amy had hurt me with what she said, that she kissed Ricky. I was hurt, but not that surprised. I mean, we were already broken up, and I knew she was dating another guy. But, Ricky he told me he was with Adrian and he didn't want Amy. But he lied to my face, and so did she." "She told me she had no interest in Ricky, but she kissed him. He said he was my friend then goes behind my back and kisses Amy, after telling Adrian he loves her and wants a committment with her." Ben said angrily.
"In my head I knew they were going to try something, I mean Ricky no matter how much he claims he is a good guy, and no matter what others believe in him is always going to be Ricky, and being selfish is Ricky being Ricky. He already had Amy mom I just didn't see why he would want Amy, after he had Adrian, wasn't she enough?" Ben said looking at his mother for an answer. "Then, when Adrian came to see me that night, I knew exactly what she was planning from the moment she asked me if wanted company." he said feeling ashamed of himself. "And why is that Benji" his mom asked. "Because over the year and a half of being friends with Adrian I got to know her, and the person that came to see me at my car that night was not the Adrian I knew."
"What do you mean, the Adrian that you knew." Sarah asked looking at Ben quizically. "The Adrian that I knew and became friends with was kinder, gentler than the one who was sitting in my car." "The one who I talked with over the phone was funny, intriguing, and so wise." "The Adrian who sat in the car was the exact opposite, she was flirtatious, seductive, and had no self esteem." Ben said remembering Adrian's actions that night. "So if this was not the girl you knew Adrian to be, why did you sleep with her?" Sarah asked.
"Because mom, I was not the same person that night either." Ben said with shame in his voice. "I knew that Adrian had found out about the kiss and she was hurting, and so was I." "We both cared for Amy and Ricky so much, but for some reason they didn't care." "They wanted each other and that kiss proved it, and Adrian and I both knew it." "We were both hurting, and we both wanted that pain to stop." "Adrian uses sex to feel close to someone and to stop feeling the pain that other make her feel." "That night I wanted to stop her from hurting, and I wanted to stop myself from hurting too," he said feeling disgusted with himself for having used a woman he cared so deeply for.
"So you slept with Adrian not to get back at Amy and Ricky, but to try and comfort each other." Sarah replied trying to find a reason to her son's explanation. "I guess, but we still did it to get back at them," he said still feeling guilty. "So why did you and she start a relationship with one another if all that night to either of you was a simple mistake?" Sarah asked as she intertwined her fingers with her son's as the beach began to blow a gentle breeze filling both their lungs with the smell of the ocean which seemed to revitalize, and comfort Ben.
"We started a relationship because we wanted to see if we could have those type of feelings for each other," Ben answered back. "And did you develop those feelings for one another" she asked looking at him intently? "I don't know, I guess, I was never really sure." Ben said podering that question. Did he really have genuine feelings of love for Adrian? "You're not sure, didn't you say you loved Amy, like that" his mother responded smiling. "Its weird mom, with Amy I felt that I had to be there for her to protect her and make her feel safe, and after a while I wanted to be there, then I just got so frustrated with everything." he said releasing her hand from his and staring at the beautiful orange sky.
"How do you mean, Benji. What was different about Adrian and Amy?" she asked. "With Amy it felt like, I dont' know it was my responsibility to be there for her, but Adrian was so different. She made it seem that it was my choice to be there for her, as if she didn't need me there, but she wanted me there." "Amy made it seem like I had to be there or she couldn't do it and I liked that feeling of being needed by someone." he said remembering both pregnancies and both women. "But, Adrian was so much stronger, she made it as though she could do it all by herself and she probably could have, and I wanted to be there every step of the way because that was my baby." "But, she aslo made it..." "Made it what?" Sarah asked looking at him with a puzzled expression.
"She made it enjoyable, to be there. I don't know if it was the fact that it was my baby, or her. But, even though we were in that situation together, I truly did love being there." he said smiling at his mom. "Adrian was so positive, and upbeat about the situation we were in, I mean we were two stupid kids having a kid, and we were happy with it." "I don't think I have been that happy with anyone since you died mom" he said feeling remorse for losing his mother, and also for losing Adrian and Mercy. "It was weird how when we would be in my room talking and thinking of baby names, she was so upbeat about it." "She listened to me so much, it felt like she was that part of me that I think I lost." he said feeling nostalgic.
"So if you and she were happy, what was the problem." Sarah implied. "The problem was this guilty conscience I have that kept telling me being with Adrian was wrong." he replied. "Why was it wrong to be happy and falling in love with the mother of your child Benji" she asked with a yell? "Because we were happy for doing something horrible to the people who we were supposed to have loved. he answered back. "I was supposed to have loved Amy mom, and I slept with Adrian to hurt her for hurting me, and I didn't, we didn't deserve to be happy for causing them pain. It felt corrupted and wrong to me, to feel that way about Adrian after hurting Amy like that he said frowning.
Benjamin Alfredo Boykewich stop being such a pussy." Sarah said now becoming frustrated. "WHAT!" Ben replied in shock at hearing his mom speak such fowl language. "Yes I said it Benji you are acting like a pussy. You are part Irish, and Italian, and neither of those blood lines is part punk." Sarah said standing up and facing her son. "What shocked that your mom is like this, well there is a reason your father had a get up and go in him to create such a large corporation without even having a college degree. Behind every strong man you will find an even stronger woman, and you are looking at her. " She said smiling at her son with a grin that reminded him of... Adrian.
"Mom, I never heard you act like this before." he said in shock. "Benji, why do you think your father liked Adrian more than Amy, she reminded him of me. "I was no push over, don't you think that for a second, nor was I an innocent princess that needed to be saved, like your precious Amy." "I might not have had the life Adrian had, but we both were born with that fire, and that is one thing we both have in common." Sarah said looking intently at Ben. "Amy might be a nice person, with a good heart, but she is also spoiled and selfish and that is no mistake. "Ricky is a good man underneath his bravodo, but he is also still a womanizing jerk, and that is no mistake." she answered. Adrian is a broken girl that lets herself be used to avoid being alone, and that is why she is a slut. But, her heart is usually in the right place. That girl Dylan that you let get you into so much trouble is just that, A trouble making little bitch." Sarah said angrily at her son.
Yes, you and Adrian did hurt them and that was wrong of both you and her. But, didn't you apologize too them for that," his mom replied. "I did, but I don't know if Adrian did." he answered back. "Adrian is the type of person that never says sorry for anything it is part of who she is, she just feels sorry. Which is more than Amy and Ricky can say for themselves son. "Tell me did Ricky or Amy apologize for kissing each other, or for using you and Adrian?" She said looking at him angrily. "NO, but that is because it was our fault mom." Ben said trying to defend Amy and Ricky mostly Amy. "Benji, stop trying to play the sacrificial hero, it doesn't suit you anymore. Ben, you made a mistake and you did like you always do and fessed up to it, that is all you can do. Punishing yourself for loving the woman who makes you happy isn't right for you.
"Baby, I have watched you bend over backwards trying to live up to being the man, everyone wants you to be for them. But, honey you can't be that man." Sarah said with love and conviction in her eyes. "You will never be the man Amy wants, because she doesn't really want you. You are too good for her and she knows it." "You can't be the friend Ricky wants you to be for him, because he has to learn to be a friend first." "You can't be the man Adrian wants you to be, because she wanted you to be you, and neither you nor she know who you are yet." "Nor can you be the man your father wants you to be, because he doesn't realize you aren't ready to be that man yet." Sarah said apologetically for her harsh words to her son.
"Dylan was the girl who saw that you were confused about who you were, and she capitalized on your insecurities, about who you are, and tried to turn you into the man she wanted you to be." She said becoming angry at her son's last relationship. "You are not that man, and you never will be." "Ben, you have to be the man you are, and that is a good man who tries to love others." "And if that man is not good enough for them then they don't deserve you." Sarah said. "That is the man that interested Amy, and that is the man Adrian saw in you and wanted but didn't believe she deserved." she said.
"Mom, it doesn't matter anymore." Ben said looking at her. "Adrian and I are divorced, our daughter is dead, and she has moved on to someone knew like Amy did." he replied. "He is everything, that I couldn't be, and everything that I will never be." he said feeling doubtful. "Benji, what did I say about being a pussy" his mom responded. "Just because they are together doesn't mean they are going to stay that way." "And even if they do, it doesn't mean you won't be able to find someone knew who deserves you" his mom replied.
"You have your whole life ahead of you, and a future that is still unwritten, but that future is yours to write, now go write yourself a great life story," his mom said facing him and taking both of his hands in hers. "I and Mercy will always be with you, no matter what. And do me a favor Benji she said rubbing her hand through his hair and across his cheek, make me proud." "Oh before I forget tell your father and Camille it's okay, I won't break a glass this time." Sarah said with a smile. "What does that mean," Ben asked. "Your dad will explain." she said laughing to herself.
"Mom will I ever see you again, he asked feeling sad that he would now be leaving his mom once again. "Benji you see me every time you dream." she said embacing him in a hug. "Everytime you dream of me, that is not a memory its me checking up on my little puppy," she said scratching his ear, and ruffling his hair. "Mom, stop I'm not a dog, and stop calling me Benji" he said as he ducked his head and began to straighten his hair. When he looked up his mother was gone and he was alone on the beach. "Mom, mom" he screamed only to recieve no answer. He sat down and felt he would cry, but for some reason he didn't want to he wanted to get up and find away to go back to his life, but he didn't know how.
"Now how do I get out of here," he said out loud. "I think that is where I come in a voice said walking toward him from down the beach. "There coming toward Ben was Dr. Bowman looking at him as if he had never died in the plane crash two years ago.
NEXT CHAPTER "A LEAP OF FAITH"