Keep Walking
even if you don't want to
Derek's mate was Kate Argent.
That should be enough to tell anyone how bad, very, very bad this mate business can get.
Of course, she had never let him claim her, put his mark on her – she claimed she needed more time, and Derek, trying to be a considerate werewolf, took her word for it. He was a born wolf, knowing how to control his more primal urges for years even if he was just a teenager at the time, and, well, he doubts her knowing he was her mate would change anything.
Clearly, he never stopped wanting her, and that's what made him sick about himself, more than anything.
She had killed his whole family, and for years, at every full moon since the fire, Laura had to lock him up because he kept on screaming her name.
That's how sick and twisted this mate thing can be.
When he was kidnapped by her, it was all he could do to keep his mind clear enough to recognize her as a threat. When Peter killed her, he did him an enormous favor, because he would never be able to do it – even if he dreamt about it sometimes.
He is never really free from her, even now that she's gone. He still thinks about her, dreams about her, feels her death as if it was his own.
He suffers because she's dead, and he hates himself for it, because he should have been screaming and crying of joy – and yet his wolf hates the fact that his mate is no longer alive.
He knows he's going to be alone forever too. He isn't going to die, because she had never let him claim her, but he can't be tied to anyone else. He's never going to want to be with anyone else, and he knows that physically he could – and yet he doesn't want to.
His mate refused his mark, killed his whole family, tried to kill him and is now dead.
He's taken all he can from this mate thing, and he doesn't want to deal with this anymore.
He regrets more than anything not having told Jackson about this when he tried to change the boy before – when he was sick, and poisoned (by a bullet from his mate's gun, might he add) – but it seemed like it wasn't important at the time.
When Stiles screams and Lydia shouts in horror, and Scott tries to shift and is warned away by Jackson, who has his mouth full of Stiles' blood, while crouching protectively over the other teen, he sees how big a mistake that was.
He exchanges a panicked look with Peter and the man looks, for once, just as confused as Derek feels.
This is bad. This is bad, and they all know it.
At least it can't be as bad as it was with Kate, Derek thinks ruefully later that night.
He hopes he's right.
X
Stiles is having his heart broken in a way he didn't even think he could. He's never actually believed in his ten-year plan for wooing Lydia into loving him, he's never really believed he could ever, ever have that: her attention, her love, anything from her, even her friendship.
And then she comes over to his game, and she looks for him when they don't let her see Jackson, and she sees him, and he loves it, even if he's scared and afraid of everything that it's going down that night.
Even if it all went to hell, he thinks he still has a fighting chance, maybe, possibly.
But then Lydia and Jackson are hugging, and he's turning into a proper wolf because she loves him, and that's how much she loves him: she can cure him.
That… that is true love. That's meaningful and beautiful and it's breaking Stiles' heart because he knows, he fucking knows, he'll never, ever have a chance with her.
Never.
She loves that jerk – and by the gods, how much he hates his ridiculous guts, his pretentious smirk and the way he thinks he's perfect when in reality he's just as empty as a doll.
He hates Jackson, and his heart is broken, and he wants to leave.
So he looks at Scott, and his eyes are burning, he can't even see straight right now, and he says he's scratched his Jeep.
And he turns to leave, because he can't bear it.
He tries not to see what's going on when he passes by them, and that's why he doesn't see Jackson letting go of his girlfriend, turn around so fast not even Derek or Peter can stop him and pull Stiles against him.
"Wha…" he starts saying, but then his questioning turns into a scream of pain, because Jackson is ripping his neck with his teeth, and, sweet baby Jesus, the sheer agony of it.
He barely registers Scott's angry snarls, or Derek's shouting – what he does see is Jackson's mouth full of his blood, and the way he seems to try to be gentle when he lets him slip to the floor by Jackson's feet, his legs too shaky to keep standing.
He sees Jackson crouching over him, as if he's trying to protect Stiles, and that doesn't make any sense at all.
After all, he is the one who tried to get intimate with the inside of Stiles' neck.
And then everything becomes even more confusing when Jackson snarls at Lydia, perfect, beautiful, amazing Lydia, who tries to approach them, reaching out her hand – she had done so with a Kanima, why not with wolf-Jackson?
Well, it turns out not to be a good idea, because Jackson snarls louder with every step she takes, his face twisted in his wolf form.
"Mine" he says, glaring at her, and Stiles doesn't understand – his? Yes, she was his, what is he trying to prove here? Kill something insignificant so she'll know he's serious? Tear apart the not-so-rival so she sees how deep is his love?
"Jackson…" she starts, taking another step, and Stiles half sees, half guesses, that Derek pulls her back as Jackson snarls louder.
"He's mine" he says again, in a growl, and Stiles is really confused, because that's the wrong personal pronoun.
But then again he might have heard it wrong, because he's pretty sure he's passing out from blood loss.
And then it all goes black.
X
When he wakes up, Derek is sitting on a chair by his bed, and Stiles has to look around to try and guess where he is – and he's actually surprised to see it's his own room.
He tries to sit up and his neck twinges.
Right, being mauled by Jackson in the warehouse.
The warehouse where he's just seen Lydia and Jackson become even more epic than Allison and Scott.
This is bad.
"What are you doing here?" he asks Derek, giving up on his sit up plan, and the man stares at him – he looks tired; for once in his life he's not looking angry and broody, just… tired.
Not even when he was dying he looked this… simple.
It's disturbing.
"We need to talk, and Jackson wouldn't allow anyone else near you for now. He's at the house with Peter and Isaac."
Stiles stares at him as if he has a mental problem, because why the hell would Stiles care about where the fuck is Jackson Whittemore? That guy could go and hang himself for all he cared right now. His neck is torn apart because of him, he passed out because of him, he lost the girl he loves because of him.
He really doesn't care at all about Jackson – it would have been much better if they could have killed him as a Kanima and be done with it.
"What do we need to talk about?"
Derek looks as if he's just swallowed a very bitter lemon before getting up and going to his door. He opens it and calls "Lydia" before coming back in and sitting on the chair again.
Lydia comes in and Stiles stares at her, trying to take her in – she's okay. Sure, she looks scared and her eyes are red and still full of tears, but she's okay – she's not hurt, that's what counts.
She looks at him and tries to smile, but can't quite manage. Stiles tries to sit up again and is a bit more successful this time, managing to at least lean on the headboard, and Lydia sits on the bed with him. She looks at his neck and reaches out a hand, but Derek stops her.
"That wouldn't be a good idea" he says, and she drops her hand immediately, looking down.
"What's going on?"
They both look at Derek, but the man doesn't look like he'll start talking any time soon. Stiles looks at Lydia instead, but she just shrugs.
"I don't know either, and they won't tell me anything" she says, and Stiles snorts.
"At least you were conscious for the end of it" he jokes and she smiles a bit at him, "What was it with Jackson biting me, though? Was he trying to defend your honor or something?"
Lydia looks uncertain and shakes her head.
"It didn't look like it. He was crouched over you, as if I was a threat" she says, and Stiles looks at Derek, who is following the conversation but not saying anything.
"What doesn't make any sense, because he had just opened up my neck" he replies. Lydia is about to say something when Derek decides to start speaking.
"He was marking you" he says, looking at Stiles as if he's stupid, "You are his mate. He was marking you" he repeats, as if it would make more sense the second time he says it.
"I… don't follow" Stiles says shaking his head, and flinching at the pain, and Lydia is much the same.
Derek sighs, looking as if the last thing he wants to do on earth is this, but he seems decided to get through it.
"Every wolf has a mate. Sometimes they are human, sometimes they are wolves, and our more savage side seeks that mate, longs for it. When a werewolf is trained, when they have an anchor, they can resist the pull, wait until the mate is ready to be claimed, because once they are, there's no going back, they're tied to that werewolf forever" he stops, and looks at the teens, and Stiles can actually see, for once, some kind of compassion in Derek's eyes, turned on them, on him and Lydia, "Jackson was recently turned, he has no control whatsoever, and he might be even more out of control because he's been the Kanima for so long. Stiles is his mate. He was there when he became a werewolf, when he changed for the very first time, with no form of control over himself – nothing to keep his wolf at bay. He just did what his instincts were telling him to do. He marked his mate. You're his."
When he's finished, Lydia actually snorts, and throws her hair over her shoulder, looking more like herself than the scared girl who entered the room a few minutes before.
"There's no way in hell Jackson is falling fore Stiles. No offense but, first, Jackson is straight. He had his crises years ago, and he's not gay. Second, even if he was, do you really think Stiles would be his type?!" she looks at him, "No offense" she says with a smile, and Stiles is about to say none taken when he realizes he can't talk, because apparently, yes, he takes offense at it, and the words actually hurt him enough he can't talk.
Well, that's Lydia Martin's power over him.
"It has nothing to do with sexual orientation or appearance, Lydia. It honestly just happens. I'm not going to feed any of you a line about how this is something good, that it can only lead to happiness, this is not how this works. It happens, you have to deal with it" he says it in a no-nonsense tone of voice, as if it's done, it's over, and hell if it is!, "Jackson will spend a few days with me, he should be fine as soon as he's more in control of his wolf and-" but before he can finish speaking, Lydia is already talking.
"And then he'll come back to his senses and see that I'm his mate" she says firmly, as if saying it like that would make it happen.
Derek's eyes flash red for a second and then he looks down, clearly trying to contain his frustration.
Stiles is way too shocked to be able to say anything.
This is not happening.
It's just… not happening.
"It doesn't work like that. Maybe, maybe, if he hadn't marked Stiles, you might have a very small chance, but with that" he points to Stiles' neck, "Stiles is his. That's all there is to it" he finishes, and Lydia gets up in a huff, leaving while muttering unbelievable and he'll see reason.
They hear the door being shut downstairs with more force than necessary, and stay in silence for a while longer.
"You know, even if you never actually come forth with information, you never lied to us. Keep things from us, yes, you did, but you've never lied" Stiles starts, looking at Derek, "Are you lying now?"
Derek runs his hands through his hair, shaking his head afterwards.
"No" he says simply and Stiles looks at him, waiting for something more, "Look, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Jackson would have been able to control it better, but you were there just as he became a wolf, he couldn't control it, he couldn't have stopped marking you if he tried, and he didn't know he had to try" He gets up and goes to the window, "His wolf is too close to the surface, and he has nothing to hold on to. It's not his fault, he saw us all as a threat to you, he did what he thought would protect you – he becomes a werewolf, and the first thing he sees is his mate, surrounded by other wolves, maybe dangerous ones. He bit you to protect you. The only reason I'm here at all is because I'm his Alpha, he recognizes me as his Alpha, and he knows I'm no threat. I'm pack, and he trusts me implicitly for it. He just wants you safe" he concludes, and Stiles snorts.
"Yeah, because mauling me is the way to go to keep me safe."
Derek stares at him, looking as if he'll say something, but he doesn't.
He sighs, shaking his head, and vaults through the window, leaving Stiles behind.
The boy falls back on the bed, and decides not to think about any of that shit right now.
For all he knows, Jackson is so bad at being a werewolf that he will realize he bit the wrong person.
X
Things are so bad at home Stiles would probably take having to deal with being mauled by Jackson again just to get out. He can't tell his dad why his Jeep is scratched and almost missing a door, and why his neck looks like a wild animal had a close encounter with it. He can't tell him why he doesn't fight when his dad tell him he's grounded, and John looks just a second away of shaking him out of his lying addiction.
Stiles bites his lips and waits it out, because there's nothing he can say or do.
Everything is a mess, and he's pretty decided on ignoring anything that isn't his dad or Scott for a few days. Isaac texts him, telling him he should come by the Hale house, because Jackson needs to see him and he can't leave: he's too wild.
Stiles ignores it, and the texts stop coming when he texts Derek and asks him to leave him out his Derek's pack business. He's a part of Scott's pack, and Derek isn't his Alpha.
There's silence from the Hales after that, for at least a few days. He cooks, he takes care of his neck, he goes crazy with boredom, but he doesn't leave the house.
His dad tells him, after a week, that he isn't grounded anymore, and the only change it has on his behavior is that now Scott comes over a lot.
Maybe if he ignores everything for long enough, it'll all go away.
X
Stiles doesn't hear from anyone of the Hale pack for a week and a half. Eleven days when he can recover from his crazy wound, be stared at disappointedly by his dad and hang out with Scott, who's so completely miserable Stiles actually thinks he's the reason his dad let him out of grounding sooner.
It's not fun, but hey, it's better than being mated to crazy Jackson.
Which he's not thinking about right now – not even a bit.
He's good at ignoring these things, and while the problem doesn't come knocking on his door he won't go looking for it.
He's so intent on ignoring it, he doesn't even tell Scott about it. He says Derek came to see him, tell him what the bite was about, and just explains it has something to do with Jackson not having any control.
He doesn't say the words mate or Jackson or Lydia, and Scott doesn't catch him on his hiding the truth thing, because Scott trusts him.
He'll only tell Scott if it becomes an issue, and it will only become an issue if it's true, and it'll only become true if he tells anyone.
See? He doesn't tell anyone, therefore, it didn't happen, and he's ignoring it so much it'll go away.
Yeah. He believes that.
On the twelfth Hale-free day, though, things start to get a bit bad.
"Dude, Lydia is moving away" Scott says as soon as he sees him that day, sitting on his bed, and Stiles almost falls off his chair in surprise.
"What did you just say?" he asks, hands tight against each other.
"She's totally leaving. Her mom met my mom at the store, and she was so upset, because Lydia decided to go live with her dad in Portland."
Scott hasn't even stopped talking properly and Stiles is already out the door of his room, keys in his hands, driving to Lydia's as fast as his old jeep can take him, leaving Scott behind.
When he gets there he rings the doorbell and Lydia's mom greets him with a watery smile, leading him to Lydia's room – Lydia's boxed up room.
She looks at him and her eyes fill up with tears – he can't quite tell if they are sad or angry, though.
"You're really leaving" he whispers, closing the door behind him, stopping near it, unable to move, "Why are you leaving?" he asks, staring at her in near despair, and she wipes the tears away, raising her chin.
"I went there every single day, since the moment Derek told us everything. Every day" she starts, her voice bitter, "He says he's grateful, and that I was the best thing that could ever have happened to him, but I'm not his. Because you are."
Her eyes are accusing, and Stiles flails a bit, looking desperate.
"I'm not!" he screams, "Jesus Christ, Lydia, I'm crazy about you, I always have been! You know that! I was so crushed when you two were hugging, I wanted you to be happy, but I was so miserable, I would never… he HATES me!" he says, finally, and Lydia is looking down, as if she doesn't want him to see her tears.
"It'd be easier if you loved him, or wanted him, you know? Because then I could hate you, and fight back, but you really, really don't, do you? You detest Jackson. You were trying to save him for me" she says, and shakes her head, "Ever since I realized you were better than the idiot I always thought you were, you were kind of my back-up plan. If Jackson ever fell out of love with me, and if I fell out of love with him, you would have been my first choice. And now I lost you both" she says, shaking her head, "You have no idea what it's like. Seeing him, and listening to it… I…" she takes in a shuddering breath and stares at Stiles firmly, "I'm leaving because I can't stay here and accept this. I won't heal as long as I keep around – and honestly, this town is way too crazy for me" she says the last sentence with a hint of bitter laugh in it, "I'm leaving, and you're staying, and you will take care of him. Because I'm asking you to" she orders, and Stiles doesn't answer.
He doesn't even nod, to make her happy or anything, he can't.
This is just so fucked up for the both of them – so what if Jackson has decided Stiles has to be his? Jackson doesn't want Lydia anymore, and she's just said she would go for Stiles if that ever happened, and now she's demanding he take care of Jackson? Of the guy who made his life miserable, who can't think of anyone but himself, who hurt Lydia badly and has a restraining order against Stiles that cost his dad his job?
Everyone has to be miserable so that Jackson gets what he wants?
How fucked up is that?
If he despised Jackson before, now he truly, truly hates him.
She turns back to packing after that, and Stiles sighs, his eyes full of tears again. He wants to say something meaningful, he wants to tell her she'll be okay.
Hell, if he knew it'd help, he would even say he'll take care of Jackson, but that would be a lie – and a hurtful one, because it'd be rubbing in the fact that she won't have Jackson.
"Do I at least get a kiss goodbye?" he ends up saying, only half joking, and Lydia laughs, but it's bitter and sad and broken.
"I don't need a crazy wolf hunting me down for kissing his mate" she says, and looks at him briefly, "You should leave, Stiles" she commands, and he goes.
Fuck his life.
X
He doesn't even know how he gets home, but when he gets there, Scott is gone.
Stiles literally doesn't know what to do with himself, his brain is in overdrive, there are so many things going through it at once he can't actually focus on anything, no matter the fact that he actually didn't skip his medication that day.
How is this his life? How did it come to this, Lydia going away and Scott alone, and his dad hating him, and don't even let him begin with this Jackson situation – he can't deal with that at pains of being traumatized for life.
He looks around his room and despairs a little bit, sitting against his closed door, pulling up his knees and dropping his head on them, breathing in deeply.
"I never took you for someone who hides from trouble, Stiles."
The boy hits his head on the door he looks up so fast, and there's Peter Hale, in his room, just a few feet away from the door, looking at him with that creepy, condescending smile of his.
"You obviously don't know me that well" he replies, not getting up, "What the hell are you doing here, anyway?"
"I'm here because there's a teen werewolf angsting in my house, and my nephew is already emo enough without having a companion for his manpain. You need to come and see that boy – preferably take him out of our hands. At this point, you are all he needs" he says pleasantly, sitting on the desk chair and crossing his legs.
Stiles snorts at that.
"Not a chance in hell, buddy. He can crash, burn and die for all I care."
Peter raises an eyebrow at him.
"I thought you were the one who cared about everyone, Stiles. Weren't you willing to risk your life for Lydia, and Scott, even Derek, more than once?"
"I care about the people I care about" he hisses, looking at Peter angrily, "I'd do anything for Scott and my dad and Lydia. Hell, I'd probably help you and Derek, even Isaac a lot – but Jackson? I don't care about him. I know you were kind of dead at the time, but when we found out he was the Kanima, I was all for killing him. Scott was the one who wanted to save him, and look where that got me" he replies angrily, and Peter is smirking while he talks.
"My, my, aren't you an angry one. I always knew there was a reason I liked you" he uncrosses his legs and leans forward, "But the thing is, Stiles, that the full moon is in four days. That boy is whining and talking about you, yes, but he is human. When he turns, and he will turn, nothing in the universe will stop him from turning, he will have a single thought in mind: you. He will come to your house, and he will tear it apart until he finds you. And the more you reject him, the worse it'll get – he'll kill to be near you, he'll find you wherever you are. He will come for you and anything in the way – Scott, you dad, anyone – and he won't see them as a part of your life, he won't care. He will kill them to get you." His voice is low at the end, and Stiles can't help the chill of fear running through him.
"Is it that bad?" he stares at Peter intently, because the man may be crazy, and that's why he doesn't sugarcoat things.
"It's worse than that, because you are marked and yet you aren't claimed. Not fully. You reek of… how to put this…" he makes a mock pensive face, "Of innocence, and his wolf will want to get rid of that, to make you reek of him. Do you see where I'm going?"
Stiles is pale, and his eyes are wide – he is actually properly scared now, because the idea of a half-wolf Jackson grabbing him and… Jesus Christ, NO!
"We let this go on for longer than we should. For better or for worse, that boy is pack, and you are pack through him. You will come to the house today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and you will spend as long as you can with that boy, so that we won't have a body count when the full moon comes. We can't afford it with the hunters we have breathing down our necks."
"I'm not your pack" Stiles says, his voice cracking, because of all the things Peter has said, this is what he can focus on. The rest he can't deal with.
Peter smirks at him, getting up.
"You keep telling yourself that" he goes to the window, turning around at that last moment, "You have one hour to get to our place, or I will personally let Jackson out, and it won't be pretty. Don't be late."
And then he's gone.
Stiles rubs his eyes and runs a hand through his short hair, panicking just a tiny bit.
Maybe he'll go to the Hale house.
Maybe Jackson will take a single look at him and see he's wrong, that Stiles is so not his mate, and then they'll call Lydia back, and Stiles will even be happy for them, he swears he will.
He gets up and grabs his keys, leaving a note for his dad, saying he'll be back soon.
The sooner he gets there, the sooner Jackson will realize his mistake, and Stiles will be free again.
I'm already working on the third chapter, but I'll probably update "If you're wondering" first. It will come this week still, though.
I hope you liked it.
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