Not that he would ever admitt it to Wally, but his heart stopped when Artemis disapeared. Megan's blood cruling scream for their friend only mad matters worse, and Wally's constant rage didn't help either. Kuldar had said somthing about giving the rest of the human race hope, but why?
There was no hope for them. Batman was gone. Artemis was gone. The small team they had was all he had left, and they were supposed to sacrifice themsleves for the rest of the world?
He was scared.
He knew he had to, he had to for Artemis, for Bruce.
But what was the point?
His family was dead, he had no one other than his adoptive father. He didn't make a sound while he listened numbly to Wally's outbursts and M'gann's crying. It didn't matter, right? He had to die, it was unavoidable.
Bruce would want him to.
Right?
He bit the inide of his lip. What kind of father would want that?
Then again, should he really even conider himslf a son?
He was a solider, that was it. He was going to die bcause it was what he signed up for. He would die with honor, protecting his country, his people.
Bruce would be proud.
But Bruce was dead, so did it matter if he was proud?
It would be eaiser to hide, to run away from everything going on. Go back to the cave and let it happen. Let the war go until the aliens found them, not fighting for something he could never have, something no one would ever have on Earth again.
Family, safety, hope.
It was all gone.
The thoughts spun through his head at superhuman speed, constatly cycling, never letting his mind rest. He looked calm on the outside, sure. But the war in his head was nothing compared to the one in world around him. It took all his concentration to come out of his haze.
"They're all gone." He heard himself say.
They were the league now, and they had to act as such. They had to be responsible, and take on the actions and the pure mindset of the Justice League.
He was scared.
M'gann's cry of joy snapped him completely back to realality.
He saw rather than heard her hug her uncle and scream his name. Kuldar was yelling at her for something.
Next thing he knows they're somewhere else, and Wally's yelling excidedly inside his head.
He's wrong, but he won't listen to him.
"They're alive! They're all alive." He says it again and again, letting it be the only motive for him to move on. For him to find Artemis.
He know Wally's wrong, but he can hope too, right?
Artemis has to be alive, she can't die.
Hope, even if it's false is better than nothing.
The cave. He's back at the cave again.
Hope.
Hope for Wally' sake.
He pushes his thoughts aside, letting his training take over. He's the leader now. He gives instructions trying to sound hopeful for the rest of them.
They will not quit. They will not surrender.
The whole world knows they're fighting. He's fighting for them.
They will survive.
Even when he doesn't.
He breathes in deep trying to stay calm as he enters the ship. This is it.
The others don't know that they won't make it. Or maybe they will, but he can't.
He doen't hesitate to place the bombs, or to send the others away. Wally knows what's going to happen, but he's ready. They knew the price of this life, and they were willing to pay it, even if the scared little voice in the back of his head tells him not to go forward with the mission. The same little voice that tells him that he's never going to get to live his life, it ends now. Does he really want that?
He's not sure, but he has no choice.
He gives into his fate as the heat of the fire wraps around his body. He screams feeling it rip away his life. He's burning, buring, falling..
He wakes up screaming. He instantly feels someone holding on to him and whispering to him clamly, telling him that everything will be all right.
He chokes back a sob, wrapping his arms around the blonde girl next to him.
"Don't die Artemis." He says into her shoulder. The dreams are like this all the time now, he hates watching Artemis die almost as much as he hates watching his parents die.
She rubs his back, before gently pushing him away from her. His hands stay on her ams, trembling lightly. She brushes black hair from his face.
She doen't know what to tell him.
She can't promise...
"I won't leave you, if I did, who would keep Wally in line?"
He gives her a short half-hearted laugh. He glances at his hands, then awkwardly takes them off her arms. He woke her up with his screaming, he knows he did, but he won't tell him that. They shouldn't even have fallen aslep anyway, it wasn't very late, but the mission was gruesome. The rest of the team went home right away, but he and Artemis fell asleep studying on the cave floor.
"Maybe we shouldn't study for math tests ater missions any more." He says trying to change the subject. Her eyes meet his.
"You're not the only one with nightmares, Dick. And I would fail that class without you."
He smiles sadly.
"You're right though. It's late, we should go." she says, "it's not lik we were getting much done anyway."
He nods, standing up. He offers Artemis his hand, pulling her from the floor. They pack up their study materials, and make their way back to Gotham City.
"See you tomorrow, Dick." She says stepping out of the phone box. She glances behind her, but he's already gone.
He watches her walk away from a nearby roof top.
"Thanks for being there Arty."