Keep Walking

even if you have to make your own way

People talk about uncomfortable silences all the time, but a real uncomfortable silence is not something you can really describe. There's the need to break it, but you don't know how, and there's the wish to just let it continue, because whoever breaks it is going to be a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than they are even during said silence. It's awful.

It's awful and it's happening right now, in Stiles kitchen.

He swears Danny has been staring at Jackson for at least three days, but it's probably a few minutes – maybe even seconds – but the guy isn't saying anything.

He's just staring. As if he can figure Jackson out with a look – which he can't, Jackson isn't Scott who Stiles can read like an open book most of the time – or maybe he's just waiting for Jackson to say something else.

"I don't believe you" he finally says, and Stiles looks at Jackson and then at Danny. The blond doesn't answer immediately; he gets into the kitchen, crosses his arms over his chest and looks down. Half of him looks defiant and angry, and the other half looks afraid and lost, and Stiles doesn't know if he wants to be here for this.

He should be here for this. He's this guy's mate, but he sure as hell doesn't want to be, because it's awkward.

He doesn't want to remember Jackson killing people, and after his last couple of days, he doesn't want to remember all those times he was in favor of killing Jackson or letting him die.

He's also not very fond of reliving the way Jackson was cured, which pretty much initiated the position they are in now.

"I should…" he starts, but Jackson looks at him and he looks just the tiniest bit desperate. As if he wants Stiles to stay. They look at each other for a moment, and Stiles sighs, defeated, "I should stay right here" he mutters, and crosses his arms over his chest too, Jackson leaning against the kitchen counter, just a few steps away.

"I asked Derek to bite me way before he turned Erica and Boyd and Isaac. He did it, and it didn't take."

"Why?" Danny asks, his voice just a whisper, as if he can't understand what Jackson is saying.

"We don't know, though it probably has something to do with Lydia's…"

"No" Danny interrupts, "Why did you ask for it? Are you insane? You asked to be turned into a werewolf, into a monster who can kill people? Someone who's so tied with instincts that you have a destined mate? Jackson, what were you thinking?!" Danny asks, and Jackson looks surprised for a half a second before shrugging.

"I wanted to have what McCall had. I wanted to be stronger and faster, and a better player. I wanted to be the best" he says, looking a bit like Jackson used to before the Kanima mess, saying he's everyone's type and was better than everyone else.

Danny doesn't even answer to that, he just shakes his head and leans against the back of his chair, staring at Jackson expectantly.

"As I was saying, I think there's something to do with Lydia. She's immune to all this stuff, she was bitten by an Alpha and she didn't turn. Also, I was… I… have some issues I've been trying to work through, but that didn't help. The bite didn't take, but I turned into something… else."

"A Kanima?" Danny guesses, knowing the word but not its meaning. Jackson takes a deep breath and nods.

"Yes" he stares into Danny's eyes, and then he turns to Stiles, as if he's waiting for him to help just by being there – and maybe he is. Stiles isn't very sure of anything right now, "You remember when you were paralyzed at Jungle?" he asks, turning back to his best friend, and Danny nods slowly, "That was me. Also the guy who died in the garage, crushed by Stiles's Jeep. And all the deputies who were killed the night Matt Daehler killed himself in the lake. Isaac's dad. I almost killed Stiles a couple of times. I paralyzed Derek, and tried to kill Scott. I did all of that" he's staring at Danny defiantly, as if waiting for him to judge him, and Stiles just can't take it.

"No, you didn't" he intervenes, looking mad. He frowns at Jackson, uncrossing his arms, "The only thing you did was follow your instincts and find a Master. You didn't consciously kill anyone, Jackson, no one blames you for it! Hell, Derek's taken you into his pack, Scott is trying to help us work this shit out, your parents have accepted what you are now, and Isaac even stays in the same room as you without killing you, and that's restraint! I don't blame you, and you made me keep Derek from drowning for two hours. You didn't do it. They used you. Matt used you, and Gerard used you. It's not your fault" he finishes firmly, and now Jackson is actually glaring at him.

"So you're telling me that you didn't want me dead? That you weren't the one who tried to convince McCall to go along Derek's plan of just killing the Kanima instead of trying to cure it? That you weren't hoping, that night at the warehouse, that I was truly dead when Peter and Derek attacked me? That your heart didn't break when I was alive again, when Lydia cured me?"

"My heart was broken for a completely different reason than you being alive and you know it!" he shouts at Jackson, getting away from the sink, and stopping in front of Jackson, glaring, "You have no idea what I had been through that night, and I went along Scott's plan, didn't I? I was trying to save you too by the end of it, even if I thought it wouldn't work! Who do you think took Lydia there? The werewolf fairy?" his voice is rising, and his hands are in fists by his side.

"Yeah, but you weren't there to save me, Stiles, you were there for her!" Jackson accuses, and Stiles actually laughs bitterly.

"And you weren't? When you accepted to die, do you think I didn't see you nodding to Derek? That we didn't realize you were giving your consent? Who were you doing it for, Jackson, me? No! It was for her! Because she loved you and she saved you, and then both of us broke her heart! It doesn't mean it was your fault what those crazy psychopaths made you do! Stop blaming yourself for the things you have no fault over, and start thinking about the things that you do, like letting her go away without even saying goodbye, because you were so lost into your own werewolf pity-angst party!"

"Okay!" Danny shouts, and they break away from their angry stare down to look at the other boy, who's staring at them as if they're crazy – which they probably are, but oh well -, "I really don't think I even get what you were talking about just now, but the gist of it is that Jackson turned into something that killed people because a Master controlled him?" he stares at Jackson while he talks, and the blond nods begrudgingly, "That's why you were so strange? The night of the game, telling me to stay away from you?"

Jackson nods again.

"I knew something bad would happen that night. Matt was dead, and Gerard was the one…" he doesn't say it, just lets out a deep breath, "I just wanted you and Lydia safe."

"You almost killed yourself. You actually killed yourself" the boy whispers, staring at Jackson in a mix of sadness and incomprehension.

"It was a distraction" the blond says, "Gerard was trying to get Stiles" he admits, and even Stiles looks surprised at that.

"You knew what he was planning?" his voice is quiet and betrayed. If Jackson had known why didn't he let Stiles know? Or Scott?

"Not really. I could… fight it for short periods of time. I was aware he wanted to get you out of there, I knew he would make me try and kill myself, and yet I didn't. I had the knowledge, but I couldn't… realize it. It's complicated" he says just as quietly, and looks down.

Wow, they have crap to get through.

Once again, Danny brings them back to the point.

"So, this Kanima thing kills a lot of people, but the bad guy is gone, and then… you were cured?" he says, as if he doesn't think that's the answer.

"Lydia's love cured him" Stiles says, looking at Danny with a sardonic smile, "And then they are having a love-fest, and he bites me, and marks me as his mate, and here we are. Short version, without Peter coming back from the dead, me getting beat up by a guy four times my age, my dad losing his job, or Scott having a brain for once. Also without Allison going psycho-killer on everyone."

Danny is, apparently, stunned into silence once more. He keeps on looking at Stiles and then at Jackson, as if he can't quite figure if they are trying to lie to him.

"The Kanima is actually a lizard" Stiles comments, just to break the silence, "Jackson was a lizard and then a wolf. Three species he's been, if you count human as the base of it. It's pretty impressive" he shrugs when he finishes speaking, and Danny gets up.

"I need…" he says, shaking his head, and Jackson looks down, "I just need some time, okay? I'll be…" he says and turns to leave, but Stiles stops him with a hand on his arm.

"Look, go to my room, or my dad's office, or whatever, but stay inside. The Alpha Pack is here, and we're all in danger. Don't get out of the house."

Danny laughs a tiny bit hysterically at that but nods and leaves.

The uncomfortable silence is back, and Stiles sits on the chair Danny's just vacated and puts his head in his hands.

"You really don't blame me for their deaths?"

Jackson's voice is strange. It's… broken. And hopeful. When Stiles looks at him, he sees the blonde's face is cautious, as if he's waiting for Stiles to tell him that yes, he blames him. That he only said all of that so that Danny wouldn't freak out.

"I really don't. Yes, I thought about killing you, or letting you die, but it wasn't you, Jackson. I was afraid. We all were. My dad was out there every single day, fighting something he had no idea what it was, and the Kanima was dangerous – not because of you, but because of its masters. I was afraid. People who are afraid usually do stupid things."

Jackson is silent again, and Stiles takes his chance to actually say things to the blond without having to fight for an opportunity.

"I do blame you for the way things turned out with Lydia, though" he says, and Jackson shakes his head, looking at Stiles exasperatedly.

"Derek told you I couldn't control my…"

"Not that!" he interrupts, and Jackson stares at him without understanding form a moment, "Not the bite. I get that. But she does love you, Jackson. She truly did. Maybe she still does. And you didn't even say goodbye to her. And I know it was tough for you, that those days were difficult, and my denial thing didn't help, and I know that now, I can see it, but you hurt her when you could have helped it, and you didn't even once thought about apologizing. You were self-centered and selfish, and she didn't deserve that. You didn't see her the night she thought you were dead. She was falling apart, and you just let her out of your life without a single goodbye."

"I figured if she hated me – if she hated us – it'd be easier for her" Jackson ends up saying, and Stiles shakes his head.

"She doesn't deserve that. Neither do I," they look at each other for a moment, and Stiles snorts, "You don't deserve it either."

Jackson looks down with a strange smirk on his lips.

"No, we really don't."

The silence is back, but Stiles doesn't break it.

Eventually Stiles gets up and goes to the living room – Isaac is watching a movie on TV, still in the armchair he had sat before, and Stiles sits on the couch.

A few minutes later Jackson gets into the room, and sits beside Stiles, silently.

They watch the movie, and pretend they don't know Danny is having a mental breakdown upstairs. They also pretend they aren't counting the seconds until the others are back.

It's a few long hours, but somehow they manage.

They are getting really good at that too.

The movie ends, and another one begins, and that one is almost over when they finally hear cars getting in the driveway – or Isaac and Jackson hear it, and the way they perk up a tiny little bit like dogs makes Stiles smile and know the others are here.

"I'll go get Danny" he says, going upstairs.

He really doesn't know how the other boy is going to be, and he hopes for the best, because they don't have room for a freaking out human right now.

He usually freaks out before or after a crisis, never in the middle of it. It's been working for them, they are still alive – some of them are actually back from the dead! – so he figures Danny is going to have to adapt or drown.

It's not something he wants to have to say, though.

He knocks on the door of his own room and enters without waiting for an answer. Danny is on his bed, looking at the ceiling.

"Just… how do you do it? How are you not in a straight jacket right now?" the boy asks him without looking down, and Stiles sighs, closing the door behind him.

"I didn't have the time yet" he says brightly, and Danny looks at him, unimpressed, "Look, we deal with it because we have to. We are still alive, and that's good, and it's all that matters. None of ours have died yet, except for Peter, but we killed him ourselves, and he's back anyway. We didn't mean to have you caught up in the middle of this, and for all that it's worth, if you want out of this when this Alpha Pack business is over, you can get out of it. You can forget all of this, and go back to living in that comfy world where werewolves are just shaggy overgrown dogs who try to steal the girlfriends of vampires, okay?" Danny finally sits on the bed, and Stiles looks at him, a serious look on his face, "But Jackson can't. Just like Scott can't. And like I can't. Scott is my best friend, and I can't let him deal with this shit on his own. Even if Jackson wasn't my mate, I would be there, with the pack, when the next wave of crazy hits the town. You can walk away, but Jackson can't. And I think he needs you. God knows Scott does need me, and he isn't half as messed up as Jackson is. I don't think I can do Jackson half the good you can, and I'm his mate. He loves you, you are more family to him than his own parents, and you know that. He needs you."

Danny stares at Stiles or a long moment, before getting up and snorting.

"You're just saying that because you don't want to have to deal with him by yourself."

Stiles smiles at that.

"I really don't" he answers, and they go downstairs.

It's not the best answer, but there's still hope.

Downstairs, all the others are sitting in the living room. Isaac has left the armchair for the floor – the Sheriff is now on the armchair, Scott and Isaac by his feet, while Peter and Derek are leaning against the windowsill, side by side. Danny, Jackson and Stiles sit on the couch, Stiles in between them, because Danny pulls him to the middle. Jackson looks a bit hurt, but hides it fast enough that Danny doesn't see it – or maybe he does but chooses not to comment on it.

"We hid the body in the woods. Scott called, and the Sheriff got there okay, no one suspected anything" Derek says as an opening, and the Sheriff snorts.

"Which makes me wonder how good Stiles is exactly at covering trails of crimes" he mutters, and Stiles looks down, truly embarrassed.

His dad is never going to trust him again after this.

Jackson, strangely enough, takes one of his hands in his, and squeezes, as if sensing his discomfort.

He doesn't let it go either, but Stiles is not going to complain right now.

"The Alpha Pack sent Boyd's body as a warning. They are here, and they will do what they are meant to do" Derek says, and Scott tilts his head to the side.

"But what do they want?" he asks.

"To eliminate all incompetent packs" Peter says with a smirk, "That's their function, that's why they exist. They go around killing the ones who attract too much attention from hunters or humans who aren't pack. The kill the pack, usually taking one of the pack with them, if this one is willing to kill the incompetent Alpha and become an Alpha themselves, and then commit their life to hunting and killing the packs who aren't worthy in their eyes" the ex-dead body explains, and Stiles frowns.

"Derek isn't incompetent, he's new at this" he defends the man who looks at him, surprise written all over his eyebrows, "What? It's true! You could be way worse then you are, and we're all alive. Maybe we aren't going to win any prizes at the Pack Fair, but we're good enough to still be alive" he finishes shrugging, but Peter is shaking his head.

"That's not how they work. Boyd and Erica ran away. A human who is immune got away from the pack knowing pretty much all of our secrets. One of the bitten wolves was a Kanima before turning, and when he did, he marked a mate without his consent. That same Kanima killed a whole unit of deputies. This pack has attracted the attention of every single hunter clan in the country, and the Argents have lost all their heads in their fight against us. They've lost Kate, who was supposed to be the next leader, they've lost Victoria, and now they've lost Allison, who is currently having all kinds of mental breakdowns. There's a limit of weird that can be let go, but we kind of exceeded that when I came back to life."

There's silence in the room again, and Stiles looks around.

All the wolves look pretty much defeated already, looking down – Isaac and Scott -, or glaring at Derek – Jackson.

"Okay, but what about the humans?" Stiles's dad asks, and everyone looks at him, "Stiles and Danny and Lydia. They are safe, right? They aren't wolves" the way he says it seems as if that's all that matters to him, and Stiles can see the others are surprised by this – by a John Stilinski who can actually only care about his son, and not about all of the others.

Did they really think one gets to Sheriff without being tough and a bit ruthless sometimes? Did they really think Stiles gets his more cold tendencies of wishing Derek or Jackson were dead from his mom or something?

"They are pack" Peter almost snarls, "Maybe not Danny yet, but Lydia and Stiles are way too involved to walk free. We die, they die. So you might as well stop thinking up ways of offering us up to the Alphas, because your son will die with us."

The Sheriff doesn't answer to that, not even to deny it.

And the silence is back.

"Okay…" Stiles starts, "So, we know what they want, and we know how they'll act. Do we have any clue of what they've done to Erica yet?"

No one answers.

"Right. Any ideas on how to defeat them?"

"We have no chance against them physically. Our best fighters are Boyd and Scott, and Boyd is gone. Isaac is fast, but against an Alpha he doesn't stand a chance. Scott doesn't either, not really. I could take one of them, but there's five of them and one of me, and even if Scott, Isaac and Jackson were to go against another one, that's two of them down and three to go" Derek tells them, as if he's thought about it a thousand times before.

Whoa, they really are getting into this already knowing they are going to lose.

"That's cheerful" Stiles mutters.

"Well, we can't beat them by brute force, but we can outsmart them" Peter says, and Stiles frowns at him.

"Hold your horses there, Scar, what do you mean?"

Peter quirks a small smile at the reference, and looks at everyone in the room.

"We can't beat them in a fight, but we can outsmart them. One of us can go to them, knowing what we know, and offer to kill Derek in exchange of maybe a few lives, and going away with them. Most wolves would do it just for the Alpha status alone. When they buy it, this person will work with them, and then betray them from the inside."

"How is that supposed to work? And who would we send?" Scott questions, and Peter smirks.

"Why, me, of course!" Peter replies, "Who better at betrayal than the guy who was an Alpha already? I could be thirsting for my power back, revenge against the nephew who killed me. Then I go to them, they take me into their fold, and I poison them. Easy."

There's silence in the room again, but it's not afraid or awkward, it's incredulous.

Because, well, it's Peter.

"How the hell would we know you wouldn't sell us anyway?!" Stiles almost shouts, "You were the bad guy once, Claudius, we can't trust you!"

Peter raises an eyebrow at him.

"Would that make you Nala or Ofelia, Stiles?"

"That'd make me Timon, okay? Just, we can't do this!" he gets up from the couch and looks at Derek, "Tell me we're not doing this? He's so going to kill you, Derek, I don't want him as my alpha! And how are you going to poison them anyway?"

"I have my ways" Peter says simply, and Stiles stares at Derek.

He's the only one fighting this, why?

Derek doesn't answer straight away, and Stiles waves his arms around.

"SERIOUSLY, why is no one else arguing this?!" he asks the room at large, and Scott shrugs.

"Honestly? Cause you're the one who can maybe argue your way into Peter's logic, so" the teen shrugs, and Stiles sits back down, a bit defeated.

They're doomed.

This time they are actually doomed.

"I won't decide anything right now. Stay safe, and stay inside. Together. I don't want any of you alone right now" Derek orders, and leaves, Peter trailing after him, still smirking.

Stiles looks at the other wolves expectantly.

"No one is going to say anything? Really?"

"What do you have against Peter anyway?" Danny asks, intrigued, and Stiles faces him.

"You really don't want to know" he answers, and Danny stares at him for a moment, before nodding.

"Okay."

Apparently he's decided he doesn't want any more crazy in his life.

Jackson and Danny decide to go to Danny's house for the night. Isaac and Scott are staying with Stiles.

Their goodbyes are awkward, because Stiles feels like he should talk to Jackson some more, but right now they can't.

They nod at each other awkwardly, and the blond leaves with his best friend.

Stiles goes up to his room when his dad goes to his study, no doubt to try and find some courage or peace in a bottle of whisky, and Scott and Isaac stay in the living room.

Damn day that just won't end.

X

Awkward doesn't even begin to describe the state of things right now, but Jackson calls his parents letting them know he's staying at Danny's that night.

The other boy hasn't said a word to him yet, and Jackson doesn't know if he should talk to him, or just give him space.

He's never been good at this emotional stuff, he never really had to do it before – Danny ignored him until he got normal, and Lydia just pretended nothing was happening. But now Stiles is all over the place, and Danny is mad or sad or whatever, and he doesn't know how to deal with this.

Plus, they are all going to be dead soon. He helped torch Peter once, there's no way the guy is actually going to help them.

They get ready for bed, and Jackson takes a deep breath, taking in Stiles scent. Danny catches him doing it and smiles a bit, shaking his head.

He doesn't say anything when he turns off the lights and goes to bed, Jackson on a mattress by it.

"He's good for you" Danny says, about fifteen minutes after he turns off the lights, and Jackson turns on his side, looking at his friend in the darkness.

"You think?" he asks, and Danny nods – he probably doesn't even know Jackson can see him.

"Yeah, I do. I know you loved Lydia, Jackson, but she… You would have always been in her shadow. She made it so easy for you, and you were so comfortable in that. When you broke up with her, I knew it wasn't going to last" he makes a pause, as if measuring what he's about to say, "You were poison together, Jackson. You made her try and demean herself for your benefit, so you'd look good, and you'd try and be this jerk type all the time, because you thought that's what she wanted. You two were only ever happy when you were alone together, and in public you'd put up this façade, it was wrong. He can be good for you. He can make you find yourself, because he won't let you settle for anything else" another pause, this one longer, and Jackson hears Danny sighing, "You can make this work."

"If we live long enough to do it" Jackson comments, and Danny snorts.

"Well, there's that."

They fall silent after that, but Jackson feels a little lighter knowing Danny approves of Stiles this much.

Maybe it'll be okay.

He hopes to everything that exists that it will be okay.

He can't bear to think otherwise.

Aaaaaaaaand another one, to try and compensate for the days I didn't post. I won't promise any chapters for the week, but I'll try to get some more out, okay?

Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think!

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