Keep Walking
because sometimes you have to take a different path
It isn't even morning proper yet, but Allison is wide awake. She has been awake for a while, to be honest, because the last time she had a full night's sleep was probably before she found out her boyfriend, the boy she is still in love with, is a werewolf.
It's just… hard. So very, very hard, to keep on living, when all she wants to do is put her whole life on pause so that she can breathe and think, just for a little while.
She's lost… not everything, but as close as she can get without actually losing herself. She lost her aunt. Her mother. Her grandfather. Her boyfriend.
Her mind.
Looking back she sees all the ways Gerard had manipulated her, got the better of her, how he had been cruel and mean, just so he'd get a rise out of her. And it's not that she didn't see, but she had seen Kate back then, how ruthless she was, and when Gerard started manipulating her, she never thought it was so he could use her as a bargaining chip in his crusade to become an Alpha – she had thought he was trying to turn her into Kate.
Because she was family, because he loved his daughter and had lost her. Because he cared about Allison's pain more than anyone seemed to.
Lies, lies, lies.
Her dad had managed to get his own reason back way before she did, but still, she went too far. She knows that now, she has no delusion that Lydia or Stiles will ever forgive her. The news that Boyd had been found dead in the woods the day before sent her in a definitely bad turn, because in a way, it was still her fault. She had caught them for Gerard, and now he's dead.
Erica is probably dead too. And she doesn't even know who's killing them, or how Scott is dealing with it.
She knows Lydia has left town, and her best friend didn't even try and contact her before leaving. Through her classmate's Facebook pages she knows she's fine, in Portland, but she doesn't know why.
She doesn't know how Scott is.
She hasn't seen him ever since the day he came to talk to her, and she said she needed time – and she does need time, it's just so damn hard.
In one hand all she wants to do is get back together with him, be a part of his life again, even help him through whatever is happening right now. In the other, how can she?
How can she just waltz back into his life, when she did what she did? Going in a killing spree, shooting arrows at her classmates, helping a hunter catch them all, stabbing Isaac?
Knowing Stiles was in her basement, and leaving him there?
And that one Scott doesn't even know yet. When he finds out, she honestly doesn't think he'll forgive her.
She's done too much, and she doesn't know how to redeem herself – she doesn't know if she can.
She doesn't know if she wants to.
Gerard managed to warp her in ways she didn't even know it was possible.
In what universe is it okay to go in a killing spree because your mother chose to die? In what world is it alright to shoot your classmates because you feel justified in using them as baits? What the hell had she been thinking?
She's still so angry with it all – she's angry at Gerard for using and manipulating her, and she's angry at her father for letting Gerard do what he did, for not stopping her, she's angry at her mother for choosing to leave them the way she did – she's angry at herself for thinking that by hurting everyone around her she'd be stronger.
Her dad thinks she should see a therapist, but who could she see? Who could she go to and say My problem is that my family hunts werewolves and things got messed up? She'd be in a straight jacket before she could even get all the words out.
It's been almost a month since the whole thing, and she doesn't think it's getting any better, or that things are any easier. The hunters are staying away, because her dad sent the message that Beacon Hills was their territory, so there's at least that: the knowledge that Scott was safe from hunters, at least.
But what else is there? How many more problems is he going to get into? Is there ever going to be any kind of peace in his life?
In hers?
It's all such a mess and she doesn't know how to get out of it.
She's trying very hard not to have a breakdown – again – when she listens to the sound of someone's footsteps on the roof by her window. She hasn't heard anything there ever since Scott last visited her, one day after she almost got everyone she cares about killed. A part of her is glad he's coming. She misses him. Another part of her is afraid, because she's not ready to face him yet.
She doesn't know if she'll ever be.
That's why she isn't as scared as she should be when the face by her window isn't Scott but Peter Hale.
Peter crosses the windowsill with ease, and seems confident that she won't yell for her dad at any second. He's smirking at her as if holding back a joke she'll love, and Allison doesn't really have the motivation to grab the crossbow by her bed.
If he wanted to kill her, he wouldn't have waited for the morning light, would he?
She hopes not.
"Hello, Allison" he says pleasantly, and then he sits on the foot of her bed, smiling away, "I think we need to have a talk."
X
Stiles's dad gets home just as the boy is putting some sandwiches together for lunch. Danny has gone home for the time being, and Jackson is sitting in the living room, watching some bad tv while Stiles makes them something to eat, because it's his house, and his mother did give him some education.
The man looks tired and worn out, but he tries to smile at Stiles.
"Hey, son. How are things?"
Stiles shrugs, putting another sandwich together for his dad.
"It's fine. We heard about Erica already, this morning. Derek stopped by to tell us."
The Sheriff sighs deeply, and rubs his eyes for a bit, tired and sleepy.
"I don't even know how to present the case. I can't say I know what killed them, I also can't say we can find them or anything, because it's just ridiculous. Did Derek say anything else?"
As the man finishes speaking, Jackson gets up and comes into the kitchen too, nodding respectfully at Stiles's dad. Stiles sighs and shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Not really. He says they might lay low for a few days before they act again, and we should, you know, take it easy until then. Stay together. Not wander around. Basic stuff" he says, lying through his teeth, but the Sheriff doesn't seem to notice, grabbing his sandwich and taking a huge bite out of it.
"It's a good idea. Maybe we can catch them somehow, and make them stay away from the town" the man says, looking as if he's trying to come up with a plan to achieve that, and Stiles shrugs again.
"Yeah" he agrees, and he looks like he can feel Jackson staring at him.
They stay in silence for a while, eating quietly.
"I have to head back, I'll be home tonight, okay?" the Sheriff says, running a hand over Stiles's short hair, "Take care, son. You too Jackson" he adds, looking at him with a threatening stare, which makes Jackson nod vigorously and Stiles snickers a bit.
When the Sheriff's car is gone, Jackson turns to look at him.
"You lied to him" he points out unnecessarily.
"What else would I do, Jackson? Tell him the truth? Hey, dad, we're all going to battle in twenty-four hours, and we have a snow ball's chance in hell of winning, but hey, at least we're together, right? Seriously? I make my dad eat healthy so he won't have a heart attack."
Jackson is quiet for a while, and they wander back into the living room, sitting on the couch, Stiles's leg bouncing the whole time.
"You think they'd realty leave you all alone if you killed me?" he asks, and Stiles startles so badly he almost falls out of the couch.
"It doesn't really matter, because it's not happening, okay? You're not dying. Not like this. Plus, it's not only you, it's Lydia too. Do you want us to kill Lydia?" he lets the idea sink in before continuing, "Stop this train of thought, Jackson, I mean it. We're not going there. You turning yourself over would accomplish nothing, because there's still Lydia to kill, and no one is doing that."
"It's not like we're going to live all that long anyway" he says, and Stiles turns to stare at him in annoyance, "It's the truth. They'll come and kill us all tomorrow. Peter was right, we're not really pack in the way we'd have to be to win this."
Stiles is quiet for a bit, staring at Jackson as if he said something important.
"Peter was awfully depressing this morning, wasn't he? All for killing you guys, or admitting defeat" Stiles starts, looking distracted, and Jackson frowns.
"Do you think he'll do something?"
"Like skipping town and leaving us all to die? Hell, yeah. That or he has a plan. Knowing that guy, it's pretty much fifty-fifty."
"We did kill him" Jackson points out in a dry voice, and he can see Stiles smirking by his side.
"We didn't, didn't we? Good times, when we could just Molotov the bad guy. Now we don't even know where the bad guy is, and everyone is going to the fight already assuming we'll lose. Way to dampen the mood."
Jackson snorts at that, and they're quiet again.
Being quiet doesn't mean Stiles is still, though. He keeps moving from time to time, and looking around him every few seconds, as if he's thinking things that keep moving around him. It's a bit… fascinating, because this is Stiles when he isn't angry or annoyed or fearful, which is basically all Jackson knows of him. It's new to him, have his mate behave almost normally around him.
"You think…" he starts and then pauses, because he doesn't want to go there, and at the same time, he feels as if he has to. Stiles looks at him, waiting for him to continue, and he swallows hard before going on, "You think they'll hunt Lydia down if we lose?"
He can't help the worry that it's visible in his voice, and Stiles sighs, biting his lips.
"God, I hope not" the other boy ends up saying, looking worried again, "It's not fair to her. Everything she went through last year, all the shit we pulled, and all she had to see and do, and then… us happening, and then it'll end with an Alpha Pack going after her for something she has no control over? It's not fair."
Jackson is quiet again, and Stiles is looking down, worry written all over his face.
"You two would have been good together" he says, his voice almost a whisper, and Stiles turns to look at him, incredulous.
"What?"
Jackson exhales loudly, a bit irritated, because he swears he can detect some hope in Stiles's voice, but he isn't going to back down now.
"It's true. Danny said some things last night… Some things about me and Lydia and our relationship, and that wasn't healthy, for me or her. He said we were poison together. You guys wouldn't have been poison, you'd have worked, I think. She needs someone patient enough with her. Maybe she could have been more open about what she is really like. I'm bad at all this shit, you know?" Jackson's voice goes very quiet, and he looks at the floor, almost as if he's talking to himself and not to his mate, "She thought she had to pretend to be a frivolous bitch to be with me, and I dumped her when I thought I'd be better" He laughs bitterly, "All this obsession with being the best got me was months as a serial killer and pain to the few people I care about. I ruined Lydia's life, yours. Danny's, because something tells me he'll be there with us tomorrow, and if we die, he goes too" he finally looks up, smile strained, "You would have put her first. She needed that, and I didn't know how to do it."
"And yet she loves you" Stiles points out quietly, "It's… it's what actually makes me think that at some point we'll make this whole mate thing work. The fact that she found something in you she could love, and if Lydia Martin can find it in her to love you, then so can anyone else in the world, because she wouldn't feel that deeply for someone this shallow" Stiles turns on the couch, sitting so he's facing Jackson's profile, and Jackson turns a bit, facing him, "I don't know you, Jackson. You don't know me. We got off on the wrong foot, and we haven't had the time to try and make this work, not really. To take the other into consideration, and not just pretend we can make this work just because we have to. We can't actually think we'll be good together if we take this as normal dating, because we've never thought about the other that way. But Lydia loves you, she sees something in you that maybe not even you can see yet, and when this is all over, if we're alive, I'm going to find whatever that is, and I'm going to show it to you, so you can stop pretending to be a jerk and be whoever the hell you are, even if we have to start from scratch."
He looks so determined, so completely certain that he is worth something that Jackson actually goes with whatever the hell his instinct is telling him and gets closer slowly, putting a hand on Stiles's cheek, placing a chaste, soft kiss on his lips.
It's not that he doesn't want to go faster, not that he thinks Stiles is fragile or breakable – he's probably stronger than a hundred Jacksons put together – but he doesn't want to taint this moment with simple lust.
It's more than that.
Whatever it is that they'll build their relationship on, it has to be more than that.
"Okay" he says when he sits back.
Stiles then takes a deep breath and smiles just the tiniest bit.
"Okay" his mate answers, and Jackson feels a little less miserable.
It's enough for now.
X
Thing is that time really flies when you are about to get killed by an Alpha Pack.
Stiles and Jackson stay at Stiles's place, and at some point or another, the whole pack goes there – and stay the night. They don't talk about what they are going to do the next day, but Stiles suddenly finds himself with a whole lot of wolfsbane powder in his pockets, and bags and more bags of mountain ash in a backpack. The werewolves are tense and snappish, but they make it through the night. The Sheriff comes home to see all of them in the living room and stares inquisitively at Stiles, who shrugs and says they are trying to be all in one place, for safety.
No one questions him on his half lie to his dad.
The next morning, when Stiles actually manages to wake up, the sun not even all out yet, he sees that Danny, Scott and Isaac are still sleeping, but Jackson, Peter and Derek are wide awake, sitting or reclining on some couch. He gets up and sees his dad has left a note in the kitchen, telling him he'll be home at night.
Stiles prays he'll be home by nightfall too. In a single piece, if at all possible.
He goes upstairs to take a shower and change, and while he is there, he turns on the stereo, putting on Heat of the moment, by Asia.
"I can't believe you!" Jackson yells at him, and Stiles laughs out loud at that.
Jackson truly is a Supernatural fanboy.
Way too soon, Derek is staring at all of them seriously, as if it is already their funeral, telling them to take care, and fight only when they think they can win. He reminds his Betas of never engaging an Alpha alone, to attack only as a group. He tells Danny and Stiles to stay out of the fight, and only use the supplies they have when they know it won't harm their own pack.
And then they are off to the Hale house.
Three chapters in a single day. Can you guys forgive me now for the delay? Pretty please, with Stackson on top? *-*
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