Chapter Three: Fading Slowly

Bella POV

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." Pastor Webber read at Edward's funeral the next week. I'd been numb for a week, and I felt like I was always gasping for air. It'd been the worst week of my life. I didn't sleep, eat, or get out of bed. I didn't know how to be without him. He was my world, and someone had taken that away from me.

"Mom?" I asked when I felt the sixth contraction since the funeral had begun half hour ago. "I think I'm in labor.

"Come on. She urged as she took my hand and helped me stand. "Bella's in labor."

"I'll drive." My father offered. The ride to the hospital didn't take long, and I was hooked up to monitors within a half hours. The contractions came and went, but I was still numb from the pain of losing Edward, I barely felt them.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Mrs. Masen asked as she came into the room after the funeral. I teared up at her use of 'sweetheart' and turned away from her. "Oh, Bella. Please don't cry."

"I should've been down there with him." I sobbed. I hadn't talked to anyone since Angela drove me home that fateful night. "I...shouldn't have been hiding."

"Bella, don't blame yourself." She whispered, pushing the hair out of my face. "Edward was trying to protect you."

"And now he's dead." I sobbed. She quickly came to terms with the fact that I'd never believe what they told me and she just sat with me until my mother came back from getting coffee. After fifteen hours, it was time for me to push. My mother stood by my side and held my hand tightly as I pushed.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I gave one final push. My mother cut the chord, and teared up.

"It's a boy." She cried. "A beautiful baby boy."

"a boy." I said dryly. They cleaned him up, but I pushed them away when they tried to hand him to me. "I don't want him."

"Bella," My mother urged.

"No." I argued. "I don't want anything to do with him." They placed him in his bassinet and wheeled him down to the nursery. I was cleaned up and brought bac to my own room where my father was waiting for me.

"Where is he?" He asked after he'd given me a kiss. "Is he sick?"

"No, Bella didn't want to see him." My mother whispered after I'd turned my back towards them. I loved that baby boy, but he was Edward all the way and I couldn't bear to look at him.

I spent the rest of the day, starring at the ceiling. I really couldn't come to terms with the fact that I had a son, and Edward would never be there to meet him. The fact that Edward and I created him out of love, and someone had taken my love away from me killed me inside.

Now life has killed the life I dreamed.

I was so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't even heard my mother turning on the TV. I looked up and saw Les Miserables playing on the screen. I teared up immediately, knowing it was Edward's favorite musical and we'd been planning to go see it when it came to theaters in December.

"Why would someone do this?" I asked my mother, who muted the TV and came to sit next to me. "How could someone...just kill another. Without even blinking, or feeling any guilt."

"This world is full of horrible people who do terrible things to great people." She whispered.

"But why him?" I sobbed. "Why my Edward. Why not someone else?"

"I don't know, Bella." She cried. "But, you're always going to have a part of him. That baby boy...is apart of him and he's always going to be with you."

"I don't know if I can do it, mom." I whispered. "I don't know how I'm going to look at him...and not burst into tears."

"Don't think of it that way." She offered. "Think of how even though Edward was taken from you, he'll always be with him."

"I...I never thought..." I cried. I never had thought about it that way. I could only think of how that baby boy was Edwards, and would only remind me of how he's gone. But, my mother was right. That little boy in the nursery was Edward, and he was now my whole world. I had to be there for him. "I want to see him."

"Oh, honey..you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." She smiled, kissing my forehead and leaving the room. Moments later, there was a soft knock at the door, and nurse walked in with my baby boy in the bassinet she pushed.

"He's been waiting for you." She whispered as she picked him up, and placed him into my arms. I fell apart the moment he looked at me, seeing his dull blue eyes looking up at me. The small tuff of hair on his head was a thin bronze color, much like Edward's had been when he was born.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed, kissing the top of his head. "I should have held you the minute you were born. But, I promise you I'm going to be here for you...until the day I die. You are my life now, little Aiden Samuel."

"He's beautiful." I heard a familiar voice say, and I looked up and smiled at the figure standing in the doorway.

"Jasper." I gasped, unable to hide my happiness. "When did you get here?"

"A little bit ago." He told me, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I tried getting here for the funeral but it wasn't possible with the flights, and then work wouldn't let me go."

"You're here now." I sighed, looking down at Aiden as he fussed in my arms. "Is Alice with you?"

"No, I made this trip myself." Jasper had been in my life since diapers. His mother moved in next door from Gatlinburg Tennessee after a nasty divorce. Strapped for money and time, my mother offered to keep an eye on Jasper while she was at work until she got on her feet. Being dermatologist, it didn't take long to get back on her feet, but it was too late. Jasper and I were attached at the hip, and my mother continued to watch him.

We met Alice when her family moved to Beverly to get out of the city. The three of us met and became thick as thieves instantly. Jasper and Alice both tried to hide their attraction for each other throughout high school, but knowing them as well as I did...I knew there was something. Low and behold the minute they graduated, they told me they'd been sneaking around for the past year and a half. I pretended to be shocked, but they knew me as well and knew I was only acting.

"She wished she could be here, but Melody is still too young for such a long car ride."

"I understand." I cried, looking down at Aiden. "I just miss her."

"Then come back with me." He said suddenly. "Come with me to Forks."

"You want me to move to Forks with you?" I asked. "Forks Washington?"

"That is where I live."

"Jasper..."

"Bells, you've been saying that you want to be near Alice and I since we moved and only stayed here because this is where Edward's family and job was." He pointed out. "It's a perfect time."

"I don't know, Jazz."

"It's time for a fresh start." He told me. "Forks could be really good for you."

"What about my job?" I asked. "I have him now, I can't just not have a job."

"Forks Elementary is looking for a third grade teacher." He told me. "They have a sub lined up until October. It's plenty of time to get on your feet and do what you need to do."

"What am I supposed to do until October? You know this as well as I...baby stuff is expensive."

"I talked to the principle...she's a good friend of mine and she told me she'll hire you and give you maternity leave."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He agreed. "Small town is actually quite relaxing. It's so nice to just walk around. You feel...free. You can stay with us...we have too big of a house for the three of us...it's a five bedroom house, Bella."

"What about my family?"

"If they love you...they'll know this is whats going to be good for you and let you go."

A month had passed since Edward's murder and Aiden's birth. Although they continued to look, they had no trace of who broke into our house, and took my Edward. I wished to stay here and help them look, but Jasper was right. Leaving Chicago would be good for me. I was moving to Forks today and looking into my house empty gave me chills.

"You about ready, kid?" Jasper asked after he'd loaded the last of the boxes into the truck.

"Edward and I bought this home together." I whispered, as I bent down and picked Aiden's carrier up. "There's nothing left for me here anymore." I sighed and walked out the door. I strapped Aiden into his car seat and got into the front with Jasper. We began our thirty-three hour journey to Forks. Thankfully, Aiden was a very quiet baby and slept for most of the ride.

"I can drive some, Jasper." I told him after we'd checked into a Holiday Inn for the night.

"It's fine." He sighed as he fell onto the bed. "Please try and sleep."

"I'm fine." I said, holding up my book.

"Bella, when was the last time you slept?" He asked, coming over and taking the book out of my hands. "Tell me the truth."

"The day before Edward was murdered." I sighed, leaning back in the chair. "Every time I close my eyes...I hear his scream and the gunshot. And...then I see his dead body lying on the floor."

"Come with me." He said, grabbing my hand. "Today, you will sleep."

"Jasper..."

"In the same bed as me and I won't let anything happen to you." He whispered, kissing my cheek. "And, if you have nightmares..I'm going to be here to hold your hand and wipe away your tears away."

"Promise me you aren't going anywhere."

"I promise." He sighed, as he lay down next to me and shut his eyes.

"Edward!" I called out before I felt Jasper shaking me, and Aiden's shrieking cries. "NO!"

"Bella!" Jasper called, and I shot up in the bed, crying. "Shhh. It was only a dream."

"I was reliving it." I cried as I got up and walked over to Aiden. "It was so real...like I was really seeing him again."

"Bella...have you talked to anyone since this happened he asked as I fed Aiden. "Because, I don't think this is going to get better until you do."

"You mean have I told a complete stranger my problems?" I snapped. "No."

"Bella, you know that that's not what therapy is about." He huffed. "You know that they're going to know tricks and solutions to stop the nightmares."

"I know...but I feel so weird about it." I sighed. "But...if you do it..."

"You and I both know I can't." He shook his head. "I would love to, but I can't do that. I'm too involved with you. Plus, it's not like you'd actually listen to me."

"True." I agreed, laughing a little bit for the first time in a month.

"Hey, there's that smile I love." He whispered, taking Aiden out of my hand. "I'll burp him and change him. You try and sleep some more."

I woke up screaming two more times that night, and both times Jasper had kept his word. He held me until my sobs died down and I fell back asleep. I felt better when I woke up the next morning than I had in a month. Aiden was sucking hard on his small hand when I picked him up to change him into his clothes for the day. After breakfast and a diaper change, Jasper and I were on the road again and this time the ride was much more relaxing and fun.

After one more day of driving, we pulled into the driveway and sighed in relief. It had been a hell of a drive, and I was thankful we didn't have to worry about finding a rest stop to change Aiden's diaper. Alice came running and screaming out of the house with Melody in her hands.

"You're hear!" She screeched. "I wish these weren't the circumstances but I'm so glad to see you!"

"Oh...you have no idea how much I've missed you!" I screeched as Jasper got Aiden out of the car. "Melody, I'd like to introduce you to Aiden...your future husband."

"I already have it planned!" Alice laughed as we moved inside. Jasper was having some friends over to help me unload to truck the next day, and I was happy I didn't have to unload it with just Jasper and Alice. We spent the night in, with pizza and a ton of junk food. Although it wasn't the same, Alice always said chocolate was the best medicine to treat a broken heart, and it did seem to work even just the slightest bit.

"Thank you guys so much for letting us stay here." I whispered after we'd put the babies to bed for the night. "I promise, we'll be out of here once I find a place I can afford."

"Don't be silly." Alice said as we went into the kitchen. "You two stay as long as you need and don't settle for some rinky dink place because you can afford it."

"Don't argue with her, Bella." Jasper laughed. "You know you'll never win."

"I know. I know." I sighed.

The next morning, I was awoken by the doorbell ringing and I was surprised I'd only woken up once because of a nightmare. I guess getting out of that house really had been good for me. I checked on Aiden, but was surprised to see he wasn't in his bassinet. I shook my head since I knew he was with Alice and Melody downstairs.

"You already taking them on a date." I laughed as I picked Aiden out of his highchair. "How's it going with Melody?"

"It's going great, mommy." Alice mimicked in a high pitched voice. "You breast feed, right?"

"Yeah." I sighed as I sat down next to her. "Who was at the door?"

"The guys Jasper asked to help move you in." She told me.

"I'm going to go see if there's anything I can do." I said, putting Aiden back in his chair. "Watch him?"

"Of course." She answered as I walked out of the kitchen and outside to the truck. I walked around the truck and saw three asses hanging out of the truck. I had to stifle a laugh when I saw Jasper wiggling his.

"See anything you like, Bells?" He joked, coming out of the truck with one of the guys. "This is Peter."

"Hi, thanks for helping." I said, shaking his hand.

"Not a problem." He smiled. "Now, do you want your desk and dresser in any particular place?"

"Ask Alice." I sighed. "She'll know where to put them." I laughed as the other guy came out of the truck. The minute I saw his face, I stopped breathing. He was gorgeous. He had short, dark hair and piercing blue eyes, and he was very...very muscular. I hadn't wanted to look at another man since Edward, and I felt guilty the minute I thought he was good looking.

"Hi, I'm Emmett." He said, extending his hand.

"Bella." I whispered, taking his hand. I swear I felt electricity going through my body. I pulled back immediately and stepped away from him. "I...I..."

"Bells?" Jasper asked, coming to my side. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I cried as a tear streamed down my face. "I...I gotta go check on the baby." I turned and ran back inside, passing the kitchen and ignoring Alice's calls. I ran into my room, shutting the door and falling onto my bed. I was a terrible, terrible person. Edward had only been gone for a month, and I was already attracted to another guy?

"Bells?" I heard Jasper ask as he knocked on the door. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah!" I lied, but he didn't buy it. He opened the door anyway and came to sit beside me.

"It's okay to be attracted to another guy, Bella." He whispered. "It isn't like you're dating the man or something."

"I wasn't attracted to him."

"Bella, I know you." He sighed. "Your eyes bugged out of your head when he turned around...and then after shaking his hand you ran inside in tears."

"I just...it's not right." I sighed, playing with my blanket. "I shouldn't feel anything towards anyone yet."

"As I said...you aren't going on a date with the guy." He told me, putting an arm around the shoulder. "An attraction does't mean anything...it just means you're a human girl."

"But...Edward..."

"He isn't going to come and haunt you if you are attracted to another guy." He joked. "All I'm saying is...after you've had time to grieve and think...it isn't a bad thing to want to date. He would want you to be happy."

"But...he isn't." I cried.

"He will be when he sees your happy." He cried. "And, don't date until you're ready, Bella."

"I won't. Promise. I smiled. "So, I talked to do Dr. Platt today."

"Oh yeah?" He asked "What did she say?"

"She has an opening on Friday." I told him as we walked back downstairs. "You're coming with me...right?"

"I think it'd be best if you went alone." He told me. "I'll be right next door and if you need me, just tap on the wall."

"I guess...it would be best to do this...alone." I sighed as we went back outside. "Gotta start doin' stuff alone...now."

"You are not alone." He told me sternly. "You have Alice, and I. And, most importantly...you have your son. Your precious little Aiden."

"I do have a pretty great son, huh?" I asked. I may have lost Edward, but the people around me were right. I would always have my son, and I would never let him go. Aiden was it. He would be my guy forever.