Chapter 8: Helpful

My mind was in its daily battle against itself. Leave or stay. Stay or leave. I wasn't strong enough for either. I heard him call my name again. At least Seth was still at school; at least he wouldn't have to see me cry. I took a deep breath and went to the kitchen.

My husband's face was irate, and it was for a stupid reason just like it always was. I had to endure his wrath anyway. I was one of those battered women now, one of those women I tried to run away from being, when in reality, I ran right into. Jacob came closer, raised his left hand, and let it fall hard across my cheek. The slaps didn't burn like they used to. But then, he punched me in my ribs, making me spurt out a strangled cough-like sound.

That only made him angrier. I wasn't made of stone, he must know that, right? I fell to the floor, but my eyes couldn't cry. He kicked my side, and all the air from my lungs shot out of me. Of course I shouldn't have fought him on Seth's decision to quit playing soccer. If it stopped making my son happy, why shouldn't he quit it? It was a lie, that's why. Seth was just complaining about hard work.

The more money Jacob made as a producer for each new hit movie, the more angrier he became. So I took his beatings. Where else could I go? My father was no better of a man. Jacob left me on the floor to collect my broken self. I could handle it. At least we didn't have sex. At least he didn't want or use me as a woman in that regard. That would be more degrading than being his punching bag, wouldn't it? He yelled my name again.

I awoke covered in sweat. My body lunged upward and I tried to even out my breathing. My nightmares had returned. I knew that it was because of that day at the festival. I couldn't shake those dark eyes from my memory. I must have hallucinated because Jake never showed up at Stone Meadow.

At least it was a decent hour to get out of bed. Usually my bad dreams woke me up around four am instead of six thirty. I would take a quick shower and go feed the animals.

As I crept down the hall I made sure to avoid the boards that creaked in the floor. Seth needed his sleep to prepare of another day of riding lessons. Jules was a tough teacher. I grabbed my travel coffee mug, a cigarette, and the barn key. It was still dark outside. It was warm, though.

I switched on the lights once inside the barn, and the horses stirred anxiously. I gathered the eight buckets and started to mix their feed with grain. They were excited and stomped around in their stalls. Each horse I passed after giving them their food, thanked me with a brush of their lips on my shoulders.

As the horses ate, I opened the back barn doors and took a seat on a bucket. I watched as the sun slowly became known over the mountains. The birds were waking up, too. The rain had come overnight, feeding the earth in preparation for a sunny day. I sipped my coffee and lit my cigarette.

"You're up early," Edward said. I clutched my chest in surprise, and coughed out smoke.

"Shit," I breathed, embarrassed. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry," He said with a short chuckle. He pulled a bucket over and sat down next to me.

"Beautiful morning." He said, looking out back.

"Very," I replied. "What's on the, 'to do' list for the day?"

"I have to fix a few fence posts. I thought I would take the boys out to help." I nodded. "We should leave by the weekend to go get the cattle and bring them in for checking and branding."

"How long will that take?"

"Depending on where they are, we usually stay out overnight."

"Okay," I said. Camping outside with Edward? My excitement had returned.

"I have to ask," He suddenly said quietly. I sipped my coffee nervously.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you here, Bella? You seem to be running from something. I couldn't help but notice how strange you acted yesterday." My shoulders fell. What was I supposed to say? Could I tell him the truth? I desperately didn't want him to know what a weak person I was. Maybe he could tell already, though. I sighed, and exhaled smoke.

"My ex-husband," I whispered. "He isn't very nice."

"Ah," Edward breathed. "I figured." I tuned to him.

"You did?"

"You put on a good act, but you're afraid of men." That hurt more to hear than it did to realize it.

"Not all men," I argued.

"I know."

"I left one and ran right into the arms of another. You say nice things about Charlie, but I know you know what kind of man he truly was." Edward could only nod. He looked angry, but he didn't speak.

"I'm fine, though. I thought Seth and I would stay and see this through... See if the ranch would turn around." Edward's face brightened.

"He likes it here."

"Finally," I said. "And he hasn't played a video game in days." Edward chuckled.

"So, what's your story?" I asked, thankful to finally obtain enough bravery to ask.

"Before my dad died and lost his land, he told Charlie about me and Alice. He was quick to offer us a place to stay, and work to do."

"I'm glad for that. He wasn't ever mean towards anyone else," I replied sadly. I suppose I could thank my father for that quality. Edward wouldn't be here if not for him.

When I reached down to pick my coffee mug up, my knuckles skimmed against Edward's as he reached for his. He ripped his hand away from the slight shock. My eyes flew to his face, embarrassed. He stared at me from under his hat. I wanted to lunge for his mouth, but I was frozen in place still. I wished he would make the bold move, but he stood up instead. He growled under his breath and took off his hat.

My chest hurt. I didn't understand him. Never had I wanted to make a move on another man, as much as I did Edward besides a terrible one. Why was falling for a good man so much harder?

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I was sorry for whatever wrong I had done to Edward. He somehow seemed more torn than I did.

"It's not you," He groaned, making me frown.

"I just can't," He finally added. The pain that was tearing apart my chest seemed to escape, and spread throughout the rest of my body. Tears threatened me, proving that I was too weak, but I would continue to hide anything I could about my emotions. I knew no other way.

"Yeah, me either," I finally said with a wave of my hand. Edward let go of his hair pulling to look at me. I forced a strong face. "You know, it's too soon, and Seth really cares about Jules and-"

"Yeah, for the kids," He said in confirmation. A sad smile broke across his brilliant face.

I didn't say anything else. I just grabbed my mug from the floor and left the barn. He watched me leave; I could feel his eyes on my back.

Late afternoon brought in another rainstorm. Thunder and lightning crashed against each other in the sky. Jules had come over to help me make dinner for the boys. Alice ran to the barn to feed the chickens and horses when Jules suddenly called out from the bathroom. I stopped chopping vegetables, and jogged to the bathroom door.

"Jules?"

"Bella, something happened," She said frantically. Worry coursed through me.

"What's wrong?" I asked shakily.

"Where's my Aunt Alice?"

"She's feeding the horses, sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?" I heard her sniffle. I reached for the door handle and turned it slowly. She didn't protest.

With the bathroom door now open, Jules sat on the commode holding her stomach. I looked down to the underwear that were now laid in her jeans by her ankles. Blood stained the light pink fabric. Relief came over me, and I had never welcomed it so happily before. I smiled softy at Jules.

"Sweetheart, it's all right," I cooed. Jules wiped her tears. I stepped closer and opened my bathroom cupboard below the sink. I took out a pad and turned to her, bending down to her level on my knees.

"You got your period," I said. She frowned, and then groaned. I heard Alice come inside through the screen door.

"Alice," I called. Her footsteps drew close until she was at the door. Alice's face fell to the ground, making Jules cried again.

I stood up and went to Alice.

"She got her period," I whispered. Alice nodded with wide eyes. "You'll have to explain it to her," I said. I knew it wasn't exactly Alice's foray to discuss such personal things, but she would for Jules, I hoped.

"I'm just no good with this sort of thing," Alice said. "I'm surrounded by men, you know?" I nodded and looked back to Jules. She hunched over her knees and cried softly out of embarrassment and bewilderment, no doubt. I walked back over to her.

"Clean up, and put this in your underwear, okay?" Jules nodded slowly. "We'll talk when you come out. You're all right though, I promise." Jules looked up to me; her blue-green eyes were filled with water. She smiled and I left the bathroom with Alice.

After washing her hands, Alice started on the vegetables I had left earlier, while I made a pot of fresh coffee.

"I wish she had her mother around for this. I'm just no good," Alice said softly.

"She adores you, Alice," I told her.

"And you," She added with a smile, making my heart warm.

"Poor Edward," I said.

Alice chuckled, "He has his hands full."

Jules came into the kitchen quietly. She fidgeted with her hands and sat down at the table. I smiled, poured two cups of coffee and sat down across from her. If I was hoping to have this all explained before the boys came home, I needed to hurry.

"Every woman gets their period," I began. "It's called your menstrual cycle and it means that your body is preparing itself to carry children one day. Each month your uterus prepares for such an event, and when you get your period, it's your body's ways of releasing what it has built up, to start over again for the next one."

"Oh," Jules whispered. She smiled.

"I'm a woman now?" She asked, making Alice giggle.

"Yeah, something like that," Alice told her. "You'll hate it, but we all have to suffer through it. You'll bloat, go through strange mood swings, and wish you were a man."

Jules laughed lightly. "How long does it last?"

"Usually between five and seven days," I said.

"That long?" Jules whined. Alice and I laughed, again. "It hurts." I smiled and stood up, grabbing my bottle of Midol from the cupboard.

"That's why they invented this," I said, handing her the pill bottle. She read over the label.

"We never take medicine, though," Jules said sadly.

"I don't think your father will object to this," Alice said. "I take it, too."

"If you want, I'll tell your dad what happened," I offered.

"Would you?" She asked happily. I nodded. Jules lunged forward and wrapped her freckled arms around me. "Thank you," she gushed. We pulled apart and she opened the pill bottle.

"But don't tell Seth!" She said frantically, and once again, Alice and I laughed again.

"I would never," I promised.

The men of the land retuned wet and tired and ready for food. Dinner had finished cooking just before they arrived, and there weren't any leftovers tonight. We all talked about the coming weekend trip to gather the cattle. The kids were excited, and I was, too. Jules sat across from Seth instead of next to him which I knew he took notice to. I felt bad for the boy, since I knew that her mood changes would come in full swing by tomorrow.

Just as everyone was saying their goodnights, I stopped Edward on the porch. The rain had left us, and the air smelled new. I noticed Jules looking back to us before she scurried off to her house. I made sure the front door was closed before I spoke, not wanting Seth to hear anything.

"So, uh," I stammered. Edward watched me confused. "Jules got her period today," I blurted. Edward scrunched his nose up.

"I knew this was coming," He sighed. "Is she all right?"

"She was pretty scared at first, but she'll be fine. I gave her a box of pads that will last her until next time. Oh, and some Midol." I couldn't help my smile. Edward groaned.

"Don't laugh," He warned. Giggles escaped my lips anyway.

"So what do I do?" He asked frantically. I shrugged, "Leave her alone. She hates that you even have to know."

"Shit." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Thank God for you and Alice." He was smiling, and his small compliment meant more to me than he would ever know. It was good that I was here; at least I did something helpful. He took a deep breath and looked back to his cabin.

"Can't keep them young forever," He said. I sighed wistfully in agreement. Edward turned to me, the green in his eyes darkened up by the night.

I smiled shyly up at him. He tipped his hat politely, and then touched my upper arm with his palm.

"Thanks," He said. I choked on my words. His touch warmed me all over, but he dropped his hand all too soon and left my porch: leaving me even more confused about us than I had been this morning.

First and foremost, I want to thank my new beta, Sunflower3759. She is great to work with and knows her stuff!

We have another winter storm warning. I may loose power again due to ice -.- but I will update again soon. You know I am good for it!

okay, so Bella helping Jules. So cute, right? And what about Edward and Bella's chat in the barn... Hmmm...