Chapter 14: The Loft

The time had finally arrived. It took me twenty minutes to decide on what to wear over to the barn. In the end, I chose to be comfortable. I took a very cleansing shower and put on my comfy sweats and a black v-neck. It was strange, but I felt pretty. My hair fell in all its length down my back in waves and I didn't even bother with a bra. Not that it was ever a noticeable thing for many. I looked down to my flat chest and sighed wistfully.

I left my cabin quietly and snuck over to the barn. The only light came from the lamp on top of the roof. Once inside, I walked to the back, looked in on Cleary, then headed up the staircase.

Edward sat on a hay bail overlooking the woods and river. He had opened the latch door, allowing the moonlight to flood the small space. The moon made his hair shine blue and his skin glow. He turned to me and smiled. It warmed my entire body causing anything I had spent time fretting over throughout the day to vanish.

I took a seat next to him on the hay and nudged his shoulder with mine. He laughed softly.

"Was your day okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"Fine. Yours?"

"Good. Cows are healthy, so we can turn them out to pasture one last time."

"Perfect. You should see what Seth got Jules for her birthday. It's beautiful."

"She really likes him."

"And him her." We sighed together then smiled shyly.

"I really care about you, Bella," He said nervously, as he stared out of the large opening. His eyes twinkled. I looked down and reached for his hand that rested on his knee. I squeezed it after his long fingers intertwined with mine.

"I have since I first saw you that day I came back," I started sheepishly. "Even though you made me so mad." Edward laughed.

"You were cute."

"Oh, hush."

"Bella, I want you to know about my past before we go any further with this," He said. My stomach tightened but I nodded my head. Edward took a deep breath.

"I met Tanya our junior year of high school. We got married young and she became pregnant with Jules. I wanted you to know what happened to her." His voice cracked, and I squeezed his hand again for encouragement.

"We hustled pig before moving here. Jasper and Alice, too. You know, my dad took that up when the economy slowed on beef production. Anyway, we were out in the field rounding them all up and Jules was playing with the horses in one of the corrals with Garrett. We didn't know that, though until something spooked the horses and they went haywire. I mean, all over the place. One of them crushed Garrett's leg and Tanya ran in after them."

Edward paused, and for a moment, I wasn't sure if he was going to continue. He let go of my hand and stood up. I watched as he went and leaned on the frame of the open loft door. He had on his old, light colored jeans, his cowboy boots, and a white t-shirt. That long forgotten place between my legs started to burn, but I stayed still and silent.

"Apparently, one of the mustangs kicked Tanya in the head. She passed out, but then she came around quickly, and she got the kids out before anyone else knew what was happening. She didn't tell us about getting kicked, so we had no clue that had happened. A day later she couldn't get out of bed because of a headache. I begged her to let me take her to the doctor, but she refused and blamed it on her coming period. As the day dragged on, she fell asleep. I went in to bring her lunch and I just couldn't wake her; she never woke up. I did everything I could think of, but she was gone. Coroner said the horse hit the wrong spot, and there wasn't anything a doctor could have done to save her. If only I had paid more attention, if only-" He cut off. I saw him wipe his face, trying to hide his falling tears. while my cheeks burned with the wetness from my silent cold tears. Edward took a deep breath.

"I lost the love of my life, Bella, and now I'm afraid to lose you, too; I couldn't bare it. I checked out on Jules for God knows how long, and I didn't let her near a horse again until she was twelve. Somehow God brought you back to me when I don't deserve it. I grew up thinking that you only get one true love in this life, but I was wrong."

My mind raced to try and think of how long I had waited to hear such a thing said to me... About me. I wasn't sure how to process it all, except to cry. And that's what I did. My weakness poured through the cracks, crippling me to the ground. I tried with everything I had to stop, so that I could tell Edward how happy his sad story made me.

He waited for me.

I wiped my face and was thankful to him for keeping his distance. I needed to let that out, and he allowed me to. He didn't get angry, he didn't yell, and I couldn't understand that. Seth was the only male I had ever cried in front of until now. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Did it make me weaker?

"I'm very sorry about your wife," I finally whispered.

"Thank you," He said.

"And about the rest, I don't know what to say. It's hard for me to believe any of it, even though I have dreamed of this moment all my life."

"Bella-"

"I feel the same way, Edward. I do."

I stood up and took a cigarette from the pack in my pocket. Edward chuckled and stuck his hand out. I handed him one, and we smoked in silence while I collected my thoughts. I finally just threw my hands in the air in exasperation.

"I grew up, became my mother, and married my father. You know, I've written my own story, but I never truly saw it through my own eyes until now: until I came back to the ranch."

"I hate what they did to you," He whispered. His teeth clenched and he blew smoke out of his nose.

"Oh, Edward, I did it to myself. Maybe not so much with Charlie, but how could I run right into it again with Jacob?"

"It's all you knew," He replied simply.

That struck me.

"I never saw it like that," I said truthfully.

"You're a writer?" He suddenly asked.

I shrugged, "I was. I haven't written anything in awhile."

Edward flicked his cigarette ember out into the night sky then threw the butt into a nearby bucket. He stepped over to me and did the same with mine.

Then, his long, and slender fingers were on my face. His touch was barely a whisper on my skin.

"I would never hurt you. I could never bear to loose you," He whispered. Before tears could come and betray me again, I moved my face closer to his. Our lips collided like dynamite, as his hands snaked around to my neck. I moved my body into his completely, my pelvis pushing into him. Edward growled into my mouth, making me smile in our kiss. My hands went around to his lower back to pull him closer to me. Our lips began to move faster, more wantonly. It was hot, and messy, and I knew if we didn't stop now, we wouldn't be able to at all.

Our kiss went on for awhile until we parted for air. My lips were swollen and full from his. He smiled down to me, obviously caught up in the same daze I was.

"I want you," He whispered, "So badly."

I breathed hard, "Me too."

"But I want it to be so much more special than this."

I chuckled, "I think we can wait. As long as we don't kiss anymore." Edward flashed me his crooked smile and moved his hips against mine. A small gasp escaped my lips.

"What about the kids?" I asked. "Seth will hate me when he finds out about us."

"Why?"

"Because," I whispered painfully. "He still thinks that his father and I will somehow work everything out. And because he cares so much for Jules."

"Look, I'm glad Jules cares for a good boy, but they're young, and we are their parents. Besides, it's not like we can help how we feel anymore than they can."

"I know." Edward slowly parted from me, but took my hand. We looked out over the property again.

"Tell me what happened," He said. I raised my eyebrows, confused.

"Why you came here," He finished. My eyebrows dropped as I continued to look out to my land, and search for the right words to begin to tell my own story.

"He threatened to kill me after I won full custody. He missed two court dates because he was off fucking actresses on his movie set," I grumbled. "He adores Seth, though. He's never hurt him physically, but he's pushy. He made sure that Seth never saw him hit me. He treated me like a queen in front of Seth, making me look like the bad guy in every situation. I couldn't escape it. Seth picked up on his bad attitude towards me from Jake, though. It's all he's ever seen, you know?" I sighed, happy to get all of that out.

"Seth treats you better now, I've seen the change." He pointed out.

"For now," I said sadly. "All of that anger is still in him, though."

"Why don't you tell him everything?"

"How, Edward? 'Your father used to beat me black and blue behind your back?' I'm afraid it would be too hard for him to believe it now. Not without seeing it anyway." I shivered. "But I will tell him, soon. I have to, I know it , and I also know that I'll pay for keeping my own secret from him, but I thought I was protecting him at the time."

"How did you escape?" Edward asked quietly. His face was hidden in the shadows, but I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Jacob left for a new movie in Europe. He was gone a week. I called Rosalie and she came and picked me up. It was hell when Jake got home, but he wouldn't do anything to me in front of anyone. As long as I was next to Rose, I was safe. He would never allow his reputation to be hurt, so he kept his anger in secret. That's when he only got angrier. He didn't have me around to beat."

"I could kill him," Edward seethed.

"I know, but hey, I'm safe here. Jacob thinks we came to visit Charlie, not sort out his will. I've made a lot of mistakes, too, Edward."

"But what about when he wants to see Seth?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to go home. I won't send Seth alone. Just because he's never hurt Seth before, doesn't mean he wouldn't start now that I'm gone."

"I don't want you to leave, let him come here to see Seth."

"But I like that he has no idea where here is. I feel safer that way."

"I'll protect you, Bella," Edward said, as he turned to me. He took me back into his arms. My cheek pressed against his warm chest.

"I can't ask that of you. And I don't want him around your family." Edward sighed, his breath blew my hair slightly.

"We'll figure something out. I have to handle it, the sooner the better. I'll call him."

"Okay," Edward whispered in defeat.

Yay, some progress for our lovebirds!

I'm loving that so many new people have found this story from the lemonade stand. I hope you're all still enjoying it!

My new updating schedule for this story will be Friday and Monday.

I have a new story, Shattered Hearts, that I will start posting soon!

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Beta work goes to Sunflower3759.

More soon :D