Chapter 15: Speak

Somehow the next day arrived, and I had gathered enough courage to go to Telluride and call Jacob. Seth, Jules and Garrett came along, too, while Alice went with Edward and Jasper to set the cattle loose. While three teenagers sat in the back of my Land Rover joking and laughing, my mind hadn't left last night.

After another long kiss goodnight, Edward had walked me back to my cabin. We decided to meet up there again, and make it as our new, private place. I couldn't wait. My excitement over this new-found relationship consumed all of my thoughts. It was Edward that gave me the courage to call Jacob, today.

My only prayer was for Seth, and I would tell him everything soon. He deserved to know the truth, whether he chooses to believe it or not. I couldn't keep holding it in and carrying it around. We pulled up to the market where we would buy another few days worth of groceries. We all got out of the car and started to head inside when Seth stopped.
"I'm gonna call Dad," He said. "Get it out of the way."
"All right," I told him. "I'm going to call him after we shop."
"You are?"
"We need to work out visitation," I reminded. Seth smiled widely and nodded. He took out his phone and leaned against the car as I headed inside the store with Jules and Garrett.

"What about pizza?" I asked Jules, as Garrett's eyes lit up.
"I've never had pizza."
"Seriously," I said astounded. He nodded shamefully. "Pizza it is, then." Garrett smiled excited. I took three, large, frozen pizzas and placed them in the cart. We got vegetables, milk, beef, soups, sandwich makings and a cake mix, too.
We made it to the line to pay when Jules tugged on my sleeve, and I turned to see her pretty freckled face laced with worry.
"What is it?" I asked. She leaned into my ear.
"I want tampons," She whispered. I laughed quietly.
"Go get some and I'll hide them in with the other groceries"
"What kind?"
"I like Pearl," I said. "It's a yellow box."

Jules smiled and nodded before skipping off quickly as I shook my head laughing. Garrett bagged what came through at the end of the conveyor belt. Jules came back and handed me the box of tampons secretly. I turned to face away from Garrett and looked to the elderly woman who was ringing up our things. I flashed the small box in front of her. The woman smiled, looked to Jules, then nodded and Jules blushed a deep shade of red. I remembered being that age and never wanting anyone to know that sort of thing about me. The cashier typed in the box code into her small, old computer then gave us a thumbs up. I gave the Jules the box and she shoved them into her leather purse. Crisis averted.

For some reason, my eyes floated out to a vision of my son by the car. The windows that lined the small market gave me an excellent view. He looked angry,upset, and like he was angry. I frowned, and fear slowly dripped into my stomach.
"Hand this to the lady when she's done," I said absently to Jules. "I'll be right back." I didn't turn to see her, but she took my debit card. I quickly walked out of the store and around to my car in the parking lot.

Seth was yelling.
"Because I don't want to!" He fumed. "No, it's not her fault, it's my choice." I stopped in front of my son and frowned. He put up his palm to calm me.
Seth scoffed, "You can't do shit anyway, Mom has custody."
"Seth, get off the phone," I said. He didn't look at me as he listened to what his father was yelling. I could hear Jacob's voice, but not what he was saying.
"Grandpa? Ha, dad, he's dea-" Seth couldn't finish his statement before I ripped his cell phone out of his hand and closed it, ending his call with Jacob.
"What the hell?"
"Don't," I said. "He'll come looking for me; for you."
"Why?"
"Because I lied to him to get away, Seth, he thinks we are here to visit."
"Yeah, well I told him that I'm not going home."
"What?" My eyes went wide with concern.
"I don't want to leave, Mom, he can come here if he wants to see me so badly."
"Here?" I whispered.
Seth nodded, "Yeah." I bowed my head in defeat and became overwhelmed with fear.
"Seth," I whispered. I could tell Edward, but now I needed to tell my son.
"What?"

Before I could respond, Jules and Garrett rounded the corner with groceries.
"We'll talk at home," I whispered. Seth nodded and went to help Jules.

I spent the entire drive home thinking about how I was going to tell Seth about Jacob. I was worried, no, I was afraid.
What if Jacob found out? Would he come for me? We arrived at Stone Meadow just before five. Seth helped unload groceries and Alice came over to start dinner with Jules.
"I'll be back to help in a few," I said to Alice. She nodded. Seth walked over to me, and we started towards the barn.
"Saddle up your horse," I told him. He smiled and went into the horse's stall.

When I got to Cleary's, Edward was inside cleaning her feet. I smiled. He stood up and sauntered over to me.
"What are you doing?"
"Talking to Seth," I replied quietly. He nodded. "I'm going to need Cleary."
"She's good to go. Need anything?" I shook my head. Edward very slowly raised a hand to touch my cheek, and I leaned into his touch.
"I'll see you soon," he whispered. Then, he leaned down and placed a small kiss at the corner of my mouth. When he pulled back, my eyes shot over to Seth at the other end of the barn. He hadn't noticed anything as he prepped his horse.

When I looked back to Edward, it hurt me physically. That kiss left a stinging burn on my mouth and I yearned for him. I smiled shyly, and Edward left the stall and slipped out the back of the barn. I tried to collect myself before meeting Seth.

Seth and I rode by horseback with Blue at our feet ,for over a half an hour in near silence. He asked where we were going, but I didn't say. It wasn't until we emerged from a small forest that did I begin to feel more at ease. Our horses stepped into the meadow quietly. We stopped, and I looked over to my son.
"How pretty," he said, and I nodded and followed his gaze. The space was stunning and full of life. High, brown, wheat grass and yellow, wildflowers littered the ground. I nudged Cleary and she slowly walked forward as Seth followed. The wheat grass brushed against my boots.
"I haven't been here in fifteen years. I used to come almost every day before I left. here," I said. I pointed my finger up ahead to the edge of the meadow.
"Is that..." Seth cut off.
"Yes. My parents are buried here," I said quietly.
"Is that why you visited? To see your mom?"
"Yes." We finished the walk over in silence. Just before the small tombstones could be overstepped, we dismounted our horses. I picked a couple of wildflowers and placed them under in front of my mother's tombstone. Seth came up next to me and read aloud.

"My wife, her mother, our life
Renee Caroline Swan"

Small tears slipped out of my eyes.
"I wish I could have gotten to know her better, maybe she would have saved me," I whispered as I sat down.
"Saved you?" Seth asked. He took a seat next to me and crossed his legs like mine. I picked a weed absently.
"Your grandfather, Charlie, wasn't a very nice man to me."
"Oh," Seth said sadly. "Like Dad?" My head whipped over to look at him. I was surprised.
"I know what you're going to tell me," Seth said.
"You do?"
"Yeah. That Dad is an asshole who treated you badly."
My shoulders dropped. "Yeah," I whispered.
"Why didn't I ever see him do it? I didn't want to believe it until he got so angry on the phone."
"I wasn't allowed to tell you, babe. I should have anyway, though. It taught you to hide things when you shouldn't ever hide anything like that. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Mom. I probably wouldn't have believed it if we hadn't of left. there. I feel like I see everything more clearly here."
"Are you sure you're only fifteen?" I said, nudging his shoulder.
Seth chuckled, "Ha ha. I'm glad to see you not so afraid," He said more softly.
"Afraid?"
"That's all I ever really noticed for sure. I didn't want to think of why, but you flinched anytime Dad came hear you." I bowed my head in long forgotten hurtful memories. Maybe I had changed for the better in being here.
I'm really working on myself. And Seth, your father does love you regardless of the issues he and I have. He's not a bad man, he just doesn't know how to deal with anger. It was how he was raised to treat women, and I hated him for it. The only good he ever gave me, was you."
"Oh." We grew quiet for a moment as a breeze came through and started blowing grass around us.
"I want to stay here," He said.
"Why?" I asked, hoping for an answer other than the one I already knew.
"Not only because of Jules, Mom. I like the work even though its hard. But mostly because you're happier here."

My heart soared into the clouds at the kind words spoken by my son. We had come a long way. I looked over to him and saw my eyes looking back at me, and I realized then, that he also inherited my heart.
"I want to help Edward save the ranch."
"Me too," I told him. "But Seth, I won't be getting back with your dad," I said quietly.
"I know, I wouldn't expect you to, ever." He replied sadly. "I always pictured this happy family, though."
"I'm sorry, baby."
"It's all right. I think we have a good family here; all of us, you know?" I nodded to him and blinked my tears back before they could fall.

Just then, Blue came up to us and jumped on Seth. He laughed and patted the dog behind its ear.
The future was still unknown to us, but today Although, at least, we had finally come together, and we were both on the same page.

Monday updates, rule! And Bella finally talked to Seth! :D my next post will be Friday, sorry for the delays.

I've got a lot in the works, and expect to see my new story, Shattered Hearts, posted soon!
Thanks Subflower for the beta work.
Have a great week, everyone! :)