AN: As always, big thanks to those who reviewed! Sorry it took so long to update, I wasn't happy with my first attempt at this chapter so I had to redo it. Borrowed a few Supernatural concepts, so those aren't mine.
Anyways, please, read. enjoy. review!
So far, so good. Though she hadn't been with Sebastian and Kitty for long, she figured the second they all left Sue's waiting room would be the second the two demons brought on the torture. But since that didn't happen, (and didn't look to be happening anytime soon) she deduced that maybe Sue really had ordered them not to touch her.
Ironic how it seemed that the person most concerned for her well-being (aside from Santana) was the Devil. And if not ironic, then unsettling.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and wordlessly followed Sebastian and Kitty out of the elevator and into the penthouse apartment (Apparently demons got their own housing) they shared with Santana. As she glanced around, she found it to be just as stylish as the hotel Sue put her and Santana up in (Kitty described the interior as 'Upper East Side meets Hell', which she decided was an apt description).
"You drink, Fabray?" Sebastian inquired, his form retreating away from her as he walked over to the bar stationed in living room corner.
"No." Her mother had been a completely different story, which was pretty much why she stayed away from alcohol of any kind. Besides, like she would take a drink from him anyways. It could be poisoned with Kerosene for all she knew.
After lingering unsurely for a moment, she reluctantly took a seat on the sofa and folded her hands in her lap. Hopefully whatever it was that Sue had Santana out doing wouldn't take long.
She wasn't exactly keen on being left with two demonic babysitters.
"Well you should start." Sebastian came around the bar, three different drinks in hand. She watched him pass a martini over to Kitty and took in his attire. He wore all black (slacks, blazer, shirt, and even shoes) with the exception of the blood red tie around his neck. The ensemble really brought out his green eyes but didn't make him look any less like a snake.
"Here." He extended a glass of white wine toward her, that ever-present smirk plastered on his face. "Enjoy."
"Thanks, but I don't drink." She forced a polite smile even though he kept the glass extended to her, his gaze unwavering.
"Wasting your time, Sebastian." Kitty breathed knowingly, her lips ghosting over the rim of her glass as she eyed her. "You aren't gonna get a girl like her drunk unless you strap her down and stick a funnel in her mouth."
"And why would you even want to get me drunk?" She couldn't help but ask, her gaze falling back onto Sebastian, eyebrow arched. "Aren't you gay?"
"Gayer than a rainbow." Kitty quipped, taking a seat on the armrest of the chair opposite her. "He just likes to prove he has the power to seduce both sexes."
"Obviously he doesn't have much power if he has to resort to alcohol right off the bat." She speculated, causing Sebastian's upper lip to twitch. She waited for the clever comeback or something along those lines but instead he just smiled at her over the rim of his glass and nodded his head like he approved.
"No wonder Santana likes hanging around you." She stiffened when he reached out and wrapped his finger around one of her curls. "There's more to you than just a pretty face." At the exact moment she was going to swat his hand away, he removed his finger from her hair, robbing her of the pleasure she had no doubt would've gotten from hitting him.
What a creep. She shifted in her seat, thankful the slimy demon known as Sebastian Smythe (who really did look like a meerkat now that she thought about it) had the good sense to back off.
She turned her body a little and settled her gaze on Kitty, as looking at Sebastian merely brought up a deep urge to slap that condescending smirk right off his face. "So how long have you two been demons?"
She couldn't believe she was trying to make small talk with demons, but alas, here she was.
"Couple centuries." Kitty replied casually, crossing one leg over the other. "And yes, we started out human."
She eyed the hem of Kitty's Cheerios skirt, in the back of her mind thinking how much shorter it was than Santana's (And Santana's dress was pretty frickin' short. It still amazed her how she could get away with wearing something so provocative without showing off certain body parts).
"So you wear the Cheerio's uniform…why?" If Kitty really was a couple centuries old like she claimed she was, she couldn't quite understand why the girl would choose, of all things, to wear a cheerleading uniform.
"Every so often we demons get bored here so we come up to Earth and play human for a while. Couple years back I joined Sue in Ohio, played her Head Cheerio for awhile but then I decided to just wear the uniform full time." Kitty explained. "Humans have come to associate the uniform with fear and terror over the years thanks to Sue. Believe it or not, even outside of Ohio, I come across people who literally defecate themselves right then and there upon seeing this uniform and that's before I even reveal myself as one of Satan's minions. It's hilarious."
And she and Santana weren't friends…why? It sounded like the two of them would get along like two peas in a pod.
"Being human is so overrated." Sebastian drawled out, breaking her attention from Kitty. He leaned against the wall, one hand languidly in his pocket while the other held his glass to his lips. "They're so weak and…doomed." He let out a short laugh before polishing off his drink.
"Agreed." Kitty handed her empty drink off to Sebastian, who was on his way back to the bar, and turned her attention back onto her. "Which leads us to wonder why on earth you would give up all that angel power to become a pathetic human again? We may be demons but even we know that angels can pack on the heat…when they want to, that is."
"Which is pretty much never." Sebastian muttered under his breath, taking another sip. "Those pansies."
Ignoring Sebastian's comment, she proceeded to answer Kitty's question. "My time as a human got cut short the first time around and I just, well I wanted to experience life as it should be, filled with love, happiness, family, friends…" Her gaze fleeted down to her bracelet and felt her stomach lurch at the sight of the small wolf dangling from it. This morning she'd nearly taken it off just because it now served as a reminder that she had none of those things.
And it was all her own fault.
"Was it all worth it?" She lifted her head at the sound of Sebastian's voice and found an amused smile on his face. "Cause you know your wanting to be human cost you the lives of everyone you've ever come to care about."
"I'm well aware of that, Sebastian." she murmured softly, the guilt she felt slowly rising up from that deep dark place where she kept all those crippling emotions buried. Or at least tried to.
After handing Kitty her refilled glass, he unbuttoned his blazer and took to the sofa across from her. He leaned back casually, his arm draped over the back. "You sure did fuck up big time, Fabray. I mean you went from being a powerful angel, someone special, to a weak and pathetic, not to mention completely alone, little human."
He just loved to rub it in, didn't he?
"And for what? For love." He shook his head in complete contempt and sipped his drink.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." she merely quoted, though she had to admit there was a small bitter voice in the back of her head disagreeing.
"And look where it's gotten you." he continued. "You love your parents and how did they repay you? By piling on the abuse and isolation. You love that delicious wolf boy and now you have nothing left."
Well aware of that, Smythe. Well aware.
"The reason humans are so damn weak is because they have all those stupid emotions. If they just learned to shut it all off they'd be slightly more tolerable. Love's the worst one of them all. It ruins you. You're living proof of that."
Her brow furrowed. "You make it sound as though feeling is as easy as flipping a light switch. And it's just not that simple. Maybe it is for your demons, but for humans…" Not so much.
"Have you ever tried?" Sebastian stared at her, eyebrow raised. When she didn't answer, he nodded his head. "Thought so. That's your problem. You haven't tried."
Like hell I haven't. "You just don't get it. Humans and demons work differently."
Sebastian merely shrugged at that statement. "Maybe. But if you were a demon, you would have no problem with caring. Shutting off your emotions would be as easy as blinking."
I bet it is. And while the very idea of escaping her inner turmoil without effort was incredibly tempting, she knew deep down it wasn't right.
Or was it?
No, no, no! Fabray, you gotta remember that you're dealing with demons! They're bad and they just want to screw with your head. You can't let them. Stay strong.
Strong? Ha. She was anything but strong. Especially now.
She glanced over at Kitty, just to see if she had any opinion on the matter since she'd been keeping unusually quiet this entire time. She merely watched her and Sebastian like one watched a tennis match, eyes darting back and forth.
Her gaze flickered back to Sebastian when Kitty showed no signs of joining the conversation.
"Grieving is a natural and healthy response to loss."
That small bitter voice from earlier came back, only louder this time. Healthy? You really think this emotional instability you're going through is…healthy? You think this excruciating pain is healthy? Carrots are healthy, Fabray. This fucked up place you're in is anything but healthy. You're even more deluded than I thought!
Holy crap.
It finally happened. She, Quinn Fabray, had voices running through her head.
She was pretty sure that meant she was one step closer to insanity. Great. Just Great.
Next stop: a mental institution.
"So happens once you've stopped your so-called 'grieving'?" Sebastian stood up and rebuttoned his blazer, looking at her expectantly. "Are you going to go back to Earth, return to school, join the cheerleading squad? Get that quarterback boyfriend?" he taunted, making his way closer to her. "You gonna go after all the things you didn't get the first time around? Be Little Miss Popularity?"
She scoffed. "Being popular has to be the last thing on my mind." Hello, she was losing her sanity as they spoke! "And like I would care about something as trivial as that."
"Well at least we've found one thing you don't care about. That's a start toward demon hood, albeit a miniscule one, but a start nevertheless."
"Do yourself a favor and just leave me alone, Smythe. I will never become a demon."
Even if it means escaping the pain? Come on, Fabray. You know better than to make hasty generalizations. You've got to completely consider all the pros and cons.
There is nothing to consider! Another voice exclaimed.
Shaking her head at her own inner ludicrously (and insanity), she quickly realized Sebastian was talking to her. "Too good for the demon life, Fabray? Is that it? The good girl still has to take the high road even though it's gotten her absolutely nowhere."
"And like becoming a demon would get me anywhere?" she countered, even though deep down she felt like he had a point.
"Yeah, actually it would." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she watched Sebastian pick up the television remote off the coffee table. What, he's so bored he's gonna resort to watching cartoons?
He used it to turn on the flat screen television mounted on the wall above the fireplace and instantly began flipping through the channels. "Human television differs from demon television." He brought up casually, his gaze locked on the screen. "We have hundreds of channels that show us exactly all unfortunate events currently happening on Earth. Oh look, there's a robbery in Madrid." She looked up at the screen just as he changed the channel and grimaced at what was showing. "A gang shootout in Detroit." He changed the channel again. "Oh, awesome. I just love suicides. They're so pathetic, yet so funny." She watched in horror as some poor man jumped off a freeway bridge and shut her eyes before she could see him hit the ground.
Unfortunately she'd certainly heard it.
"That had to of been Hunter's doing." Sebastian observed before he turned to her and explained with a grin: "He's a master at manipulating people into suicide."
And he wonders why I don't want to become a demon.
"Wonderful." she intoned without looking at him.
"But anyways, there was a specific event that happened just recently and it's become an instant favorite amongst us demons. It's constantly on replay."
He changed the channel again and when she realized what exactly he was showing her, her stomach dropped (and if she hadn't already been sitting, she was pretty sure her legs would've given out on her right then and there).
"It's not everyday we get a Volturi annihilation of this magnitude. I tell you the demons who weren't working when this happened were practically glued to their televisions. It was like our version of the Super Bowl. Only way more fun."
"Shut it off." she said roughly, fighting back the tears that pricked the corners of her eyes. She tried to keep them at bay but as she took in those familiar faces of the Cullen's on screen, she couldn't stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes.
She hadn't seen exactly what happened to them originally but that didn't mean she had any desire to find out for herself. They were gone, that was all that mattered.
"Not happening…well, at least not until after the good part's over." Her gaze dropped down to the floor as he spoke, knowing she wouldn't be able to handle having to relive all this again. Which is exactly what Sebastian wanted no doubt.
She shut her eyes painfully tight and even clasped her hands over her ears in attempt to block it all out. But then the sadistic bastard had the nerve to turn the volume all the way up so she was forced to listen to it. Listen to their screams.
"Watch what they're doing, Quinn." She gasped when Sebastian appeared behind her, his fingers suddenly threaded in her hair and yanked her head back until she stared at the television screen. So that he was forcing her to watch. "Look, they don't care. It's sport to them. See the smile on Jane's face? She's fucking enjoying every second of it."
The second he untangled his fingers from her hair, she moved to stand up and leave the room.
She knew she shouldn't have been surprised when Sebastian's hand flew out and pressed down on her shoulder, forcing her to stay, but she was. "Where do you think you're going?"
She violently shrugged off his hand, the heat of his skin like an open flame. "Don't touch me."
"Play nice, Sebastian." Kitty finally spoke up, casually reminding him: "Sue wants her in one piece."
"I've never played nicer in my existence, Kitty." Sebastian retorted coolly, taking a step back from the couch. "If I wasn't, she would've have her eyelids stapled to her forehead and her body chained to a chair already."
Kitty chuckled, nodding her head in agreement. "Don't I know it."
A fresh wave of tears flooded down her cheeks as her own screams of his name echoed from out of the television. She wasn't watching what was happening on the screen but the scene played out in her head - after all she had been there for that particular moment.
Her chest constricted painfully, as if a fifty pound anvil rested on it or something, squeezing her lungs and cutting off her air supply. She tried to keep herself composed and keep her breathing regulated but she knew she was failing miserably. As she gasped for air like an out of water fish, spots appeared before her very eyes, making her feel even more disoriented than before.
Here comes another breakdown. Honestly she felt as she though she held the world record for the most in a short span of time.
"Quinn. Calm down, kiddo, before you make yourself pass out." Warm hands touched her shoulders, instantly reminding her of Santana, but as a blonde figure kneeling in front of her came into focus, she realized it was just Kitty. "Sebastian? You mind giving us a minute? I think it's time for a little girl talk."
Though she had no desire to have any girl talk whatsoever, she was grateful to Kitty for sending Sebastian on his way.
"And turn off the television before you go." She heard Sebastian sigh heavily before the commotion coming from the television finally stopped. Thank you, Kitty.
Once Sebastian was gone, her body started to calm down and, along with the help of Kitty's soothing words, in a matter of minutes she was back to normal. Well, in a manner of speaking.
"I'm sorry about him." Kitty started to apologize, pushing herself upright. "Sebastian can be a real jackass when he wants to be. Unfortunately for everyone around him, that's all the time."
The anxiety that filled her just seconds ago was quickly replaced with severe irritation as she thought about that sadistic son-of-a-bitch. Sure she knew she shouldn't expect any less from a demon but he really hit a nerve (to say the least) by doing that to her. And now she just wanted nothing more than to punch him in the throat or kick him in the balls.
Maybe she could ask Santana to do it for her when she returned.
If you were a demon, you could easily do it yourself.
She shook her head of the thought and mentally told that stupid voice to shut the fuck up and go away.
She ran her hands over her face and exhaled deeply, trying to suppress her frustration and anger. Not to mention her confusion.
Why the hell couldn't she keep it together? These stupid panic attacks were ridiculous. One right after another, it seemed. At this rate they were going to drive her to a mental hospital for sure. And if not them, then the voices in her head sure were.
"I can't even imagine what you're going through, after seeing something horrendous like that play out before your very eyes." Came Kitty's voice again, causing her to drop her hands from her face. She found the small blonde now sitting next to her, with her hand rubbing soothing circles across her back, much like Santana was accustom to doing.
"Unlike Sebastian, I don't you should repress your feelings, Quinn." Kitty informed her. "You should do the opposite. Let it all out. I hear it's very cathartic. Maybe it will help you cope better."
I don't want to cope. I just want this all to be over.
She leaned her head back against her hand, her arm propped up by the armrest and softly murmured, "Every time I think about it, it feels as though there's this dam inside me and it just crumbles. All the conflicting emotions: the anxiety, the anger, the hurt, the despair, the loneliness, the grief. They swallow me whole and it's just so overwhelming that I start to drown, suffocate." She felt like a prisoner. A prisoner in her own body, and mind, and there was no way out. No escape.
That 'no emotion' thing probably sounds pretty good right now, huh?
She pushed herself off the sofa and started to pace around the room, once again ignoring that stupid voice. "The fact is that whenever I get overwhelmed, I have to push all those feelings down, deep down, and store them away so I can probably function again. Problem is they always rise back up to consume me once more and it only takes a single thought of him, of them and then before I know I'm an uncontrollable mess that has poor Santana at her wit's end and I'm just sick and tired of having the emotional stability of a…." Without thinking, she kicked over the coffee table in front of her, knocking over the untouched glass of wine and causing it to spill on the carpet. She walked over to the fallen glass and smashed it under her boot instantly, partially imaging it was Sebastian's head she was crushing.
Not knowing what else to do or feel, she decided to just let herself give into her rage. She picked up a picture frame off another table and threw it against the wall, where it made a satisfying crash on impact. She then proceeded to destroy every vase, every little knickknack, every little thing she could get her hands on, swearing and cursing everything and everyone in a manner that would even surprise Santana.
She was just so mad. Mad at herself. Mad at the universe. Just when had everything finally working in her favor, for the first time in her life, it all got taken away from her and shot to Hell. Literally.
"Here." She sharply spun around and looked to Kitty, who held out a metal baseball bat her. "Don't be afraid to hold back."
She took it without hesitation and walked back over to the glass coffee table she knocked over. She set it back upright only to take a step back and smash down on the surface with the bat, cracking the table in half.
"Pretend it's the Council." Kitty suggested, now sitting on the edge of the bar counter, watching her intently. She rested her hand in her chin, a devious Cheshire cat grin spread out across her lips. "After all, they're the ones who started all this."
The mere mention of the Council sparked another outburst of rage within her. She slammed the bat down onto the table repeatedly, breaking it down into tinier pieces with every swing. Fury swept through as she thought back how they caused Jacob to imprint on her and how they tried to punish her for their own mistake. Corrupt bastards.
She screamed at the top of her lungs, then started sobbing uncontrollably as she continued to take her anger out on the what was left of the coffee table. "He didn't deserve any of this! Why didn't they leave him alone? Why couldn't they have made him imprint on someone who wouldn't end up sending him to his grave?" She couldn't stop the screaming, the sobbing, the swearing, or the yelling. She was completely out of control and she couldn't have cared less.
"Don't forget the Volturi. They're the ones who brutally murdered him. Snapped his neck like a twig."
At that reminder she saw nothing but red. She stepped over the glass shards and roared until her throat was raw as she attacked the marble fireplace. She would probably be unsuccessful in even making a dent, but that didn't stop her from trying. She swung the bat into the mantel over and over, imaging that it was Jane's skull she was taking aim at. "They took him away from me. They took everyone away from me! Left me all alone!"
Kitty nodded her head understandingly, "Don't you just wish you could really do that to them?"
"Yes." She swung her bat into the television and stepped out of the way as it came crashing to the ground before she continued to destroy it. "I want nothing more than to bash their heads into the ground and rip them apart." If only she could.
"Then do it." Kitty hopped off the counter and slowly sauntered over to her. "You owe it to Jacob to get revenge."
She straightened up and rested the bat on her left shoulder, pondering Kitty's words.
Wait a second, there should be no pondering! Revenge doesn't get people anywhere, you know that!
Not much it doesn't. The other voice countered. Kitty's right. You owe it to him to get back at those sick bastards. You know he would do the same for you. He would burn Volterra to the ground…
"You know you want them dead, Quinn." Kitty paused for a second, then added, "Well, deader than they already are."
Having mentally exhausted herself from her little meltdown, she now found herself with a throbbing headache. She reluctantly relaxed her ironclad grip on the bat until it slid from her grasp, her hand then flying to her temple as she slumped back down on the sofa.
She put her face in her hands again and shut her eyes tightly. While destroying the room had helped to cleanse herself of her anger and frustration (at least for the time being), it unfortunately didn't lessen the pain she felt.
"I just want him back." she admitted, her voice partially muffled by her hands. "That's all I want."
She wanted nothing more than to be able to hear his voice, his laugh again. She wanted to be able to tell him just how much she loved and adored him, how much he meant to her. She wanted to be able to hold him again, feel his warmth surrounding her. She wanted to be able to hold his hand again, laugh at his jokes, and melt from his kisses.
She wanted to rewind the clock so that everything would be back to normal.
She needed him back by her side. She wasn't a whole person without him, but merely a broken, fractured, and scarred half of a person who literally couldn't function properly.
A fact she absolutely hated.
"I should've at least tried to do something." Her bottom lip started to tremble uncontrollably, a choked back sob escaping her. "But did I? No. I just stood there."
Kitty sat down beside her again. "The reason you didn't do anything is because you couldn't. At least, not unless you wanted to get killed too. I'm just surprised Santana, your best friend, didn't do anything to stop it."
"She said she couldn't." She sniffled and took the tissue Kitty conjured with a snap of her fingers. "She said that Sue had her on strict orders not to harm the Volturi."
Kitty arched her eyebrow and scoffed. "And when have you ever known Santana to follow the rules?"
Well, her boss is the Devil. She almost said this aloud, but then Kitty continued with: "It sounds to me like she did it on purpose."
She stared at Kitty, frowning. "What do you mean?"
Kitty stood up and moved in front of her, hands on hips. "I mean, come on, Quinn. Look at yourself. You're smarter than she is, obviously way more prettier than she is. The better person. You're the one who got to be with the one you loved. She didn't. You got a second chance at a human life. She didn't."
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, brow still furrowed. "What are you getting at?"
"I'm just saying that I wouldn't be surprised if deep down, Santana resents you."
"Resents me?" Santana? Resent me? That's ridiculous.
Kitty nodded her head. "The way I see it? She chose not to act against the Volturi because she secretly wants you to be as miserable as she is."
She pushed herself off the couch, shaking her head as she walked past Kitty. "Santana's not like that."
…Right?
"Not like what?" She spun around, surprised to see Santana standing in the doorway, eyebrow raised. Warily, Santana stepped toward them with her arms crossed as she waited for one of them to respond. "Just some good, old fashioned chit-chat." Kitty answered. "Right, Quinn?"
She nodded her head in agreement when Kitty glanced over at her, ignoring the suspicious look on Santana's face. She knew that Santana knew something was up. "Yeah."
Santana didn't seem satisfied with that answer, but let it drop as her gaze drifted behind her and took notice of the wreckage. "So what the hell happened to the living room?"
Santana refocused her attention onto her, as if she already knew that the destruction done to the living room was her doing and not Kitty's.
After taking a quick glance back at the damage she'd done, she gave an innocent shrug. "I didn't like the décor."
She couldn't help but join in when Kitty chuckled beside her, much to Santana's disbelief and partial disgust. Though Santana didn't say anything, her facial expression clearly read, And you're chuckling with my sworn enemy….why?
"Okay, I've think you've had enough fun for today." Santana walked over to her, shards of glass crunching under the weight of her boots, and wrapped a warm hand around her forearm. "Let's go home."
Home? Last time I checked, I have no home. Knowing what Santana really meant, she just sighed and allowed her to pull her away. She was just about to turn around and say goodbye to Kitty when the small blonde spoke up. "Actually, Santana, Quinn's going to be staying here."
Santana came to a halt and sharply spun around, eyes ablaze. "What the hell are you talking about, you psychotic Oompa Loompa?"
Kitty rolled her eyes, unimpressed by Santana's insult. "Don't shoot the messenger, Lopez. I'm merely relaying Sue's order. Quinn's to stay here until further notice." She flashed an enthused smile to her at that last part.
"Until further notice?" Santana spat out, completely outraged. "What the fuck? She's human. She doesn't belong here."
Kitty merely shrugged. "If you've got a problem with it, Santana, you know who to talk to."
"Damn right I do." Santana took a second to let out an exasperated sigh before addressing her. "I'll be right back, Q. I gotta talk to Sue."
Within the blink of an eye, Santana was gone, leaving her with Kitty once more. Not that she minded. Kitty was actually starting to grow on her. Part of her couldn't understand why Santana hated her so much.
"I don't know what she's so up in arms about." Kitty's hands moved to her hips as she shook her head. "I mean, Hell may be a little on the warm side, but besides that it's pretty okay. Clearly she hasn't take our slogan to heart."
An amused smile played on her lips as she inquired, "Slogan?"
Kitty nodded, returning the smile. "When you're here, you're family. Like Olive Garden."
She hissed in pain and quickly leaned her head down closer to the sink, scooping up water into her mouth. After a few seconds, she straightened back up and wiped her mouth dry with a hand towel. She snatched the tube of Santana's toothpaste and glared at it, the intense cinnamon flavor having practically burned her gums.
With her tongue still tingling, she set the tube down and walked out of the bathroom, hitting the lights on her way out. She came to an abrupt halt when she found Santana sitting on the edge of the bed, arms and leg crossed. She took a step back as Santana bounded upright.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
Her brow knitted together in confusion. "What are you talking about? What do you think we've been doing for the last couple of hours?" She walked around Santana and stopped at the left side of the bed, then proceeded to pull back the covers.
Needless to say, Santana's attempt to change Sue's mind had proved futile and so until Sue said otherwise, she was stuck as a resident of Hell.
And since there were no extra rooms in the apartment, she had to share Santana's room (not that either of them really minded). Though, Kitty had offered to share her room, but Santana had quickly shot that idea down with a 'Hell no'.
Sebastian had also offered to share his room, to which she said 'Hell no'.
"You know what I mean, Quinn." Santana grabbed onto her arm and turned her around, forcing her to make eye contact. "Why won't you tell me what happened while I was gone?"
She tiredly pitched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily. "I already told you what happened, Santana. The three of us talked. Sebastian pissed me off. Kitty told him to leave. I had a little meltdown. Kitty and I continued to talk and then you showed up. End of story. Now can I go to sleep now?"
"What exactly did those two goons say to you?" Santana demanded, eyes flashing. "And if you give me another vague answer, Fabray, I will slap you."
Quinn fought the urge to roll her eyes as she sat down on the edge of the mattress. "It's nothing, Santana. Please, just drop it."
"Why are you keeping secrets all of a sudden?" Santana inquired, her tone less harsh. "We're best friends, remember? We tell each other everything."
That bitter voice in the back of her head scoffed at that. Hardly. That is such BULLSHIT. You're the one who tells Santana everything, while she shuts you out most of the time. Getting her to open up is like pulling teeth!
She mentally swore. Just when she thought she'd gotten rid of those damn voices, they pop up again. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you."
Santana smiled satisfactorily and plopped down on the bed next to her. "You know how you guys have television channels that show all the bad events going on in the world?" Santana nodded. "Yeah, well, Sebastian tried to force me to watch the footage of the Volturi-"
"That little shit face ass fuck!" Santana exclaimed furiously, back on her feet. "He is so dead!"
She reached out and grabbed a hold of Santana before she dragged her away from the door. "Santana, forget about him. He's not worth your time or energy. Now can we please go to sleep? I'm tired and we can talk tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Santana muttered, walking around the bed before climbing onto the right side. She turned off the lights with a snap of her fingers and settled herself in. "Night, Q."
"Goodnight, Santana."
"No groping, Fabray. Remember that."
She snorted. "As if. I can already feel you invading my personal space. If anyone should be worried about groping it's me."
"Whatever you know you like it."
Wanting the conversation to end, she didn't bother with a retort. She instead rolled onto her side, so that her back was to Santana, and curled up against her pillow.
She waited to be swept up into unconsciousness but it didn't seem like it was going to happen right away, no matter how exhausted she was. So she waited. Stared into the darkness and patiently waited for her mind to shut down. It didn't take long for her to realize what it was that was keeping her from going to sleep.
"You awake?"
She was surprised to hear Santana's voice. "Yeah."
"Why?" She let go of her pillow and turned around so that she faced Santana, who was also on her side. "Kind of afraid to go to sleep, I guess. I don't want a repeat of last night." Both for my sake and yours.
"I could knock you out if you want." Even though the room was pitch black, she could clearly see the smirk on Santana's face.
"Be my guest." she murmured, figuring it would be the easiest way to getting a dreamless (or should she say a nightmareless) sleep.
"Talk to me, Q." She vaguely watched Santana wave her hand slowly, causing the room to be filled with a very dim light, enough that they could make out each other's faces without it being too bright.
She moved her arm under her head and sighed. "What about?"
"What's going through that head of yours?" She met Santana's gaze and found her brown eyes studying her carefully, as if trying to figure that out for herself.
She shook her head. "You don't want to know, Santana. Trust me."
"Don't tell me what I do and do not want to know, Q."
She exhaled heavily and rolled onto her back, so that she stared up at the ceiling. What was she supposed to say? Okay, Santana, you want to know what's going through my head? Well, I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy. I've got voices running through my head that sound like me but at the same time don't and it feels like they're trying to pull me in two different directions and now I'm practically questioning everything I've ever said, done, believed, or thought. Right doesn't seem so right anymore and wrong doesn't seem so wrong and I think I may want to become a demon.
She bit down on her lip as hard as she could, not wanting herself to get overwhelmed again. She pushed herself upright and brought her knees to her chest. "I know it's only been two days…" Two days? Had it only just been two days? She honestly felt like she'd been suffering through this Hell for at least a couple months, years even. Sure felt like it.
"Go on." she heard Santana gently press.
"It's only been two measly days and yet I feel like I'm already losing my mind." She wrapped her arms around her knees, silently letting her eyes fill up with water. When her bottom lip began to tremble, she leaned her head down and pressed her forehead against her knee so that Santana wouldn't see. "I just can't stand feeling this way, Santana. I want it to be over."
I need it to be over.
"And it will, Quinn." She felt Santana sit up and scoot over to her, her warm hand lightly touching her back. "I promise. But it's gonna take time."
Her head snapped up to meet Santana's gaze. "Well, that's not good enough."
"I know it sucks." Santana nodded her head understandingly. "But that's just how it is. You have to go through the pain in order to get better."
"You don't understand, Santana." She hastily wiped at her eyes, even though the tears continued to fall. "This pain is too much for me. It's tearing me apart."
"You can get through this, Quinn. I know you can. You're the strongest girl I know. If anyone can make it through this, it's you." Santana gently reached out and brushed away the tears sliding down her cheeks.
She just doesn't get it. This pain is never going to go away unless you do something about it. The solution to all this not only lets you escape the pain, but it can help you to get revenge on the Volturi! It's a win-win.
All you've ever wanted was to be human again. And you are! Don't ruin it. Another voice pleaded.
But what's the point of being alive if Jacob isn't? The resentful voice countered. There's not point to it. Besides, being a demon means you get to spend the rest of the eternity with the only person you have left: Santana.
Santana doesn't want you to become a demon! You know that!
But she doesn't want to be alone even more. She would love it if you became a demon. It would be like old times.
The two voices continued back and forth, making her oblivious to the fact that Santana was trying to get her attention.
"Earth to Quinn!" She scowled when Santana slapped her bare arm, leaving a painful stinging sensation. She mumbled an apology when she saw the red handprint she'd left.
They fell into silence for a few minutes as she mentally debated whether or not telling Santana what it was she was thinking about. After all it was what the girl wanted, but she knew it wouldn't be what Santana wanted to hear.
She began fiddling with her bracelet so she wouldn't have to make eye contact. She exhaled deeply before speaking. "Sebastian told me that demons don't have a problem feeling. That shutting off your emotions is as easy as blinking." She paused, thinking Santana would interject and start ranting. But she didn't. She stayed quite.
She traced the details of her wolf, her fingers a little shaky. "I can't continue living like this, Santana. I need a way out…" She reluctantly lifted her head just to see what Santana's expression was like and if she understood where she was going with this.
She looked like she was trying to keep her cool. Which was something very unlike Santana. She usually just let it rip.
She watched as Santana moved around so that she sat directly in front of her. Santana took her hands in hers. "I know you're in dark place right now and I probably won't understand the extent of it, but you have to listen to me, Quinn. If you become a demon, there's no going back. Once Sue has you, she's never going to let you go."
"I understand that, Santana."
"Sue, Kitty, Sebastian - they all want you to become a demon. That's why they've been planting the idea in your head. They know you're vulnerable and they're using it to their advantage. Don't let them get to you, Quinn. You know deep down that this isn't what you want."
She shut her eyes and shook her head again. "I need the pain to go away, Santana. And it's not going away by itself. I've tried and I've tried and I haven't gotten anywhere-"
"What Sebastian told you isn't even the whole story. The reason demons don't feel is because their humanity's been burned away. Demons, excluding the ones that fell from Heaven like Sue, are the result of human souls going to Hell and being corrupted and warped and tortured until no humanity was left in them. You lose your humanity, you lose your ability to feel, to relate, everything. Sebastian and Kitty, they're hundreds of years old so their humanity burnt out a long time ago."
She pursed her lips together before asking, "You still seem like the same Santana that I've always known. Does that mean you still have yours?"
Santana nodded her head. "I didn't die and get sent here like they did. With regular human souls, once your humanity burns out, you're considered a demon. With me, I became a demon and still had, well have, my humanity. But that's gonna change. The longer I'm here, the more souls I torment, the more tasks Sue throws at me, the faster my humanity will burn out. The only reason I'm still me is because I haven't been a demon for very long. But believe me, I can already feel a difference. And it's just going to get worse. "
Santana actually looked scared.
"And I know you're probably thinking how I could possibly get any worse. I'm already super harsh as it is and a bitch and all these other horrible things. But compared to Kitty and Sebastian? I'm like a puppy and they're like, Cerberus. I have seen them do things that I honestly wish I could unsee. However they acted with you today, probably only showed you about a tenth of how evil they actually are. They're sick and twisted and malicious…" She was surprised to see Santana actually shudder.
Santana shut her eyes and ran a hand through her hair before dropping it. She stared at her seriously. "Look, Quinn. I am not going to lie to you anymore. Being a demon sucks. I wouldn't wish this life on anyone and especially not you. You may lose the ability to feel, the pain might go away, but trust me when I say that none of that is worth the price of losing your soul." She took her hand in hers again, squeezing them tightly. "I swear to God that I will do everything in my power to help you get through this, Quinn. You and me, together we can work through this. We can fight this. I won't give up on you."
By the time she finished, Santana's eyes were brimming with tears. She swallowed hard when Santana pulled her into a hug and squeezed her tightly, murmuring words of reassurance through her sniffles.
She squeezed Santana back and let the tears run freely down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.
She wanted to believe she could get through this.
She wanted to believe that Santana could help her.
She wanted to believe that becoming a demon would be a mistake.
But she didn't.
AN: So I was super excited when I found out Quinn and Santana were coming back on last week's Glee, but was super disappointed when I watched the actual episode. While I loved their song with Rachel, I just wished they'd shown more of them. It was like they were there and then they were gone and I just left wanting more! Gah, the writers make me so mad some times. Anyways, review!