Chapter Two
AN: This chapter alludes to events that took place in Both Sides Now. Again, it's not necessary to have read it, but it wouldn't hurt.
Italicized quotes from Sense & Sensibility- Jane Austen (1811)
Karen was well aware that her initial appointment to the position of Chief of Police had been fraught with more than a little bit of political motivation. Even without Lassiter's constant digs and not-so-subtle reminders during the early days of her "Interim" Chief tenure.
She was, however, also quite secure in the knowledge that even without the political machinations that had preceded her ascent to the position, she'd earned it.
In other words, she was a damned fine cop.
It was with those instincts and skills, still as sharply honed as when she'd been on the line, that she spent the next several days following her discovery of O'Hara's secret observing her top detective pair. Observing, in particular, one Head Detective Carlton Lassiter.
She 'd known of his feelings for O'Hara for quite some time— in part because she made it a point to observe and know all of the charges under her command but more because while he'd never believe it, she'd developed something of a soft spot for Carlton. He prided himself on his toughness and God knows there wasn't a tougher cop out there, but as a man, he was far more vulnerable than anyone might imagine. Yet also stronger. Karen had watched as he'd struggled through his lengthy and extremely painful separation and eventual divorce, the two events bookended around the trauma of the Lucinda Barry affair and come out of both scarred, wary, yet still standing. She'd watched as he had slowly come to trust his very young, very inexperienced new partner, had watched that trust evolve into friendship, and watched as he slowly—and fighting all the way— fell in love with Juliet O'Hara.
That growing emotional attachment had worried her—a lot. And as with so much else in her life, the worry boiled down to two words: Shawn Spencer.
The memory of how viciously Shawn had exposed Carlton's relationship with Lucinda—a woman in whom he had no interest—remained all-too-fresh in her memory. If he ever divined Carlton's feelings for Juliet, the man would make it his life's mission to make Carlton's life a living hell. More so than he already did. However, Karen was absolutely certain he hadn't a single clue. Mostly because there was absolutely no way he was capable of keeping such knowledge to himself. To Spencer, Carlton's interest in Juliet would be fodder for public shaming of the highest order. He simply wouldn't be able to resist, if only to prove the ridiculousness of the concept on any level—at least, in his limited worldview.
That understanding had finally moved her firmly into Carlton's camp of believing the man wasn't psychic, simply preternaturally observant when motivated and—given his incessant need for attention and incredibly developed skills for lying—also a deeply narcissistic, pathological sociopath. An opinion confirmed by a psychiatric evaluation—submitted voluntarily by of all people, Madeleine Spencer. Forewarned is forearmed, as it were.
End result, if Shawn Spencer wasn't working for the SBPD, it was entirely probable he would have become a con artist in the Pierre Despereaux mold except perhaps more dangerous, since Shawn was possessed of a mean streak Despereaux appeared to lack.
Illogical as it might seem, by keeping him employed, Karen was doing her duty—protecting the public at large from a dangerous menace.
It was possible things might have been different had Carlton made a decisive move after the clock tower when it appeared Juliet might have been on the verge of developing feelings for him as well, but he'd refrained. Karen knew he valued O'Hara's friendship above all else and the possibility of losing that one anchor in his life had to have been what kept him from doing anything that could have jeopardized that bond.
However, Carlton's act of chivalry, for that's exactly what it had been, had had the unfortunate side effect of laying the path clear for Spencer who'd swooped in and Juliet, so recently having experienced a brush with death and unwilling to leave any "What ifs" unexplored, had succumbed. Who knew? Maybe she had thought Carlton would still be there—and he might have been, had Marlowe not arrived on the scene—at first using him, but ultimately, needing him.
And if there was anything before which Carlton was powerless, it was a strong woman who nevertheless needed him.
Unfortunately for Marlowe, in the hierarchy of strong women in Carlton's life, Juliet had made her mark on his heart first. And in many ways, would always take precedence.
Whatever this most recent incident between them, though, had had the unfortunate result of driving Carlton even further into himself, but only in small subtle ways that weren't readily noticeable to those not looking beyond the surface. Given his general prickly, aloof demeanor, Karen was absolutely certain few in the workplace were even aware anything had changed with their Head Detective.
Just as she was absolutely certain the person closest to him was intensely aware of his increasing remoteness. While ordinarily O'Hara would have been first in line to cajole, tease, bully, humor or simply beat the source out of him and bring him back to a state resembling civil, his current state of withdrawal actually served her purposes quite well. If he was internalizing, then his attention was focused away from her.
Still, this state of affairs couldn't be maintained indefinitely. O'Hara would begin visibly showing—sooner rather than later—and Carlton would either put two and two together or more likely, given his wrongheaded, pessimistic, entirely male tendencies, would assume it was Spencer's. Either way, he would be emotionally poleaxed and all hell would break loose. Especially if he went with the Spencer option. God help the idiot then, although come to think of it, Karen couldn't say she'd be in all that much of a hurry to disabuse Carlton of any misconceptions.
"O'Hara, my office."
Karen noted the combination of resignation and relief that crossed the other woman's features before she carefully schooled her face into a neutral mask. And in yet another sign of how thoroughly Carlton had retreated, his utter lack of a reaction to her summons of his partner. Normally so attuned to O'Hara the mere mention of her name would have him on alert, brows drawn together, assessing whether or not he needed to assume role of partner, protector, or both, he instead remained facing away from the bullpen, gaze focused on the window behind his desk ostensibly deep in thought and with such a foreboding air about him, even McNab would think twice before approaching.
Under most circumstances, O'Hara wouldn't hesitate to beard the lion in his den, but not today. Today she merely spared him a glance that expressed equal parts relief, unhappiness, and a clear, deep emotion that for Karen, provided definitive confirmation of a long-suspected theory.
Once Juliet entered her office, Karen steered her toward the sofa where she had mugs waiting on the table. Waiting only for O'Hara to settle herself and take a sip of tea, Karen asked, "Why haven't you told him?" with a pointed look through the slatted blinds towards the dark-and-silver head still facing away from them.
"I—"
Rather than wait for O'Hara to fumble for some patently false answer, Karen added, "He's the baby's father, Juliet, and your partner. Your best friend. So let me ask again, why haven't you told him?"
For long moments Juliet did nothing more than breathe deeply before passing a trembling hand over her face. Gaze resolutely cast down toward her mug, she quietly said, "I can't. Not yet."
"Why?" Karen was baffled.
"Because he once accused me of being cruel."
Karen's brows rose. "I beg your pardon?"
"Back when he was first involved with Marlowe, I tried to keep him from… seeing her."
Ah, yes... that. Juliet had been uncharacteristically moody and had gone to great lengths to find ways to keep Carlton from keeping his weekly Wednesday appointment at Lompoc. Things had come to a head when she'd insisted they follow a patently ridiculous lead provided by one of Shawn's "visions." That was when Karen had stepped in, advising Carlton to stage some sort of intervention because none of them knew how to handle a moody, irascible O'Hara. For Karen, the incident had served as her first indication that Juliet's feelings just might run as deeply as Carlton's.
"I didn't even realize I was doing it," Juliet admitted with a sigh. "I'd only just recently come to understand how much Carlton meant to me—how much more he could mean to me—but at the same time, everything with Shawn was still so new and we'd been dancing around it for so long and I felt as if I needed to give him a chance."
Dear God, why?
Karen dismissed her immediate knee-jerk reaction in favor of analyzing what Juliet was saying and much as she hated to admit it, she understood.
"And I guess I thought Carlton would always be there."
"And then he wasn't."
"And then he wasn't," Juliet echoed softly. "If I thought timing with Shawn had been bad—" A short bitter laugh escaped. "This was worse, because we acknowledged we loved each other, but we also knew if we were ever going to be together—for good—we had to follow each of our respective paths to their logical conclusions."
"Leave no unanswered questions," Karen guessed. The trait that made them such damned good detectives on the verge of costing them dearly on a personal level.
Another laugh escaped, this one tinged with a slight hint of hysteria. "You know, Carlton's so convinced Karma's a bitch and has it out for him, but I think he's got it all wrong."
Karen leaned forward and gently removed the mug from Juliet's white-knuckled grip before it shattered. "How's that?"
"Because somewhere deep inside, I already knew, Chief," she whispered, lacing her fingers together in lieu of having the mug. Clearly desperate to hold on to something. "I knew, even if on the outside I was trying to make more of it, that Shawn was only temporary. There's no way he would ever be ready for a permanent kind of relationship and there was no way he was the man I wanted for that sort of relationship."
Signs that she hadn't completely succumbed to madness at least. But Karen couldn't help but feel her heart break a little for Juliet.
"You could have fought for him."
"With Marlowe still in prison?" Juliet lifted a shoulder. "That would hardly have been fair now, would it? And do you really think if I'd thrown over Shawn and gone after Carlton before he had opportunity to see whether or not his relationship with Marlowe was real—especially in light of my behavior—he would have trusted it?"
"Of course he wouldn't." Karen sighed and spared another glance through the blinds at Carlton who'd finally moved, leaving his desk to wander over to O'Hara's, glancing around with the familiar frown bisecting his brows. They didn't have long.
"Then Henry got shot," she said, understanding that event had to have served as the catalyst. She also instinctively understood that whatever happened, had been an isolated incident. A momentary breach of the agreement they'd maintained for months.
Juliet nodded, what Karen now recognized as a fierce love, written clearly across her face.
"So now what?"
Juliet sat straight and squared her shoulders and in this position, jacket unbuttoned, Karen could barely discern the merest hint of a curve beneath the loose-fitting camisole. "Now what is that I'm going to request a leave of absence."
Karen released a slow breath, not in the slightest bit surprised. "Because of Marlowe's release." Delayed a bit, because of a few trips back to solitary that had added to her sentence, but for the past two weeks she'd been a free woman. Which could account for Carlton's withdrawal, especially if he were wrestling with feelings of guilt.
"Yeah." Juliet's gaze turned inward for a moment before shifting focus. Karen didn't have to follow it to know who she was seeking out. "It's one thing to acknowledge he deserves the opportunity to see his relationship with Marlowe through—to see if it's forever—but I can't… be here. Not right now."
Karen sympathized, but still—this was Carlton's child. Being carried by a woman she knew he loved, at least on some level. "You're walking a dangerous line, Juliet. It's his baby, too, and he deserves to know."
Juliet's hand went to her abdomen. "I have no intention of keeping him from his baby. I will tell him. It just can't be now."
"The longer you wait, though—"
"Don't you think I know?" Juliet's voice held a note of anguish Karen had never heard from her, not even in that terrified phone call while strapped to the top of the clock tower. "He may never forgive me for not telling him right away, but he might also never forgive me for destroying his relationship with Marlowe. Because you know him, Chief. You know if I went out there and told him this second, he'd be compelled to do the right thing by his code of conduct. And what happens then? Whatever feelings he has for me die every time he looks at me and our baby, knowing what we cost him? I can't."
Unshed tears turned her eyes a deep, brilliant blue. "I want him," she whispered, "but not by default."
Always resignation and acceptance. Always prudence and honour and duty…
The quote flitted in and out of Karen's mind with ease. Damn Jane Austen and her sense and sensibilities that described both Juliet and Carlton entirely too well. Just as quickly, however, another quote surfaced:
It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.
Well, Janie, they were about to put that theory to the test right here in the decidedly not-Regency confines of the SBPD, weren't they?
"How long do you expect to need?"
"I… don't know." Juliet spared another glance through the blinds. "I don't even know where I'm going to go, other than it has to be far the hell away from here. If I was on better terms with my family, I might go to Miami for a few weeks, but…"
Silently Karen cursed the O'Hara clan—honestly, they needed to let it go already. But if they wouldn't step up to the plate, then by God, she would. Juliet was under her command and that made her family.
"I hear Hawaii's lovely this time of year."
Juliet spared her a watery smile. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Karen leaned forward and put her hand over Juliet's tightly clasped ones. "Lot of remote places where the outside world can't intrude unless you allow it."
"That sounds…nice."
"I'll email you some suggestions and approve you for a month's leave, effective immediately." She met Juliet's gaze squarely. "I trust that'll be sufficient?"
At Juliet's silent nod, she stood and crossed to the windows. A moment later, Juliet joined her and together they watched as Carlton strode down the hall, pausing to speak with McNab, then Dobson, and Miller, clearly questioning and not liking the answers he was receiving judging by the increasing darkening of his features. Finally at Booking, Allen gave him the answer he wanted—turning, he headed unhesitatingly for Karen's office.
"You have to give him a chance." Last ditch effort, perhaps, but she'd never forgive herself if she didn't try.
She couldn't say she was surprised, however, when Juliet's response was simply a quiet, "That's exactly what I'm doing, Chief."