Chapter 18: Courage

You know those moments in life when you can almost feel yourself move away from your body and are now watching your life play out before you? You've lost all sense control, but in the end, you realize you never had any to begin with.
My body stood frozen in place as I watched Edward ride his horse toward me. I wanted to break free and run to him, but my captor was too close by. His eyes were on me, and I could feel them; I could always feel them. Tears threatened me, but I wasn't allowed to cry.

Instead, I walked away from Edward's direction and into the barn. I could feel his green eyes on me, in fact all eyes were on me. In the breezeway, Seth and Jacob stood outside one of the stalls as I slowly made my way to them.
"Yeah, his name is Thunder," Seth said to Jacob. His father nodded and reached in through the stall opening to pet the horse. Thunder grunted and backed away. I hid my smile.
"Edward!" Seth suddenly called. Jacob and I both turned to see Edward leading his horse to its rightful stall. Seth jogged over to him and Edward wrapped his arm around my son's shoulder and ruffled his spiky hair. The gesture was small, but it was natural.

Unfortunately, I could feel the tension roll off of my ex-husband and wash over me. It reminded me to stay still, and to keep my eyes low. Edward tethered his horse and walked over to us with Seth at the lead.
"Mr. Black," Edward announced, as he extended his hand toward Jacob. "I am Edward Masen. I've heard a lot about you from Seth. It's nice to meet you." Jacob hesitated, I watched him with wide eyes. Then, Jacob took Edward hand and gave it a firm shake. The stupid part of my mind watched as Edward's forearm muscles flexed. My knees began to shake.
"Mr. Masen," He replied with a nod.
"Here to visit Seth?" Edward asked.
"You could say that."
"We'd be happy to show you around."
"Yeah, Dad, come see," Seth said. Jacob looked to me; his stare was intense and mean, but no one would notice that but me.
"Maybe in a little while," Jacob deterred. Edward smiled politely, as Seth frowned.
Edward walked back to his horse and moved the animal into the stall. He was dirty and tired. Why wouldn't he look at me? I snuck a glance toward Jacob, just as he slung an arm around Seth.
"Let's catch up," He said. Seth nodded and I looked to Jacob. "Got any coffee?"

Somehow, the day had begun to pass before me in a blur. Seth had caught Jacob on the past events spent here at Stone Meadow. I listened, but I didn't. I had to force my eyes away from any window I passed. If I saw Edward, Jacob would know. I didn't want anything to go wrong, I just wanted him to leave. Then, I wondered if Edward and Jasper had retrieved our cows.
"Mom, I have to go feed Thunder and Blue," Seth said, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked up and nodded with a smile. He turned to Jacob, then to me. His frown deepened, but he left us alone in the cabin.

Jacob sat forward on the couch and rested his elbows on his thighs.
He scoffed, "Edward. A cowboy, Bella? I never would have seen that coming."
"Jacob, don't," I breathed. My hands started to shake. I clasped them together on my lap to stop the tremors.
"I'm taking you home," He whispered.
I looked down and shook my head.
"Yes, I am," He said louder. I stood up, but my legs wouldn't take me away. Jacob sauntered over to me. One of his large, dark hands reached up to trace along the neckline of my v-neck t-shirt. I shook beneath his agonizing touch. Jacob noticed, and moved his hand around to the base of my neck. He took hold of me, so that my face could not turn away.

"You're mine," He whispered. Tears fell, my throat constricted, and my heart went back to the ground.
"No." It was barely a breath that escaped my mouth as his grip tightened. and my eyes squeezed shut.
"You'll never belong to anyone else, you know that." His breath was hot over my face and smelled of Listerine.
"Let go," I said. Slowly, something new was spreading within me, something that I didn't recognize.
"What?" He asked with a little laugh. My limbs pulsed alive and I could move again. I jerked backwards out of Jacob's grasp, and when I opened my eyes I could see the look of shock and fury on his tan face.
"You think you can take my son away? You think you can fuck whoever you want, now, huh?"
"We are not going anywhere with you, Jake," I spat. "You blew it. You blew it a long time ago, and you cannot control me anymore." My voice was strong and absolute.
"Like hell, I can't," He yelled. I flinched, but I didn't shudder, as Jacob stepped forward with a clenched fist. I crossed my arms to block my exposed ribs. He never hit me in the face, I knew that. I could almost imagine feeling the wind from his punch, but it never came. I opened my eyes to see Seth grabbing his father's wrist. I'd never seen that look in my son's eyes before.
"Don't you dare," Seth seethed. Jacob faltered as he ripped away from Seth's hold and stepped back.
"Seth, your mother and I-"
"Leave. Get out," Seth said. He moved to stand in front of me. "You're nothing to me." Jacob's face fell. He was exposed, and he didn't move.
"Go!" Seth yelled, and I watched Jacob winced. When he tried to look around Seth to see me, my son moved with him, blocking me.

Suddenly, a miracle happened; Jacob retreated. He bowed his head and slowly walked out of the cabin. We stood in silence until the engine of his BMW was far away. Then, Seth turned to face me, his eyes full of tears. I lunged forward and hugged my son tighter than I ever had before. He cried softly into my shoulder as he towered over my small frame.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Me too," He replied. We parted and a smile came across his face.
"It'll be okay?" He asked hopeful.
"Yes," I whispered. Blue caught our attention by scratching on the screen door. Seth went and opened it for him, and the small dog rushed inside and licked my hands.
"The cows," I said, suddenly crashing back to my present reality.
"They got some. Not all," Seth replied sadly.
"Edward," I whispered.
"He's gone." My head looked up from Blue to see Seth.
"Where?"
He shrugged, "I don't know. He was saddling his horse when I came back."
"Tell Alice I'll be back for dinner a little late," I said. I stalked over to the door and put my boots on.
"Mom?" I peered up at him.
"You'll be all right?" I asked. Seth nodded then smiled. He let me go.

I saddled Cleary as quick as I could. I had no idea where I was going, but I was going anyway. I mounted my horse and exited the barn. My eyes found Jules and Seth on the porch They were smiling at me.
"Good luck!" Jules called. I watched my son put an arm around her shoulder. They had worked things out, and it made me happy. Alice stepped out on the porch and we waved to each other as Cleary ran out into the field.
My mind had an idea of where to find him, but my heart knew most definitely.

Happy Friday Bb's! Aren't you so proud of Seth? ;)