Chapter 3: Newfound Curiosity
A/N: Hello my lovelies! I was supposed to have it written way back in early December but I had a massive creative block at the time and ended up getting nothing done. I'm actually really excited about this chapter. This is the chapter where the proverbial door opens and our characters' relationship is about to shift into more darker territory. It's way more extensive than I thought it would be, that's probably why it took so long to write and edit. Also I just wanted to put it out there that for the OC in this story, I took loose inspiration from the character of Maxine Minx from Ti West's 'X' series. Particularly from the way that both women basically leave their old life behind and in an effort to try and find their place and explore their sexuality in life. Well, enough musing, hope you all enjoy it!
The following morning yielded a surprisingly calm outcome than the one you were expecting. It seemed like a night's rest had successfully swept away most of the unpleasant thoughts and anxiousness you'd been plagued with the previous night.
Today was a new day and you planned to make the best of it and not let it get the best of you.
Customarily, you typically wake up around seven or eight to eat breakfast and get the day started. Glancing at the bedside clock, it was nearing noon. As a courtesy, you'd still waited patiently for most of the morning for Anton to return before seeking out breakfast. Despite what you expected, it looked very much like you were on your own for the time being to fend for yourself.
Anton had not returned and you couldn't help but wonder where he may have gone. When you asked he didn't seem all that keen on telling you. Although he had to have returned to the room at some point whilst you slept, seeing as certain items in the room looked as though it had been moved. Oddly enough, you hadn't heard him come in. Which was strange since you didn't consider yourself to be a deep sleeper. Or maybe he was just that quiet. You didn't even know if he'd slept in the bed, owing to the fact that it was still neatly made without any indication that it had been disturbed in any way.
You sat crisscrossed on the bed, watching the small entertainment box project colorful images.
Out of the subsequent boredom, you briefly entertained the thought of finding something to sew with your machine but you hadn't had the chance to purchase any fabric to sew with so that was out of the equation.
Your gaze shifted to the phone on the nightstand. Now would be a good time to check in with your grandmother, she was probably awaiting a call from you as it was.
Bringing the telephone into your lap, you pressed it to your ear and dialed the landline. It rang a total of three times before you heard the other voice on the other end. "Hello?"
"Hey grandma."
"I was wondering when I was going to hear from you. You taking care of yourself?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Where you at now?"
"In a motel."
In the midst of carrying on the conversation, you grimaced as your stomach growled uncomfortably. Truth be told, your stomach had been churning for the last three hours and had grown increasingly relentless. You could only distract yourself from hunger for so long.
"You use that spray I gave you?"
"Uh huh. I used it on both beds." You beamed proudly.
There was natural concern in her voice as she asked. "Both beds? Why you get a room with two beds? Don't that cost more than a single?"
"That's all they had. I um…I wound up having to get a room with two beds."
You hated having to lie to her and hide things but you didn't have much of a choice. She could not know of Anton and the deal you made with him. She did not need to know that he would be accompanying you on your so-called 'journey of exploration.'
"Oh well…if that's all they had then I guess it's alright." She agreed.
That was close.
Breathing a mental sigh of relief, you wouldn't know what to say if she decided to press further.
"How you doing? Is everything alright?" You asked, eager to hurry and change the subject.
"Child. You only been gone for a day. I'm fine. Ain't no need to worry." She assured. "I got up this mornin, cleaned a bit, watched my shows, then I went and hung some clothes on the line. Same as always. Mr. Johnny came by not too long ago and we sat on the porch and talked a while."
"Oh well I haven't really left the room at all this morning." You say, picking at a piece of string on your shorts.
"Why is that?"
"I don't know…haven't found a good reason to, I guess."
Or mainly because you didn't think you could tell the women the real reason why.
"Baby make sure you keep yourself safe. Don't be mingling with too many folks you don't know."
"I'll check back with you soon, okay. Love you."
Once the call ends, you place the phone back on the receiver and sit it back on the bedside table.
The time continued passing by and before you knew it, you'd watched five episodes of Full House before the hunger became too unbearable to ignore.
Surely the man could understand your solid reasoning - food was a great motivator in most situations. And right now it was inspiring you to actively begin seeking out something to eat.
Unfortunately it didn't stop your stomach from growling impatiently and it didn't take long for you to exhaust the extent of your patience. Your reluctance to leave the comfort of the room was greatly overshadowed by hunger.
Making sure you grabbed your pocketbook, you headed out of the room into the humid air outside. The weather was surprisingly arid with the sun beaming with an inescapable intensity and you felt the heat on your skin instantly. Being out in it for too long could cause you to feel like you're being boiled. For this reason you made a deliberate effort to walk under any semblance of shade you could find in your wandering pursuit.
From there you caught a glance of a sign that indicated what town you were in.
There were a couple of fast food joints across the intersection you could see but you weren't that confident you could cross traffic safely to get to the other side. Therefore merely searching for a vending machine seemed to be the next best thing. While pancakes with a side order of bacon sounded good, you would have to settle for bags of chips and candies. You just need to put something on your empty stomach and those would do just fine.
As you continue on the pathway, the air you inhale is hot and muggy almost like you're breathing through a comforter of wool. Given you'd only been outside for a few minutes and a thin sheen of sweat had already started to form on your skin. You're never quite prepared for this type of heat whether you lived in Texas most of your life or not.
Not many folks were walking about. Looking across the nearly vacant lot, there were only a few cars parked in it. Motorists drove by on the freeway as you transverse the stretch of rooms. Decorated in dim colors blue, green, and yellow although the aged paint job that had gradually faded over time. While it didn't make for the most ideal attraction, you could tell that it still got its fair share of business. The entire complex probably comprised thirty rooms in total and you chose to scope out any sign or indication of a food source. You passed by a breezeway between both adjacent parts of the motel. You follow the concrete walkway towards the small front office located directly in the rooms. You doubted the air conditioning functioned properly seeing as the dusty overhead fan was on the highest setting possible. It whirled around so loosely that you were mildly afraid it would drop from the ceiling.
Immediately, you were greeted by the sight of not one but two vending machines, perusing over the colorful, eye-catching logos and graphics. One of which housed a generous assortment of chips and candies while the other next to it was composed solely of drinks. Your stomach lurched in excitement. Sorting through your pocketbook for coins, you placed the needed coins in the slot and twisted the nob.
The gentle hum of the machine told you that it wasn't new and probably had a few years left to operate. Nonetheless, you watched as the metal spirals twist, pushing the chosen snack forward until it eventually drops. Even though a bag of Doritos and Starbursts weren't the ideal breakfast, you didn't have that much of a choice if you wanted to eat.
"Are you going to clean out the whole machine?" "It takes us a while to restock those you know."
The voice had you turning around swiftly with arms full and occupied with various snacks. An older woman, possibly in her late sixties to early seventies was just settling behind the front desk.
"I don't recall ever seeing you come through the lobby. What room you staying in?"
"Room eighteen." You clarified, slightly uncomfortable with the line of questioning.
"I see. You're with that big strange looking fella. I didn't know he had anyone with him."
She proceeds to look you up and down from behind the counter, thin lips pulled upwards in a disapproving manner. "I reckon you didn't have anything more modest in your closet. I don't need no one flashing what God gave em round my place of business."
You realized right away that she was referring to your current weather appropriate attire. Your shorts stopped just above your mid-thigh, you wore a red short-sleeve t-shirt and a pair of white chuck taylors you never really get the chance to wear that often. While you didn't think your outfit was inappropriate, you're aware that other people might not see it that way.
In some ways, you were severely lacking in knowledge and understanding but in other ways you were very aware. These sorts of encounters were always one-sided and unpleasant, often leaving you feeling some type of way afterwards. Then there was the other side of the coin, another kind of issue that was equally as serious. The occasional remark, the nasty look, you recognized it right away. The way your grandmother explained it - you resided at the intersection of racism and sexism as a black woman. It took only a few moments to realize that you were caught in one of those instances. Luckily your grandmother taught you how to handle these situations should you ever encounter them.
"Red is the devil's color…you wear it well." You practically could hear the veiled hostility in her voice.
Although it was still shocking, it was not the first time you'd heard something like that. The televangelists on the tv often express the same strict Christian views. Regardless she didn't need to make a scene out of it.
While you took into consideration that she'd come from a different time and generation. The times are changing and most had a hard time accepting and comprehending that. While the older generation of women sought to uphold and maintain a more feminine, conservative image in society. Intergenerational conflicts and differences made people like her less accommodating and accepting of change and it very often led to disapproval and judgment in most cases. So it didn't surprise you that the old woman would seek to demonize you in some way. Expressing disapproval of your clothing was just one way of going about it.
Not only that but the older women were often very critical of the young women of today's lifestyle as well. Just in your lifetime alone you'd seen countless older women express disapproval or animosity towards younger women for reasons that ranged from clothing choices, to religion, to men. With all three having a direct correlation to one another. For you it made for quite the odd, innate, and inescapable reality for the newer generation of women.
"You ain't a hooker are ya? We don't tolerate that kind of carrying on in our place of business."
"No. I don't think so." You say, shrugging your shoulders.
The woman merely gives you a look in return and you suddenly feel as if you need to explain further.
Your frown deepened. "I'm sorry but I don't know what you mean. What's a hooker?"
Honestly, there isn't any funny business to speak of, at least not to your understanding.
"Streetwalker. Whore. Lots of em try to use our motel for their misdeeds, we kick em out as soon as we catch wind of it. With you it wouldn't be any different."
"What do men and women do in hotels?" You asked the woman innocently.
"Things not approved by God." She clarified.
She didn't explain further and you immediately took that to mean those things she referred to were bad in some way. Nevertheless, you were still at a loss for what those 'things' could possibly entail.
If there was one thing you acknowledged about the way she spoke to you, it was how her tone lacked the basic premise of courtesy and respect that's typically afforded to the common person. Growing up, you learned that common courtesy goes a long way and that everyone should be afforded it. You're not a confrontational person who wants issues with another person. In fact you try to avoid any negative confrontation at all costs.
You weren't attempting to vie for anyone's attention and you felt as though you shouldn't have to defend your clothing choices and existence. "Have a nice day ma'am." You say, turning to walk out of the office into the hot humid air once more.
Having sated the gnawing hungry, you spent an additional three hours awaiting Anton's return, shocking when he finally walked into the room not looking like a man who'd been gone for the better part of the day.
"Gather your belongings."
"Oh…why?"
"We're leaving." He answered with a deep, coarse voice.
You should've known that. He must be done conducting business here.
You didn't know if that would become a thing - him leaving you for extended periods of time while he was out. You're seeing a pattern. He must do this often - migrating from motel to motel in different cities. Still, with him gone you can't help but feel impossibly lonely and isolated.
By now, you were so far out, you had no chance of making it back to Frisco on your own. You were well past the point of no return.
As it stood, you were solely dependent on the man to get around.
In the end, fear keeps you planted on the seat in the middle of nowhere.
"If we go to another city. Can I come with you?"
"No."
"Please. I don't want to stay in the room alone."
"Should you accompany me, you're on your own. If you're not back in the truck when the meeting is done. I will leave."
"Okay." You perked up.
"Inconvenience me in any way and I will kill you."
Not only did the calmly spoken words give you pause, it sent a chill right through you. You could tell he meant it. In saying that, he was making it quite clear that he didn't care whether you lived or died. You found it hard to believe that he had much regard for human life as it was seeing as how he was capable of taking it without a single qualm.
Should you not prove useful to him in some way soon, he might just snuff you out anyway.
The drive was much shorter than three hours and you reached the town just as dusk settled over it. It doesn't take long before the two of you are pulling into a gravel lot of a place called 'Don's Tavern'.
The night air remained entirely humid similar to the daytime.
The second the two of you waltz in you immediately accumulate many eyes in your direction. Of course, you know why that is. Unusual people tend to draw attention. As a large, hulking man and petite black woman, you both probably made for quite the interesting pair walking into a crowded bar together.
You're not used to being in spaces like this - with loud music where all kinds of unfamiliar debauchery is taking place. In some aspects, the dynamics of it reminded you of a diner. Truthfully, you didn't think you'd ever step foot in a place like this otherwise.
The smell of the smoke was so thick that you're sure it'll cling to your clothes well after you leave.
A group of men were standing around a table playing pool. Hearing nothing but the clink billiard balls from the pool table where a game was being played and the occasional thump of glass mugs against a tabletop.
"Go sit at the bar. Talk to no one." He coldly instructed.
Taking a seat on one of the worn leather stools at the bar.
Despite being slightly concerned for your well being, you still found the establishment somewhat charming. Regardless of the characters it attracted, it provided all the Southern Texas comfort any man who'd just worked a grueling ten hour shift at a mill would prefer.
From what he implied, he was meeting a prospect for a business preposition. Frankly, you're not entirely sure of what the meeting would entail but you had a general idea. Although the man hadn't felt the need to divulge too much information to you, you knew exactly what subject matter was going to be discussed.
Regardless, you still felt slightly awkward in your current position maybe because you were so used to being on the other side of the bar servicing the customers. Now that the roles were reserved you couldn't help but feel out of your element.
You began to quietly take note of the many different variations of alcohol stacked on the shelves behind the long counter. Just to be daring, you're tempted to order a drink with alcohol. It wouldn't be the most mischievous thing you'd ever done. You've never once felt the urge to try alcohol before now but not from the lack of interest. You often wondered what caused people to flock to establishments like bars just to down copious amounts of the amber liquid to the point where they couldn't even function properly. Besides you were a fully grown adult as hard as it was to believe sometimes. Nothing was stopping you from doing what you wanted - nothing except your own self.
Mild curiosity was always present but you were never given the opportunity to sate that curiosity…until now that is.
The tall man, who you immediately assumed to be the bartender, was wiping out a glass with a towel before he noticed you.
He leaned both hands on the counter. "What can I get you for little miss?"
"Oh um…I'll have water thank you." You happily specified.
The bartender regards you for a few moments longer before he ultimately accepts your request and moves away to procure that water.
Admittedly, there wasn't much to do but sit and vaguely watch the people and the surroundings.
There was another man sitting at the other end of the bar with his glass half full, the golden drink still generating tiny bubbles that quickly joined the thin layer of foam at the top of the glass.
From the corner of your eye, another body slid up to the bar. The woman was wearing a red tube top, short jean skirt, and a pair of red heels that gave her a few more inches of height. Narrow waist. Bright evenly applied eyeshadow. Beautiful blue eyes. Fair-skinned. Of average height with a slim figure. Unlike you, God had given her a good hand full up top.
"Can I get a glass of gin?" Her sultry voice floated into your ear like a gentle whisper.
Either way, you don't want to draw that much attention to yourself since you already look out of place as it is. In spite of your efforts, the woman's eyes lingered on the man for some time before the pair of inviting eyes eventually shifted towards you. The woman glanced briefly over her shoulder at you, looking you up and down.
While it wasn't like to make assumptions about another person and their lifestyle - it was made obvious that the woman was a 'Lady of the Night'.
"Loose women' people often called them - the negative connotation almost always attached to it. The term, a harsh and glaring reminder of how women could be judged for not choosing to live the life that society expected of them. Just earlier you had been accused of being one by the old woman who owned the motel. It was hard for you to understand since you held no contempt in your heart for anyone no matter what they did for a living. For there to be so many women with that same occupation, people had to love them and the services they provided. You would never understand the hate and vitriol when it came to sex workers.
How another person chooses to live their life should be their business and no one else's.
Deep down on some barely acknowledged level, you admired women like her and the freedom to do as they pleased. As far as you could tell, there wasn't any shame attached to her that you were able to detect.
While you weren't anywhere near as adventurous as her, you still were bold in your own right. Seeing as one life changing decision had caused you to branch out and leave the small town you were likely destined to live in your entire life. What you'd done was not commonplace among women of your age. The age where marriage and child-rearing came into play.
Looking at it in a different light, she wasn't that much different from you. Although both of your jobs were morally dissimilar, this woman provides services to her customers just as you did working at the diner. If she leaves her clients happy then that meant she was good at what she did.
"Cute pigtails."
You blinked, having not expected her to address you head on. Honestly, you decided to keep the braids in simply because you didn't want to take them down this morning.
"Oh thank you." You smiled shyly. Inwardly, you cringed, you weren't supposed to be speaking to anyone.
"What's a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this."
"Um…just passing through with a friend." You said, voice just above a whisper.
"Is that so? Where's that friend now?"
"Um…around." You nervously answered, not wanting to say too much since you'd already disregarded the instructions you'd been given.
"Where you from sugar?"
"Frisco."
"Hmm…you're a little ways from home. How you making a livin?"
The bracelets on her wrist rattled as she moved her hand to dump the ashes from the cigarette into a nearby red ash tray.
"I was a waitress but I'm not anymore."
For the time being, you'd left most remnants of your life behind. And on some personal level, you found it sad to even think about. But things happen for a reason. That's why you were sitting at this bar right now.
"What about you? Do you what you do for a living?"
Although you already guessed it, it couldn't hurt to hear it from her own mouth. It wasn't for you to judge…it wasn't anyone to judge.
She chuckled lowly, taking another puff of the cigarette. "I think that's pretty obvious don't you think?"
"Not really." You shrugged.
"You ever been with a man little kitten?"
You had to really think about the question beforehand. You honestly didn't know how to answer.
"Been with a man in what way?"
"Well the only way of course." She laughs.
"No. I guess not." Shaking your head, you continued to listen to the woman intently. "What's it like?"
More than once, you'd been told by some that you tend to view things with an open-minded mindset that not many people even consider in this day and age. You believe there's good things and that there's bad things. It's up to you how you choose to interpret them.
She retrieves a tiny box and opens it. She brings the powdery, white substance up to her nose and inhales it.
A beat of silence passes at a wide smile spread over her face.
Without much prompting, the woman's fingertips were grazing over the skin of your exposed arm, causing goosebumps to appear in that very spot. She was obviously teasing but you'd never had anyone be so forward with you in this manner. It was disarming and you kept your nervous gaze on the counter not having the courage to look the woman in the eyes. Frankly, you didn't know how to proceed from here, given the situation.
"The greatest pleasure your little mind could ever imagine."
"Pleasure?"
She ran a hand through her auburn hair, pushing the short bangs out of her face. "I can't really explain it. Know that satisfying feeling you get when you scratch an itch? Or you take that first bite of Shepard's pie?"
You nodded your brief understanding although it still felt somewhat lacking.
"It's in all our nature as men and women to want it. Sooner or later you'll see."
The woman finished wrinkling her nose and wiping away the remainder of the residue.
"I make them happy…at least for a little while. I make them happy in the way the smokes and whiskey can't." The woman explained, smiling enticingly at you.
"Oh."
You continued listening intently since she was obviously a woman of experience. It certainly helped that she put forth a lot of effort to make it sound appealing.
"What I do puts food on the table."
"Know how I can tell you never been with one?" She said her eyes twinkling with an unhidden mirth. "I used to be like you…modest…prudish. Scared of just about everything under the sun. Look at you…staring at me with those big innocent brown eyes. Don't have a clue about nothin, sitting here drinking water in a bar full of drunk, willing men."
Consequently, you froze in place and your embarrassed gaze dropped to your water glass which was already beginning to collect condensation.
"Oh sweetie, don't tell me you didn't know. They all been looking at you since you walked in."
"They have?" You asked, brows knitting together in confusion. You surely hadn't noticed anything of the sort.
"Mmhh. Just take a look around."
Glancing around curiously, you swiftly locked eyes with a man at the other end of the bar wearing a cowboy hat. To your shock and surprise, you could see how he was now openly leering at you. Strangely, you didn't remember him looking at you the same way when you walked into the room. Perhaps you weren't really paying attention the first time. When he notices you gawking, he tips his hat at you with an inviting smile. Unsure of how to regard this gesture, you quickly avert your eyes elsewhere out of embarrassment.
"These people can smell an innocent a mile away." She said, jutting out her hip.
Everything she was saying left you even more intrigued. Her words helped you understand that your circumstances were very different. Whatever experience she had with men severely trampled yours.
"I can teach you some things but most of what I know come from experience anyhow."
She was bolder than most would expect her to be and it probably had something to do with her spirited attitude.
She gave a half shrug. "As long as they pay for it…they can have all that. They want to feel loved and wanted by a woman."
Rather unexpectedly, a man in a dark flannel shirt comes over and slides her a wad of cash across the counter. The introduction of money indicated a sort of transaction and she took the wad and expertly put it in her bosom. The corner of her mouth lifted in an alluring smile. From there, she paid him more attention, beaming up at him as her arms came up around his shoulders. You saw the way they looked at one another with an underlying emotion you couldn't give a name to.
Eventually, she glides off the stool, taking him by the hand and beginning to lead him to the back. As she leaves she turns back to glance at you with a smirk on her face, she winks at you, lips moving in a sensual fashion as she mouthed the words. You're not that good at reading lips but somehow you easily could make out what was being communicated.
"Come watch the fun."
The invitation hit you directly in the middle of your chest and inadvertently caused your beating organ to beat slightly faster.
Would you actually take her up on the implicit offer and whatever it entailed?
Internally, you grappled with the soundless invitation stunned and unsure of how to proceed. For long moments, you remained planted on the stool seat.
Anton had sternly instructed you not to speak to anyone and that order went unheeded within two minutes. And now you were entertaining the thought of vacating your place at the bar to follow the other woman.
So what would you do?
Anton was not within view so he would have no way of knowing if you left the spot or not. Prolonged curiosity is what eventually led you to slide off of the bar stool and slowly ambled towards the back hallway of the establishment.
Perhaps you were getting ahead of yourself. You know you shouldn't be doing this.
Your gait was mostly unhurried since you didn't really know where exactly you were headed. As you rounded one of the corners, peculiar noises had reached your ears and piqued your interest. Due to the volume of the music the bar played, the strange sounds were easily masked and undetectable.
Eventually, you discovered that the illicit noises were emanating from a utility closet. The small room was far from a hotel room but it contained enough room for two people to take refuge. Timidly, you moved closer to the door that was cracked slightly open. One thing was for certain, you were not prepared for what you were about to witness. With your pulse roaring loudly in your ears, bending slightly at the waist, you peered into the dimly lit closet, only for your mouth to fall open in shock.
Within the confines of the enclosed space, the pair were fully engaged in indecent activities not meant to be seen out in public - most of it is well beyond your comprehension. You sucked in a large intake of breath at the obscene exchange transpiring before you, heart rate picking up at an unsteady pace. The sight of the current proceedings immediately rendered you speechless as you watched the scene play out with a fixed gaze.
With unabashed staring, you watched as both of their hands hungrily explored each other's bodies. At one point, the man buried his face into her neck, caressing the skin with his mouth in a feverish urgency.
One of his hands reached up to cup the swell of her breast over her top. She mewled at the intimate contact. The man was skilled in mapping out her svelte frame before raising one of her shapely legs over his waist. Gradually, the pair began shedding each other of clothing little by little, revealing more skin and parts that were distinctly private.
Heat crept up the entirety of your face as you studied the events in quiet shock, clasping a hand to your mouth. From there, a confusing heat was beginning to form below your belly button.
Deep down you knew that you shouldn't be watching this sort of thing take place - something so glaringly private and intimate between two strangers. And yet, you stood there transfixed by their actions. In spite of the shame you felt watching it take place, you can't deny that watching the pair made you feel somewhat strange.
In the midst of the heated exchange, the woman's eyes found yours and you could see the salacious desire burning within them. As the man continued kissing at the juncture of her neck, her eyes held yours intensely throughout, blue orbs having a sort of mesmerizing effect.
Without taking her gaze from yours, the woman's hand slid down into the man's unbuttoned trousers, making him release an exhale of pleasure. It was as if she'd weaved a spell around him if his lust addled stare was any indication and eventually his hand ended up under her skirt in turn.
For a moment, your legs seemed to buckle, unable to summon the necessary energy to hold you up.
It was in that moment that a noise from the main area captured your attention and you were finally able to pull your eyes away from the scene altogether. Jolted back into reality, you'd forgotten where you were in the present, stooped low watching two people engage in sexual activity in a broom closet. From there you made a hasty retreat from the spot, rushing back to the bar area.
Straight away, you caught a glimpse of your stone-faced companion heading for the exit. You hurried after him, nearly stumbling in an attempt to fall in step and to not be left behind.
You slid into the passenger seat of the car without issue, you and nothing. Far too stunned to speak about what you'd just seen. Nonetheless, you couldn't possibly tell your male companion about what had taken place, lest you give yourself away.
The diner Anton had chosen was open surprisingly late. The two of you had stopped sometime after leaving the bar. The kind older waitress' eyes linger on you as she takes down the orders for food, presumably because you looked much younger than you actually were. And truthfully, you walking into a diner late at night with a much older man would likely draw that kind of scrutiny.
While you stared vacantly at your bowl of chicken and dumplings with mild interest, Anton kept attention solely on the plate of food before him. He was without a doubt the most strict, rigid and inconspicuous individual you'd ever come to know, not even interested in making small talk over dinner, instead choosing to quietly consume his food. He clearly had no qualms about not holding conversation in fact you think he may prefer it that way. He remained a man of very few words through and through.
Frankly, the lack of outward emotion from the man left much to be desired. Anton had a very matter of fact attitude about everything and it greatly perplexed you. He made for such an imposing figure that you genuinely believed that most people steered clear of him.
Breaching any sort of conversation topic with him proved to be difficult but you weren't deterred. There had to be a valid reason why he does what he does - why he was what he chose to be. No matter how unapproachable and closed off someone presented themselves to be, everyone had to have some good in them somewhere. In his case, he may have learned to hide it well.
Pushing that thought to the back of your mind, you raised your head curiously. "Did the meeting go well?"
"Yes…it did."
Unsurprisingly, witnessing the encounter firsthand hadn't vacated your mind for a single second. It was a massive understatement to say that you were completely stricken by what you witnessed. It was the single most opening thing you'd ever witnessed. You wanted so badly to ask him about what had transpired. You wanted to know if there was any truth to what the woman explained to you. Aside from what you'd seen, you had no real way of knowing. You want so badly to question him on what you saw but you honestly don't know where to begin. And that's where the trouble primarily lay.
Thoughts of varying degrees were running rampant in your mind, your heart beating a little faster because of it. So much so that you can't even focus on eating properly because of it. Such matters were private and taboo so you never thought to discuss them with anyone.
However, that wasn't the biggest problem you were facing at this point in time. For what seemed like the tenth time, your thighs rubbed together under the table. The incessant sensation hadn't left and you were at a loss of what to do about it. There was an intense, relentless yearning planted inside of you that you had little to no control over.
Seeing what you saw in that supply closet had inherently stirred some abnormal feelings inside of you that you didn't know were there. All of it was so confusing and scary. Experiencing these kinds of newfound bodily reactions have caused your thoughts to shift into those of an impure nature. While evoking a kind of lustful response that was completely alien to you. Now you're feeling tingles in the most private of places on your body and it's made you more aware of your body than you could ever remember being.
You can't recall a time where you felt such a way before - where you dealt with this sort of issue.
Anton Chigurh presented himself as an cold, unfeeling individual - an enigma. Basically someone you never once thought you would conjure any sort of improper thoughts for. The more you look at him the more you feel the feelings gradually escalating. Frankly, you're more shocked at yourself that you can feel things for this scary man with soulless eyes. While it was likely unhealthy and ill-advised on your part, you couldn't help but to crave any sort of emotional or physical attachment with him. You and him would be traveling together for an extended period and it wasn't that often you were left alone in the company of a man for so long. In actuality, the last man you spent this much time around was during that awful uncertain period where you lived with Roy and that was a completely different story altogether.
Just what was wrong with you?
You didn't know this man. Certainly not enough to spawn such indecent thoughts about him. Although you think you know where they stemmed from…
Jolene talked about it all the time with the men she often saw.
"Sometimes you'll feel a little tingle down there and that's how you know when you're attracted to a man." She would say.
Despite what little you knew about Anton as a person, you know that he made you feel things in your girly parts. You know what it feels like - that wetness that stained your panties every so often. In fact it never really clicked until now - that the odd sensations you were feeling in your lower half have been a product of arousal. It was quite jarring to find out that all this time you've been experiencing the feeling of being aroused. Honestly, you could hardly stand the shame of acknowledging it for what it truly was and feeling how you felt about the man while he sat straight across from you seemingly oblivious to your sinful thoughts about him.
Being near him stirred the same feeling down below just like when couples on television shared a kiss with a hint of tongue.
A lot of the girls that came to the diner back in Frisco often talked about sneaking out to meet their boyfriends and have a 'great time' without their parents knowing. You've never had those kinds of experiences - having a man sneak to your parents house just to see you at night or driving down to a lovers lane spot to share a kiss.
While you can't exactly say that the thoughts seemed to have conjured up out of nowhere, there's still a possibility that they just might have. Regardless, you wanted to gain some insight and clarity and perhaps he could provide you the answers that had been plaguing you all day.
Nervously wetting your lips, you struggled on how you'd present what you wanted to say. "Can I ask you something?"
Anton shifted a fixed gaze on you although he remained eerily calm in his response as he muttered. "What is it?"
"The owner of the motel…the old woman, she said she thought that me and you were into some
funny business."
His eyes flashed at the statement. "What kind of funny business."
Prolonged eye contact with him left you feeling exposed, as if your innermost thoughts and feelings were revealed to him.
"Well, she asked me if I was a hooker and told me that I wasn't welcome at the motel if I was."
"Are you a hooker?"
"No."
"Then why is this significant?"
"I guess…I just wanted to ask…what do men and women do at motels?" You reservedly inquired, glancing back down at the edge of the table out of embarrassment.
Something cryptic crosses along his features too quickly for you to catch - subtle intrigue perhaps? Despite the barest hint of an external reaction, he still appeared somewhat thrown off by the question, brows lifted slightly in what could be interpreted in a questioning manner.
"Oftentimes, they have sex." Icy voice laced with disdain seemingly for the topic of discussion.
"Oh." You answered, not really knowing what else to say.
That ultimately led you to begin thinking of the next round of questions circulating within your head. They continued to multiply within your mind, stacking on top of one another.
What would it take to rid him of his icy demeanor? What was sex? For what purpose do people have sex? Why in hotel rooms or broom closets? What purpose did you actually serve for him?
The intensity of his stare increased as he watched you went completely silent and slipped into a state of deep thought.
There was so much you didn't understand at this point in time but you desperately wanted to.
What could you do?
In a single day, your mind had been opened up to so much information and new experiences. It caused you to take more than a few things into consideration about the dynamic of you and Anton's relationship as man and woman. In addition to wanting to know how you and him could better serve one another. And with the added topic sex and arousal, you can't help but wonder…is that how you would become useful to him? What sex the secret to building a better, more amicable relationship?
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