A/N: Finally...the chapter where Karofsky's dealt with...So again if it's a trigger for you please don't read!
I don't own glee.
SANTANA
We had a decent variety of fresh veggies so I was able to whip her up a decent stir fry. "Oh my God San this tastes like...food..yummy food", as she so politely put it. I was just as polite with my retort about my skills extending beyond the use of pom poms. Anyway, I let her get off her chest how she felt when I went all Snix on Karofsky and made me feel all bad and shit. I'll spare you the long boring emotional details of that marathon monologue. I get where she's coming from I mean, I did promise to try and it didn't really look like I had made an "honest effort" since I broke the promise an hour or so after making it. Much to my surprise she also understood where I was coming from it was the first I'd seen him since finding out what he'd done to her. By the grace of God I was able to stop myself from mentioning his leering at her was what set me off as all that woulda done was upset her. Ironically enough these days I'm trying my damnedest NOT to upset her. Life is funny sometimes.
"Shirt and bra off then lay face down on the bed lil D Ima go gets my shit" I call over my shoulder as I head to my bathroom to grab some Tiger Balm. "Little D?" I hear her ask.
"Little Diva, I'm trying to pick a new slightly nicer nickname for you" I yell back.
"Oh, I kinda like little D." The laugh dies in my throat as I reenter my bedroom. The purple bruising had turned an angry yellowish color. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and made my way over to the bed, crawled over and straddled her hips. "I really wish you'd refine your ghetto speak. You are quite intelligent but your way of speaking prevents people from knowing that. Come to think of it that's probaly why you do it isn't it? Um, Santana are you alright back there?"
"I... um sorry... you sure about this, baby girl? I don't know if I can find a spot that won't hurt you." my voice comes out much smaller than usual. She cranes her neck around to look at me over her shoulder, but only gets half way before her eyes slam shut and a pained noise escapes her lips. I bite nervously on my lower lip as her eyes open with tears in them.
"Please, it can't possibly hurt worse than this" she says trying to give me an encouraging smile.
I take a deep breath as I begin at the base of her neck slowly and with hardly any pressure I start massaging the balm into her skin. Her neck is like one fucking knot, I don't know how she can walk around holding up her head with that amount of tension. "Harder" she whispers. I bite back my urge to ask if shes sure and just go with it. She's making these moaning sounds every once in a while that are seriously scrambling my brains. I'm struggling to stay focused on working out her muscles but then she moans "Oh my Goodddd! What is this stuff..it's amazing!" she says with a little more air around the last word than normal. Seriously, how am I supposed to concentrate and control the reactions my body is having when she's talking in moans and breathy whispers?
I'm not sure how long I've been at this but my hands are starting to ache and I haven't heard her moan in a few minutes. I lean over to see her face. Aww she's sound a sleep looking like an angel. I slowly climb off of her and go wash my hands. I return a few minutes later with a smile upon seeing her right where I left her face down on the bed. I can't leave her like that all greased up and half naked so "Hey, wake up baby girl" I say, gently brushing the hair from one side of her head to the other exposing her neck.
"mm?" is her only reply.
"I need you to sit up just a little bit so I can put you to bed okay?"
"mm good"
"No, honey come on." I gently tug her to see if that gets her moving. With an unhappy grunt and a one eyed glare, she slowly moves so she's kneeling eyes both now closed and a big unhappy pout on her face. I can't help but laugh at her stubbornness as quickly slip a cheer shirt on her and guide her down under the covers. She snuggles in and lets out a happy little moan when I lean down and kiss her temple. I smooth her hair back and go to leave when a pained little noise stops me. "Whats wrong baby girl?"
"Stay snuggle" she grumbles.
I crawl in behind her wrap my arms around her tiny waist and pull her back into my chest. She lets out a happy little sigh again and I think I'd do just about anything to keep hearing that sound. I place a kiss to her shoulder and whisper "Sweet dreams baby girl" And she makes that glorious little sound again.
I wake up a little disoriented. The sun is setting and my arms are wrapped protectively around the sleeping diva. She doesn't look as peaceful as I'd like her to. Her brow is furrowed slightly and although she's definately relaxed into my arms I know she'll never fully get over this until she knows what happened to her. There's only one real way to find that out and I think now is the perfect time for me to try and do that. I slowly move my one arm from around her waist to turn on my back. I reach for my phone on the nightstand careful not to jar her too much and shoot Puck a text.
S: Yo Fuckerman needa favor. You in the mood to flex them muscles a bit?
P: Always 4 U
S: Fighting not fucking
P: Damn. Still yes. Name & social security number.
I laugh out loud. Whata dork.
S: Karofsky.
P: Requests? broken balls...broken face...?
S: ur not gonna ask y?
P: Nah ur my girl
S: ask him if he got lucky w/that chick ur party Friday. Then break everything no matter what his answer.
P: Call u when it's done
Damn, he's kinda the best muscle a girl could ask for. I didnt even have to make a story up or anything. I really wanna be there for this.
S: pick me up first? Ima need ta watch so Snix is satisfied and doesn't try n rip his heart out in homeroom
P: be there in 1min
One minute? Where the fuck is he? I slowly detangle myself from Rachel placing a few kisses to her temple cause seriously she looks so damn cute and finally relaxed. "I'll be back in a bit, baby girl you sleep okay?" She groans and I take that as a groan of approval but leave a note on my pillow just in case.
Little D,
Went to Pucks to help him with his Spanish paper. I'll be back soon. Help yourself to whatever you want, k? Call me if you need me.
~San
I climb into the truck and he steps on the gas before I can even click my seatbelt.
"Damn Puckerman anxious are we?"
He smirks at me. "I hate this punk. Besides, haven't seen you this fired up in a long time."
"Were you like stalking me or something? Why the hell were you practically in my driveway already when I texted you."
"In your dreams, S. I was on my way to the liquor store."
"Dreams? Ha you mean my nightmares."
In a matter of minutes the truck comes to a screeching halt at what I'm assuming is across the street from Karofsky's house. As much as this is killing me my ass stays in the car as Puck stomps up to Karofskys front door. His parents are never home apparently Puck knows shit like this for reasons I don't wanna know. Probably has something to do with the fact he's been in Juvi and few times. I can't help but laugh as he is truely stomping and he's so angry God bless him he doesn't even know why he's supposed to be hating this kid. He's kinda the best wing man ever. I consider myself a pretty damn good one too but you bet your ass I'd have tried a little harder to get some info outta him. Perhaps this is the difference between chicks and dudes or maybe he is the better wing man, either way I'm glad he's mine.
Karofsky answers the door and I see Puck point to something on his front lawn I assume as a way to get him outta his house. This puts me directly in his line of sight so I quickly duck down muttering some Spanish curses. He might be the best wing man but he sure as shit isn't the smartest sometimes. Just having seen his smug ugly ass face has my blood pressure reaching dangerously high levels. Slowly I sit up to making sure they're no longer looking my direction. My phone goes off causing me to jump so high I nearly hit my head on the roof. "Fucking shit!" I gasp hand clutching my rapidly beating heart.
"Hello?" they say when I click accept. I'm about to answer when I look Pucks way and see how aggitated he's getting. Karofsky for his part seems just as agitated. Not a smart move buddy. He appears to be verbally fighting back just as hard as Puck is. Damnit I shoulda had Puck wired! I need to know what they're saying.
"HELLO It's terribly rude to answer your phone if you intend to ignore the person on the other end of the line Santana Lopez!"
Huh? Shit! "Ra-Rachel!" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Obviously. Is this a bad time?"
"Uh...no, of course not just um not good with the multitasking thing.
"What are you doing?"
"Hmm?" I can't stay focused on the conversation while I'm trying to figure out whats going on outside.
"You know what sorry I'll just go."
"No! No, I'm sorry. I'm all ears, what's up?"
"I should go.."
"Rachel! Please"
"I was just wondering where you were and if I should go home since you're not at your house it's a little weird being here. I don't want your family to freakout to come home to find a stranger in their house."
"You're hardly a stranger honey, Mama adores you. Didn't you get my note?"
"Yeah, just wanted to know when you'd be back and if I should wait? I know how much help Puck can need I don't want you to rush through it just cause I'm here. I could go home.."
"This is the last time Ima say this. Ima be home in an hour or less and your cute ass better be there waitin for me! We gots some things to chat about then how about we watch a light funny movie."
"A musical!" She practically sings into the receiver thankfully ignoring my remark about her cute ass.
"If you can find one in my house ...I guess I could."
"No need I brought my favorites from home."
"Of course you did" I huff rolling my eyes.
She's giggling like a kid and I can't help but smile. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and turn just in time to see Pucks fist connect with Karofsky's face. "Fuck!" I unintentionally say outloud.
"Whats wrong?" she gasps.
"N-nothin. Just Pucks little sister. I gotta go finish up here, k Rach? I'll be home soon. Rest up cause you aint' getting outta this talk with any of your cute little pouts or tired little whiney noises."
"Darn, I didn't realize you were on to me already. See you soon."
I hit about 8 buttons at once hoping one of them has disconnected the call as I'm unable to peal my eyes away from the scene across the street. My arms are folded across my chest and my legs are bouncing up and down uncontrolably. This is sheer hell having to watch and not join in on the fun.
I let out a few groans of frustration and some spanish curses for good measure. Patience is not a virtue I've been blessed with. I'm sitting here trying to convince myself Puck has it handled and not jump out of the truck and tackle the jerkoff. I can't…I can't fucking sit here and watch him have all the fun. Snix wins the internal battle and I scramble outta the car just as Pucks' fist connect with Karofskys face for the third time finally taking the idiot down.
"Help" Karofsky pleads in my direction once I've reached the sidewalk. Recognition flickers in his eyes when they focus and all the hope drains out of his face. I can't help but smile. I move closer to Karofsky laughing a little as I take in the scene before me. Puck's standing over Karofsky whose bawling like a baby. His arms are protecting his ribs which are probally broken now or close to it so I decide to aim my first kick to his manhood.
"Jesus S!" Puck jumps never having seen me coming."How's it feel, huh? Getting the shit beat outta you by someone stronger than you? Wondering if they're gonna stop in time or beat you to death? Was it worth it? What you did to her?"
"I'm sorry" he cries.
"Nah I dont think you are yet, but you will be. You best believe me when I say starting now if you even breathe her direction let alone make her uncomfortable in any way I...kick.. will kick castrate kick you" I hiss leaving him with one final kick to the groin.
"What was his answer" I growl at Puck.
"Forgot to ask" Puck mumbles. My head turns to Puck so fast I damn near give myself wip lash.
"WHAT!" I scream. "God damnit do I have to do everything myself!"
"Chill out!"
"HEY" I yelled kicking Karofsky. "Look the fuck up here. Nah up a little higher you fucking pervert!" I have no control over my foot that kicks him in the side of the head for that. I know he's gay so I don't know what the fuck he's playing at with that move. "You're gonna answer something for me and so help me if you lie to me, I'll leave Puckerman here to finish you off and tell everyone why you really pick on Hummel. You got me?" I ask conveying how serious I am about blowing the lid off his secret with my eyes.
He makes a pathetic whining noise and nods his head. "That girl Friday night, how far did you get exactly? Don't even think about denying it, fucker and don't mention names or describe her in any way."
I can feel Pucks stare boring into me. "What the fuck Santana? Who gives a shit?"
"Shut it, Puckerman. Answer the question asshole"
"I—we just you know messed around a-little" he whines averting his gaze from mine.
I close my eyes and take a few breaths trying to lower my blood pressure. I restrain myself to one kick to his ribs because I don't wanna prevent him from being able to answer me the right way. "There was no WE she never fucking gave you consent and you know it this is your last fucking chance. Puckerman, go get the bat outta your trunk." God bless the idiot following along knowing he doesn't have one in there.
Karofskys eyes go impossibly wide. "Okay okay fuck it was all me I kinda flipped out."
"I'm losing my patience. Did you rape her yes or no" I demand once Pucks outta ear shot. He looks terrified, as he should. "Don't you fucking lie to me"
He shakes his head no. "No-no I didn't uh…get the..no"
"didn't get the chance to!" I shriek I'm barely holding Snix back. I need to finish this conversation fast. "She's a fucking virgin you asshole! Not that it's ever okay. Wait…you had to have done something cause she's in a lot of pain..there" I press my foot down on his throat but not hard enough that he can't talk.
"I started but ... s-she should still be a virgin ..please..god please don't kill me. I was t-trying to prove I was straight."
"Shut up. shut your fucking mouth you …" not being able to think of a word I spit on him instead. "Your fucking gay get over it that's no fucking excuse to destroy a innocent girl." I say moving my heel from his neck to his junk and moving all my weight to balance on him. He's screaming at this point and since his screech is so high it sounds like it's going to shatter glass. I walk down his ribs and stop to stand one foot on his chest and one on his throat. "Shut up. I should kill you for this. You're going to go to the doctor tomorrow and get a full screen of diseases and all that shit you coulda passed to her and give it to me. You have until after school tomorrow. Oh and one more question." I hiss stepping on his face then off to the grass. " Did you get off inside her?"
He stops coughing and gasping for air and I swear I just saw all the color drain outta his swollen and bloody face. "I- I -think so" he says starting to cry. "I lost it Santana I couldnt' have her telling anyone!" I cover my face with my hands and scream in frustration. "Shut the fuck up. SHUT UP! You forget who you're talking to? We're in the same boat. I would have never..." I don't have the words to finish so I settle for spitting on him again as I see Puck's almost made it back to where I'm standing over Karofsky.
"Let's go" I look up at Puck and let out a laugh seeing him standing there with a bat. I raise an eyebrow. "There was no bat in your trunk Puckerman"
He shrugs with a stupid grin. "Found it?"
"Yeah, right lets go."
"One swing?" He pouts.
I turn to look at Karofsky hearing his words in my head didn't get the chance. "Get his knees, quick gimmie your keys. Oh hang on I almost forgot something" I reach into my pocket and pull out my mace. With an evil smirk on my face I spray the shit outta his eyes.
He's screaming impossibly louder. I turn to head toward the car when he shrieks Kurts name stopping me dead in my tracks. "Wait!" I shout as puckermans about to bring the bat down. "The fuck you say?"
He's rolling back and forth in agony it must be near impossible for him to talk bout he shouldn't have just dropped that name like he did if he wanted to die in peace. I walk back over so i'm standing over him. He's gasping for breath from the pepper spray "he ..came back...didn't...stop...me" I let out a loud scream. "Lets go!" i yell at puck. "What wait I didn't get to.."
"Don't worry you're gonna use that bat but on Kurt instead." He's jogging to catch up to me. "I don't hit girls"he says seriously. I turn around causing him to stop before colliding with me. I yank the bat from his hands. "Well I fucking do," I hiss jumping into the truck.
"S, we can't get Kurt tonight the whole Hummel-Hudson clan will be home."
"Shit."
"Don't worry I'll talk to Finn tomorrow and get him to give up a family schedule. He'll think I'm interested. He's an idiot. Your gonna need an alibi," Puck says once we've rounded the corner onto a new street.
I hadn't thought about that. "I'm not going home with you." I state.
He huffs "Fine, but still you should probably not go home."
"Yeah" I sigh.
"Britt?"
"Wheels" I reply rolling my eyes.
"So you wanna tell me what that was?"
"Nope."
"New friend Berry?"
"She's at my house. Not gonna work for an alibi she's not great with the lying thing. She'd be able to tell down to the second what time I arrived and how long I've been gone. She's just wired all weird like that."
"Berry's at your house?"
"Yep. Long stupid story. Nothin interestin."
"Kay. I'll call Q?" He's looking at me with his eyebrow up all curious and shit.
"Yeah call Q." 5 minutes later I pull into the Fabray estate. I don't know if it's seriously an estate but you should see this shit with its Iron gates and all it looks fucking terrifying, if you ask me. I hate that she lives here.
"Thanks dude" I say pounding his bloody knuckles.
"Anytime" he winces slightly. "Hey S?"
"Yep?" I say turning around after my feet hit the ground.
"Look I'm cool with you not telling me what that was all about but..." He stops and nods toward Quinn with a stupid grin as she appears next to me outside his driver side door. "But talk to her, okay?"
"Yeah yeah" I roll my eyes at him.
"Don't worry Puck, I'll take care of her." Q says throwing her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to her.
"Alright, enough with the sappy shit I don't need taking care of, alright?" She gently grabs my hand with her free hand and quirks that eyebrow of hers at me.
"Really?" she muses gently running her thumb across the swollen and bruised knuckles. "Cause it looks like you need just a little bit of taking care of, Rocky." She smirks pulling my hand up to her lips softly placing a kiss on my knuckles. For the first time I can feel the pain throbbing in them.
"Owie" I whine. She does her adorable little giggle.
"What about my boo boos?" Puckerman chimes in pouting out of the driver side window.
The sharpness in her voice surprises me a little when she responds. "You deserve them all, for not protecting my girl here and keeping her outta whatever activity you two delinquents were just involved in."
His mouth drops open. "This is my fault! Have you met her? You can't stop her from doing anything."
She quirks her eyebrow at him letting him know she doesn't accept that answer and for the life of me I can't tell if she's seriously pissed or not. "Well you'll try harder next time if you expect any sympathy from me." She retorts. "Come on my beautiful disaster let's get you cleaned up."
Pucks pouting increases and I can't help the laugh that escapes. For good measure Q places another kiss to my knuckles eyes locked on Puckerman with an evil grin.
"Thanks again" I smirk at him. I can't hear what he says cause he's grumbling as he backs out of her driveway. "You're evil you know that?" I laugh wrapping an arm around her waist as she leads me into her house.
"I was only half kidding you know. I wish he'd do a better job at protecting you. You're always coming out of your little adventures with war wounds. I know you're a big bad ass and I have no doubt you can beat anyone, just I'd prefer you not getting hurt at all."
My brow wrinkles as I look next to me and pout at her. "I didn't mean to upset you." I say honestly.
"I know" she sighs. "You can't blame me for worrying just think how you'd be if it were reversed."
"If you came back bloody? I'd castrate Puck"
"Exactly, and I'm not upset at you, S it's just been…a rough day that's all."
"How so?" I ask following her direction and hopping up onto her bathroom counter.
She shrugs from inside her medicine cabinet. "Were not here to talk about me. Tell me what just happened? I assume you came up with a story but what I'm confused at is how exactly you got yourself involved when I thought the whole point of involving Puck was to keep you out of it?"
She's standing in front of me now between my legs rubbing peroxide on my knuckes. "Ouch" I hiss from the sting. Man that shit hurts, why do I never remember how bad that stings!
"Sorry" she says pulling my hand to her lips to blow on the stinging spots. Once the pain fades and I can focus again I tug my hand from hers causing her to look up with surprise.
"I'm here to talk about you,Q. This isn't a one sided friendship, you always running to my rescue, let me be here for you too."
She attempts a smile. "You've got enough on your plate I'm not going to add my stupid drama too. Besides you don't do girly talks remeber? You're getting your fill of them enough as it is."
"Quinn" I say firmly. I don't know what to say, I know better than to push her when she's like this it's not going to get me anywhere, so I do something that I'd only ever do with B or Q...and now Berry. I wrap my legs around her waist locking her in and pull her toward me. I feel her give in and relax into my embrace. You're my girl, Q, that means we do girly talks and al that shit whether I like them or not. I definately don't like seeing you all broody." She just can't let the moment happen, stubborn SOB as she is some times.
"You ready San?" Q's soft voice breaks me from my thoughts.
"Mm? Yeah." I reach forward and grab her wrist before she got too far. With a gentle tug she turns to face me with that signature eyebrow quirk. I tug her arm again pulling her in for a quick hug. I know I should really just keep my trap shut at this point cause like me she doesn't respond well to being pushed to opening up but I can't help myself for some reason. "San?" she questions as I've been standing here silent while cupping her cheeks.
"I'ma say something."
"So say it" she cuts me off with a small giggle.
"You're not allowed to get mad"
"Oh is that right?"
"Yep. So, I'm never too busy or too whatever to be here for you. You get that right?" She's going for the HBIC response but I see right thru that scoff and she knows it. Her hardened bitch face fades as fast as it appeared and she's looking at me with watery eyes when she nodds.
"Come on" she says tugging me out her front door "You keep this shit up I'm gonna call you S squared instead of just S" she says grinning devilishly over her shoulder at me.
"Huh?"
"Sappy Santana..S squared" she says erupting in a fit of giggles propmtly jumping back and running knowing what was coming. "Ouch" she giggles as my hand connects with her ass faster that she could flee.
"Shut it...fatty Fabray"
"That the best you got sappy?" Her fit of laughter dies as she sees me charging at her from over her shoulder. I wrap my arms around her as she lets out an ear piercing shriek. "Say your sorry" she's laughing again untill she feels my nails press gently into her sides.
"No Santana don't.." her pleading is cut off by her shriek as my nails dig in further in her ticklish spot. She's desperately trying to break free.
"Say your sorry"
"Ahh stop please" she's yelling through fits of laugher. All this obnoxious giggling is only making it worse for her. "Sorry sorry OK ahhh San..I'm sorry!" I still my movements.
"Good girl" I smirk kissing her temple as I let go and place a smack to her ass as I start heading back to the car. She's still trying to catch her breath as she flops in behind the wheel . She waits till she's out of the driveway and before looking over at me with a smirk.
"I'm sorry your such a sap now..sappy ." My jaw drops. But I quickly join in on her contagious laughter. It's been too long since I've heard her laughing like that. "Keep it up giggles and I'ma tell B you're dying to take her to the duck pond...all week"
She gasps, fear clouding her blue eyes. "You wouldn't dare."
I roll my eyes at her, "Seriously? I wouldn't dare?" I laugh at the pure terror in her eyes. Q's got an irrational fear of ducks but she like the rest of us can't say no to Britts.
"Fine" she pouts. "How's sexy Santana?" she mumbles.
"Hmm...I love it"
It's 9pm when I walk into my house. I throw my keys in the bowl and lean back against the door with a heavey sigh. "Que pasa nena?" My mom gasps from the living room when my head cracks against the door. I jump in surprise.
"Aye Dios! Mama you scared me!" My eyebrow quirks up in confusion upon seeing Rachel and my mom both sitting on the couch together. The TV is off and I look back to Rachel and see her eyes are red and swollen. "Baby girl!" I gasp quickly hurrying over to kneel in front of her. She gives me a watery smile as I cup her cheeks gently. "Why are you crying?" I whisper as I feel my heart pounding in my throat. She shrugs at me.
"Same stupid reason" I catch the tears with my thumbs and move to sit beside her wrapping my arms around her. "Shhh" I hush her as she's crying earnestly now. I pull her into me as much as I can and lean back inot the couch as her head nuzzles under my chin.
"I'll just leave you to girls, Santana?" I completely forgot my mom was sitting right there.
"Mmm?" I hum placing a kiss to the top of Rachels hair.
"We need to talk later." she says with a nod and a hard glare in the direction of my bruised knuckles. Rachel stiffens and gently removes my hand from her cheek bringing it down so she can see it. She gasps audibly and pulls out of my embrace.
"Rach" I start.
"What did you do?" she questions as her gaze leaves my bruised hand thats now cradeld in hers. Her soft worried eyes meet mine and I feel this awful wave of guilt hit me like a damn tidal wave. I am not going to cry damnit.
"It's nothing" I say in a really unconvincing non-Santana like way. Fuck she's seriously my damn kryptonite! She arches her eyebrows clearly not amused with my lame attempt. Trying to avoid shedding tears I get bitchy. "Stop giving me that look with your God damn doe eyes, Berry. You don't even know what the fuck happened and already you think the worst of me. After everything you still automatically assume I fucked up." I huff yanking my hand away so I can cross my arms.
She takes a deep breath "Sorry, I'll just grab my things and be on my way. Thanks for...um everything". Fuck now I feel even worse. She springs off the couch and is halfway up the stairs before I get over myself and run after her. I come to a screeching halt seeing my mother standing outside of her door with Rachel crying in her arms. I know I look guilty as shit as I feel my heart break at the knowledge that this time she's crying because of me. I bow my head and stare intently at the floor.
"Rachel sweetie I will not allow you to go home to an empty house like this." my Mother says gently pulling her back to look into her eyes. Rachel only nods and sniffles. "There is the guest bedroom right next to Santanas if you don't feel up to her company."
"Is there a shower in there?" Rachel asks in a small voice.
"Si mamita you'll find everything you need in there okay but may I recomend a warm bath? Might help sooth your bruises. Go ahead I'm going to speak to my daughter right now, okay? You come find me afterwards if you need to"
"Thanks Mrs. Lopez." My mother shushs her "Maira, porfavor." Rachel smiles and without a glance my direction heads into the guest room. I quickly glance down at the floor seeing my mothers head start to turn my waya.
"Santana come in here" she says walking into her room. I'm expecting a lecture and some yelling. That I think I could handle better than what she throws at me. "Bebita what is going on? Digame" She says softly in her 'mama voice' walking over to me and pulling me tightly into her arms. I break down into sobs the moment my head nestles into her chest. She begins rocking us slowly shushing me like a child. I don't know what the hell has come over me. I'm all over the place angry sad angry sad ...blah blah and the hilarity of it all is I'm always the first to call Berry the drama queen. This thought cuases me to laugh a little through my sobbing. Now I really sound insane. She holds me at arms length moving to brush the tears off my face. "Please nena, I can't help you through this if you don't talk to me. You're not doing anyone any good like this."
"S-s-he didn't t-tell y-you?"
"A little bit but I have a feeling she left out a lot. Besides, I want to hear from you and how you're doing with all of this." She's searching my eyes but I can't bring myself to speak. I really feel like I need to be telling Rachel what I just found out first. "Santana, did he.." I know what she's asking.
"That's ...complicated"
"How can that be complicated baby it's a yes or a no"
"He..." I sighed pulling out of her grasp and slumping onto the edge of her bed putting my head in my hands. I felt the bed sink beside me and and hand begin to rub soothingly up and down my back.
"It's okay baby this stays between us I will not tell her that I know anything. Let me help bebita you're snapping at her when you should be patient and consoling her so what is it?"
"He beat her so bad she was in and out of consiousness. She didnt' now if he took her virginity or not." My mom gasps and my resolve stays hard as she responds.
"So you went to ask him tonight, yes?" she says cradling my bruised hand in her free one gently rubbing the knuckes. I nodded staring straight down at the floor. "Santana look at me" I didn't want to because if I did I'd start crying and really I'm sick of that.
"He told me he didn't get teh chance to rape her but he did start" I say shocked by the coldness in my voice.
My mother gasps again."Is he in the hospital?" she asks causing me to turn and look at her finally.
"He will be once he's found I assume. Puck and I just left him on the lawn"
"Good, I hope that son of a bitch is in a world of pain" My mother hisses causing me to laugh slightly. I've never heard her talk like that. "So tell me why did you snap at her, honey" I let out a long sigh.
"I don't know"
"I do"
I feel my eyebrows raise. "Is that so? Care to tell me?"
"You're carrying a lot around, baby. All this happening to her, keeping the secrets, I assume she did not want you to retaliate and now you have. You have information that I'm sure is eating her alive not knowing but in order to relieve that burdon for her you know it means her finding out you broke a promise." I feel my heart get heavey again from guilt. "Santana, you need to tell her" she states cupping my chin and turning it to look back at her.
"But what if she shuts me out, mama? I'm all she has and I've let her down."
"No you didn't baby, she may be hurt that you went back on a promise but you did so to get her the closure she doesn't realize she needs in order to ever heal. In the long run baby you may have just saved her life." This causes me to let out a small sob I didn't realize was coming. Hearing that I saved her life caused me to think of her telling me of her urges to just let the blackness swallow her hole. I let my mom hold me and stroke my hair for a few minutes until I'm calm and decide it's time to go talk to Rachel.
"Thanks mama" I say hugging her tightly before I climb off the bead and head to the door.
"Anytime bebita, thank you for trusting me."
"You really are pretty awesome for like a mom" I say with a smile. She laughs at this shaking her head.
"Santana?" she calls as I've stepped out of her doorway.
"Yes?" I ask turning back.
"Don't let her push you away and you come find me next time you need to vent, okay? She needs you to be strong"
"Si, mama. Muchos gracias" I head down the hallway to the guest bedroom and stop outside of the closed door. I take a deep breath and knock, praying she'll let me in.