A/N: Wow, this story is haunting me. I have some edible fattery to make for T-giving tomorrow (well, technically today, since it's after midnight) and here I am posting this. Please forgive any incorrect word/grammar fuckery. My eyes are half open. But, Must. Get. It. Done. I'm so excited to get to their meeting. All characters that seem familiar belong to Mizz Charlaine Harris. Love you all for your reviews and faves and adds, etc. I wish I had the wherewithall to say something witty right now. ZZzzzzz...turkey...zzzzzz...stuffing...pie...zzzzzz...

The Procurer

Chapter 3

Swirling my drink around, I periodically gave a mental scan outside the club and waited to find the trademark blank void that alerted me to a vampire-my guinea pig. I watched Claude flirt with every person with a pulse. An ass of a cousin he may be, but he knew how to work it, to bring in the money. He was gorgeous and the women, and men in the club only needed the light of his thousand watt smile upon them, to simply hand over their cash. As entertaining as this was, I had been here for over five hours and I was antsy to try this part of my experiment. I came early with Claude and Claudine to help them set up for the night, then spent the first few hours on testing my magic. I popped here, there and everywhere, making sure to try it many times away from the club, just in case I was pulling from my cousin's power. I tried my telepathy and mind suggestion, and the small amount of telekinesis and summoning of objects that I could do. I was pretty solid on all fronts. I definitely had to focus a lot more on this plane, but the abilities were there, which was comforting.

I choked on my drink, recalling earlier when I summoned Claude's ass-less chaps, that had previously been on his body, to my awaiting hands. Thank Frankincense he was wearing a banana hammock under those ridiculous things. He was pissed, shocker, so he zapped me. Thankfully I had on my wig, because it definitely singed the hair. Ass. I would have been pissed if he had ruined my real hair. Claudine found me another wig, and now I was wearing this Cleopatra style black one that I thought looked awful, which made Claude feel that much more vindicated. That was fine. I would plot revenge later-probably put a spell on his body glitter to give off a stench a few minutes after wearing it or something. We were in a constant cycle of pranks-that was our thing.

The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stood up. A quick perimeter scan informed me there was a bloodsucker in the parking lot. I quickly touched the silver chain in my pocket and the silver dagger hidden in the waist of my pants. Heading towards the door of the club, I signaled to Grey (technically short for Geryon) a half demon, half fairy who worked security at the club, to signal I was making my move. He gave a nod, meaning, if I didn't returned in 5 minutes, he was to come looking for me.

I slipped out and tried to make as much noise as possible. There was no way of knowing just how inept the vampire would be. Since Vamps had made themselves known to humans, people were tripping all over themselves to feed and fuck them, or so my cousins always told me. Knowing that, those that waited for their prey to come drunkenly stumbling into their fangs, seemed pretty pathetic in my eyes.

I stomped and plodded the long-enough-to-entrap-the-vamp distance to Claudine's car, jingling keys, muttering under my breath the whole time. I tracked the creature like old-fashioned radar. It was the moving blip and I was the center bullseye. When I could sense it was less than ten feet from me, I dropped my keys facing it. As I rose up, I found myself face to face with him. He was about 5'8", dark brown and exceptionally...dated hair and sideburns. I was able to smother a snicker, but almost lost it when he spoke. "Hello, young lady. What are you doing out here all alone?" The old-fashioned manner in which he spoke, coupled with his awful genteel Southern accent, reminded me of a campy, period romance novel I'd read as a tween.

I had to bite my cheek to keep it together "I-my girlfriend went home with a guy she met inside." He was looking deeply into my eyes, like he wanted to climb inside and wear me as a skin and I could feel the hairs on my neck again. This must be his attempt at glamour. I kept my expression as gobsmacked as possible.

"What is your name, Miss?" He held onto my arm and I made sure to hide my cringe, though I wanted to cut his arm off at the wrist.

Leaving my mouth gaping open enough to catch flies, "Miranda."

"You find me very attractive, don't you Miranda?" I dumbly nodded. Was he serious?

"I would like to talk to you for a moment, Miranda, do you want to talk to me?" Again, I nodded like a dimwit.

"I find I am very hungry and I think you can help me with that, don't you agree, Miranda?"

Yes, I would like to shove my silver wrapped fist down your throat. Dopey nod. If I kept my mouth open much longer, I was going to drool.

"I would like to take you around the corner to the alley and get to know you better, Miranda. When we do, I want you to be as quiet as a church mouse. Would you like to get to know me better and help me with my hunger?" I would love my silver dagger to get to know you better, Rhett Butler, by cutting you from stem to stern.

He was slowly attempting to lead me to his rendezvous spot. This was my cue. His glamour was doing nothing other than annoying the shit out of me. I pulled my arm out of his grasp. "I've seen enough, thanks," I deadpanned.

I stuck around just long enough to see his startled expression before I popped back to the club.

"Whew. What a limp dick." I so wished I could see his expression, once I disappeared on him. Maybe I should work on an invisibility spell for these occasions. Ick-I felt dirty now.

Grey must have told Claudine I left, because she was in the dressing room waiting for me, our designated post-experiment location. She hugged me tightly. "Well?! That was quick. What happened? You're here, so I guess he didn't drain you."

"Psht. Hardly. God he was a joke. I did feel him trying to glamour me, but mentally I felt nothing."

"Did he notice a different scent on you?"

"Nope."

"Good. The masking spell worked."

"I don't mind saying I'm a little worried this was just one trial. This guy didn't seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer. How do I know this other one, Northman, won't be more skilled at glamouring since he is so old."

We pondered this for a bit, thinking over different scenarios. It was too risky to try it here again, since it was likely the same loser would be out trolling the parking lot. He might be ready for me to pop away if we met again.

Claude finished his set and came backstage. Changing from his policeman costume, or what little was left of it, into more modest street wear, he piped up. "Why don't you just do a trial run at Northman's bar? Vamps usually frequent the place, so you're bound to run into a few. You could see if they pick up your scent. The one beside your usually smelly human b.o. I mean." I threw a makeup brush at him. "I have it on good authority he usually isn't there first thing, so you could swing by, get a drink, see what happens."

He booped my nose with the makeup brush. "Claude! Dammit-gross! That thing was probably on someone's sweaty ass or man cleavage!"

"I use it to powder my balls so they don't chafe." I knew he was kidding but he tried to rub it on me some more, which resulted in a five minute tussle. I finally gave up, he was too strong. He had me pinned on the couch, with the brush poised over my face unless I would say he was the sexiest man alive, ew-which I did just to shut him up. I was so getting him back somehow.

Claudine brought us back from the shenanigans, as usual. "I think that sounds good, don't you Sookie?" I was quiet a moment, while I tried to think it all out. I was debating, do I go in costume or as myself, well as much of "myself" as I could safely show any vampire. What if, for some reason, Northman happened to be there when I did my trial run? If I met him while in disguise, I'd have to leave, then come back as "me". That would be a little risky. Again, if this guy was a thousand years old, he was probably pretty astute. He could pick up on my mannerisms, my masked scent, facial features or tells. That would definitely look suspicious.

Basically, just shy of immediate, life-threatening danger, I had to follow this through. So, whether or not he figured me out now or 3 weeks from now, was irrelevant. While I had learned it is good to strategize and plan your next move, I had to just dive in. I couldn't stand all this limbo shit. I needed to go there and take the first step to meet him. Yep, let's do this.

"Tomorrow." She cocked her head at me in confusion. "Tomorrow I'm going to-, what's this place called?"

"Fangtasia."

I choked on my water. "Please tell me your joking."

"No, why?"

I was holding my sides, laughing and they were both staring at me like I had just handed them a frog.

"It's a play on words. Do you get it?" Claudine asked me as if I were slow.

"Uh-yeah, I get it. It's an just awful name, word play or no word play."

I was still snickering as they exchanged a glance over their special cousin's slow head.

"Alrighty. Let's get ready for tomorrow then shall we dear cousin?" Claudine and I linked arms and headed out.

Claudine was flitting around me, finishing the last touches on my hair. "Well?"

"Looks great, but you do know your country bumpkin cousin can do her own hair and makeup, right?"

She laughed at me, "I know, but I'm so nervous for you, I had to do something besides pace and fret."

"There, there." I patted her hand. "I'll be fine." I wish I believed my own words.

We had spent the day shopping for a new human wardrobe. I had plenty of clothes at the palace, but none were appropriate here. It was either uber-casual workout garb or my fairy dresses, which would be a dead (ha) giveaway. And I had some things left at my Gran's house, that I had worn when I would visit and we would run to the store or church. But I hadn't been there since she died.

She had left me the house, but really, I had no desire to go unlock the house and drudge up old memories, just to get a few articles of clothing. Especially when I had this on my plate. I needed more updated stuff, anyway. I focused on jeans, dress casual things and outfits I could wear to the bar. We argued at length about the latter. Claudine thought I should get some goth gear, but I refused. I bought a few little black dresses but I refused to get corsets and combat boots and the like. It was going to be difficult enough trying to be someone I wasn't, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it in super uncomfortable clothing.

After the shopping marathon, Claude made good on his bartending lesson. I never really found out if they were hiring, so thought I would just go tonight and see what happened. If Northman never gave me a second look, or even a first one, then I could inquire if they were hiring and try that angle. Then we practiced popping around to make sure the power wouldn't fade the longer I spent in this realm. We were staying at the condo Claude and Claudine shared in Shreveport when they spent time here. Well, technically I was staying in one alone that was in the same building but as far from theirs, as possible. If this went passed the first introduction, I had to have a home as part of my human life ruse. One that didn't reek of fairy. What if Northman came over? My stomach tied up in knots at the thought. Focus, Sookie, breathe. Baby steps-let's see if I can even get him to notice me first.

I made sure I took a nap and ate well in preparation for the adjustment to the late hours. I couldn't bring my silver dagger, though I would take a length of silver chain, however. That would be easier explained than a specially-made weapon with the Brigant insignia on it. I took a look in the mirror. I thought I looked good. White dress with lots of red flowers. I figured it would make me stand out-a touch of light in a sea of black. I patted the hidden pocket the silver chain was tucked into. I was as ready as I was going to get.

After an almost tearful goodbye from Claudine, I was headed to the ridiculously named Fangtasia to woo the Vampire who could possibly hold the fate of the Sky Fae in his hands. No big deal, right? The condo was only about ten minutes from the bar, so I made good time, despite the nagging voice in the back of my head to stall, stall, you fool! The parking lot was full and it was only just after 10. I girded my loins, got out of the car and headed toward the line to get in the place.

"Suzie! Hey, Suzie!" Someone grabbed my arm from behind, as I spun around to defend myself. I paused right before I put my hand to the windpipe of a familiar face. "Amelia?! Jeez, don't do that!"

I gave an angry look to Claudine's friend, who often did the books for their club once every few weeks. She was a practicing witch and was also responsible for the wards placed on the club, deterring any vampires from entering.

"Well, I was calling you." She gave me a knowing look and I had the grace to at least look at her apologetically. Dammit-had to get used to my new name. "Remember we were supposed to meet out here before you headed in?" She said a little too loudly, then tapped her head. Oh, yeah listen in, gotcha.

She thought at me: Your cousins said you needed a date for tonight. I've been here a few times, so thought I'd help out. Plus, I never miss out on a chance to ogle the Viking. Eyebrow waggle. You'll probably be a little less conspicuous with someone, than all alone. Well, aren't they smart. Thanks for filling me in guys.

We walked the few short steps to the back of the line. Back to our fake conversation-"Oh yes, sorry." I quickly scanned the crowd. No voids in line, but one at the door. I stepped out of line a bit to look at the void. She looked right at me. Damn. I stepped quickly back in line and turned my back to her and got really into my conversation with Amelia.

"Nice outfit. Rebecca from Sunnybrook Farms, huh?"

I looked her outfit over. "Well, you've got enough Morticia Adams going on over there, so I thought I'd do my own thing."

I was sweating despite the banter, because I was tracking that black blip and it was headed right to this bullseye. I felt her behind me.

"Hello, dolls." I turned around and sized her up. She was gorgeous-blonde hair, smokey blue eyes, perfect model figure and dressed like Hot Topic threw up on Elvira. "Amelia." she said to my date, but was staring at me. "Who's your delicious friend?" I was pretty sure she just eye fucked me.

"Pam, nice to see you. This is my friend, Suzie."

"Nice to meet you, Suzie." Solicitous eye fuck "Let's get you two a drink and tucked in nicely." Did she just lick her fangs at me? "Shall we?" She guided us past the line and right into the door. "Please, head over to the bar and have drinks on the house. I'll join you soon." She raised an eyebrow at me, then winked and was gone.

We headed over and had a seat. Though the parking lot was full and there was a line at the door, apparently they had just started letting people in. There were only about twenty or so other people there. I did a perimeter scan. Other than the humans here, there were four vampires in the vicinity. Two tending bar, one behind a wall of the bar, in what I assumed was a storage area, one outside who I assumed was Pam and one toward the back of the building, past a hallway. "Hello, lovely ladies. What's your poison?" The fangs behind the bar asked. Jesus, did they all lick their chops at anyone with a pulse?

I tried to put it in perspective. I guess I wasn't exactly polite with my dinner, either. I didn't chat up my chocolate cake before I ate it.

Amelia ordered a red wine and I ordered a soda. Between the monumental task at hand and blocking out the human minds swirling around me like a whirling dervish of sex and blood lust, there was no way I was having a drop of alcohol tonight. While she chatted with our bartender, I tried not to stare at him. He definitely had the Native American vibe, but was it genuine or just camp, like Pam's outfit. I also mentally followed the blips I couldn't visually see around, just to keep tabs. Thus far, neither vamp seemed to notice anything unusual about me, and neither had attempted glamour. One of the blips from behind the bar I hadn't been able to see came up with a case of beer to unload. He had a Sid Vicious look going on, so I determined, everyone was striving for a different look. I guess it would be boring to come to a vampire bar to find them all in cargo pants and polo shirts.

I watched the bar slowly fill up as more people were allowed entry. As I chatted with Amelia, she'd occasionally think funny thoughts at me about this human or that. Pam came and went a few times. Each time she was near, I got the impression she was trying to glean something from me. I tried to keep as relaxed and unassuming as possible. My cousins had told me, they can hear when your heart starts to race and can smell fear, so I just practiced keeping as "normal" as possible. She was a shrewd one and if I was going to have to make nice with her to get a job here, or to get a sit-down with the boss, I needed her thinking I was plain ol' Suzie Humanpants.

After an hour or so, Amelia must have felt the effects of her wine, because she grabbed my hand and headed to the dance floor. I did love to dance, so we cut the rug for a few songs. Halfway through the third song, I felt two blips headed toward us. One was where Pam had been earlier and I looked over to see her watching us dance intently. I got nervous, as the previously unseen one that had been in the back of the building, moved closer. I pretended to laugh at Amelia's antics but kept an eye on Pam. She turned from watching us, to watching the second blip on the radar approach. I couldn't see the vamp yet, but it seemed like the crowd was parting and a throng of heated whispers was spreading through the crowd? What the what? Was Elvis in the building? I didn't get it.

Amelia finally caught on to what was going on because she looked at me, then at the horde we were still unable to see past, then back at me and thought: Here comes your boy, Eric. Ah. I kept dancing and made the motion for Amelia to keep at it, as well. I didn't want to ogle him, like all these other pathetic simps, here. She did the "drop it to the floor" move in front of me and I let out a surprised laugh, shaking my head. The music stopped, and I gave her a round of mini-applause and turned around to return to our seats. But I ran smack into the brick wall that was suddenly behind me. Wearing a Genesis t-shirt and jeans. I sucked in my lip and looked up. And up. My eyes were met with a pair the color of the Caribbean Ocean. And quickly dilating pupils. I heard and saw fangs snick down. The brick wall spoke. "Hello, Suzie."

Oh. Hello. Shit.