DON'T KILL ME!
XxXxXxXxX
The marauders were excited. Remus kept hissing at them to be calm; otherwise they would look suspicious, get caught, and the plan would be ruined. They had prepared everything the night before, and had gotten into the Slytherin common room to plant the dust on all of the clothing. They were ready for dinner.
Remus was gnawing on his steak bone. It was his favorite thing to eat; a nice, juicy steak with sauce, and the best part was the bone. It was the only thing that he got messy while eating, but by the end of the meal, he would have licked it all off his fingers and face.
` Rare steak… the more rare the better, especially when he got closer to the full moon… no. he wouldn't think of that. No one had wondered about anything yet, and he would enjoy it while it lasted. Enjoy the friendship while it lasted.
"Hey," Madelyn was holding her goblet and looking at it funny, "by the way, what the hell am I drinking?"
"You know," Remus sucked sauce off of thumb before giving Madelyn a cross look, "your 'American language' as you call it, is truly atrocious. You should honestly stop swearing like the drunken sailor you are."
"Atrising? Vlemging?" James was grinning at Remus. "What, my good man Sirius, do you suppose these alien words are that this small stranger speaks so vehemently?"
Sirius' grin was matching. "Ah, my dear James," he said wisely, "I do not know, for it is not a language I am familiar with, let alone fluent. So, alas! I cannot tell you, the answer eludes me!"
Remus' mouth opened with annoyance to argue with them, but thought better of it and turned to Madelyn, "Well, my good New Yorker, what you are drinking is pumpkin juice."
Madelyn sprayed said juice out of her mouth on someone diagonal from her…that looked vaguely familiar. "What? Oh, sorry," she passed a napkin to the blond boy before turning back. "Pumpkin juice?"
"Well what did you think it was?" Confused, James's eyebrows furrowed with confusion.
"Well," Madelyn began. "I thought it was some raspberry, kiwi… zucchini with some cinnamon tea that was room temperature."
The boys stared at her with worried looks.
"But pumpkin juice sounds much grosser!" she finished. Remus couldn't but help admire her accent. He found it very interesting. Why had she come across an ocean to Hogwarts anyway?
"What do you usually drink?" Sirius inquired.
"Oh, you know, apple juice, grape juice, milk, water, ah… soy sauce, ketchup… you know, the usual."
Sirius shook his head, "No, we don't know."
"Hey, look!" Remus nudged Madelyn to get everyone's attention. "Everyone's in the hall."
James' grin reappeared, "You ready?"
Remus licked his fingers one last time. "Let's go."
The Slytherins exploded.
Interesting, Remus couldn't help but muse. When they had been planning, James and Sirius had been particularly keen to this part. Well, it did have the desired effect.
Not only did the girls start screaming for the most part, but so did many of the boys. At a very high pitch. Particularly the Ravenclaw prefect. This. Bugged. Remus. And hurt his head. Remus couldn't believe people complained about "migraines" and their "real pain." Pfft! Try being a-
No! He mentally shook himself. You're not going to think about that, you're going to have fun.
Remus focused on the task at hand. The huge cloud of red dust was beginning to settle, revealing the Slytherins, who looked highly embarrassed and unusually tattered.
Remus smiled ruefully. Their robes look worse than mine! You had to love that.
When nothing else appeared to happen, Sirius looked at Remus, worried.
Remus smiled. "Wait for it."
On cue, fireworks exploded and fizzed all over the room. Each time they touched food or drink, they would cause that to explode. There appeared to be a small incident at the Hufflepuff's table where some girl's robes caught fire, but an exploding goblet of water took care of that.
Just because they had caused this, did not mean the marauders were spared. Remus' favorite was the casserole in James's ear. He grinned, and was going to tease James mercilessly, but Madelyn cut him off with a "Don't ask." She was trying very hard not to erupt into peals of laughter. "Later."
The chatter that had been held at bay for the first part of the performance began to fill the hall, only to stop abruptly when fireworks erupted from behind the teachers, each one hitting a teacher and five students. Not only was there laughter, but also screams as people watched their classmates get whapped.
A great eruption came from beneath Flitwick, who was lifted up off the ground out of his chair by a huge red funnel. The poor man was bobbing around, gaining height until it flung Flitwick out of his seat- directly onto professor McGonagall's lap.
We need to get a camera. A picture for every prank at least; because this? This is priceless.
Flitwick's arms were around McGonagall's neck and she held him while they stared at each other in shock. A pink shower of sparks rained around the two professors as they stared at each other for a good twenty seconds.
During those twenty seconds, the hall erupted into laughter.
As the last spark sizzled down McGonagall's face she turned to look at the students. She quickly swung professor Flitwick to his feet before standing herself.
Remus nearly ran off with a figurative tail between his legs when he saw professor McGonagall's face. Maybe it was how flint-like her eyes were. Or, perhaps, how thin her lips were, or how wide her nostrils had flared. But what had probably set off Remus' self-preservation was how she was mad.
Remus didn't like swearing, but he figured he would take a leaf out of Madelyn's book.
McGonagall looked pissed.
The other marauders had noticed. James cringed back and was looking for some cave he could hide in, and Sirius' entire body had tensed, like he was going to spring up, kick someone, and run out the doors. Madelyn looked completely relaxed though.
"Who did this?"
James began to whisper frantically, "Mates, what do I do? The next part-"
Remus pulled out some parchment and a quill, "Hey, relax, you just write it on this."
"Remember," Sirius murmured, "keep it short and sweet."
James bent his head and scrawled a word. Sure enough, it appeared in flaming red letters above the hall.
US.
Everyone started whispering, but you could still hear McGonagall's voice ring, "Who are you?"
But "us" said no more.
XxXxXxXxX
Just wanted to say, not my fault.
What? Of course it was your fault!
Yeah you can't blame us, we're just the people in your head.
And since we aren't real, the blame falls to you.
Ok, um… excuses… um… pranks are hard to plan?
No, you planned this over a month ago.
Ok… uh, I broke my collar bone?
No, that would be a reason to get more done.
Well... there is the other reason…
And what's that?
Ah! Icey! You're here!
Well, we um, our flash drive has gone missing
LLEEEEEERRROOOOOOOYYYY! COME BACK TOOO MEEEEE!
It's been a very painful loss.
You lost your flash drive?
We did not lose him! We simply don't know where he is.
WHHAAAAAA! PLEASE! WE MADE YOU MUFFINS!
What the hell is wrong with you?
We've been looking everywhere. Perhaps… perhaps he has gone to join mother Russia.
NO! Leroy was loyal! He would never do that!
Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with your head?
Oh, shut up, you. You aren't even supposed to be here!
Oh, I invited her.
What?
It's just for the intro. Hey everybody, I'd like you to meet our new beta, ice- oh wait I'm not supposed to tell you that! Boo-ya.
West, you're insane.
Probably, but at least now there won't be anyone complaining about me putting pine instead of nine!
*x*
SHOUT-OUT: thecompleatbookworm- I will read your story! Eventually. I started to but complications arose and, well… then I started reading Hetalia. Whoops!
Good evening, good morning, good afternoon, folks! Welcome to this chapter of Once a Marauder, Always a Marauder. I am not going to tell you who I am, since I don't want you stalking my profile (besides, I doubt any of you would like what I write anyway). Okay? Okay. Good.
You can all address me as Icey. I am West's new beta, and a personal friend, so any spelling and grammar mistakes will be directed at moi. I'll also be giving West some ideas with the story. If I forget anything, mention it, okay? I don't like making mistakes with other people's stories.