NOT MY FAULT!

As much as it pains me to admit it, and it does, she's right.

Damn straight, she is! We finished this on Valentine's Day!

Not. My. Fault.

Eh, I blame Icey.

Me, too.

Me, three.

Me, four.

Four? AAAAHHH! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!

Oops, my bad. I went twice.

Why do I even come here?

Because we have rolling-chairs.

XxXxXxX

"Ok," James began, "how about this-"

"No," Remus cut in tonelessly. "And before you ask, no."

He slammed his head against the table. "Oh, come on!"

"James. Stop. Change your thinking! We already agreed that the first pranks would be for the entire school."

"I offered some ideas, but you shot them down!"

Remus threw his hands in the air, "James, we can't perform fifth year's magic! Our first prank was just third year, and that was hard enough! I'm surprised we even managed it."

"Because we're amazing." Madelyn stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ok, ok," James grumbled.

Sirius suppressed a yawn. It was almost a week since their prank, and coming up with one was harder than they had though it would be. They were eating breakfast, and James was still trying to think of something. Just as he had been for the past two days.

"James, mate," Sirius said through another yawn, "They're great ideas, but we need something that we can use now."

"What we need," Madelyn thought out loud, "Is inspiration. Just like how we planned the last prank on your firework in potions."

Remus rubbed his face tiredly, "And an alternative to magic. I don't want to have to go combing through the library every time we want to try something."

Sirius shrugged, "So, let's get a potion!"

"Yeah, but how?" Remus spoke, voice muffled by his hand . "Even if we could brew some efficiently, we don't have the necessary materials or ingredients to do so."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "We have potions today. I bet Slughorn has some in his office. And he has a cupboard filled with different brews in the dungeons. We cause a distraction, two of us slip in and grab some, continue on as though nothing happened."

"It's probably locked."

"So pick the lock," Madelyn said simply, shrugging her shoulders.

"Can you do that?"

Madelyn rolled her eyes, "Dude, I'm the girl that sleeps with a pocket knife." Cue wide eyes. Feeling slightly self-conscious, Madelyn snapped, "Of course I can pick a lock! What kind of question is that?"

James rolled his eyes in turn, "Ok, now that that's taken care of, who's going to do the distraction, and who's going to help Madelyn?"

"Five more minutes!"Slughorn trilled. The class simultaneously stirred at their potions.

James quietly cleared his throat and gave Sirius a nudge. A firework slipped out of James' sleeve and into his hand.

"Which one?" he whispered.

Sirius ran an eye over the room. "Behind meter diagonal from you."

James began to cough. He brought both hands up to cover his mouth and casually threw the firework over his shoulder. Madelyn started to creep to the edge of her table.

The potion behind them gave an ominous rumble and rose up over the rim in hissing bubbles. Its brewer let out a shriek as it flowed over the edge of her table towards Sirius and James.

"Ahh!" James yelled.

"Run!" Sirius shouted, flipping over their table. As the potions flowed together with the first one, James saw Madelyn reach the door and cover it with her hands.

The table that Sirius had flipped hit the two students sitting in front of them.

"Aii!" one girl screeched as they in turn hit their own table and caused it to turn over. It all reminded James of that one muggle thingy… um, oh, dominoes!

As students started to scream, James saw Madelyn carefullyopen the door and Remus slip inside.

James looked over at Sirius and grinned.

"Aaaahhhhh!" Sirius screamed, throwing his hands in the air and running around. "We're all going to die!"

James unsuccessfully tried not to grin as girls started to scream even more.

"Help!"

"Merlin!"

"Ok, everyone," Slughorn shouted, "Let's just all calm down, and- oh, my!"

The poor professor had to duck in order to dodge a chair that had gone flying across the room.

XxXxXxXxX

"Ok, we're in."

Remus ducked past Madelyn to come face to face with rows upon rows of vials.

"I don't even recognize half of these!" he hissed.

Madelyn grinned, "I don't recognize any."

They went to different shelves and began to comb through them.

"Ok…" Remus mumbled to himself. "Sleeping… pain-killing… growing… shrinking…purple, green… I don't even know what color this is."

"Which ones should we take?" Madelyn asked.

"I don't know what we'll need, so just take a variety- and quick!"

They hurriedly began to take random vials and shove them into their jeans and robes. Remus could already feel the hours of reading it would take to identify them all.

"Madelyn, do you see those pink ones above you?" She paused and looked to where he was pointing."Those are pepper-up potions. Take a few extra."

He headed toward the door, slipping the last potion that wouldn't fit into any of his pockets into his sock.

Madelyn appeared behind him, "Hey, do you have any extra room? I don't know where to put these three."

"No, just put them in your shoes, like I did."

She shook her head, "My socks are full."

"Well… I d'unno, but we got to go!" Remus put his hand on the doorknob.

"But… ah… mmm," Madelyn's eyes darted back and forth before she dropped the vials down the front of her shirt.

Remus raised his eyebrows at her.

"What? This is Europe, no one's going to look there!" she hissed. "Wait a minute… they won't, right?"

"I don't think- I mean, I hope not- I, you know, let's just go!"

And with that, he opened the door and they walked out.

"Ok, children, now that we are all patched up from the little, ah, incident, we are unfortunately out of time, so I must ask that you write an essay about this particular potion that is fourteen inches long…" The hassled Professor began a no doubt long and rambling speech about their homework. None of the marauders, however, were listening.

Sirius looked up and saw Madelyn and Remus standing at their desk, pockets bulging. He gave James a grin.

As the marauders walked out together, Sirius turned to the group with a wolfish grin, "So, how did it go?"

"I'd say it went very well."

"Hey, mate, are you ok?" James asked.

Remus was limping, and he had a funny look on his face, "Yeah, it's just… I had no room in my pockets, so I put a vial in my sock and it slipped down into my shoe," he made a face. "Look, I don't like stealing like this."

James looked at the floor, "I'm not too fond of it either. But, how about we pay Slughorn back! Eventually."

Remus nodded.

"Um, do you want us to take some of the potions?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, yeah," Madelyn said. "Hey, James, you're fast, right?"

"Er, yeah?"

"Can you run up to the dorm and grab two pillow cases? Not the pillow, just the case."

"Uh…sure!"

As he ran off, Sirius asked, "Why two?"

She gave him an innocent look. "Oh, no reason."

After Remus fished the potion out of his sock, he gave it to Sirius and they made it to Defense against the Dark Arts. They had just seated themselves at a table when James appeared at the door, looking windblown.

"Wow, that was fast! I'm impressed!" Madelyn said as he handed her the requested baggy white things.

"No problem!" James hadn't quit smiling from when she had sent him on the errand.

They all quickly dumped the potions into one of the cases, put it inside the other, and placed it at James' feet just in time for their teacher to walk in. Professor Mandan was short, had a hard face, and brown hair. There seemed to be something off about him, but Sirius wasn't sure what.

"Good morning class, today we will be learning about a handy little spell that produces blue, water-proof flames. Now, the pages in your books you should turn to are page ninety-five and six…"

He continued on, demonstrating and teaching in a low drone while the class followed from their books and watched. Eventually he let everyone begin to practice.

"So, any idea what the potions are?" Sirius asked while James tried to set the cloth between them on fire.

"I didn't know them, but Remus recognized a few. I plan to go to the library for lunch to see what I can find," Madelyn fell silent as the professor came over to their table to check on them.

"Not bad for a first time," he said to James, who managed to produce a spark that winked out.

"Hey, good job, Remus!" Sirius said when the boy managed to produce a complete tongue of flame that quickly consumed the entire piece of fabric.

"Hmm, yes…" Professor Mandan said in a tight, disdainful voice. He looked down his nose at Remus, flared his nostrils, and walked away.

"Well, that was rude," Sirius said, watching him. "What's his problem?"

"Don't worry about it," Remus muttered.

They continued to work until the class was dismissed. When they entered the hall, James bounded forward, smiling, eager for food.

"So, what do we do now?"

"I'm going to the library," Madelyn said, shoveling down food. "I want to grab the books we'll need and look for some others. Try not to choke on anything while I'm gone."

"Bye, have fun!"

"Don't let yourself be crushed by the books!"

"And don't read too much!"

"Or let yourself catch library-itis!"

Madelyn rolled her eyes, smiling, "Look both ways before crossing the street, don't talk to strangers, come to a complete stop at stop signs, don't talk back to cops, I get it. You three behave."

"Bye!"

"Goodbye!"

"Adieu!"

As soon as she was out of the hall, the three remaining marauders turned to each other, smiling.

"She babies us too much."

"I know, it's like having another mum."

"That's not exactly a bad thing," Remus said in a small voice. "I mean, she did teach James how to tie his shoelaces."

Sirius took a swig of pumpkin juice, nodding, "She showed me where the toothpaste was."

"And she reminds us we have homework, what it is, and when it's due," James smiled. "Thank Merlin; otherwise McGonagall would hate me by now."

Sirius laughed, "Yeah, but now McGonagall thinks you're an angel. Madelyn is a mum."

"What do they call them in America? Mama?"

"Big Mama!"

"Big Mama! Madelyn's Big Mama!" James was bent over laughing along with Sirius. Even Remus gave a small chuckle.

"Hmm, potions, potions…" Madelyn mused as she trailed down the shelves. An encyclopedia caught her eye. Potions: Cause and Effect, Identifying, Shortcuts and More! With Pictures!

"Love how they mention the pictures…" she muttered.

Madelyn began to go through the pages, musing to herself. She was completely oblivious to the world.

"What are you doing?"

"WHAK!" Madelyn jumped, nearly falling over, "Whoa," she caught herself and straightened.

"Who are you?"

The ghost who appeared behind her looked Madelyn up and down, "Judging by your appearance and the book you're holding, I would say around fourth or fifth year. But you don't know me, so you must be a first year."

"Huh," Madelyn shut her book and leaned against the shelf. "You're good."

"And you're not," the ghost said in a nasty voice. "What are you doing with a book like that? Adding that to your cocky attitude judged by how you lean against the shelf, you're up to no good. Although that could just be because you're American,and this alone is enough to raise suspicion against you. So is that pillow case next to your feet."

Madelyn smirked and raised her hands, "Do you hear me denying it?"

The ghost, which just seconds before had been shaking agitatedly, finally settled, floating in the air, "No I don't," she said crabbily.

Madelyn pointed at her, her fingers forming a gun, "I didn't catch your name."

"That's because I didn't give it."

"Huh," she gave a small laugh, "So, I was looking at a book and being suspicious. What are you going to do now?"

"Nothing. I don't like the people in this school, and it's not like they would believe me anyway," still in her sitting position, the ghost floated away through the shelf.

"Huh," Madelyn went. She grabbed a few more books, put them all in the pillow case and walked out of the row. As she turned the corner, she ran right into someone, knocking them both down.

"Whoa!"

"Oh, ow."

Madelyn rolled to her knees and began to grab the potions and put them back in the case before the man would see them.

"Oh, here," he handed her one of the books.

"Thanks."

"Are you a student?"

"Yeah," she looked up at him. He wore no house colors, "You a teacher?"

"Yes," he extended a hand, "Professor X, muggle studies."

She shook it, "X… that doesn't happen to stand for Xavier, does it?"

He smiled, "It does, actually!" he said brightly. "How did you know?"

Madelyn shrugged. "Oh… no reason."

Professor X nodded to the potion aisle, "What were you looking for?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know more about potions. I find them fascinating, and I'm a muggle-born, and want to know more about everything, so…" she shrugged again, "Hey, do you know where the history books are? If wizards have been secretly living in our world for forever, they must've had some effect on the past that the muggles wouldn't know about.

"Ah!" Professor X's eyes were gleaming with excitement. "I know just what you want. It's over here."

He led her down several rows, across a few shelves, and pulled out a large tome and three leather bound not-quite-book-lets. "Here, a bit large, granted, but well worth the time it takes to read."

"Thanks," Madelyn put them with the potion books in the pillow case. The smaller case that held all of the potions rested on top of the stacks of books inside the larger pillow case. Madelyn was impressed that the cotton was able to hold all of the weight.

"Oh, and since you are American you will enjoy this one. And," he went over to the wall and pulled out an old scroll, "This, you will find helpful."

"Thanks," Madelyn was holding the bulging pillowcase to her chest with both arms, "This really saves me a lot of time."

"Oh, think nothing of it. If you hurry, you can still make it to the end of lunch!" Professor X walked off, humming merrily.

Madelyn walked off too, but, once again, she was interrupted by the ghost from earlier.

"You're a trouble maker aren't you?"

"What does it matter?"

"Well, trouble makers make everything much more interesting, and entertaining to watch, so I might just help said person if this was indeed their intentions…"

Madelyn slowly turned to look at the nameless ghost, "What do you have in mind?"

"Hey, mates, guys, we go to transfiguration next, right?"

"Right," Sirius said slowly.

"Ok, then, we're gonna have to hurry."

The marauders were sitting in their rows in transfiguration. Remus couldn't help but find this plan of Sirius's ridiculous. But then, the fact that James had been carrying around packets of ketchup was even more ridiculous. But why did he have to do it? He would feel so foolish.

But a little voice in the back of his head was thinking, This is going to be so much fun.

Remus leaned back so that the others could hear him, "You ready?"

"Waiting for you."

Remus pulled the packet of ketchup out of his pocket, tore it open, and in one swift movement, shot it at his face.

Right at his nose.

"Ah!" Remus cried, smacking a hand to his face. "Oh, Merlin, I'm bleeding!"

The red-head that James called Millie turned around from her seat in the front and shrieked at the sight of Remus' face.

McGonagall hurried over, "What happened?"

"Oooogh," Remus bent over as if in pain, secretly emptying another packet of ketchup into his hand to smear over the bottom half of his face. He held his red-stained hands up to see, "Ah! Oh, Merlin, my nose is bleeding!"

No one noticed that James and Sirius were missing.

"Oh, boy, it's a gusher!" Madelyn shouted from behind Remus.

"Yep, that's what it is," Remus agreed, trying to nod and wipe the "blood" off his face at the same time. "It's a gush- WHO CARES WHAT TYPE IT IS?" he whipped around to yell at Madelyn and unload another packet.

One of the hufflepuffs started crying as McGonagall tried to calm everybody down and stop the heavy "bleeding" all at once.

"Now, really, Jones, stop crying. Mr. Lupin, go down to the hospital wing to get cleaned up. Miss West, go with him."

As the two troublemakers walked out, James Potter and Sirius Black seemed to magically reappear. Remus turned his head to look at the two grinning fools.

James and Sirius simultaneously shot the "bloody" boy a thumbs-up.

Madelyn and Remus sat waiting in the dorm, eating the ketchup off of Remus' face with pieces of chicken the managed to get from the great hall when they were supposed to be at the hospital wing. James and Sirius walked in.

"It is done!" Sirius announced with a flourish and a bow.

Madelyn started clapping as the dark-haired boy produces five pieces of parchment from his sleeve.

"Thank you, thank you," Sirius said as he and James sat on the floor next to their two friends.

"All five pieces?" Remus asked around a bite of chicken.

"Yep!" James answered. "You say you learned this from a ghost?"

Madelyn explained her encounter with the 'Nameless Female Dead Person,' (As Sirius called her). "I'll probably go back to figure out her name in a day or so," she commented from behind one of the books Professor X had given her.

"How did you know his name was Xavier?" Sirius asked.

"He's a hero."

"What? But you just met his today! How is he already your hero?"

Remus could practically feel that eye-roll.

"Hey did you know that George Washington was what you call a squib? And that that is why he hated that he never managed to catch Benedict Arnold, who was a wizard? He wanted to prove that he was just as good as a wizard. Native American tribes were full of magical people. Or how about that a witch blew up the Maine and started the Spanish-American war? There's tons more and that's just American history! Wizards have been meddling around a lot more than they realize!"

"Hm, right. Anyway!" Sirius began. "Let's get started on figuring out what potions these are."

He pulled the pillow case out from under the spare bed in the room and began to sort through them. He passed some out and the three boys began to flip through the books that Madelyn had gotten from the library. James and Sirius had a brief but fierce battle over who got the one with the pictures.

"Hey," Remus began looking at the inside cover, "When are these due back at the library, Madelyn? Because there aren't any due dates…did you not even check them out?"

"Hmm, what did you say Remus?" Madelyn said, studying the scroll.

He breathed a heavy sigh, "Never mind."

"Yeah… well, as fun as this is," Madelyn said, standing up, "I'm gonna get going."

"Huh?"

"Wha-"

"Wait, you're leaving?"

"Where are you going?"

Madelyn smiled and began to pack up her things, "I don't live here, guys. This isn't my dorm, and I figure I should go back to the one that is. I kinda have to live with the other inhabitants for the next seven years, so I figure that I ought to go learn their names."

James gave her a blank look. "You don't even know their names?" He was ignored staunchly by the others.

Remus smiled, "See if you last the night."

Sirius got up, wearing an abandoned puppy face.

"Bye, Big Mama," he gave her a hug. "I hope you don't die."

"Drama queen," James muttered.

"Big Mama?" Madelyn asked.

Sirius let go, "Oh, ha-ha," he said nervously. "We kind of gave you a nick-name."

"It was James' idea," Remus piped up.

James's face became mortified. "What? Traitor!"

"Oh, yeah?" Madelyn asked. "And what's he, Twerp?"

Sirius gave an impish smile, "Skinny Little Git."

"Hey!"

"What? I thought we decided on arrogant Little Pip-Squeak." Remus frowned mockingly.

"Hey!"

"Ha ha! Well, I'm still going."

Sirius sighed and closed his book, "Well, we'll save the work for when you get back."

Madelyn rolled her eyes, "Just clean everything up, in case someone comes in here. Bye!"

She walked over and opened the door. As she walked through, Remus heard her give an enthusiastic, "Hi!"

Who was she saying hi to?

The three marauders were in the great hall, eating breakfast, when suddenly Madelyn appeared next to them.

"Oh, hey, Madelyn, where did you go?"

"What, I was-"

"Oh, Merlin, this is delicious," Sirius moaned.

"See? I told you!" James said triumphantly.

They had made breakfast sandwiches out of toast, scrambled eggs, and ketchup.

"Madelyn, Remus, you have to try this!"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "What's good is tortilla bread, eggs, and salsa. It's amazing!"

Madelyn joined them at the table and began to eat.

"Hey."

Madelyn looked up, "Oh, hey Maja! I didn't even notice you. How are you?"

Before the girl across from Madelyn could reply, Sirius turned around and asked with his mouth full, "Who are you?"

"Huh? Oh!" Madelyn looked between them, "Maja, this is Sirius, Sirius, other people, this is Maja."

Remus turned to look at the new-comer, "Hello."

Maja looked a little overwhelmed by all of the sets of eyes, "Hi, um, I'm Maja Patel; I'm in Madelyn's dorm."

"You're a first year? In our class?" James sounded shocked.

Sirius laughed, "James there are other people in Gryffindor."

"Yeah," Maja gave a light smile. "I have an older sister in ravenclaw."

James nodded and looked at Madelyn, "Wait, you know who's in your dorm?"

"Yes, there's Maja, a girl called Alice, a girl named Mary… oh, get this, James! There's that red-head chick that always yells at us, and it turns out, her name isn't Millie at all! It's Lily!"

"No!"

"Oh, yeah!" Madelyn nodded, "Did any of you see that one coming?"

"No."

"Not at all."

"I don't believe it."

A loud screech from above caught everyone's attention.

"Mail!"

"Mail?"

A large great horned owl came towards James, dropping its parcel in his lap. It gave a soft hoot, nuzzled James' ear, and flew off. To the marauder's surprise, a dark school owl flew over to Madelyn and dropped a letter on her head.

James tore open the package and gave a smile to Remus and Sirius, "Mates, we now have a camera!"

"Perfect!" Sirius took it and began to fiddle with some knobs on it. "We can start documenting our pranks! Madelyn, what did you get?"

Madelyn was smiling as her eyes reached the end of the page, "A letter from home. My mom wants to know why I got detention, how things are, do I like it here, have I made friends…"

"Hold on, your mum only just learned you had detention?"

"She must have been cooking when she wrote the letter because one of the pages from our recipe book is in here," she ran an eye over the brown paper. "I mean, she knows that I don't like Jell-O. At least, I think she knows."

She looked up at the boys, who were staring at her, mouths open.

"What?"

Then it hit her.

"Oooh!"

Jell-O.