"Pain demands to be felt" (John Green)

And so it does - but so does love, so does joy - for a world entirely dwelling in pain...what is that world? Can there be such a world before that leaves you with nothing at all, but pure hatred? Should all the joy be ripped out, where does that bring you? What can you find for hope? Is it possible to live in...

Ahsoka's thoughts shifted as she slowly breathed out, her breath misting in the coldness of the early morning. The sun was hazy and low, and though the planet was cold, she only wore her typical attire and a thick robe. The fog hovered, as it always did, and the arches and vines of the surrounding trees were dark and bare, but Ahsoka couldn't help but think that the curves were beautiful

She stared into the mist, lost in her own thoughts - but then she turned, and she walked away. The robe fell from her shoulders as she walked, her eyes were clear and her lips straight.

The image swirled away.

The dream was gone; she had dreamed, and now she was returning.

Her lashes flickered and fluttered, and her eyes opened clear and blue. Unfocused, but bright. Tears beaded in them, yet she blinked them back; Anakin was gazing at her with a soft look in his eyes. Worried, but gentle. Slowly, he took her into his own arms and held her tightly against his chest. Ahsoka stayed in the warmth of the embrace and closed her eyes, a soft whimper escaping between her lips.

"Sh," Anakin murmured, settling his chin on the tops of her montrols, "Snips, you're all right."

His whole body was shaking, trembling as though he were cold. Quietly, the Togruta pulled back and gazed at him.

Her shields were slowly being built back up, Anakin could feel it. He could only catch fragments of her thoughts now, and they continued to grow more distant. After a few moments, though, Ahsoka was exhausted from the effort. "It's all right, Snips, it takes time." He reassured. Anakin's fingers curled around her shoulders, and he gave a wisp of a smile.

She hadn't spoken yet, he noted, and he watched her while disguising the wariness that welled inside of him. Finally, in a creaky, hoarse voice, she said, "Thank you."

"I'm here for you, Ahsoka." Anakin reminded her.

Ahsoka regarded him for a moment, and then nodded, her silka beads swinging. A smile graced her lips, and then, in a stronger voice; "Told you that two could come out of it - you just don't listen to me. 'Sides, I always save you. Remember?"

Anakin couldn't help frowning at her before he said, "Get some sleep." He pulled her covers up, and sent a hint of a sleep suggestion. Before he left the room, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

3 Months later

Pain demands to be felt...and it was felt, it was always felt.

Nobody lived without pain, Ahsoka realized. And sometimes, it made you stronger. She fought in a war that didn't always have the best causes...sometimes she killed without wanting to...sometimes, she didn't feel like a Jedi.

Yet she pulled the treads of what made Ahsoka Tano together, and slowly became aware that one day, she might lose everything (or some it might seem), but she would survive it.

She could.

Sometimes, she thought back to the coldness and recovery (yet she always got to look of relief and shock on Obi-Wan's face when he saw her walk out of the Medbay and smiled, and she couldn't suppress laughter when she remembered Yoda's slightly baffled look.)

Was it all worth it...?

Yes.

Corny. Yes. I admit it. But it's done, and now I'm going to go back to Ascending in the Light.

Anyway - about the quote "Pain demands to be felt." It's from a John Green book, The Fault in Our Stars; I highly recommend it.

And I'm also aware that (even though I haven't seen Season 5 in the Clone Wars, I'm going to watch it this summer b/c I don't get the channel) Ahsoka left the Order. But because I haven't actually seen it, I guess this is either AU or beforehand.

:D