A/n: First one-shot, be nice please! Constructive criticism welcome as always. R & R. Enjoy! (If you like it enough let me know and I'll consider doing more from other characters.)
Letter To The Lost
Dear Freddie.
Explain to me, please explain to me, tell me why this had to happen, why us? From the moment when we were kids, the moment that we sat out on our backyard messing with those stupid gnomes, the time that we got our Hogwarts acceptance letters and started learning magic, all those times that we snuck out late just because we know that it would get mum mad; we've always done everything together, the sneaking around, the late night detentions, all our pranks, our birthdays, Christmas, spying on little Ginny - somehow none of it seems the same when you're not here next to me to share the laughs, the knowing looks and everything that came with them. Give me one good reason why you had to go, Freddie. Have you ever wondered if it should have been me to die instead of you? I sure have, you would know how to get mum to stop crying when she thinks no one can hear, you would know how to stop the nightmares that keep dad up late into the night.
Just writing this all out to you, like you're still here, I can't keep the tears from coming because I know that it should be you here. Keeping the family together, it should be you, the one everyone came to with questions or when they needed cheering up. Look at us now, Freddie, we're falling apart without you here, we need you, why did you leave us? Maybe I thought this was all going to turn out okay, maybe I thought - a little stupidly - that everyone would make it out of this war alive.
Now it's clear we didn't, we're scared now, Freddie, there's a huge hole in our family from where you've disappeared. Over and over, I hear mum in the other room, wondering and wondering why one of her children had to die, and sometimes I think that she rather that it was you who survived instead of me. Precariously balanced me, trying desperately to put the pieces of my shattered self back together. Quitting isn't an option, I can hear you telling me that right now, as I sit in our room, our room that is awfully dark and lonely without you here to brighten it up with your constant banter and laughter. Right now I need you, Freddie, I need you to tell me to suck it up and that laughter is, and always will be, the best medicine, I need you to tell me that, just this once, everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes I think I'm forgetting you, I look into the mirror and for a second I can't remember your laugh or the way your eyes always lit up when you smiled at the world, like it was one great big adventure; I can't ever forget you, Freddie, I don't think I'd survive it. These days - our birthday and the days approaching it - are the hardest, Freddie. Unsettling, a bit upsetting, that's what it is; everyone tries to be happy because it's what you would've wanted, but Freddie, as every birthday passes and the time since I've last seen you smile and race around on your broomstick, since you've made master pranks with me grows longer I can't help but wonder. Vile memories are coming around now, things that I wish I could take back now that it's too late, fights that wasted the precious short time we had together.
Would you hate me so much if I came to live with you, wherever you are, if I found you to escape this prison? Xeric is something I've recently added to my dictionary - I've actually taken up reading since you left, it gives everyone else a right laugh - it means an animal that's adapted to a very dry landscape, that describes me without you, Freddie, you're my other half and I haven't done such a great job of life without you, in fact, I mess it up almost every day. You were the better out of the two of us, always positive, always able to rebound from any situation, I can't do it without you, I can't spend life constantly turning to tell you something just to find that you aren't there. Zero days have gone by that I haven't thought of you, none have passed where I haven't wondered what we would be doing if you hadn't died, or what would have become of our family if you had been here to comfort Ginny when she broke down in the middle of the night when she finally realized that you were never coming home.
Actually, everyone has been a mess without you. But at least Bill has Fleur, and Charlie travels all the time; Hermione can comfort Ron the best she can when he calls for someone that can never answer, and Harry and Ginny have always been there for each other; you were always the one I went to Fred, and with everyone growing up and moving on I'm left behind here, wondering and wondering and wondering, left in this room that's cold and empty without you in it and a torn, broken heart that threatens to crumble to nothing every second of every day that I wake up to the fact that you aren't here anymore.
Can't breathe without you, George.