Hiding Scars
Chapter 10
The sun was beginning to sink behind the horizon. Sounds from the festival still wafted over the land, shouts and laughter and music. Relena took a deep breath and exhaled, simply enjoying being in Heero's presence. She didn't know that Heero had been staring at her, taking in her beauty of aging, the glow of her skin and the false red of her hair. The long, Duo-esque braid hung over her shoulder and ended somewhere past her breasts.
Relena snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him. "I completely lost track of what I was doing!" she said with a little laugh. "I'm supposed to be entertaining them!" she said. Relena jumped up from the chair before Heero could say anything, and she dashed inside the house. Heero followed her.
The house was empty except for Cherry. Relena looked around and frowned. The dishes were all done and the dining room was clean. On the table there was a single sheet of paper, written in what could have been Hilde's writing.
Relena & Heero,
You two need some time alone. We went to the beach to hang out at the festival. If you want to join us later, just give us a call!
-Hilde
"They left us alone," Relena commented after reading the note. Heero had come up behind her and read the note over her shoulder. Unable to resist the urge, he circled his arms around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. She could feel the heat of his body through her clothes.
"Relena," Heero breathed. He rested his chin on her shoulder. Relena closed her eyes, trying to still her racing heart. Even after all this time, her body's natural instinct when touched was to shy away, to protect herself. But Heero would never hurt her. She knew this. She stepped forward and turned around to face him. She stared at his eyes, and he stared into her's.
"You never left my thoughts," Relena said. "Not once since I had to leave." Heero nodded.
"I know. I read your book," he said. "It was pretty obvious to me where you got the inspiration for that, though I don't think anyone else knows about it." Relena shook her head.
"I've never told anyone," she said. "When I was writing it, I used it as an excuse to think about you, and to bring up past memories, especially when I was feeling lonely," she said. "Every month I considered leaving here and returning home, but I just didn't know what would happen. I couldn't... I couldn't endure what happened a second time. I don't even want to return to that house. Ever."
Heero pulled her close again, her cheek resting against his chest. His hand reached up to her hair and he stroked it. He was insanely curious about the scar on her shoulder, underneath the ink, but he kept his hand away from that spot, worried it might touch a nerve with her.
"I never forgot about you. When the search was called off, I drifted restlessly. I was completely lost," he confessed. "You were my life, and without you, I had no life," he said.
"Oh Heero," she said quietly.
"The most painful part was admitting to myself that you were- that you were probably dead," he said. Relena's stomach twisted. She felt immense amounts of guilt about leaving her friends without telling them where she was. But it was necessary. She had to protect them, and she had to protect herself.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Heero shook his head.
"Don't apologize. Otherwise, we'll be apologizing to each other until we die. It is what it is. We can't change anything," he said.
"At least not the past," Relena added. Heero lifted her chin up with one if his fingers.
"The future is still to be determined," he said, then leaned down and kissed her. For the first moment, the first kiss they shared in four years, Relena was nervous and felt anxiety welling up in the pit of her stomach. But her heart screamed at her brain to relax, that this was different. That this was not the same as what happened after her birthday party, so long ago. This was calm, this was right, this was love.
After a moment, they broke apart, gasping slightly for air. It was getting darker out, the sun almost completely hidden by the horizon. Heero still wanted to know about her tattoo. He wondered how far he could go, and on impulse, decided to try. He turned her around slowly with his hands on her shoulders.
"What are you doing?" Relena asked.
"I'm curious about this tattoo," he said. When she was turned, he used a finger to lightly trace the vines, leaves and flowers that adorned her shoulder. Now that he was standing close to her, he could see the slight raises on her skin where the words were cruelly etched with steel. He carefully avoided that spot. HIs finger traced down to where her tattoo disappeared. "How far down does it go?" Relena didn't answer right away. She was contemplating her response. Finally, instead of saying anything, she simply grabbed the hem of the tank top she was wearing and hoisted it up over her head.
With her top gone, Heero could see the full extent of the work she had done on this tattoo. From where it began at her shoulder, it exploded across her back in a collage of flowers, vines, leaves, blood, water and knives. It seemed that this was Relena's way of coping. It was beautiful work, and would take Heero ages to learn every secret hidden amongst the ink.
"Wow," he said simply. He didn't know what else to say.
"It has been an ongoing project," Relena confessed, pulling her shirt back down over her head and tugging it to her waist.
"I see that," he said. He was surprised. She never would have gotten anything like that if she had never left her position and came to hide out in the United States. Relena turned back around and smiled at Heero.
"Do you want to meet up with the others down at the festival?" Relena asked. Heero shrugged his shoulders, but he was smiling.
"As long as I'm with you," he said.
A few minutes later, they were strolling along the sidewalk, hand in hand, with Cherry walking ahead of them on the leash. She had sniffed at Heero for several minutes, then finally licked his hand and ignored him.
"That's her way of approving of you," Relena said. Heero smiled and gave the dog a scratch at the ears.
"Are you writing anything else?" Heero asked her as they walked.
"I have something almost finished," Relena replied. "I don't know if I'll publish it, though," she added.
"Why?"
"It's ah, more of an autobiography of my life, starting with fragmented memories I have of the Peacecraft family, and going up until I had to disappear. It was almost a form of therapy to write about what happened to me. It helped me to accept it a little more, though I don't think I'll ever really forget. I don't think you can forget something like that," Relena said. Heero admired her courage and the way she spoke so matter of factly about what happened. But he knew, somewhere deep down, there were still open wounds. But she would never bare them around anyone but herself.
"You should publish it," he said. Relena shrugged.
"I doubt anyone would read it," she said.
"Yes they would. Have you paid attention to any politics since you left?" he asked. Relena shook her head.
"I tried to bury my head in the sand as far down as I could go," she said with a half smile. "I didn't want to know."
"Your disappearance really affected everything that you were working on. The people you worked with seemed lost without you, almost as lost as I was without you," he said. "The Mars project has pretty much halted, with Zechs and Noine still up there, trying to work things out, but everything is much slower without you pushing for it. And you know that it is necessary and important for the human race..." he said. He realized he had to stop himself. He didn't want to make her feel like he was telling her to return to her job. "Sorry," he said after a moment.
"Remember what you said about not apologizing?" Relena asked, giving his hand a squeeze. "Anyway, I have other novels in the works that I will probably publish," she said, changing the subject.
They spent the rest of the walk talking about random things, such as the jobs Heero had done over the last few years, and the friends Relena had made in the states, and what their other mutual friends were up to. They finally reached the beach and located their friends down by the water. Duo was trying to shove Hilde into the water, while Quatre stood by, half laughing, half telling Duo to leave Hilde alone. Quatre noticed Heero and Relena approaching, so he hailed them with a wave of his arm.
"Hey you two!" he called. Heero and Relena walked through the sand. Relena let Cherry off the leash, and she dashed off to play in the waves. Duo and Hilde stopped rough housing and walked back onto the beach, sand sticking to their wet feet and ankles. Hilde dashed to Relena and linked her arm through Relena's.
"Duo keeps trying to shove me in the ocean. Clearly he doesn't care if I get eaten by sharks," Hilde said, glaring at Duo. Relena laughed along with her friends.
"You won't get eaten by sharks," Relena said, patting the girl's hand.
"Told you!" Duo said, sticking his tongue out at his wife. They continued to laugh. Cherry bounded up across the sand, stopped in the middle of the group, then shook the water off her coat. Everyone held up their hands to try and stop the spray of water.
"Cherry!" Relena cried at the dog. Cherry plopped down on her haunches in front of Relena, barked once and stared at up her, tongue hanging out of her mouth. It looked like the dog was smiling. Relena shook her head and dropped to her knees, pulling the dog into a hug, despite the ocean water still clinging to the dog's fur. Relena stood back up.
"Cass!" a voice called out from behind them. Relena turned and saw Milly and Paul walking hand in hand down the beach. Relena lifted a hand and waved to them. Cherry jumped to her feet and ran up to them, sniffing and greeting them with licks.
"It's so weird seeing Relena react to that name," Duo whispered quietly to Heero. Heero nodded his head, watching her interact with this new couple.
"Hey you guys! Paul! I never thanked you for the hangover cure the other day. I honestly had no idea how I got home until I saw your note!" Relena, as Cassandra, said. Paul smiled.
"It was no easy task, trying to get the two of you home. You were both so drunk, you could barely walk," Paul said while Milly laughed. Relena laughed too. She could feel her friends from her other life staring at her back. She knew it was time to bridge the gap.
"Milly, Paul, these are my friends from out of town. This is Quatre Winner, Duo Maxwell and his wife Hilde, and Heero Yuy," Relena said, introducing them. "These are my neighbors, Milly and Paul. Milly is one of the organizers of the festival." They all shook hands, though Paul had a strange look on his face.
"Cass, how do you know the former Gundam Pilots?" he asked.