Hiding Scars

Chapter 12

When Relena woke up, she was blinded by the sunlight forcing its way through the curtains over the windows. She groaned and turned her face into the bed, trying to block out the sun. She felt a weight on the bed next to her, but it was different than the feeling of Cherry sleeping next to her. Relena turned her head in that direction and peeked through her fingers. Heero was lying next to her, on his side, facing her. His face was serene, and he snored quietly as he inhaled and exhaled. Relena grinned through the pain of her hangover. She rolled carefully onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest. She reached out and touched Heero's nose. He grunted and moved his face to the side. Relena poked his nose again, and this time, his eyes opened slowly, taking a moment to focus on the face in front of him.

"Good morning," Relena said.

"Good morning." Heero sat up and stretched, when he noticed that, as usual when he woke up in the morning, his manhood was inevitably hard. He jumped when he noticed, which caused Relena to notice as well. She blushed pink right up to her ears.

"Ah," she said quietly. Heero jumped from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. Relena couldn't help but giggle a little. She wanted him, and last night, she wanted him. But she had fallen asleep before anything happened. Though as much as she desired him, a large part of her was too nervous and afraid, even traumatized, to try and take that step with him. She knew he'd be gentle, and he would never hurt her, but she was still afraid of taking that step with anyone. That night had ruined sex for her, but she desperately wanted to forget and move on.

Relena shook her head and scolded herself. It was not the time to be thinking about that anyway. If it happened, it would happen, and she could worry about it then.

Heero opened the door to the bathroom and stepped out, and quickly grabbed his clothes off the floor and pulled them on over his boxers. Relena couldn't help but give him a crooked smile.

"Sorry about that," he mumbled as he buttoned his shorts.

"It's alright," Relena said. She laid her head back down on a pillow.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Like blah," she replied. "But I'm supposed to have breakfast with Milly this morning, so I should probably call her," Relena said, sitting back up. "I need to take a shower. My hair is crusty with salt water." She toyed with her long braid.

"I should uh, probably go back to the house to change anyway," he said. Relena nodded, and she climbed unsteadily off the bed.

"I'll walk you out." The descended the stairs together and saw Cherry waiting by the front door. Relena apologized to the dog, and opened the door. Cherry took off at a run. Heero slipped on his shoes and stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"I will call you later, if that is okay," Relena said.

"Of course." He touched her face, then kissed her gently on the lips. Relena returned the kiss, desperately wanting more, but she pulled away when he did, and he said goodbye, then left. Relena watched him go for a moment, her arms crossed over her abdomen. Her whole body felt tingly and excited. She knew that her own sex was wet with desire for this man that she had left behind, regrettably, so many years ago. But when her thoughts turned to try and figure out what to do about the future, she only felt anxiety. She pushed the thoughts away and went in search of her phone to call Milly.

-

Heero walked the ten minutes to the vacation house, hands in his pockets, staring at the ground as he walked. His thoughts were all in turmoil. In his excitement to locate Relena, he had not expected the emotions he would feel once he saw her again, touched her, kissed her, slept beside her at night. He never wanted to leave her side. Once again, the thought from last night bugged him. I can't ask her to leave this life and return to what she was. She's too happy here.

When Heero arrived at the vacation house, it appeared that everyone was still asleep. Heero climbed the steps and took a shower, shaking sand out of all manners of places on his body, then dressed in some clean clothes from his suitcase. Heero sat on his bed for a few minutes, contemplating, then finally made a decision to call the one man who could either help or ruin the whole situation, depending on how he was feeling that day. Heero went back down to the living room and sat down in front of the vid screen. The sign on the phone stated no long distance calls. Heero snorted. He would pay back Quatre if he had to. Heero dialed up the connection to the ship currently orbiting Mars.

It took a moment, but soon, Zechs' face appeared on the vid screen. The connection wasn't great, so his image was fuzzy, but Heero would recognize that long, blonde hair anywhere.

"Yuy," he said.

"Hello Zechs," Heero said.

"I have to say I'm surprised that you are calling me," he said. Heero nodded.

"I know. But I thought I should let you in on something that was recently discovered," Heero said. Zechs raised an eyebrow.

"Go on," he said.

"We found Relena," Heero began. Zechs' entire face changed, from startled to happy, to overjoyed.

"You found her!" he repeated.

"Yes, in America. She went into hiding with the help of Lady Une," Heero said.

"Why?"

"I think it's best if she tells you herself. It is not my place to say anything," Heero said. "Either way, she disappeared for her own good, but we tracked her down."

"This is great news," Zechs said. "How is she?"

"Well, this is where my dilemma begins," Heero said. "She is happy, incredibly happy. Before she disappeared, Relena hardly ever laughed or smiled, at least not really smiled. Here, she is carefree and happy and laughs all the time. She even has a tattoo- a large tattoo, on her back," Heero told him. Zechs arched an eyebrow once again. The similarities between himself and his sister were uncanny.

"A tattoo? I never expected that from her," Zechs said. "So the dilemma?"

"I don't think we can ask her to come back to her old life. As Vice Foreign Minister. So far, I haven't seen any indication that she misses that life at all, except for missing her friends. But do we just leave her here in three weeks when our vacation is over?" Heero said. Zechs contemplated this.

"I don't know, Yuy," he said. Heero sighed. That was not the response he wanted to hear. "It will be up to her. I think you should ask, and if she says no, then drop it and let her live her life she has made for herself there. I don't blame her at all for her actions. That's why I did my best to make sure I'd never get caught in that situation of becoming a leader, of course, I never really considered the fact that Relena would have to step up and take over," he said. "I have go to, but keep me updated. And tell her to call up here, if she wants. Noin and I would love to talk to her again," he said. Heero nodded.

"Thanks," Heero said. The connection ended, and Heero leaned back in the chair. Where he had expected answers, he only got more questions. He began to hear movement in some of the rooms. His friends were beginning to wake. Heero walked into the kitchen and started up the coffee machine. He was no cook, but he could at least make coffee.

-

Relena had gotten home from breakfast with Milly several hours earlier, but she was still sitting on her back deck, staring off into the distance. Cherry was curled up beside her, as usual, and Relena's phone was sitting just half an arm's length away. She wanted to call Heero, but she was resisting, as she needed to figure out things on her own first.

She knew the inevitable conversation was going to come, about whether or not she should return to her former life. She knew it would be difficult to pick up where she left off, as there probably had been much undone and many things covered in dust since she left. She didn't even know if someone had been put into her position to replace her. Relena tried to push away all thoughts of what everyone else would want her to do, and tried to focus on what she wanted.

But she didn't know. She wanted both. She wanted everything. She wanted to change the world, go home at night and party with Milly and Paul on the beach. She wanted to be a writer, and a politician. She wanted it all. She wanted pressed suits and a nice leather briefcase, and she wanted the beach, bikinis and the sun.

There was one thing she knew for sure: she wanted Heero. Selfishly, she wanted him to just stay with her there in Virginia Beach. She could be Relena to him, and Cassandra Cooper to the rest of the world. Relena pulled her knees up to her chest and circled them with her arms. She rested her forehead against her knees and after a few minutes, dozed off.

She was looking in the mirror again. A younger version of herself was her reflection. Current Relena ran her hands through her long, red hair, and her reflection ran her hands through her long blonde hair. "It doesn't matter what color your hair is," the reflection said. "You can change your outside all you want, but you will never change your insides," she added. The reflection reached up and pointed a finger at her own heart. "This is still the same," she moved her finger up to her head. "And this is still the same." The vision wavered, and Relena was standing in her old bedroom, looking on at a rape that was occurring on her bed. She was watching what happened to her from the outside. It made Relena feel sick to watch it happen, to watch the blood, the tears and the look of evil pleasure on the face of her attacker. Just when Relena was about to vomit...

Relena snapped her head up and looked around. Cherry had lifted her head off her paws and was staring at her. "What an awful dream," she commented, stretching her arms and legs out. She rose up from the chair and began to pace, rubbing her eyes to chase away the sleep. "What would Relena Peacecraft-Darlian do?" she wondered aloud. Cherry never answered Relena when she talked to her, but at least Relena felt like Cherry was listening. "Relena Peacecraft-Darlian ran away though," she continued. "She ran away to hide from what happened. Why?" Because he threatened your friends. "My friends are former soldiers, trained in all manner of weapons and self defense." He threatened you. "I can use a gun." He might come back and try to rape you again, if he ever finds out that you are back in town. "I will have protection this time." Then why did you run? "I..." Well? What's the answer? Why did you run away? "I was scared. I was too scared to try and fight back. Fighting back is all I ever do, but not in physical situations. I've always had someone to fight my physical battles for me." Did you ever consider fighting back in the way you know how? "Wait a minute..." There you go, Relena. He attacked you physically, why didn't you fight back mentally? "That's... not right." Rape is not right. "Rape is not okay, but making a psychopath known to the world is right. Making sure that any young woman knows what to watch out for, and what to do in a situation like that. I've always used words to fight my battles, and I could do it again."

Relena stopped pacing. The voice of her conscious disappeared. It had no response. She finally figured out what she had known all along, but refused to realize. "Even if I don't take up my old position, there is a lot of good I could do," Relena said to herself. She felt good. Her anxiety was ebbing away, like the tide lowering off the beach. "I think I know what I have to do, Cherry!" Relena said, kneeling down and hugging the dog around the neck. Cherry didn't know what that was, but she licked Relena's cheek anyway.

-

The first call she made was to Lady Une.

"Hello Miss Relena," Lady Une said. "What can I help you with? I hope Heero and the others aren't bothering you too much."

"No, no. That's not it. I was calling to say that I have made the decision to return to my life as Relena Darlian," Relena said.

"Really?" Lady Une sounded surprised. "They didn't force you to make this decision, did they?"

"I made the decision on my own. They hadn't even said anything to me about it yet, though I knew they will say something eventually. I need a favor though. I need someone to work for me in New Port City. I want my old home sold, along with most of the items there. I will start over somewhere else," Relena said.

"Wow. You are sounding more like the old Relena already. I will hire someone as your assistant and have that person get to work. If you have a list of items you want to keep, send me an email with that information. You'll have to give me a couple of days to hire someone," she said.

"Sure. I'm not going to say anything to them yet. I want them to enjoy their vacation, and I want to enjoy spending time with them," Relena said.

"Of course. I will call you soon when I have someone for you to work with," Lady Une said.

"Thank you. Good bye." Relena hung up her phone. She was jittery with excitement. It was going to be difficult for her not to completely spill her plans to her friends that next time she saw them. She did feel a pang of guilt about leaving Milly and Paul, but Relena was considering keeping the house, and using it as a vacation home whenever she wanted to get away. She would also keep her rental homes, though she would have to hire a manager before leaving. Relena's anxiety began to swell again as she thought about all the things she would need to do before leaving. She tried to calm herself down by telling herself that it all did not need to be done today. Some of it could wait. However, she had to get it all out of her head, so she went inside and began to make lists.