Three
Phil stares steadily into the camera that PJ is pointing at him, hands clenching onto the arms of his chair, not a single word passing his lips. He knows that this is ridiculous, that he's the one who asked for PJ's help in making this video. He's been holding it all in for three days now; he's not spoken to any of them about what happened at the hospital, despite the endless questions and queries.
PJ holds the camera steadily, his gaze trained onto the screen, forcing himself not to look up at Phil. They both know what it means to have avid followers and how that changes your life, and he isn't surprised that Phil feels the need to make some sort of announcement online.
He's been hiding away, travelling from the hospital to the apartment alone, refusing to speak more than the few words required to indicate where he was going or to say that he'd "Rather be alone, thanks." Not rude, never rude- but never opening up either.
Others still send him messages but PJ had stopped after that first day. Maybe it's because he's known Phil the longest, but somehow he can just tell that the constant presence and communication from lots of emotional friends is precisely what Phil doesn't want right now. Even right now, as he watches his friend sit motionless and speechless before him, PJ reminds himself that he's here to film, not to hug Phil or offer him more useless words of comfort, no matter how much he'd rather be doing the latter. What Phil needs is what Phil always needs in a difficult situation- time alone to work out his own thoughts, without worrying about how his reactions might affect those around him.
"Two percent." The words come out of nowhere and Phil takes a moment to realise that it was he who said them out loud. His hands find their way into his hair (too long, a haircut's the last thing he's been thinking of recently), pulling and twisting in frustration.
"It's only two percent of the time the operation doesn't work." His voice is hoarse and awkward, it feel's like an age since he spoke more than a few consecutive words, but now the words are pouring out with nothing to buffer them. "Two percent, that's nothing right? That's the ones you never hear about- except on the news or online when you read an article about some crazy story when a person who is young and healthy and normal and good ends up with something awful happening to them, it happens to them," He pauses, gulping in air, "But not Dan. This is wrong, it's so wrong…"
Tears are welling in Phil's eyes and it's all PJ can do to not hit the stop button and pull Phil into his arms- but he promised he would help out with this video and he doesn't intent to go back on his word. He holds the camera steady and smiles at Phil, noticing that his own eyes are also wet. Phil returns a small, momentary smile, before letting his face fall into his hands.
"A blood clot." His hands muffle his voice but the words are clear enough to be audible. "Not big enough to notice it earlier, but big enough to stop the flow of blood to his brain- it's not like he's old! Or even fat, even if he doesn't go to the gym that much, he doesn't smoke, or drink loads of alcohol, I mean," His voice quavers, threatening to dissolve into tears again, "How is that fair?"
Phil takes in a deep breath, tipping his head back, as if he's trying to physically force the tears not to fall. Exposing the expanse of his long neck, PJ can see Phil's pulse hammering away behind his pale skin, watching as Phil calms himself, his fists clenching and relaxing rhythmically to some invisible tune that only Phil can hear. PJ waits but he doesn't say anything, watching as the minutes tick by on the small clock in the corner of the camera screen.
Suddenly Phil lets out a short, resolute sigh and tips his face down to stare straight at the camera, eyes wet and red but teeth clenched with determination.
"This time I don't think it's going to be okay." Phil waves his hand beneath his chin at PJ, signaling him to stop recording.
I don't think it's going to be okay either Phil ): Poor Dan.. I hope you liked this chapter anyway! Thank you to my theta for making it so much better than my first draft and a big thanks to all the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter, NeverlandNat (yes sad! but I hope you like it :D), GingerTips, Cosmo7Tails (Phan all the way!), DevTheManiac, NicoleLovesPhan and guest- I got the message eventually and updated XD I really love to hear what you think about the story so please do leave your thoughts! Until next time xx panfs