I need to get out of here. Fast.
Where are you know? I need you so much.
Shizuru... Where are you?
"When you love someone, you take a risk of breaking your heart" - that's true.
I think that you can understand your feelings, when someone you love has gone away.
No, not died. Just went for a trip or on a holiday.
My eyes cracked open.
At first, I thought about you every day, I needed to talk to you, I needed you so much.
Later, thoughts about you visited me rarely, but I still remembered you.
And now.
Now, I just started hating you. Because you were never there. Shizuru, what have you done to me?
You were never there when I cried on the floor just without any particular reason.
You were never there when I got hurt and needed to lay in bed for a week.
You were never there when I didn't know what to do.
I need you right now. Just don't act like I never told you.
I said that I love you. But you didn't understand it. You thought that I love you only as a friend. Well, you're wrong.
But now, I don't know what's wrong or right.
Do I still love you?
Question with no answer.
I never got to see life with different colors. Everything for me was black and white. Like my heart.
Nothing was simple for me. I always had to try my best. But I got tired, so I gave up.
Then I met you. You, Shizuru Fujino, showed me, that I can do something, that I'm not really that stupid.
That with little effort I can do anything.
But now I feel hopeless...
Your cellphone is turned off. You I cannot reach. I just don't feel you no more, but I hope that you feel me.
I know that you flinched when I got in the middle of an endless field one day and screamed with all my lungs.
I know that you felt it. Even being so many miles away.
You felt the pain when I stabbed myself with the knife in the stomach, just to kill all those butterflies that were still there when I thought of you.
And you really felt concerned when I drank until I lost my consciousness.
You weren't there to tell me it was wrong for me to do. But one aspect of this was good.
You weren't there to tell me to stop eating mayonnaise...
What will I do when you'll come back?
One thing I'm sure about - nothing will ever be the same. For sure.
I'm doing nothing, just staring at the walls. It's not because you're not here, it's because I lost it.
Kinda lost myself from all the struggles to be a good person.
I guess, I'm not a good person after all.