Beyond Recall

A/N: Okay, updates probably won't be quite as quick as this one from now on, but I just thought you might like to finally see Arthur and Merlin interacting once again! Thanks very much for the reviews from the last chapter! Please let me know what you think of this one.

Oh, and as an aside: has anyone else seen Les Miserables yet? Watched it this weekend and absolutely loved it. Tried singing conversations to my parents when I was at their house later on, but they weren't having any of it!

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 14

Earlier that evening

As it happened, Merlin didn't manage to sort through much of his old chambers. He had made a thorough search of the main room, looking through the many medicines and tinctures that Gaius seemed to keep. There seemed to be very little order in the cabinet and Merlin spent quite a long time sorting things into sections -or at least the things that he knew went together, which was far more than he had expected. He also made a scan of the bookshelf –looking for any magic-books, though he found none- and the pantry –looking for anything he could eat- before finally moving on to what he had assumed was his room and had therefore slept in last night.

He quite liked it really. It was small and somewhat ramshackle, but it did feel homely. There wasn't much in the way of belongings, but the things he did find felt like they should belong to him. There were a few different sets of clothes, all from his time in Ealdor –it seemed his wardrobe hadn't changed much in all the time he had been in Camelot- along with a few different medical books. He flicked through all of them eagerly, looking for any mention of magic, but he found nothing.

He was just going through a box of keepsakes –letters, maps, drawings, models- that he had found at the bottom of a chest, when he heard a knock on the door. At first he wondered if it was the Queen coming back to speak to him about his memories again, but when the knocking turned to a persistent tapping, he guessed again.

'How are all the horses?' Merlin asked as he pulled the door open.

'They're fine,' Peter nodded, pushing his way in and turning to face Merlin. 'What did Steven's lackey say?'

'I don't know. Gwaine started talking to me.'

'Who's Gwaine?'

'One of the knights; he knew me before.'

'So we still don't know what Steven's up to?' Peter asked, his disappointment evident.

'We don't know that he's up to anything,' Merlin pointed out, nodding to one of the chairs at the rickety table and tossing Peter some dried fruits from a wooden box on one of the sideboards. The boy sat down heavily, chewing the fruit and sighing at the same time, which nearly caused him to choke as he breathed in.

'Come on, Merlin; think about what he's been like since you arrived in Cyathia.'

'I know, but Tiden trusts him and James seems to.'

'So?'

'And I trust them. I mean, James has looked after me since he found me, and Tiden…' Merlin shook his head and smiled. '…he's trying to save Cyathia peacefully. And, well…he's put his trust in me; the least I can do is return the favour.'

He looked up at Peter to see the boy sighing again and giving a shrug.

'What's to say Steven and his group aren't working on their own? Maybe they're traitors.'

'You can't throw around accusations like that.'

'You can if you have proof.'

Merlin frowned at him. 'You're taking this very seriously.'

'As much as I love my job, looking after horses leaves you a lot of time to think. It just seems to fit.'

'But-'

'We should follow them!' he interrupted, looking at Merlin with a gleam in his eye.

'No, we shouldn't,' Merlin told him forcefully. 'That won't-' but he was stopped from finishing the sentence by a knock on the door. He called the visitor in and was surprised to see Benjamin standing there.

'Is everything alright?' he asked.

'Yes, it's just that you're expected in the servants dining hall,' the man explained. Merlin gave a groan as he realised he had forgotten. Tiden had told him to watch the other servants and find out anything he could about their employers' opinions.

'Sorry…' he began, standing up and hauling Peter up at the same time. '…I'm coming now.' Benjamin nodded, but stood there, evidently determined to make sure that Merlin followed through on that promise. He turned to Peter and gave him a look of warning, but the boy just grinned as he followed them both out.

'Have fun, manservant of two kings,' he called as he trotted off down the stairs in front of them. Merlin suppressed a sigh and desperately hoped Peter would listen to him.

Dinner with the servants wasn't as enlightening as Merlin had hoped. If he'd had more time to think about it, he would have thrown a few comments into conversation to elicit some helpful responses, but as it was, he hadn't prepared enough. He did try to listen to what the servants were saying, but many of them didn't seem too concerned by the talks, chatting more about their experience in Camelot so far. Perhaps after a few days, the novelty of Camelot would wear off and their thoughts would be more politically minded.

Not long into dinner, he was handed a message by a runner. He was not a little surprised to see that it was from Tiden, asking him to come to yet another meeting in his chambers after he had eaten. He didn't relish the thought of seeing Steven again –for undoubtedly he would be there-, not with Peter's suspicions still circling in his head, but perhaps James would be there too.

With that thought in mind, Merlin decided to finish his dinner early and head to James' chambers before meeting with Tiden. Apart from in the king's meeting, Merlin hadn't seen James at all and he missed the down the line approach that he took to things. After all the confusion Merlin had been through over the past two days, he could do with hearing James' thoughts.

He reached James' chambers quickly. Because of the time of day, the corridors were emptier than Merlin had seen them so far, and it felt good to be walking through the halls without a servant from Camelot nodding at him and calling his name as if they knew exactly who he was and expected him to be just as knowledgeable. He hadn't even reached the door when he heard the shouting coming from inside the room. He stopped in surprise; he had never heard James raise his voice, but he was undoubtedly shouting at the moment.

Feeling distinctly like it was none of his business, but at the same time drawn by curiosity, Merlin moved forward to hear what the voices were saying, but much to his annoyance, he found that he could only hear snatches of what was being said and none of it made any sense. What was clear, however, was who was in the room with him. Steven. All of Peter's words from earlier came flooding back to Merlin, rooting themselves even more deeply in his mind. What could Steven and James possibly be arguing about?

'…without understanding…!' James shouted as Merlin edged even further forward.

'…hasn't got any right to…with or without it…' was Steven's arrogant reply. Merlin heard a thud as if someone had been pushed hard against a wall. His eyes widened; what was going on?

'I will not…' he heard James say, before the words became indistinguishable. '…tell him and see…'

He couldn't hear anything of what Steven said in reply, but the tone of his voice sounded like a threat. Surely Steven had nothing that he could hold over James. But whatever Steven said seemed to bring an end to their exchange. Merlin backed up until he was hidden around the next corridor, just in time to see Steven walk out, his face smug, his walk relaxed as he disappeared towards Tiden's chambers.

Merlin waited several seconds and then went and knocked on James' door. The man opened it, his face curled into an angry mask that he quickly replaced with a more neutral one when he saw Merlin. Merlin had never seen him so out of sorts. James had ever been a level and controlled person, but at the moment, it was clear the man was struggling.

'I was just coming to-' he began hesitantly, but James waved his hand and shook his head.

'We have a meeting to go to,' he said sharply, indicating that Merlin should take the lead. With a frown, Merlin did so; it took all his restraint not to question James about what had just taken place.

If Tiden sensed the tension between his two advisors during their meeting, he didn't say anything, and both James and Steven accorded their King all the respect and deference that they usually did, although Merlin, having spent a lot of time around James, could see that the man struggled not to comment on the things that Steven said. The focus of the meeting, however, soon took Merlin's attention from the encounter he had heard and placed it heavily on himself and King Arthur. For that was what the meeting was about. Tiden wanted him to go and ask King Arthur for his job back that night, as soon as they had finished talking.

Merlin had blustered something about not expecting it so soon, but Tiden had waved it off, saying that after seeing Arthur's reaction to Merlin during the meting of the Kings and Queens, now seemed like the opportune time to play on the evident favour Camelot's king seemed to bestow on his former-servant. Tiden had said little else, just waited expectantly for Merlin to head out and do his duty.

Merlin was already to the door when he realised a problem. 'I don't know where the King's chambers are,' he admitted, but Steven had willingly and smugly explained the route to him, throwing in a fair amount of unhelpful and patronising comments as he did. Tiden, however, reprimanded him for them, much to Merlin's delight, and then solemnly reminded Merlin of the loyalty oath he had sworn.

It was at this point that James' stoic mask fell away. For a moment, as Merlin's eyes fell on him, the man seemed to bristle: his lips pursed together, his breathing quickened and his hands clenched into fists at his side. Steven and Tiden were unaware of the response, but Merlin saw it clearly and he felt a shiver echo through him. He had a feeling he knew exactly what the two advisors had been arguing about. Uncertainty rolled through him. Was there something he didn't know about the mark? But when he glanced at James again, the man's face was as unreadable as ever.

So now, Merlin found himself heading ever closer to King Arthur's door, his concerns about James temporarily put to one side, to be replaced by the much more pressing concern of going to visit King Arthur late at night to ask for his job back.

The guilt that seemed to rest with him constantly at the moment swelled up again, but he swallowed it down. This was a necessary deception. It would ensure Cyathia's safety, it would avoid a war with Camelot and it would mean that Merlin could finally have a life that he could call his own. Still, he couldn't forget what King Arthur reactions had been to him so far. Whatever their relationship had been, despite the falsehood that Merlin knew had been in it on his part, the King had been heavily invested in it. He had cared for Merlin a lot and this new deceit felt cruel.

Up ahead, the door to King Arthur's chambers loomed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds to compose his thoughts. With that done, and feeling marginally calmer, Merlin walked to the door and raised his fist to knock, just as it was pulled open from the other side.

Arthur was relieved that he didn't jump when he caught sight of Merlin. Merlin, on the other hand, did jump, his face going even paler as he saw Arthur. He slowly lowered his raised fist as if not wanting to make any sudden movements. The shock that had temporarily frozen Arthur began to wear off, but as he opened his mouth he found that he could think of nothing to say.

He wanted Merlin to start the conversation, just as he would have done in the past, but the man remained silent. He did, however, begin to move, and Arthur realised that he was going to bow. The thought of it was so terrible that it spurred his voice into action.

It wasn't that Merlin never bowed to him, he did on occasion, although it was often when they'd argued over something and he was trying to make Arthur feel bad by reverting to being just like every other servant, but still, it was something he'd done. But somehow, the thought of Merlin beginning this new version of their relationship with the clear social divide that was expected made Arthur feel like it would seal their fate of never again being the friends they had been before that tragic day. After all, their actual first meeting had been Merlin giving him unwanted advice and Arthur throwing his weight around - in the past, Merlin would have said that nothing had changed.

No, this second-first meeting couldn't be like the original, but neither could it be the expected first meeting of a servant with a king. It had to be different.

'What are you doing here?'

Inwardly he sighed. That wasn't exactly the warm welcome he had been aiming for.

'I...' Merlin stuttered, obviously having been equally unprepared to be thrown so quickly into a conversation. Although surely, Arthur reasoned, Merlin had at least had the walk up through the castle to come up with something. Still, the look of panic on the man's face suggested to Arthur that this version of Merlin wasn't quite as eloquent as the old one.

They both fell into an awkward silence, avoiding eye contact with impressive skill until Arthur decided that it was his responsibility to move the conversation forward. He was, after all, the King, Merlin's master –or at least he had been- and the only one out of the two of them who was in full possession of his memories.

'I was just coming to see you,' he began, straightening up slightly, hoping it would make him feel more in control of the situation.

It didn't.

'You were?' Merlin asked with a frown, '...Sire,' he added quickly, his eyes widening slightly in panic at having forgotten the title. Arthur bit back a sigh and tried to hide his disappointment at the formality.

'It's Arthur,' he said carefully.

'Your wife, I mean the Queen, Guinevere, Queen Guinevere,' he stuttered, his confusion so alien to Arthur that it made another stab of sadness tear through him. '...she said to call her by her first name as well, but...' he shifted uncomfortably, '...I don't really feel comfortable doing that. You're the King and Queen after all.'

At any other point in their relationship, Arthur would have taken those words as a sign of a maturing hierarchical awareness on Merlin's part, but now it only served to make the distance between them seem even more insurmountable.

'Nevertheless,' Arthur replied, 'you often called me Arthur.'

'And that didn't bother you?' Merlin frowned, as if trying to work something out.

'Well…' Arthur began, ready to say that yes it did, before he realised that it would have been a lie. He turned his head and frowned in the general direction of his room. He had never realised that before; it had genuinely never concerned him that Merlin chose to call him by his first name; it hadn't even crossed his mind as odd. He looked back at Merlin, a half smile forming on his face. 'No,' he said, 'it didn't bother me.'

'Oh.'

More awkward silence. Arthur tried to think of what to say, but his mind had gone frustratingly blank, as, it seemed, had Merlin's. The man stood in the doorway shuffling uncomfortably.

'Why are you here?' Arthur asked, seizing upon the question as a way into something that resembled a conversation.

'Oh, erm…' he shook his head and furrowed his brow. 'I wanted to talk to you, Sire…Arthur. If now is a convenient time?'

'Of course,' Arthur nodded, stepping aside and gesturing that he should come in. Merlin looked a little surprised at the invitation, but came in and shut the door behind him. Arthur felt an irrational need not to put too much distance between the two of them, as if it would be symbolic of their current divide, so he waited for the man to take a few stumbling steps forward.

He tried to ignore the way Merlin glanced around the room as if seeing it all for the first time; it did nothing to ease Arthur's worries about the difficulties that lay ahead of them. But after several seconds of Merlin taking in his surroundings and showing no signs of stopping, Arthur decided to cut off his discovery session.

'Merlin?' he asked, his eyebrows raised. The man turned to him, looking somewhat embarrassed.

'Sorry, Sire-' Arthur suppressed a sigh at the title. '-I was hoping it would bring back some memories.' Arthur opened his mouth to ask if it had, swallowing down the hope that began to rise, but as if guessing his thoughts, Merlin shook his head apologetically.

'Perhaps in time…' Arthur began, but then cleared his throat. 'So, you were going to explain why you came to see me. Does King Tiden need anything?' He hid his discomfort at the thought of Merlin's allegiances being with another king. It felt a little too much like jealousy, and that was definitely not something that Arthur wanted to be accused of.

'Actually,' Merlin began, swallowing heavily. 'I was going to ask a favour.'

Arthur frowned. Merlin's favours in the past had usually been to do with getting time off work; he had never really asked for anything else, except, on occasion, for Arthur to listen to him. Those favours, Arthur was ashamed to admit, were normally met with derision. Why had he not listened to Merlin more often?

'What favour would that be?' he pressed. Merlin shifted uncomfortably and Arthur was confused by his nervousness. What could he possible be going to ask?

'If it's not too much trouble, Sire-'

'It's Arthur.'

'If it's not too much trouble, Arthur,' he tried again, 'I was wondering if you might consider giving me my old job back.'

Arthur stared dumbfounded at the man in front of him. Out of all the things that Merlin could have said, Arthur would never have expected it to be that. Warmth flooded him, a joy that he had briefly experienced when he had realised that Merlin was alive, before other emotions had swarmed in. He studied Merlin's face, checking that the request was genuine, but nothing suggested otherwise.

He tried to suppress his emotions, not wanting to appear too affected by the favour, but he couldn't stop a short laugh of welcome disbelief from escaping his lips.

'You're staying in Camelot?' he asked, a smile creeping onto his face.

'Well,' Merlin began hurriedly, a panic seizing him; obviously he had not expected the question, 'I…I don't know yet…I just…' he shook his head and stepped forward. 'I just want to try and remember,' he said more confidently, his head held high, looking more and more recognisable to Arthur every second, 'and this seems like a good way to go about doing so. I understand if you don't want-'

'No, no,' Arthur said hurriedly. 'I think that would be a good idea.' He opened his mouth to make some comment about Merlin not having many of those, but decided against it; he doubted it would have the same effect as such comments had done in the past: namely to get Merlin to start trading insults with him. He wasn't convinced that the man in front of him would do that. Although, if he was the same Merlin from six years ago, then trading insults with a monarch should have been right up his street.

Somehow, though, this Merlin didn't strike Arthur as being the same stupid, but brave fool who had dared to call Arthur a prat, even when he knew he was the Prince! The difference concerned Arthur; this Merlin didn't seem to have as much fight in him, but then the boy from six years ago had been responding to Arthur's unfair behaviour; he wasn't that spoilt prince anymore.

'Thank you…Arthur.' He said the name slowly and it sounded more like a question than anything else, but at least he was trying.

'I'm glad that you want to find out about your past.'

'It seems the best thing to do.'

'I assume you've spoken to King Tiden?'

'Yes; he understands why I want to do this.'

'Good. So…' Arthur looked expectantly at him, not really knowing what to say.

'So…shall I fetch yours and the Queen's dinner?' Merlin suggested. Arthur felt confusion flood him for a moment, before realising that, yes, if Merlin was going to be his manservant again then he would actually have to do servant jobs.

'Yes,' he said with a nod, 'yes, that would be a good idea. Guinevere is eating with her brother tonight, but I haven't had my meal yet.' He turned round and looked at the table, checking it was clear. He stopped and rolled his eyes; why was he checking it was clear? That was the job of a servant, his servant. Merlin. He smiled to himself, hiding it from Merlin, but as he heard him heading out of the room, he became aware of the letter in his hand. 'Merlin,' he called, and he couldn't suppress the incredulous joy that he felt at being able to say friend's name and actually have said-friend turn in response, rather than being met with empty silence as had been the case every time he'd accidently called for his servant over the past few weeks.

'Yes…Arthur?'

'Before you do, I have a letter for you. It was why I was coming to see you.' He held out the parchment, the simple wax seal cracked and shining in the light of the room.

'Me?'

'Well, it was actually written to me, but it's from your mother.' Arthur expected a smile to break across Merlin's face at the news, but instead he seemed uncertain; he walked back to Arthur and cautiously took the offered letter.

'You don't mind me reading your letter?' he asked.

'Well, it's mostly about you anyway,' Arthur explained, beginning to feel uncomfortable with the scrutiny he was being put under by Merlin.

'Why would my mother write to you, Sire- Arthur,' he corrected forcefully.

It was a fair question, Arthur knew; he doubted that many servants' mothers wrote to their child's employer, but all the same, the fact that Merlin didn't know somehow annoyed him. Not that it was Merlin's fault of course, but Arthur didn't like being put on the spot when it came to explaining his complicated relationship with his servant.

'I know your mother quite well. We helped her protect Ealdor once and she's hidden us from our enemies in the past.'

'My mother did that?' Merlin asked with a disbelieving laugh. Arthur smiled.

'She's very brave. I think it's where you get it from.' Arthur's eyes widened as he realised what he had said. What was wrong with him? He didn't compliment Merlin -not unless it was life or death-, but the wide-eyed innocence that he was being presented with in this Merlin was throwing him off.

'Thank you, Sire,' Merlin frowned.

'You should read the letter,' Arthur said instead.

'I can read it later.'

'No, it's fine,' he assured him. 'Besides,' he added, realising something concerning his food, and thankful for the mental distraction, 'I actually think my other manservant might be bringing up dinner at any moment.'

'Oh.'

'I'll speak to him later,' Arthur said slowly, frowning as he realised he had completely overlooked the servant-who-wasn't-Merlin.

'I don't want anyone to lose their job because of me.'

'I'll make sure he's reassigned.' Merlin didn't seem entirely placated by that, but the pull of the letter seemed to occupy his thoughts. He read it through several times -either that or he was an incredibly slow reader- and his expression was hard to read as he did. Arthur considered the contents of the letter, wondering how he would feel if the positions were reversed.

Dear King Arthur,

I can not thank you enough for sending me news that my son is alive and well. I have never known such relief as I did when I read the message. It is a joy that will live with me always.

Gaius and I will return to Camelot as soon as we can. Unfortunately, Ealdor has been struck by an illness that has occupied all of Gaius' time in treating. Rest assured that he and I are fine and the worst seems to be over, but we wish to stay away until we are sure the disease has passed. We do not want to bring ill-health to Camelot.

Your servant,

Hunith

Arthur watched as Merlin finally folded the letter and handed it back. There was a frown on his face.

'Is something wrong?' Arthur asked.

'Something just…' Merlin shook his head and his gaze cleared. 'No, Sire.'

'It's-'

'Arthur,' Merlin interjected quickly and Arthur was pleased to see the slightest flash of irritation cross the man's face at the constant reprimand. Arthur weighed up his next words carefully, unsure of whether they were right at this early stage, but the habits of a lifetime were hard to change.

'Honestly, Merlin; if you can't remember that, I don't know how you're going to relearn everything you used to do.'

For a split second, Arthur thought he was going to get some sarcastic comment back from the man, but the brief look of annoyance was quickly replaced by something close to panic. Before Arthur could stop him, Merlin bowed.

'My apologies My Lord,' he said gently, 'I will try harder.'

Arthur felt dismay fill him, and not a small amount of guilt; how heartless he must sound to this Merlin who didn't remember anything about him.

'Merlin-' he began with a sigh, but was stopped when the door to his chambers opened and Guinevere walked in.

The look of pure joy that crossed her face when she saw Merlin in the chambers was enough to allay some of Arthur's self-reproaches, especially when she beamed at him with such pride on her face.

'Merlin!' she said, walking over to him and laying a hand on his arm.

'My Lady,' he bowed.

'It's-'

'Guinevere,' Merlin interrupted before he could be corrected again.

'Actually,' she said sheepishly, 'you only ever call me Gwen; if that's alright with you,' she added hesitantly.

'I think I can remember that,' Merlin said with an overly cheerful smile, which was followed by a glance back at Arthur. Arthur was delighted to realise that the comment had been a concealed jibe at him for his previous remark.

'Good, that's really good,' Guinevere smiled. She walked over to Arthur and wrapped an arm around his waist, one hand pressed against his chest. She looked up at him, pride shining in her eyes and he decided not to mention the fact that it was technically Merlin who had made the first move and not him.

'Merlin's going to be my manservant again,' he told her. If possible, she smiled even more widely.

'Really? You're staying then?' she asked, turning to Merlin. More panic, but Arthur answered for him.

'At least for now. After that…' he looked over at Merlin and gave him a nod, '…we shall see.'

Merlin nodded back at him, but seconds later he looked away and refused to meet Arthur's gaze for a long time.

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