I know that some of you asked me to put the POVS on my earlier chapters so it would be easier to follow and understand my story. The thing is, I think that the readers themselves have to do it Is this chapter more Shizuru's or Natsuki's? I left this space for the reader to use his/her own imagination, so it would be more fun to interact with the story.

Shizuru's POV:

I am standing on the edge of a skyscraper and I have no idea what I'm going to do. How did I get here, a taxi? What time is it – 3 AM, 4 AM? What day is it? Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving? I live in another dimension now. I feel like I'm out of this world. Lost. Am I? Wait, so how soon is now? "See I've already waited too long and all my hope is gone". It's weird that I randomly remembered this song. I feel tears in my eyes. Why, why can't I fight this war? I just give up all the time and become suicidal. Cycle after cycle, year after year, day after day. I became a person I've always tried my best to avoid. I hate people like this, like myself. I despised all weaknesses; however this is my primary trait. I am weak, I admit it. I'm a hypocrite though, a fucking hypocrite. Everyone accepted me as a strong person, there's no way back, they don't need a weaker version of me. They would walk away from me, I know it, they would leave me all alone. I would feel lonely. It's so ironic; I've always felt lonely no matter what. Of course, Natsuki, I don't feel lonely with you. Just sometimes, when were in this awkward state, when we close our hearts even to each other. But still…"I walk alone, I am alone, I think alone, I'll die alone, don't think I can make it on my own, I think I need someone to… SAVE ME!"

I start laughing, like a maniac, like a crazy person. Like I'm just walking around a town with my blood stained knife. This is the laugh I'm talking about. Totally and completely insane. I laugh but I know that there is this vast emptiness in my eyes. It feels so unnatural. I am a fake.

I feel desperate and troubled; there is this weird feeling in my stomach. What is wrong with me? "So many things…". Wait, was it…? "Yes, we're back". It happened once again. The seal has been broken, they're free now. The voices in my head are free again; they'll start haunting me again. Just so I would lose my mind. The never ending cycle, I only lied to myself when I thought that this would end easily. "You'll never be good enough, you'll never be strong enough, you were never conceived in love, you'll never rise above". No, not again, not again, stop it, stop it, I don't want this. "They never cared about you". Fuck you, that is not true! "They will never accept the real you, just forget it". But… "They won't, no matter how you will turn it, they will still be the same and you, you won't change either". Go away, let me be.

One step to salvation. Why am I so scared?

Because I won't get to see your face. I won't be able to hug you, to talk to you, to wipe your tears, to listen to all of your fears. I won't be able to say what you mean to me and that you're very important in my life. You are my world. Everything spins around you, Natsuki, you're the sun. I won't be able to tell you this… I won't be able to get rejected by you; I won't be able to feel those awkward situations, when I say too much and you just don't know what to say.

You won't be able to see me again, you won't have to listen to my silent weeping, you won't have to get me back to this world when I'd go out of my mind again. You won't be able to see these blood stained hands. You won't be able to see these eyes that secretly wander all around your body… Maybe, maybe it would be better this way? Maybe it will be better this way. Yes, I am right, everything will be better once I'm gone for real.

I close my eyes, inhale deeply and take a step forward.