Thank you for all of your kind reviews :)
Natsuki's POV:
The sound of rain. I can hear it; I can hear the sound of raindrops smashing into the glass of my window. It's so loud… Rain is so annoying; I don't remember anything good that happened to me in the rain. That means that I have no happy memories of it. So sad… Enough of this, I always feel this weird melancholy embracing me whenever it's raining. I really am a child of summer. Shizuru, you're the child of winter. We are the opposites of each other. I am ice but I can be as fierce as fire at times. And you… so passionate but at certain moments can be as cold as ice. It is called balance I guess. The two perfectly fitting shards in this whole wreck. Was it always like this? Were we always meant for each other? Even when we didn't know each other, even when we still were kids? Were we meant to be when our gazes met for the first time in the Academy? In my opinion, the breaking point was the time when you told me that beautiful flowers should be loved… Something flicked in my head then. Was it realization?
I always felt as if you knew it from the start, as if I was the only one who had no idea. As if you were searching for me your whole life and when we finally met, you felt relief. Because it was me, it was me whom you were searching for, crying for, praying for. And once we met, everything went black. It was so extraordinary, but once we met - everything fell out of our hands. It felt like I was just a pawn that was thrown into this big and dangerous game called reality. Because everything before just felt like a surreal dream, like it was not real, like I was sleeping the whole time and you woke me up. We just went insane and spiraled down afterwards. Even now, we're still at the bottom because we are holding onto things that keep us here.
I sit in the corner of my apartment. I feel really tired although I haven't done anything today. The only thing I was doing was smoking. I still have a few cigarette packs left so I won't have to get out of the house to buy them. I can sit in here forever, in this corner, it's so comfortable here. I bury my head into my knees and start crying. Was it also destined that we would destroy ourselves like this? We just crashed, collided. I remember this feeling, I felt it before. My accident - when I rode my bike so fast that I couldn't control it anymore and crashed right into a wall. It's the same feeling. I start feeling pain, like I am crashing again, dying again. At that time, luck saved me but what will happen now? Why it has to be so difficult, why we just can't love each other? I guess that is not possible, both us have this self-destructive devices in our hearts. It would be impossible to tame it. But we could at least try… We never ever tried to stop this self-destructive behavior. Maybe it would work out. Maybe we would work out.
I should think about some positive things, I have to try and make good memories myself; no-one will ever do it for me. As I thought of that, I started smiling. I remembered you. The warmth of your hug, the burning sensation of your touch, the hotness of your tears. I know that they were true; the emotions you felt when you were with me. And even though you tried to avoid any physical contact with me, I know for sure that you were happy whenever you experienced it. It was scary sometimes, knowing what a mere hug can do to you. So I always tried my best to evade physical contact as well.
And I remember one more thing… The softness of your lips. When I went crazy, kissed you and we both died. That moment I will always remember no matter what, it never fades in my mind, it never gets dim. Just a soft brush of your lips against mine and we both understood how much it meant to us. Especially you. And although I put everything into that kiss, you always thought that it was out of pity. That's why you never believed that I could love you back. That's why the both of us ended up like this. And now we suffer for this.
My phone rang. I stood up and picked it up from my bed. When I heard the words that were slowly explaining me what happened, my heavy lighter fell out of my hands. And as it hit the floor, the remains of my poor heart shattered and my brain shut itself off.