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Thank you everyone for reading this story of mine, never thought it would get this popular. I am really thankful and comments are really appreciated
Natsuki's POV:
I can't believe this. I can't believe what happened. Even though I'm sitting right here in this room, my brain doesn't want to accept this information. Why, Shizuru, why? I can't fucking understand you! One minute you tell me that we will try our hardest to survive in this rotten world and then the other you're jumping off of a skyscraper. This makes perfect sense. You think it's funny to play with people like this? I thought I'm going to get a heart attack or something when I heard the news. Have you thought about me? I guess not, you were only thinking how easy it would be. What have you done now…? When you will wake up, I will definitely fucking kill you, and if you die, I will revive you and kill you once again. I am so pissed off right now. My stare sends shivers to people and the temperature in this room is slightly lower than it should be. It seems to be darker in here too.
I don't know how much time I've already spent here, in this room, with you. But I got sick of it already. No, not you. But this hospital: creepy corridors, white walls and the smell that haunts you wherever you go. Just makes you want to puke. I hate hospitals, I hate doctors, I hate everything related to these kinds of things. I have no good memories of places like these. Wait, do I have any good memories at all? Yes, of course I have. I think that every moment spent with you is a good memory no matter how much it hurt at that time. But Shizuru, I really cherish them. Though I never told you…
Argh, I hate you. I can't understand all this mess in my head and probably I won't understand the mess in your head either. They said that it is a miracle you survived, but don't they always say that? I guess I lost my hope. I turn my head and gaze into your pale face; it looks as if you are smiling a little bit. God, this is so frustrating. Even now this façade of yours is pissing me off, I want to get up from this chair, come closer to your bed and slap the hell out of you. But I can't, I have to calm my nerves. I feel like this every day now. Anxiousness is driving me insane.
It's been 5 days already and there are absolutely no results or changes. I sit here all day long and only in the evenings I decide to go home. I quietly sit near you, staring through the window and watching how the world changes in minutes. And yet, I can't understand any of this. The more I try to understand what happened, the more I get confused and then I start feeling unsure of everything. Reality. Is this what they call it? You want to know how I feel? I feel as if everything in my world is in slow-motion and unrelated things go just as fast as they can. Like I am walking slowly but other people just run through me. And the moment I try to raise my head to look at whoever passed me, they swiftly bypass me once more so the only thing I can see is their backs. Yes, that's it. It's me against the world. The good old times, huh?
Seven days. A week has passed already? When I come into your hospital room, I go straight to the window. Today has to be the right day. I turn around and I look at you – you are sleeping peacefully. As always, no changes, nothing. My gaze shifts to the vase and the flowers I brought a couple of days ago. Your favorite flowers, though I never understood why you liked them. But now I do, there's something mystical about them, something that you can't understand. The lily of the valley.
In one quick motion I open the window. A nice forest out there, this hospital is in the suburbs so it's really peaceful here. I think that it's a suitable place for a hospital. I look down. Yeaaaah, it's clear that were on the 15th floor of this damn hospital. Not even stopping to think what I'm doing, I sit down on the window sill, closer to the edge so my feet are hanging outside of the window. Strange, is this how you felt? Nothing at all, I feel nothing at all. I should be scared of this height but I'm not. I feel indifferent. Is this how you really felt? Not giving a damn? I close my eyes for a moment and I hear these lyrics in my head:
"So this is it, I say goodbye to this chapter of my ever-changing life
And these mistakes, the path is long and I'm sure I'll answer for them when I'm gone
So when the day comes and the sun won't touch my face
Tell the ones who cared enough that I've finally left this place
That's been so cold, look at my face, all these stories it will tell I can't erase
The road is long, just one more song, a little something to remind you when I'm gone
When I'm gone"
I have to do this. I have to be strong. I have to jump. I have to do this for the both of us…
Natsuki…?
The moment I heard your voice, everything went black.