Chapter 13. Breakdown

Searching for the truth in your eyes
Found myself so lost to recognize
The person now that you, you claim to be
Don't know when to stop, where to start
You're just so caught up to who you are
Now you're far too high for me to see
I'd never thought that we'd come to this

Maybe that beauty in goodbye
(now you turn around, you're about fly, then you walk away)
There just no reason left to try
(now it's gone too far, look at where we are)
You push me away
Another black day
Let's count up the reasons to cry
Look what you've missed, living like this
Nobody wins (nobody wins)

You never say you're sorry
Try to tell me that you love me
But don't assume me to take it bad

Nobody wins - The Veronicas

Julie hadn't actually noticed that she had gotten home until when she slammed her own apartment door. It was like if someone had clapped their hands in front of her face. She was so shocked by what had just happened, so absolved in her own thoughts, that she thanked God for guiding her drive home.

He had pointed a gun at her. She heard it click, and that was the last thing she heard. Julie jumped when her cell phone started ringing, it was Joe's number. She didn't bother to answer the call and she tossed it on the couch, but it ended up falling on the ground. She heard a noise ahead of her, behind her kitchen's counter.

Frowning, she stepped forward to check it out, that's when a man dressed in black appeared from behind it. Julie gasped and stepped back, just then, she bumped into another man, also dressed in black. With a hand, he got a grip of her waist, and with the other, he covered her mouth. The other guy approached, Julie took advantage of the guy's holding on her and lifted her leg up, kicking the man in front of her on his stomach. He backed away a little, but it wasn't enough, he was soon standing again and came back to her. The guy holding her gave up on covering her mouth and held her waist tighter, trying to hold her in place.

Julie managed to kick the guy in front of her harder this time, her both legs went up on his face, and he went flying away and slid on the ground. The other one, whose grip was tight on her waist, spun around, giving a chance of Julie to elbow him on his ribs. She struggled her way to the table, where a vase was set as a piece decoration, she grabbed and smashed it against the guy's head with a yell.

She ran to where her cell phone was, throwing herself on the floor, and tried, as quickly as possible, to call someone. She pressed the number one, not even thinking about who might be on speed dial, someone needed to know she was being attacked. The two men were already back on her, they grabbed her two arms and lifted her up.

After just a ring, Billy Darley got his cell phone and checked the id call.

"Julie!" He exclaimed as he flipped it open, but he only got yells as answer.

"HELP!" That was the last thing he heard.

"He fucking got her!!!"

…

With her hands tied together by a rough rope and a tape covering her mouth, Julie was dragged by the two men through a dark and smoky hall. They held her by her underarms and her legs scratched against the tick concrete floor. She tried to fight against their strength, Julie shook her entire body, trying to get rid of their arms. But it was just useless.

They dragged her until a water deposit, it looked like the ones horses use to kill their thirst. There, they ripped the tape off her mouth with a single rough movement, she gasped and then coughed, trying to catch her breath back.

Now she could see her attackers' face. One was Asian, he hand a long black hair tied back, and then other had light short brown hair and green eyes. The second man held Julie still, while the Asian one spoke to her.

"Where's Billy Darley?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?!"

After a glance at the other guy, the Asian grabbed Julie's side and both lifted her up to the point where she was almost in a vertical position, her feet high up and her face into the cold water. Julie yelled and shook herself, while air bubbles came out of her mouth. They got her away from the water, sending her hard on her knees once again. She gasped for air and shook her body once again.

"Tell me where he is!" Julie groaned, hitting the Asian's nerves. He grabbed her jaw with a strong hand. "I want a place!" Julie spitted hard on his face in response. That was more than enough to make both guys to force her head inside the deposit. This time, they didn't bother lifting her up, they just forced her head inside. While the Asian held it, the other one held her shaking body. They left her down there longer, by the time they brought her back to surface, she was dizzy and almost only half conscious.

"He's not at the fucking bar. Tell me where!" The guy shouted at her.

"I don't know! If he's not there, I don't know!"

He grabbed Julie once again, ready to drown her, when another male voice echoed in the huge room of the abandoned factory.

"Enough." That stopped the guy. Julie looked up and saw Rawson standing there, with a crocked smirk on his lips. "Your boyfriend upsets me a lot. He has the position I want and the clients I need."

"Then why am I the one with bruises on my knees right now?" Julie's voice cracked, even though she tried to kept it as steady as she could.

"Because you are the sore point. He's protective over you, therefore, he's watching my steps more carefully. And now, you're gonna help me to eliminate, once for all, this disturbing target."

"I don't know where he is!" Julie stated firmly.

Rawson simply nodded, and the guys forced her head inside the deposit once again. She shook her body and her head, she gasped for air while underwater making air bubbles to explode on the surface. They held her there longer this time, long enough to knock the remain senses out of her. Julie was totally unconscious when they brought her back.

"She doesn't know anything. Kill her." Rawson stated as he watched his guys dropping a soaked Julie on the hard floor. The light haired guy unclipped his gun and pointed it to her chest, but he never had a chance to shoot. His arm went flying before he had a chance to pull the trigger. The Asian didn't had time to react either, as his chest was showered with bullets.

Rawson turned around, he was almost making it out when a tall figured stepped out of the shadows, behind the air tubulation. Billy had his arm extended and a gun pointing to Rawson's head.

"Nobody touches her, motherfucker!" Those were his last words to his number one rival, before decorating the wall with his brain.

…

Julie woke up with a terrible headache, not to mention all the other sore spots on her body, especially legs. She opened her eyes and looked around, the only light in the room was coming through the window from the moon. Julie sat herself on the bed where she was laid and after adjusting her eyes to the poor light, she recognized where she was, Billy Darley's room. Her heart started racing, she didn't want to be there. Worse, she didn't know how she had gotten there in the first place.

Julie removed the gauze pad from her forehead, it was annoying, and looked at herself. She was dressed in black boxers and t-shirt. She took a look at her exposed knees, they were nearly all black. As carefully as she could, Julie stepped out of bed and walked directly to the only apartment's exit. Her bare feet touched the wooded floor with no sound, except for this piece that decided to crack right when she passed through the couch, where Billy's figure laid asleep.

Julie cursed herself under her breath as Billy jumped up, gun in hand. They had eliminated all Rawson's gang members, but the followers could always seek for revenge. She froze when she saw the shinny metal in his hand aiming towards her, again. Billy quickly hid it under his pillow, but her eyes were still wide open. She spent her childhood between army tanks and guns, but never, not even once, a gun was pointed towards her like that. She never feared for her life as she had last night.

"How are you feeling?" Billy asked while carefully stepping ahead. Julie answered with a big step back, and his eyes didn't meet hers. "Hey, what's wrong?" He tried to put a sweet tone on his voice, but to Julie it sounded like a lion's roar, that was evident by the way she embraced herself when he spoke to her. For the first time, since they met, Julie Lane was terribly scared of him.

Billy almost kicked himself for making her to feel like this, she was afraid and it was all his fault. The truth is that he didn't know how to act with her like this, it was a new territory. He was afraid that everything he'd say or do would hurt her, again.

"Are you in pain?" He tried to make a conversation once again.

Julie felt exhausted, so exhausted that she didn't have enough strength to feel the pain. "I'm just tired." She finally replied in a low voice.

"Go back to bed then, we'll talk in the morning."

"I don't wanna sleep here." She stated with a cracked voice.

That just made things worse for Billy. How was he supposed to make her to stay without pushing her over the edge?

"You're save Julie. They won't come back… I'm here to protect you."

"Can you protect me from yourself?"

Both knew the answer.

"Stay, please." Billy carefully stepped ahead, Julie remained still. "That was a mistake."

"No. The mistake was me thinking I'd ever be able to live with you!" She acidly replied, staring Billy right through his eyes.

"Don't say that. You know you don't mean it. You're just in shock."

"No. Those are the excuses you keep telling yourself. Those are the exits you keep finding to come after me… But they're nothing but lies, Darley… I wish I hadn't met you at all."

"Stop!!" Billy raised his voice and Julie squeezed her eyes shut. He gave up on being careful and with two big steps he stopped himself right in front of her. Billy grabbed her shoulders tightly, but when he spoke to her, his voice was its usual husky deep tone. "Look at me Jules." Julie squeezed her eyes harder. Billy could feel her shaking. This couldn't be happening, this wasn't the Julie he knew, this wasn't the Julie he… fell in love with. "Open your fucking eyes Julie!" He raised his voice once again and shook her, her green eyes were shot wide open.

"Leave me alone." She whispered. Julie was really in shock after all the happenings, she didn't have the strength to fight against Billy, as she always did. Her eyes were all teary, it was the first time Billy ever saw a tear trail on her light pink cheek. He wasn't a religious man, but he silently prayed that'd be the last he'd ever see that.

"I can't..." He admitted. Julie couldn't realize how much it meant to have him admitting that straight away. "And you don't wanna be left alone." Billy's fiercely stared into her eyes. "I love you, and I won't fucking leave you alone!"

"Just let me go!" She pleaded as tears ran down her face, but she didn't fight against his grip. Billy embraced her, pulled her into his warm arms and rested his head on hers as she cried on his chest. Julie grabbed his shirt and pulled it closer, almost to the point of tearing the fabric.

Billy patiently waited until when her snobs stopped, her breathing was still kind of hard and noisy, but she seemed to have calmed down. Julie just leaned against him, listening to his heart beating. Soon enough, sleepiness took over her. Noticing that, Billy took her up in his arms and leaded her to bed.

Julie was already asleep by the time he carefully placed her on the soft surface. He didn't know if he should give her some space or if should stay with her. After that breakdown, he didn't know what to do at all, and that was unnerving. That shouldn't be a question. Billy carefully lied down beside her and pulled her closer to him, so her head would rest on his chest and she'd feel him close to her.

Make up your mind and I'll make up mine
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
The last time you yelled at me I swore that I heard you say
I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking
I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning

We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time
If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds
So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time

…

"Dude, are you sure she's alright?" Joe asked for the third time to his old brother, who glared back. "Alright, I know! But you should've taken her to the hospital and not taken care of her by yourself."

"We can't show our fucking asses around Joe. Not after Heco's mess with the fucking doctor and Rawson."

"Did she wake up during the night?"

"No." Billy lied.

"Good… I think she'd flip if she had."

"Joe, do me a favor and get the fuck out of here." Billy hissed to his young brother, who was sitting on the chair next to the sofa.

"Man, you're a pain in the ass." Joe complained while getting up.

"Wait!" Billy called when Joe was about to pass through the door.

"What?" He asked annoyed.

"Go by her some flowers."

Joe smirked at his brother. "Touchy. Where's the money?"

"In your pocket. Go." Billy turned his attention back to the TV.

"Asshole." Joe cursed while finally closing the door.

…

Julie opened her eyes and found herself in the same room where she was last night, except that it was all lighted by the sunlight, even though the curtains were closed. Last night's happenings were a blur in her mind, but she could feel the dry tears on her cheeks. Julie couldn't believe she cried her heart out in front of him. The pile of emotions inside of her got too big and it just fell apart, Ally always said she shouldn't keep so much to herself because sometime she'd breakdown and it'd be worse. Damn, she was right.

First Polly's death, then the attack against Mark, followed by Billy pointing a gun to her neck, then kidnap, torture and another pointing gun. Just perfect. She couldn't stay in there forever, she had to go out and face the enemy. Julie, still dressed in Billy's clothes, walked to the bathroom. The flush's noise let Billy know she was finally awake, he found himself tense and lost of actions. Damn, Joe hadn't even come back with the flowers.

"Hey!" Billy greeted as soon as Julie showed up on the door away.

"Hello." She answered politely and before Billy could say anything else, she continued. "Listen, I'm sorry for the breakdown last night. I didn't mean to cry on your shoulder."

"Actually, you did it on my chest." Billy smirked, but Julie didn't react to his failed attempt of humor.

"Anyway, where are my clothes?"

"I threw them away, they were all teared and dirty."

"Oh. Well, I guess you'll have to land me these for a little while." She said in a complete emotionless tone.

"Julie…" Billy got closer to her, she didn't move an inch.

"What?"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"What you want to."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now, can I use your phone to call a cab?"

"I rather have you shoutin' at me than fucking ignorin' me. If you don't talk, you'll listen!"

"I don't wanna talk or listen to you Darley!" Julie shouted angrily, her temper was finally taking over. Billy opened his mouth to reply but never got a chance to. "You're an asshole! I hate you! What the hell were you thinking?! Coming after Mark?! He did nothing to you!"

"He was all over you!"

"You're sick! I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here arguing with you! Why don't you just point a gun at me, shoot and get over it, huh?!"

"Don't fucking play with that!! I told you that was a fucking mistake! You think of yourself so fucking perfectly like if you had never done a mistake in your whole fucking life!"

"I've made many mistakes, but not once I threatened someone else's life!"

"I'd never fucking shoot you!"

"I guess we can't really know that…"

"Do you have any idea of what I've been doing to fucking protect you?! Bones, that dickhead I'm supposed to call my father, threatened to come after you! And I fucking told him that if he touches your hair, I'll blow his fucking head off! And I will! That fucking Rawson just turned into a big problem because you were in the middle of it all! I couldn't risk attacking him, cuz I was fucking afraid that he'd do something to you!"

"Whoa Darley, you did such a great job!" She yelled sarcastically. "Look at my knees! Do they look like from someone who has been kept away from all the evil around?! My head must be full of water because of you! They dragged and drowned me because of you!"

"When I got there you had a fucking gun pointed to your unconscious self, did you fucking know that?! Have you ever stopped just a fucking second to think that if I hadn't showed up there, there'd be no trace of your body right now?!"

"Then it'd have been easier for all of us, huh?" Julie turned and started walking towards the door. Billy quickly reached her and grabbed her arm with a handful.

"Don't fucking walk away from me!"

"Let me go!"

"No."

"Let go!" Julie yelled as she started shaking herself.

Billy grabbed her other arm and roughly pulled her close, before Julie could react, his lips met hers into a needy kiss. She was reluctant at first, but as his warm body envolved hers, Julie gave in to the sexy act. They made it last as much as both could handle. Billy's hand traveled down to the small of her back, as it landed on her butt, Julie pushed him away.

"It takes more than that to make up with me Darley." Julie stated before turning to walk away.

"I know, that's why I'm taking you home."

"Hey Hottie, you're up!" Joe greeted as he walked in the apartment, carrying a bouquet of pink daises.

"No. Joe is."

"I am what?" He asked confused.

"Taking me home, come on." She took Joe's hand in hers.

Joe frowned at his old brother, who was glaring at him. He simply shrugged before handing Julie the flowers. "Billy asked me to get this for you."

Billy's frown relaxed, that'd give him some credit.

"I'm allergic to daises." Julie informed them before taking the bouquet from Joe's hand and tossing it on Billy's chest, who didn't move an inch to catch it, letting the sweet little flowers to fall silently on the floor.

He exalahed hard as he watched his girl walking out with his brother and closing the door behind her. Way to go Billy Darley!

This time I think I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry It makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah Sorry!

Sorry - Buckcherry

Middle song: Make Up Your Mind - Theory of a Deadman