This chapter was really difficult to write but I hope you like it. I am absolutely no good with intimate scenes so forgive me :/ There will be only be one more chapter for this story
Shizuru's POV:
My feelings are a mess. A minute ago I felt so calm and now I feel so freaking nervous. As if my life depends on what is about to happen. And yes, I'm right, it does. This is the breaking point and I feel uncertain. It will be fine, right? It should be fine. Alright, this is it; I have to embrace anything that will happen and don't look back. That's the deal. I knock on the door and Natsuki opens it after a few seconds. We don't say a word to each other; I just come in and go straight to her couch. I sit down and take a deep breath, she sits down beside me.
- I know what I need to say and I know what you want to hear. But these are two absolutely different things so I will just say what I want to say to you, - I turned to her. – Yes, Natsuki, I know that I hurt myself and I hurt you by doing that. I think it was my subconscious revenge for you not caring enough. Or so I thought. It just seemed to me that you became distant after the Carnival and I always thought that it was because of all the feelings I had for you. But I was wrong, weren't I?
- Yes, you were wrong, - she whispers staring into her hands on her knees. – I became distant because of all the feelings I had for YOU. I couldn't understand any of them, I couldn't understand myself, I was in denial and I thought that if we'd talk I will say something and lose you forever. That's why I decided to become distant though it wasn't the best idea.
- You should have told me! You have no idea how much I suffered! I thought our friendship was done, I thought we were done; I thought that you hated me… - I look away. This is hard but nobody said it was easy. – Natsuki, I thought that I have nothing to live for because of how you made me feel. So I became self-destructive, either for you to notice me and my state or just for me to really destroy myself like that. Everything was terrible, I felt terrible-
- And then your self-destructive behavior infected me, - Natsuki interrupted me and looked right into my eyes. – I picked it up from you and when I did, I really hated you for that. That you poisoned me with this strangely strong self-hatred. It wasn't pretty.
- We felt like a coin, two sides and there was a solid metal wall in-between us. I hated everything when I saw that you started to behave self-destructively too. I wanted to comfort you but I couldn't because of all the thoughts I had, you hating me and I thought I would piss you off even more.
- I think you would have, - Natsuki said honestly. – I think I was ready to tear everything apart, even you.
- I'm sorry I caused this. I'm sorry that I was the first one who fell. And I dragged you down with me. I'm really sorry; I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted us to hate each other so much because we hated each other. At some point, - I stood up and took a couple of steps towards the door. - I hope that you can forgive me. I really hope we can get back to normal one day.
- Well, we can't, - Natsuki said sadly.
- I understand. I think it's time for me to go, - I say clearly and can hear her heart breaking apart in her chest even standing a couple of feet away from her.
It's so easy reading her, her face automatically displays any emotion she is feeling. Sometimes it feels like you're watching a movie about all of the possible human emotions. Now it's just desperation and sadness written all over her face. Who knew that this would turn out this way? I assumed that we could start again because continuity is not a choice here, we would only fall into a dysfunctional cycle again. Maybe we are not meant to be after all… The weirdest thing is that even though I have nowhere to go, I said those words. Obviously, there's something wrong with me. I turn around and walk slowly towards the door, only getting to see a glimpse of Natsuki. It looks like she is frozen in one place and can't move, like she wants to say something but no words can escape her mouth. I sigh and as I grab the door handle, I feel something warm pressing into my back, Natsuki's hands circling my waist and pulling me closer to her, her chest pushed against my back. She presses her forehead somewhere in between my shoulder-blades. Her hands tightly rest on my waist. We just stand there for a couple of minutes, neither of us moving, you can even say that the both of us have stopped breathing. She clears her throat.
- Stay, - she whispers so quietly that I can barely hear it. – You're home…
She loosens her grip on my waist and I instinctively turn around in her arms. Her head is still lowered and I can't see her eyes. Natsuki wraps her arms around me and puts her head on my chest. All the tension goes away in seconds. Suddenly, I know what I have to do and I feel that everything will be alright. I back away from Natsuki a bit and then I lift her chin and look straight into her emerald eyes.
- I love you, - I say while looking into her eyes and smiling. – Nothing will ever change that.
My hands find a way to her waist and most importantly, my lips find a way to hers. This kiss seals the past and is a door to a new beginning.
We've made it.
Natsuki's POV:
Shizuru, any other day I would have let you leave. But not today. Today is the most important day of our lives. Today we are reborn again; today we start everything from scratch knowing everything we need to know. And the most important thing is that there won't be any more secrets. We love each other; we'll build a new world around our love.
- I need you, - I say. I have never done this but I know that I want it.
- Take me, - she whispers and kisses my lips again.
She then lets me go and goes to my bedroom. The right time is now. How do I know? I have never felt desire as strong as I do now. Now I finally understand what people feel when they talk about "desire". I follow Shizuru into my bedroom and watch as she simply lies down on my bed. I lay down right next to her and close my eyes. I feel the heat of 100 suns radiating from her body. I know she is smiling and automatically my lips curve into a smile too. When I open my eyes, I can't stop staring into hers. Beautiful crimson orbs that see everything. My lungs struggle for air and I swallow hard. She sits up and starts to giggle. And I understand that I missed her more than words could ever say. I missed her like this, being happy, being with me. I sit up too, she stops giggling, her head then tilts towards me. This time it is me who leans in for a kiss. I lie down and she straddles my hips. We don't say anything, we communicate with our mouths closed and our minds open. She starts kissing my neck and I feel as if electricity is running down my body, the feeling is ecstatic. One of her hands tangle in my blue locks as her other hands cups my cheek. She leans in to kiss me softly, her tongue grazing my bottom lip and I open my mouth to let her tongue slide in. Our tongues slowly dance around in our mouths. My hands reach the hem of her shirt and as I do that, I flip us over so that now I'm straddling her. She looks so beautiful, her chestnut hair disheveled on my pillow, eyes lovingly staring into mine. She's breathing heavily, just like me. Then Shizuru takes her hand and traces my lips. I can't take it anymore, I start unbuttoning her shirt as I stare hungrily at the skin revealed. It's like unwrapping a Christmas present. One of my legs go in between of hers, my thigh presses against her core and she arches her back. I slowly take the shirt off of her and just stare into her chest which is covered in a black bra. Then I look into her eyes and see just how much she needs me too, she needs my body pressed to her. She then reaches for the hem of my shirt and begins to pull it off. Everything suddenly starts going in slow motion. Her hand is sliding down my chest. I want her, I never wanted anything else so badly. She pushes herself up on her elbows and I lean in to kiss her. I embrace her waist into my body as she slides off the bra strap from my shoulder. Her touches leave a trail of fire. I begin placing small kisses down her neck and shoulders as her body conjures goosebumps. She's now on top of me and I hungrily discard her of the remaining clothing. She does the same and now we are both naked – our bodies and our minds. I pull her into my body. Her lips kiss every inch of my body continuously and her hand glides down, then warm fingers slip inside me. I think that my pupils dilate in pleasure as she begins thrusting gently and kissing, biting my neck lightly. Warm breath then tickles my ear while her other hand roams around all inches of my skin. Sweat covers my forehead and my nails scratch her back. She kisses my chest and my stomach clenches, I feel an electrifying pleasure building up in my toes, going to the tip of my eyelashes as my back arches and I reach the edge and fall apart. Shizuru is smiling and lazily kisses my forehead, her eyes shining. She then rests her head on my chest as I embrace her.
- I love you too,- I whisper into her chestnut locks, so quietly I can barely hear it myself.
- I know, - Shizuru says simply kissing my collarbone.
We fall fast asleep, forgetting all the bad that has happened. There's no need to dwell on that, we need to move forward. We don't need to worry anymore. We don't need to be afraid anymore. Today we learned not to hide, we learned to accept no matter what, no matter how much it hurt. I guess these will be the basics of our new relationship. There is hope.