Saturday, November 16, 2013, 4:32 PM

Through months of shame and humiliation I have come to hug my solitude. I no longer seek help from the outside world. I no longer answer the doorbell. I live by myself, in the turmoil of my own fears. Trapped in my own phantasms, I wait for the flood to rise and drown me out. -Henry Miller, Sexus

"Oh, I'm doing well. I just saw your father who told me you've moved. Can you imagine how surprised I was to hear this?"

My new friend Alistair places my drink down on the bar behind me and I wish to god Esme would have approached me two minutes later than she did.

"I'm sorry no one's told you. I've just been so busy with the restaurant. And you know, I figure twenty-eight is old enough for me to go out and get my own place."

"Well, I can understand that. I suppose I'm just a little surprised that my son never mentioned anything."

You and me both.

"Well, I'm, uh, sure he's probably just been busy, too."

I turn around to grab my drink and take the biggest sip I can without looking like a lush. She smiles and leans on the bar next to me before ordering a glass of wine. The bartender walks away and she looks back at me.

"I understand that you guys are all grown up but would it kill you to keep an old lady in the loop?"

"Point one out to me and I'll let you know."

She laughs and puts an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me closer.

"Oh, I knew I liked you for a reason."

Alistair smiles at both of us as he sets down her glass. She opens her clutch, pulls out a dollar and places it in the tip basket.

"Oh, before I forget, I've been meaning to ask your brother but I'm sure you would know. Is Edward seeing someone?"

I almost fall off my stool.

"Not that I'm aware of. Why do you ask?"

I'm certain I didn't do a good enough job trying to keep the shock and hurt out of my voice because there are several thoughts flitting through my head. Is Edward seeing someone? Isn't that what I wanted? Do I even have a right to know anymore? Esme either doesn't notice my inner turmoil or she ignores it for my sake.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing but this past month he's been acting rather secretive. You know just last week he went away for the weekend and I didn't even know about it until he got back. I thought maybe a new woman in his life would explain the distance. What man wants to share those kind of details with his mother?"

She laughs and I force out a chuckle or two with her.

"Esme!"

We both turn to see her date waving her over to where he and a very distressed looking Victoria are standing.

"Oh, dear. I have no idea what's going on with either of my children. Excuse me, sweetie."

She rushes over to them but I don't bother watching to see what happens. I just turn around and suck down the rest of my drink because all I can think is, what if my plan actually worked?