a/n: u guys deserve so much better but the chapter is what it is until i finally get around to editing it one last time. this was also meant to go up WAY sooner, but then life...happened, and then i got sick. i'm sorry!

mood: ghosts! by Sophie Cates

. . .

i think i'm going crazy! (...but you're everywhere, baby)

Naruto shoots up in bed, gasping awake.

Beads of sweat stick to his browbone and his breath shudders out his heaving lungs in rapid spurts as he attempts to regain his bearings.

As if only just remembering to, he does a frantic sweep: taking in the (pseudo)familiar sight of his bedroom, the new furniture, the floor lined in scrolls and clothes, the ribbons of sunlight spilling in through the half-shut blinds.

Letting himself let out a shaky breath, Naruto forcibly wills his tense muscles to unwind. It was just a dream...even though it felt so real this time—

It doesn't matter. It was just a dream.

Just a bad dream.

The icy water rings as a pleasant shock to his system, scorched with thoughts, emotions and memories he reflexively buries back inside himself.

The tap running deluges the maelstrom in his head and the emptiness soaking his apartment, water clinging like teardrops to his lashes. Naruto blinks at himself in the mirror—which reflects a gray stare boring into his own.

He jerks away from the sink with a muted shout of surprise, spinning around to face the wall behind him.

He's met with nothing but vacancy.

His heart is pounding somewhere in his throat and his body is trembling ever so slightly, feverishly, the lightest of tremors running through his fingertips.

"...what the fuck?" Naruto laughs, distinctly feeling like he's losing it.

Konoha's restoration is well under way, Naruto hasn't been keeping count (he can't, he can't, because if he starts counting, then he will know for sure ), but it's definitely been days, definitely been weeks now. His fast recovery hadn't accounted for much, given that he hasn't been sent on any essential missions as of yet.

And Team Seven is, once again, stuck with the chores of the day, which had involved another mission that Naruto started referring to as a complete and utter waste of time. Although this particular 'waste' only ate away at most of their morning, so they allowed themselves a break by lunching in the shade of a broad oak tree.

These days, he's pretty much never on his own, hanging around Team Seven more often than not: which lately consists of himself, Sakura and Sai. At first, he thought Yamato's presence had been required for more pressing matters than carrying out missives to nearby villages—mostly asking for aid and supplies—but maybe the jonin simply finds these boring, Naruto wouldn't blame him since he himself certainly does.

They never even stray too far off the village, they've been entrusted and only trusted with busywork, perhaps as a way to let their vitality and strength bleed back into them after the tremendous raze and the herculean effort it has taken to rebuild their home. The fruit of everyone's labor keeps yielding results, it could even be said that a few of the village's restored areas are better off now than what they once used to be—but the encompassing feeling of having lost something that will never grow back as it once was gets overwhelming, at times.

And as the rebuilding after the raze proceeds, the rest falls flat. Life is...stale, to say the least; his life at least is.

The new routine has been wearing him thin too, just like everything else seems to do these days. Go on missions, which usually last no longer than 72 hours—and even that is a stretch—and once you're back, assist the rest of the shinobi in the rehabilitation of the village, rinse and repeat. But even so, Naruto doesn't complain (much). He can't really, because at the end of the day, whilst not ideal, it is an incredibly effective way to keep busy—and lately more than ever, Naruto desperately needs the distraction.

(Not for the first time, he wonders for how long he'll be able to keep up the facade when he can already feel himself slipping through the cracks.)

In a way, it's almost as if someone decided to put the whole wide world on pause, but Naruto feels like too much of a coward to pause, too. Because if he does, because if he stops to think about it for even a minute, then he'll have to dig in. (And he's too frightened at the prospect of coming up with blood underneath his fingernails, all the words left unsaid lying in shattered shards of stained glass, heart a torn up mess of throbbing pieces still warm to the touch. He doesn't want to know what he might find underneath all this pretense.)

The grass feels crispy underneath him and there is this distinct, earthy smell encompassing them, the sky is promising rain by the looks of it. It's enough to take his mind off things as he lends a deaf ear to Sakura's one-sided convo—"being the bigger person sometimes means punching someone in the throat, tell me I'm wrong", at which Naruto nods without knowing what he's nodding at—while Sai is...well, he doesn't really know what Sai is up to, but who cares, Sai is strange anyway. So he lets her soft chatter fill up the empty nooks inside his mind, and it's quite soothing, actually.

It doesn't fly over his head how Sakura keeps throwing subtle glances at the amount of food he's taking with each bite, but he pretends to go unaware.

When there's a lull in the conversation, they end up focusing on their own meals and enjoying the breather. Naruto alternates between looking at a sandy anthill not far off from where he's sat, quietly scraping his chopsticks against the bottom of a lunchbox containing food he won't actually partake in, and searching for the last glimpses of glimmering blue in a sky slowly being engulfed by the gray of the stormclouds.

As he stares above at the mesh of indigo and silver, he's reminded of something that unfortunately bounces right off his grasp. Unable to conjure the energy to recall what, Naruto chooses to simply disregard the notion altogether.

At one point, he's so sluggish with relaxation, he's about to tip into the easy nothingness of slumber right where he's sitting—that is, until Sakura chooses to break the companionable hush that's befallen over their trio with a hesitant inquiry that Naruto doesn't quite catch.

"What?" He asks back, absent-minded.

Sakura's intention slips out quieter, just a tad more indecisive. "...your therapy session? How was it?"

If Naruto had had his mouth full, he might have choked.

Oh, now this is a can of worms he's not very keen to open. Because another change overtaking his life has been...well, this. After recent events, people around him had apparently deemed hooking him into therapy A Wise Choice. The Hokage had brought it up first, Kakashi was never one for objections and with how concerned Sakura was about it all, she had practically shoved him into going as soon as the opportunity had arised. Of course what they also deemed to be fine was taking this decision for him, without exactly thinking of consulting with him first, but, whatever, it wasn't like he was going to put up a fight anyway (he's too worn out for that). The matter ended with reluctant acceptance on his part, convincing himself, hoping, that the sooner it started the sooner it would all be over.

Naruto takes a sip out of his water because the inside of his mouth feels sticky all of a sudden, dry with the aftertaste of bitterness. "T'was good."

Sakura's eyes brim with surprise. "Really?"

No. Not really.

Naruto thinks about the first meeting with the shrink a couple weeks prior, about the stuffy office stuffed in books titled in the weirdest of ways, the uncomfortable chair he couldn't stand up from for an hour almost, the blandness of the walls he found himself pointedly staring at because he couldn't even hold eye contact for longer than two seconds.

Almost unconsciously, his eyes fall back down to his barely touched meal. Naruto plays with the chopsticks between his fingers for a beat longer before he starts shoving food in his mouth just to buy himself an excuse to not elaborate further than a simple, "Really."

"That's good, Naruto. That's really good." Sakura's voice is soft, a genuine gleam of hope sinking into her features.

Naruto never liked lying. But what he has come to loathe is seeing the disappointment reflected in the eyes of the people he cares about the most.

So, he forces out of himself the lie in the shape of a smile. "...yeah."

Because, what else can he do, when he sees her sheer relief from the news alone? She needs it, she needs to be happy and focus on her own life. What she certainly doesn't need is getting weighed down by his issues. This is for the best, he tells himself. He never wants to worry her...he never wanted to worry anyone—

"Now that's an unexpected development, wouldn't you say?"

Aaaand Naruto ends up actually choking.

The mouthful of rice goes down the wrong pipe, drawing a loud, panicky cough out of him. He beats on his chest to try to get a clear breath in.

Naruto hears an unapologetic "oops" coming from that voice that he elects to very momentarily ignore in favor of hopefully not wheezing his way to an early grave. Sakura is by his side immediately, and he would appreciate the help, really he would, if only her 'pats' weren't hits to his back. And Sai, of course, doesn't lift a finger, but simply watches.

Naruto would have half a mind to complain about it, but he doesn't have time to think much, or at all, when The Voice floats over his clearing senses once again.

"I wonder if your therapist already knows everything about me."

Naruto freezes up properly, this time.

He knows that's not a new voice, and it's not just a random one either. And it's most definitely not the voice of a stranger. Ever so slowly, Naruto cranes his neck enough to see behind him, dread beating dull into his fingertips.

The sight alone is a blow to his stomach, lips parting of their own volition as if in a pained gasp.

'Sasuke.'

There he is.

Leaning against a tree bark with crossed arms, one foot down, the other planted against the trunk and appearing the epitome of nonchalance while Naruto, once again, feels like his world just got twisted downside up.

"Go ahead and ask them, if it will put you at ease." Sasuke nods towards Sakura and Sai, a self-assured smirk stretching the corners of his lips.

Naruto manages to un-freeze for a moment, which is strange considering his mind and body are at once prickling with the icy shards of this bolt hitting right out of the blue. He chances a look at Sakura. But, if not for the sudden concern written into her eyes, intended for him, she appears normal. Unfazed. The same goes for Sai.

Naruto might be possibly going out of his mind.

Why isn't Sakura freaking out as she ought to? Why isn't Sai on the brink of a defensive attack? Why are they not so much as looking over at him?

"I..." Naruto's heart is shifting gears into overdrive, pumping so hard he fears it will jump right out, leave a gaping hole behind the cage of his skin. He tries to grasp at Sakura's forearm, tries to get her attention in the ways he can think of, because for any number of reasons even his words seem to have iced over under his throat, and he can't seem to swallow past their stuttering confinement. "–h-he...how...c-can you–"

"What's wrong, Naruto?" Sakura tries, laced in equal amounts of kindness and alarm, rubbing gentle circles over his back and not taking her eyes off of him. "Hey, talk to me."

Which is extremely concerning because Sasuke Uchiha is standing just a few feet away and instead she's acting like—

That's when his words hit with their full weight.

...like she can't even see him.

Naruto's eyes snap back to Sasuke, silhouetted stark against the backdrop of the brittle woods, in astonishment. The racing of his heart increases impossibly, yet it feels like a puzzle piece starting to click into place.

"That enough of an answer for ya?" Sasuke gives voice to the gears switching over Naruto's speculations, but he doesn't stop there, only adding more to his plate by letting him fill in the glaring gaps. "Which brings forth..."

...Naruto seems to be the only one who currently can.

To say Naruto is in shock would be the most pointlessly pointed out understatement of the century. At this very moment in time, his thoughts sum all up into a singular, explicative question:

'What the actual fuck is going on?'

A sudden breeze rushes past them, and his attention flickers elsewhere without Naruto being aware, distracted by the newcomer. It's one of the shinobi dropping in to relieve them of their shift in today's mission.

It takes a handful of seconds for the exchange to sink in, and for Naruto to get to his feet, but almost instantly he berates himself for getting caught up in the sudden interruption, and quickly spins back around.

Sasuke is nowhere to be found.

Once they part ways, Sakura and Sai stare after their teammate. Naruto declines the offer of making later plans, hastily waves off their concern—well, mostly Sakura's, Sai doesn't seem perturbed at all, or maybe that's just his default facial expression?—saying he feels a little under the weather and intends to go home and sleep it off.

"Today, he...how do they say it?" Sai mumbles to himself as he flicks through the pages of his book, finally settling on one and quoting out loud. "'He looks as though he's seen a ghost!'"

Sakura just sighs quietly in worry.

...is this some kind of fucked up joke?

It can't be anything but this, right? Two days in a row...it's just not happening...how even—

It's not–it's not possible. Sasuke is not here. Naruto knows with extreme certainty that Sasuke is still wound up in his ideals of vengeance that Orochimaru keeps enabling, so how could he even...how—?

It can't be.

That was...that was not him.

It's not.

Naruto is going crazy, he's messing with his own damn mind. It's the only explanation that makes sense—but why now of all times?

Such are the thoughts that wrap around his head like gauze pad as he footslogs his way back to his apartment, paranoia haunts his every step.

His circumspect glare hovers over the streets he crosses, and he swears he sees him materialize behind the corner, lingering across every window.

Naruto doesn't allow himself to breathe easy until he's inside the safety of his own apartment, slamming the door shut like he's sealing the nightmares out.

(Oh, if only it were that easy.)

And then, he turns around.

The last person Naruto thought he'd ever see is currently here, right here, in his apartment, inside his room, sitting on his bed and looking at him as if nothing could even be remotely out of place; even if he is the one that doesn't belong in the first place.

"Yo." Sasuke casually greets from where he's comfortably perched atop his unmade bed. "Took you long enough to trek your way back."

Naruto loses his balance standing upright from the sheer shock of the sight, his knees giving out beneath him as he crumples against the door and curls into the floor.

The last thing he sees is those eyes that have been chasing him in dreams before a pigmented darkness crowds at the edges of his vision.