Saturday, September 13, 2009

If only I could visit you as a foreigner goes into a new country, learn the language of you, wander past all borders into every private and secret place. I would stay forever. I would become a citizen of you. -Lisa Kleypas, A Wallflower Christmas

After tossing my apron on the counter I opened the fridge and bent down to look for something to eat. I leaned in to peruse a couple of mystery tupperware containers when I got the shit scared out of me.

"Hey, Edward."

I nearly smacked my head inside the fridge as I spun around. She's been here for five months and I still can't get used to it. She smirked at me, her head sticking up over the couch, one arm draped over the side to keep her upright.

"Oh hey, Bell," I said, looking down at my watch in confusion. "Aren't you supposed to be out with Charlie?"

Much to my torture, Emmett's claim that Bella would only be staying for a few weeks was shot to hell the moment Garrett told us he wouldn't be moving back in. I was happy for him and Kate and everything... But Emmett and I couldn't afford the rent on our own, so when Bella got her fancy job at a restaurant in L.A., she offered to stay until we could get a replacement.

Only Emmett and I hadn't really put any efforts into finding one.

"Apparently there was some trouble with a younger boy back home. He didn't go into specifics but the Chief had to take care of it. He's gonna come next weekend to make it up to me."

Forgetting about my previous hunt for food, I walked over to sit down in my usual chair but as I got closer, Bella sat up and moved her legs to make space for me on the couch. Resigned, I changed my course and plopped down next to her.

"So what about Alice and Jasper? Or Emmett and Rose?"

"Em and I went to lunch earlier so he could take Rose out for their anniversary tonight. And Al is stuck in Seattle with a client so I told Jazz not to bother."

"So you're alone on your birthday?"

She shrugged.

"I'm not all that excited for twenty-four anyway." I rolled my eyes dramatically and she laughed. "Oh, you just wait. You've still got one more birthday to be excited about, but after twenty-one, it's all downhill."

"Yeah, yeah." Like I needed to be reminded of the age difference. "So what are you gonna do?"

She waved her hand over the coffee table where a chinese food menu and several movies laid in front of her. I checked the time again to see that I had an hour and a half before I was supposed to meet up with Garrett. Knowing he wouldn't care all that much about my bailing, I shot off a text.

"So are you set on drowning your sorrows in moo shu all by yourself, or would you like some company?"

She smiled and picked up the menu and a pen, handing them both to me.

"Just circle what you want and I'll call it in."

As I looked at the different kinds of noodles, my mind drifted to the wrapped present I had hidden underneath my bed. About a month ago I'd had some time to kill before work and I found myself at a thrift shop in Los Angeles. I just went in to look around but I saw it and immediately thought of her. Without hesitating, I bought it and it wasn't until I'd gotten back to the apartment that I realized it felt like a little much.

As she called in the food, I sneaked away into my room. I crouched down and pulled out the small box. Turning it over in my hands, I debated whether or not I could give it to her without feeling like a jackass.

I was kneeling on the floor by my bed with the door closed when she called for me, probably wondering where I disappeared to. I panicked and shoved the gift into my the drawer of my nightstand. I got up and walked over to my closet where I pulled out the unopened bottle of gin leftover from Garrett's birthday. I took a deep breath and left the present burning a hole in the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, when I was standing in front of her with a giant bottle of alcohol, it felt even more stupid than it would have if I'd just brought out the damn present.

"Whatcha got there, Edward?"

"Uh... Gin?"

She raised her eyebrows and spun around, walking toward the kitchen as she called back to me.

"I guess I can overlook the underage drinking thing just this once."

A huge sigh of relief escaped me as she approached the cabinets where we kept our cups. I walked in and set the bottle down on the counter before moving toward the freezer to get some ice. When I turned around, she had already pulled a couple cans of soda from the fridge.

"This is all we've got, but I'm sure it'll do."

She took the tray out of my hands and started mixing. I rested my elbows on the counter which brought me closer to her height.

"Playing bartender, huh?"

She laughed and nudged my shoulder with hers. I could smell her shampoo and I immediately felt my heart start to race at the small amount of physical contact. It occurred to me then that drinking hard alcohol with the object of my obsession may not have been my brightest idea.

A few hours and probably too many drinks later, that fear was long forgotten. I found myself sitting down next to a completely inebriated Bella and placed the now half empty handle of gin in front of her.

"Merry christmas, Yoki."

She laughed and grabbed the bottle.

"It's Yoko, Edward. What is yoki, like, the asian bear that prevents forest fires?"

I took the bottle back in jest.

"No, it's from that song about war... Wait, what?"

She stopped laughing at me and looked all serious.

"You know, that bear that stops the fires?"

I thought hard.

"There's a bear named Yogi... But he doesn't prevent forest fires."

"Oh. Well, what bear does that?"

"I forget... Is it Rex?"

Her confused expression was adorable.

"Rex is a dinosaur, Edward. Are you sure it's not Yogi?"

I carefully grabbed my laptop from the chinese food graveyard and paused the Christmas music she had playing. While I started searching the internet for fire stopping animals, I heard the sloshing of liquid in a cup.

"Smokey! That's the name of the bear." Next I brought up an image search and turned the computer around to face her. "Look, this is Yogi. He doesn't seem like he's into preventing forest fires, does he?"

She squinted her eyes at the screen and pointed at me.

"You don't know that. Maybe he's running to put one out right there."

I hunched over the screen, looking at him upside down before staring back at her.

"With a tie on?"

She shrugged.

"He dresses for the occasion."

I moved back, taking my computer and typing in my next search.

"That's a poor choice, Bella."

She crossed her arms.

"Yeah, well maybe he was at a party and he got a page. Like a doctor. He's a bear doctor for trees."

"He has a pager? Bella, most humans don't have pagers, let alone cartoon bears. Do pagers even exist anymore?"

She huffed and I wanted to laugh because she was getting so frustrated with me.

"He's a bear, Edward. Maybe he's behind on the times. Cut him some slack."

I spun the computer back around.

"This is Smokey. Now that's a bear who knows how to put out some forest fires."

She leaned in closer and as her hair grazed the skin of my knee, I silently berated myself for changing into shorts.

"Why does he have a shovel, Edward?"

"To stomp out the fires."

"Last I checked you stomp with your foot."

"Maybe he shovels dirt onto it."

"Well, that's just stupid. Ever heard of a bucket, Smokey? Fill it with water from a stream or something."

I bit the inside of my cheek as she rested her hand on my knee to keep her steady. I tried to keep my voice even.

"Well, I don't see Yogi prepared with any tools."

That one seemed to stump her. After a few seconds of silence she scooted back and looked at me.

"Whatever. The whole point here is that Yogi could put out fires if he so chose."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I laughed and she smacked my chest in retaliation.

"You're ridiculous."

She smacked me again.

"You can't call me ridiculous. It's my birthday."

Her voice sounded so heartbroken and I took a second to really look at her.

Her whole body was swallowed up by a big blue t-shirt she'd stolen from Emmett's room, and her hair was kind of all over the place. She had cleaned off the little make-up she'd been wearing back when she'd declared ten o'clock 'pajama time,' but she still looked incredible with her rosy cheeks and glossed over eyes.

She was gonna kill me.

With the sudden urge to give her the present, I put my laptop back on the table and abruptly stood.

"Where are you going?"

I smiled and raised one finger before running to my room. With the gift in my hand and the single thought of no regrets, I quickly reentered the room and handed it to her. She looked up at me with surprised brown eyes and moved the hand that wasn't holding her present to her chest.

"Oh, Edward. You didn't have to get me anything!"

Her shock brought back my nerves and I grabbed the bottle from the table, slamming back a large sip. As the alcohol burned down my throat, I could hear her tearing off the wrapping paper.

When I finally looked back at her, she was staring at me, speechless.

Oh god, she hated it.

"You don't have to wear it. In fact, I can just take it back right now."

She pulled away from my grasp and I backed up.

"Don't you dare be an indian giver!"

I laughed and sat back down next to her while she toyed with the chain.

"It's really beautiful, Edward. I feel like I can never find jewelry that suits me but this is just perfect."

I looked down at my lap and smiled to myself.

"You promise you like it?"

She was running her fingers over the blue stones before she unclasped it and handed it to me.

"I promise. Would you put it on me?"

She turned around and scooted her body back into me. She moved her hair out of the way and I was faced with her pale, smooth skin only inches from my face. With the amount of alcohol I had running through my veins, it was all I could do not to lean forward and run my nose down her neck. With shaking hands, I managed to close the silver chain around her without making an ass out of myself. After finishing, I cleared my throat.

"All set."

She turned back around, her hands still tracing over the jewels as she smiled at me.

"This is so much better than the last time I was offered jewelry."

She laughed but then her eyes got all wide and she slapped a hand over mouth.

"What happened the last time you were offered jewelry, Bella?"

She shook her head at me but I wasn't going to let it go that easily. When I went to speak again she interrupted me by loudly taking a deep breath and downing the rest of her drink. She looked at me again. I thought she was going to say something but instead she just reached over to the bottle in my hands and followed my example by taking a decent sized gulp. She winced and a very strange noise came out of her mouth as her whole body shuddered. She shook her head and passed the bottle back to me.

"Okay. I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell Emmett."

I nodded, eagerly waiting for her to continue and she clenched her eyes closed.

"The reason I left Seattle was because Jake proposed and I said no."

She spoke the words so quickly I was sure I heard her wrong.

"Can you repeat that for me?"

She scowled and tried to grab the bottle back but I held it away.

"I said that Jake proposed and I said no. That's the real reason why I left home."

"Are you serious, Bella?"

"No, I'm joking."

She followed up her words with an adorable hiccup.

"Holy, shit, Bells."

"Ugh."

She pushed her face into the couch cushions and mumbled into it.

"What was that?"

She groaned and pulled her face away.

"I said, Alice was wrong. I do not feel better saying that out loud."

I laughed and pulled her over to me.

"It's okay, Bella. I mean, I can't say I feel too sorry for the guy. It sucks for him that he lost someone like you, but that guy was such a dick."

"What do you mean someone like me?"

Oh, shit.

"You know... You're a cool girl."

She pulled away.

"I am?"

I laughed again and comforted myself by the fact that maybe neither one of us would remember this tomorrow.

"You are."

She sighed and relaxed back into me. She started playing with the hair on my arm and I'd never felt anything better than the slow movement of her fingertips.

On second thought, I really hoped at least I would remember this.

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think I could ever open my own restaurant?"

My brain was getting fuzzy and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open, but I heard her.

"Bella, I think you can do anything you want."

She giggled softly and as her breathing started to even out, she mumbled what sounded like 'I missed you.' Before I had a chance to ask her to clarify what she'd said, soft little snores were echoing through the now otherwise silent room.

Over the past couple of months it had become apparent that my misguided attempts in cutting her out of my life had actually hurt Bella. With her asleep on the couch next to me, I had to remind myself that I was no longer that fourteen year old kid. I was twenty and past the point of holding a grudge against a pretty girl for not being able to magically sense that I was hopelessly in love with her. In my drunken stupor, with her soft body snuggling into my side, I vowed to never run from her again. I would stay in her life until she asked me to leave, and I would accept her in whatever capacity she was willing to give.