Sunday, February 14, 2010

He never intended to love her. But now it was over. He had crossed over the gulf to her, and all that he had left behind had shriveled and become void. -D.H. Lawrence, "The Horse Dealer's Daughter"

Every time we stopped at a red light I had to keep myself from staring at her in the short, dark blue dress she wore. I asked myself for the hundredth time what I'd been thinking when I had agreed to this. Though admittedly, she hadn't actually given me a choice.

It had been her turn to pick a film for our recently dubbed 'Friday Movie Nights,' and, in honor of the upcoming holiday, she picked some girly romantic comedy. I was already having a hard time staying awake when twenty minutes into the movie she started yelling at the television set.

"No. That is so unrealistic!"

Having not paid attention I looked back and forth between her and the screen with no idea what she was talking about. She waved her hands wildly and gestured toward the TV.

"If you meet a guy at a party, and he asks you to leave so you can 'talk' and you actually agree, you'll go to his place, probably end up sleeping with him, and then you never see or hear from him again."

I snorted.

"Don't you think you sound a little cynical?"

She huffed and crossed her arms, resting back into the couch.

"No, I'm being realistic. Look at Riley. The only reason he stayed around as long as he did was because I wouldn't give it up." Thank god for that. "And he only lasted a month and a half!"

I rolled my eyes.

"You were the one who told him to get lost, B. That guy would still be following you around with his guitar if you'd let him."

She managed to laugh and shudder at the same time.

"Remind me never to try dating a musician again."

Yeah. That I could do.

"Why'd you pick this movie if you knew it would piss you off?"

A long, drawn out sigh escaped her as she let her body slump over the arm of the couch.

"I've always liked Valentine's Day. It wasn't until the movie started that I realized I liked it because I haven't not had a valentine since before I was in high school."

"What a hard life you must lead."

She slapped my arm.

"Edward, there is nothing wrong with getting enjoyment out of being in a relationship."

"I agree. What I think is 'wrong' is the fact that you can't seem to not be in a relationship for five seconds. You're just like my boss."

Ben was my supervisor for the internship I'd gotten at a software company. I'd been told that he'd gotten out of a serious relationship last year but since I'd known him, he'd been serial dating left and right.

Bella looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to me.

"How old is he again?"

She couldn't be serious.

"No." She started pouting. "No, Bella. Do you know how awkward that could wind up being for me?"

"But, Edward-"

"No. Besides, you've heard the way I talk about him, why would you want to go for a guy like that?"

"What, a guy who happens to be looking for something serious instead of a one night stand? A guy you say is funny and obviously intelligent?"

I resisted the urge to jump on the couch and scream at the top of my lungs for her to stop seeing other men. Instead I felt my jaw clench and my teeth grind together as she continued.

"I just want a date for Valentine's Day. Is that too much to ask for? Oh! I have an idea." She grabbed her cell phone from off the coffee table in front of her and started typing. "We can double! I know for a fact that you think Angela is cute. So if I hook that up then you owe me!"

Angela was a waitress at the restaurant Bella worked at. I'd met and talked to her the few times I'd gone to pick Bella up from work. Sure, she was pretty, but I wasn't interested.

"Bella, I want no part in this."

"Oh, come on, Edward. It's going to be fun!"

"No, Bella. Seriously. I mean it."

I was walking into a crowded, dimly lit restaurant to literally watch Bella go on a date with someone else, all because I couldn't deny her anything even if it killed me. I stood sullenly as she explained to an annoyed looking hostess that we were part of a reservation that should already have been seated. As we were led to the table, I saw Ben and Angela sitting next to each other, laughing.

"Sorry we're late!" Bella smiled as we approached. I waved at Angela and turned to say hello to Ben but the attention from Bella already had him preoccupied.

I tried not to grimace as I sat down. After a few brief re-introductions around the table, our waiter came to take our orders at which point Bella caught me smirking at her. She sent me a short-lived glare and asked for a few more minutes to look over the menu. I tried to hide my amusement but apparently I didn't do a very good job.

"Shut up, Edward."

"I didn't even say anything."

"You don't have to speak. I know what you're thinking."

I laughed while Ben and Angela looked on, confused, turning to me for an explanation as Bella sat pretending that nothing was going on.

"You guys are about to learn what it's like to eat out with a chef."

Bella pouted which caused me to laugh harder.

"I'm not that bad."

I rolled my eyes and opened my own menu. When the waiter returned, Ben, Angela and I ordered while Bella dictated her own ridiculous stipulations for how her food needed to be prepared. After that we fell into a somewhat awkward lull before Angela tried starting a conversation with me.

"So Edward, are you nervous about only having on more year of school left?"

I shrugged.

"Hopefully I'm going to continue on and get my masters." Slightly distracted by the forming conversation between Bella and Ben, I put all efforts into focusing on my date. "What about you? What classes are you in now? You're at USC right?"

Ben perked up and interrupted as she was answering.

"You go to USC?" She nodded. "I graduated from there a couple of years ago. Did you take English Comp. with Mr. Jefferson?"

She giggled.

"Yeah! Oh, my god, he was so crazy!"

Ben followed suit and five minutes later they were off on some tangent about dining halls and dormitories. From the seat beside me, Bella leaned into me to whisper.

"Do you see what I see, here?" She nodded her head in the direction of our dinner companions. Disoriented by her nearness, I could no longer decipher their words but I could see their body language. Angela was smiling shyly and Ben's movements were subconsciously catering to hers.

"Holy shit."

My lack of filter resulted in two pairs of eyes landing on me, perplexed. Bella quickly came to my rescue, patting me on the back.

"I just told Edward here that my brother Emmett took his girlfriend to a restaurant you have to get a reservation for weeks in advance. He's surprised Emmett put that much thought into a date."

I nodded as they continued their conversation where they had left off. The fact that my slip was just a momentary interruption for them filled me with such relief that I had to hold back my smile.

I looked at Bella and she just sighed before waving our waiter over and ordering a glass of wine. By the time dessert rolled around Bella was on her fourth glass and Ben and Angela's conversation had yet to cease. She was snickering to me for most of the dinner but eventually her words started coming out a littler louder than she realized.

"Edward, I'm getting old. Hey! Don't laugh at me. It's true! Look. Even a guy my age prefers someone whose younger than you!"

Her comment seemed to embarrass the both of them, or it at least made them extremely uncomfortable. I stood and moved to help Bella stand as well.

"All right guys, I'm gonna take this one home." I started wrapping her coat around her shoulders. "Ben, I'll see you tomorrow at work. Angela it was lovely seeing you again. You guys get home safe and don't worry about tonight."

"Oh yeah, don't worry about it, guys! Go on home together and have a great f-"

I clamped my hand over her mouth and smiled at the two of them.

"Bye, guys!"

As I tried to move through the restaurant Bella's weight was pressed heavily into my side.

"God, Edward. What'd you do that for?"

I couldn't help chuckling.

"I know the memories are a little fuzzy, but if I remember the last time I saw you drunk correctly, you're rapidly approaching the point where you probably don't want to be in public anymore."

"Are you kidding me? I am a totally fun drunk."

"And I'm not disputing that, but I think it's safe to say that we are past your fun stage and arriving swiftly at your honesty hour."

"No way, Edward! I've got some time left!"

After strapping her in, I ran over to the other side of the car and slipped inside where she was already flipping through radio stations. It was seconds before her very loud, very off key voiced filled the car.

"AND WHEN YOU SMILE, THE WHOLE WORLD STOPS AND STARES FOR A WHILE CAUSE GIRL, YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARRRRRRRE."

I turned down the volume knob and watched as her energy deflated.

"What'd you do that for?"

"It's ten o'clock at night on a Sunday, Bella. People aren't prepared to hear this right now."

She stuck her tongue out at me before leaning back and staring out the window. By the time we got back home, she was completely out. So much so, that I had to carefully maneuver her out of the car and carry her limp body into our building. When we had finally reached her bedroom, I ungracefully dropped her into her bed and she rolled over my arm keeping me trapped there. Then she started mumbling.

"Edward, why can't I find somebody as nice as you?"

I sighed and chose not to dignify that with a response because who knew what reply would tumble out; Hello, I'm right here! I'm as nice as me. You don't have to look for anybody else.

I tried to pull my arm out from under her and she rolled closer, leaving only a few inches between our faces. It was then that I started wondering why I was trying so hard to get out from under her.

"Bella?"

Her eyes cracked open, and even though her room was only lit by a small lamp on her desk, I could still make them out perfectly.

"Edward," she whispered in reply.

Her face creeped closer to my own until soft wet lips were pressed against my own. I pressed closer, tasting the chocolate from her desert and the wine she'd been drinking all night. The moment the thought reached my consciousness I pulled away.

She smiled with her eyes closed as I slowly pulled my arm out from under her and she snuggled into her pillows. I turned off her light and stumbled out of her room, shutting the door behind me.

I leaned my head back on the door with a thud and tried to remember how to breathe properly.

She kissed me. She said my name reverently, and then she kissed me.

I tossed and turned the entire night, barely getting any sleep because all I could think of was the warmth of her mouth on mine. When I woke in the morning I stood in my room for ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to go out there and talk to her about it. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed. I was going to tell her know that I enjoyed it and would welcome her to do it again any time that she liked... Just not in those exact words.

When I stepped out, I smelt coffee and bacon and as I walked toward the kitchen I could see her bare toes sticking out from behind the counter. When I rounded the corner she stood in her pajamas making breakfast. She noticed me and looked a little disconcerted.

"Good morning, Edward... I just wanted to apologize for last night."

She regretted it.

"Bella, you don't have to-"

"No, really. I do. Honestly, I don't even remember leaving the restaurant. Who knows what I said, and to your boss no less. I'm a horrible friend."

I couldn't decide what hurt worse, that she didn't remember the kiss, or that she'd called her my friend on top of everything else.

"It's okay, Bella. No harm done. I'm gonna just go hop in the shower real quick."

She nodded and continued cooking, apologizing one more time before I left the room.

I wanted to turn around and tell her what happened. I wanted to walk up to her, put my hands on her shoulders and shake her until she remembered. Was she lying because she was embarrassed? Did it mean so little to her that even her subconscious didn't care about me that way?

I stepped into my bathroom and took off my shirt.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, wondering if I could be what she needed. Sure, four years felt like a lot when I was fourteen, but I was practically twenty-one now.

Whether she was lying or not didn't matter. I just didn't know how much longer I could put time into waiting around for her to notice what was right in front of her.

AN: Don't hate me! Just wanted to drop a quick apology for the lack of update. The past two weeks have been crazy and I was almost finished with this chapter when my laptop died without having saved it so I had to do a little rewrite. Hopefully it won't take me this long again! Thank you for sticking with me. :) Happy belated Valentine's Day!