Saturday, November 16, 2013, 5:42 PM

I felt stuck in the bottom of a wishing well. I was desperate to shout what I wanted, but I didn't know what that was. I knew only what it wasn't. -Amy Tan, The Hundred Secret Senses

"Are you sure? I think I heard somewhere that smoking is good for your sanity." I know the words are trite the moment they leave my lips but as I turn around his eyes are boring into me. I scrounge for more words but nothing else will come out.

I toss the nearly finished cigarette over the side of the balcony.

"Maybe they had their facts mixed up," I say, trying to force a laugh.

He doesn't smile, just continues to stare a hole through my heart.

"How's the restaurant doing?"

I look down at my feet.

"It's doing really well. Bon Appetit even came in to do an article on us."

"Yeah, I saw that."

I look back at his face. Of course he saw it. He's been my number one supporter from the first day I even thought of doing this.

"What'd you think of Jess's interview?"

He looks away from me for the first time but steps closer, leaning his arms over the ledge.

"She was pretty well spoken. I'm sure it's going to do great things for your business."

His words may as well be sand pouring down my throat. I couldn't swallow if I tried and speaking is becoming increasingly difficult.

"What about you? Are you still working full time with Ben?"

A rueful smile takes place on his lips. Something about it sends my insides twisting away and I know he's going to ruin me.

"No. I'm not working there anymore."

My hands try to reach for him but I quickly decide that would be more than I can handle.

"What happened, Edward? Did something-"

"So what? Now you care?"

His eyes are like knives, carefully carving away at every brick of the wall I've built up between us.

"I've always cared about you, Edward. I could never-"

His humorless laugh stops me from continuing.

"You've always cared for me, Bella? As what, huh? As a younger brother?"

His words are harsh. It's so unlike any way I've ever heard him speak.

"As a friend."

"A friend?" He scoffs. "Wow, B. That's great. We're friends. How generous of you to clear that up for me."

My eyes are burning. I use every ounce of emotional strength I possess to keep my composure.

"Edward... I didn't mean to hurt you."

He swallows and looks away before turning back.

"Isn't that what everyone says? 'I didn't mean to hurt you... It's not you, it's me.' Does any of that shit actually matter?"

I can't answer him. I don't think it does matter now... But at the time it had felt like the most important thing in the world.

"Bella," his voice broke. "How could you leave like that?"