Here we are with Helga. I've decided this is going to end up being mostly their POVs on the same night. And then the part 2s (which will happen eventually), are going to be their POVs on a later date.
I can feel the tears coming on and I hate it. I hate crying, but I do it so often now there are days where I'll just be doing nothing, like sitting and watching TV, when I find myself shaking and tears running down my face. I've always hated crying. In fact I don't think I'd truly ever cried until after I started dating Arnold. Even then I didn't imagine I would be crying so much.
The first tears were happiness but that didn't last long. Imagine me, Helga G. Pataki, having my dream come true. Arnold Shortman finally asking me out after so many years of pining for his love. Maybe it was because I finally stopped being mean to him. Actually, now that I think back on it, I had stopped talking to him almost completely. He was so busy with different activities, and on the weekends he would disappear with his buddies.
So when he walked up to me one Monday and asked me out I was speechless. I managed to say yes, of course I would! It was all I'd ever wanted! The date went well-dinner and a movie. I had caught Brainy following us but I didn't make a scene about it. He kept his distance and I've just come to accept that he'll always be my guardian angel.
We had been together for a full two months when things started changing. He was ditching me, and when we were together we fought. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong (because it had to be my fault. Arnold is barely capable of doing wrong). After we broke up the first time is when I turned to Brainy. Not for a rebound, but for a friend. He was my only real friend except for Phoebe- and she was so busy with Gerald I didn't want to bother her.
The relationship I have with Arnold is sketchy at best, but I know we'll always be together no matter what. Not a week after the first break up he came back saying he missed me and needed me. Well it goes without saying that I needed him too. Hell, I'll always need him. This was in our Junior year. We've lasted this long, 8 years today, with plenty of ups and downs (more downs lately though) and many break ups and make ups. I don't know if we'll ever get married. I doubt it at this rate, but I can't help myself.
I love him. I love him like Brainy loves me. I just can't leave all that behind. Not even after tonight. Tonight he stood me up on our anniversary. It's not the first time he's done it, but it hurts so much more now that I know why he stood me up. Our last fight brought a lot to the light, including that he's been seeing Phoebe and that he's with her more than he is with me. That she's ten times better than me in every single way.
"So why don't you just leave me now?"
He has that look in his eyes, that look he gets whenever I say something stupid in his opinion. I hate that look. "Because you can't survive without me." Then he walks out the door.
I feel pathetic because he's right. I would be lost without him. So I did what I always do when I feel myself slipping. I run to Brainy. He's outside his apartment building, like he knew I would be coming. When his arms wrap around me I feel safer. I could never love him the way he loves me-even if Arnold wasn't in the picture. I think of him more as a brother, a guardian.
He leads me upstairs and I fall asleep in arms on the couch. We've been through this before. An hour or so later he wakes me up and walks me back home. Back to the place I've come to dread. I know Brainy wants me to leave Arnold. That I can do better and maybe he's right…but after loving Arnold for so long…how can I let go?