Washed Up

A/N: there was a lot of playing with comments, and no logging, so be sure to read this comment thread if you want to be completely up to date: tinyurl dot com/dxtfxck

Authors: Celianna (Momo) & Happiestwhen (Kaidoh)

Rating: T

Events leading up to this log:
- Kaidoh moves in with Momo and Ryoma
- Kaidoh spends his days secretly fishing behind Momo's back to get better at it.
- Momo asks him to show him how to tie a banana
- Momo tells Kaidoh to stop hissing, and if he hisses, he'll punch him
- Somehow Momo manages to get Kaidoh to tell him that he was the one to make those Valentine's Day chocolates in their third year
- Momo asks Kaidoh if he liked him back then, he doesn't deny it

Date: June 6, 2012

Momoshiro has calmed down a little bit by now. Okay, it took about three hours, but he managed to not freak out so much anymore. What happened three hours ago? Kaidoh basically told him that he had a crush on him during middle school—and he wasn't sure if he still had a crush on him or not. And that's … awkward. Completely and utterly awkward. Momoshiro can't stop thinking about the many, many physical fights they have been in … and what Kaidoh could have felt differently about it.

Why does everyone have to end up being gay? And gay for him, no less!

But Momoshiro is rather fond of Kaidoh, and he does feel very sympathetic; crushing on a straight guy who was supposed to be your rival, isn't exactly the ideal crushing partner. But what to do? He can't kick him out, that's rude, and Echizen will kill him for it (who is already mad at him for some reason). And it's not like he returns his sentiments; hell no. Momoshiro is a straight guy. One hundred percent straight. He doesn't swing that way.

He can't help it if he's so dashingly handsome he gets all the gay guys crushing on him.

Okay, that was probably uncalled for, but shit—what is he supposed to do now? Let Kaidoh punch him? Punch Kaidoh instead? Hope for amnesia? That's actually a good idea … but perhaps not. Momoshiro sighs and finally walks out of the shack, leaving behind a grumpy and asleep Echizen. The best thing to do, is to get this over with. Make it clear nothing will ever happen, and that Momoshiro doesn't hate Kaidoh or anything.

Even if he's a teeny tiny bit weirded out by him.

Momoshiro walks across the beach to spot the damn snake, but the sun is shining high in the sky, and it's sort of blinding his eyes. He's probably out fishing or something, or doing some kind of training. Whatever it is, Momoshiro knows Kaidoh is somewhere out on the beach.

Kaidoh has been exercising for what feels like forever. It probably hasn't actually been more than a couple of hours, but to Kaidoh it feels like a lot longer. He doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want to see Momoshiro. He's frustrated, and embarrassed, and completely terrified.

Five years! It had been five years since he'd even thought about Momoshiro like that. Well, not counting all the thoughts in between about where Momoshiro might be at that moment… or what he was doing… or whether or not he'd ever see him again. Those didn't count because it wasn't like Kaidoh was trying to think about Momoshiro. In fact, he was usually actively trying not to. He thought he'd gotten over those stupid, stupid feelings. And he had. Probably. Maybe.

That is, until he got to this island and saw Momoshiro again and now he's just as annoyed, and confused (and annoyed that he's confused!) as he was at fifteen.

Kaidoh finishes off his eighteenth set of push-ups and collapses back against a tree, digging his feet into the sand and not caring how much of it gets in his shoes. Why did Momoshiro always have a way of pulling things out of him, of making him say and do things he never would with anyone else? He sort of wishes he could just take it all back and say, Haha, it was just a joke, of course I don't really like you, dumbass! but Kaidoh Kaoru doesn't really tell jokes, and Momoshiro knows it, too. And now it's too late to undo or fix anyway.

Kaidoh punches his fist into the sand but there isn't anything hard to catch it and it just feels unsatisfying. "Fuck," he grumbles aloud.

Spotting Kaidoh while trudging on the beach after what feels like the longest time on earth, Momoshiro freezes up, and then he quickly hides behind a large palm tree so he won't be seen. It's cowardly of him, but it's the first instinct that kicks in. He sees the snake punch some sand, sitting against a tree, and he looks as annoyed as Momoshiro looks confused. This feeling of anxiety, distress, and uneasiness fills him up; all of the sudden Momoshiro Takeshi feels simply embarrassed of facing Kaidoh. He's never been embarrassed of facing that snake, it's completely new to him. Kaidoh had always been grumpy, and pissed off, and easy to provoke, and fun to mess around with—but being around Kaidoh had never been weird, or awkward, or embarrassing. Never.

So what does he do now when he feels a lump beginning to form in his throat, and his stomach is churning in all different kinds of directions?

Momoshiro looks around the palm tree to observe Kaidoh, who is still sitting down. It still feels like one big joke to him, and he's waiting for Kaidoh to start cackling evilly and announce it was one big plan to mess with Momoshiro. Then it would be fine, then Momoshiro will simply pay him back triple the amount of awkwardness he's been forced through—but Kaidoh doesn't make jokes. And if he does manage to worm out a joke from his lips, it certainly isn't about him having a crush on Momoshiro. Momoshiro is pretty damn sure he'd rather jump in a pit of lava than to joke about that.

But Kaidoh is not jumping in a pit of lava, instead he's a little ways ahead of him, hiding away from Momoshiro because he doesn't want to face him. And Momoshiro doesn't really want to face him either, but it still has to happen. He just doesn't know how to make the first contact, how to swallow that lump in his throat, how to calm down his stomach, and how to open his mouth to form words.

Childishly, Momoshiro slips a small white seashell he finds buried in the sand between his fingers, and then flings it at Kaidoh. It's the only thing he knows how to do; annoy Kaidoh to get his attention. Shyly, he retracts his body out from the open and hides behind the palm tree again. Smooth, real smooth Momoshiro. Fuck. Whatever.

Kaidoh feels something small flick against the back of his neck and his shoulders immediately tense up.

"What the fuck?" he hears himself growl, and there's an edge to his voice that he doesn't recognize. He glances back over his shoulder in the direction of the shell, but sees no one. He shifts on the sand to look at the ground behind him but there is nothing there but rocks and shells. Great, now on top of it all he was starting to hallucinate.

A long, frustrated hiss escapes his lips and he balls his hands up into fists again, wishing a little bit like he could punch himself in the face.

Okay, throwing a shell at Kaidoh's head was probably not the best idea he's gotten inside of his head. Momoshiro clears his throat, and awkwardly shuffles on his spot, debating whether or not to get out in the open and feed himself to the lions, or to run away with his tail between his legs. And then he hears it, even though he's still pretty far, the long and stretched out hiss coming from that snake's lips.

His legs start moving on their own, and before Momoshiro knows it, he's creeped up behind Kaidoh, who hasn't yet noticed his ninja-like presence. It feels weird, and awkward, and Momoshiro wishes the ground would swallow him up, but that never happens—so he punches Kaidoh's arm. Finally he stands next to him, staring out at the ocean, and hoping Kaidoh won't notice his clammy hands and sweaty forehead.

"You lost already," says Momoshiro. He tries to keep his voice from sounding so high pitched, but he can't help but sound like a boy approaching puberty.

Kaidoh turns and looks up at Momoshiro and something twists up inside his stomach that feels like a big, mortifying knot of confusion and nausea. He can't decide if he's about to punch Momoshiro back, or run away... or possibly just throw up all over Momoshiro's shoes. Thankfully, he doesn't, and just shakes his head.

"I didn't think you were serious about that," he says, and covers his arm with his hand, because it feels like it's going to flare up like a burn, as red as he's sure his cheeks already are. He looks at the ground as though maybe then Momoshiro won't notice. His stomach does a somersault. He thinks very seriously about whether or not he can make a break for his canoe, repair it, and paddle away before Momoshiro says another word. He knows he'd be fast enough, but his feet feel glued to the ground.

Momoshiro thinks for a bit, usually he knows how to vomit words out of his mouth like a constant stream of nonsense, but right now, it's kinda stuck halfway, and whatever he's trying to say feels forced, and it's simply not coming out. This is hard. Feeling his legs start to shake a bit, he sits down next to Kaidoh, sand attaches to his legs everywhere, but there's enough distance between them that either of them could make a break for it. However lame that is.

"Yeah well, I'm never one to give up the opportunity to punch you."

"Dumbass," Kaidoh replies quietly, wearing the insult like armor. It feels familiar on his tongue, like maybe nothing's changed at all, but his stomach is still saying different. He rolls his shoulders back and tries to think of something else to say. This isn't really a moment he's ever anticipated. It doesn't feel like a fight he can win, and maybe that's because, for once, it isn't a fight at all, and he isn't used to not having that to fall back on.

"So..." he says, finally, and his eyes flick up to meet Momoshiro's.

Momoshiro stretches his legs into the sand and places his chin on top of his knees. "So …" he drawls out. He tilts his face a bit and looks at Kaidoh, which proves to be a mistake, because looking at him makes him feel really weird, and now his cheeks are burning with red—not much different from Kaidoh himself. He sort of wishes he was like Echizen, and wore a cap all the time that he could hide behind, he feels strangely naked right next to the snake, with nothing to hide behind.

At least Kaidoh has a bandana on his head. Which reminds him ...

"You gonna show me how to tie a bandana, or what?" asks Momoshiro. He sounds slightly more confident, because he's really trying to avoid the subject of 'like'. He'll probably die of embarrassment if they really do talk about that in person. This is even more awkward than that time Echizen told him he was 'hot' and that touching him sent his hormones into overdrive. Echizen was Echizen—but this is Kaidoh. One whom he'd have never thought could even have the ability to like anyone, much less like him.

Momoshiro's cheeks sting with red once more, and he breaks eye contact.

"Oh... You still want me to?" Kaidoh asks, and feels a rush of heat to his cheeks again as though he's accidentally said something really suggestive, like everything he says to Momoshiro now has to carry a double meaning. It makes Kaidoh want to swallow sand.

He reaches into the pocket of his shorts and pulls out four carefully folded squares of bandana fabric, a red one on top. "Here," Kaidoh says and, without looking at him, holds the square out to Momoshiro.

Being extra careful not to accidentally touch Kaidoh's fingers, Momoshiro takes the fabric from his hands, and unfolds it. It's a plain red bandana with some weird black and white patterns stitched into it. He can't help himself from asking, "how old is this?" He's under the impression it's been sitting in his pockets for years, for how clean and neatly folded it is. The fold lines were still visible, so it had to have been a while.

"Huh?" Kaidoh says, because the question catches him off-guard. "Oh, uh, I think I got it sometime in high school." He points to one of the stitches. "Those were supposed to be comets." Luckily he doesn't think he can blush anymore than he already is.

Momoshiro snorts. "You some kind of space fan?" He plays with the fabric between his fingers, stretching it out, and wondering if this was a good idea or not. They're …talking, so that's good, right?

Kaidoh feels the knot in his stomach loosen a little. "I just thought they would look cool," he says. At least, they were supposed to. They ended up looking just like jagged squiggle marks.

"Oh," says Momoshiro a bit surprised. He then holds the bandana in front of his face, shielding the sun rays simultaneously. "You did it yourself." Looking over at the stitches, he can see that they're crudely sewn into it, like an amateur did it at the spur of the moment. Though he can seem to make out that they're … comets, or whatever.

"You suck at it," Momoshiro grins at Kaidoh. "You should have made hamburgers."

"Shut up," Kaidoh says, but the knot in his stomach disentangles, as though Momoshiro's words have untied it. "I told you I don't eat hamburgers. And anyway, they'd be a lot harder to sew." He can't really believe he is sitting here talking to Momoshiro about sewing, of all things, but as long as they aren't talking about... that, then Kaidoh will take it as a small victory. And hey, he hasn't thrown up yet either.

"Fine. Cats then," he says. Though cats would have probably be even harder to sew, but it's not like Momoshiro knows how good Kaidoh is at it. He did say he got it in high school, and they're way past the age of high school now. He stares at the bandana some more, until he holds the ends of it with his hands, and brings it up to his forehead.

"So, something like this?" he asks unsure. He sloppily wraps it around his forehead and stretches it to the back of his head, but then stops. Tying bandanas is really not his forte. His fingers awkwardly fumble around with the tapered ends, trying to make a knot, but as he had already expected; his hair keeps getting in the way.

"No, you idiot," Kaidoh says, "let me show you," and he reaches over to pull the ends of the bandana out of Momoshiro's hands. He stops himself a second before their fingers can touch and shoots a nervous glance at Momoshiro. He doesn't want Momoshiro to get the wrong idea... He doesn't want to freak him out again. Shit, Kaidoh thinks suddenly, Can he even get into fights with Momoshiro anymore? His hand hangs awkwardly in the air between them before Kaidoh jerks it away again, blushing furiously.

Momoshiro is surprisingly observant of one's body language. It's one thing to be a complete airhead about what people are saying, it's another to blatantly ignore the signs of someone's awkward body movements. He hunches his shoulders, before slipping the red cloth from his hair, and places it in his lap. He then turns around until his back is facing Kaidoh, to give the both of them some space to breathe—and so Momoshiro won't have to look at Kaidoh blushing a terrible shade of red. It's making him red-faced as well, and Momoshiro doesn't like feeling his cheeks heat up like mini-power plants.

"Here," he says, and shoots out his hand behind himself, the bandana clutched in it. "You do it then."

The coil of shame and embarrassment has firmly retied itself into a knot in Kaidoh's stomach and has now decided to start climbing into his chest cavity. Kaidoh swallows hard to shove it back down and grabs the bandana out of Momoshiro's hand, telling himself to just think of it as putting the bandana on his own head. Just pretend it isn't Momoshiro in front of you and it will be easy.

He folds down the top corner of the bandana and then rises to his knees so he can get a better angle. He flips the material over and, after brushing the hair out of Momoshiro's eyes, settles it down over Momoshiro's forehead. Then he takes the two corner ends in his right hand and uses his left to brush the strands of hair off the back of Momoshiro's neck. Kaidoh's movements are quick and determined and serious, as though this is a challenge he won't back down from, but even though his fingers aren't lingering, he's acutely aware of how soft Momoshiro's hair is.

After he ties the two corners of the bandana into a knot, he pulls the top corner back, smoothing it over the top of Momoshiro's head and knotting it together with the rest of the bandana. Then he drops his hands to his sides and sits back. His stomach is leaping hurdles.

"How does that feel?" he asks, and his voice sounds weird; hitched and hoarse. He fists his hand into the sand and clears his throat, trying again. "I mean, is it comfortable? Is it on tight enough? I can adjust it."

It's one thing to recently find out that Momoshiro's neck is a rather sensitive spot, it's another to have Kaidoh's fingers brushing over them ever so slightly, and it feels like he's being stabbed by icicles. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight, and Momoshiro wants to dig his face into his arms, and use his hands to shield his neck from Kaidoh's prying eyes—and fingers!

"Uhm," he squeaks out. This is getting too weird. Way too weird. If only he knew when to shut up and stop prodding people, then he would have never found out about Kaidoh liking him. Then they'd be rolling around in the sand right now, trying to punch each other. Currently, that kind of thought simply makes all the hairs on his body stand up straight; he looks like a damn chicken with its feathers plucked.

"Yeah, uhm, it's fine," Momoshiro finally says. It's actually rather not. His hair caught in between the knot either way, and it's a bit loose on the right side of his head, but Momoshiro doesn't want to go through that kind of thing again, so he lies. For the both of them.

"...Thanks," he breathes out slowly. At least the hair is out of his eyes, and thank god his back is facing Kaidoh.

"Cool," Kaidoh replies gruffly. Why the hell can't he stop blushing?! "So you can keep it if you want, I guess." He tries to sound casual, like he couldn't care less either way, but ends up just sounding angry. At least that's better than sounding like his voice is caught in his throat.

"We'll see," says Momoshiro. He's not even thinking about the bandana, in fact, he pretty much doesn't care about it anymore. What he can't stop thinking about though, is that this is Kaidoh. His rival whom he shared three years of rigorous tennis training with, and then half a year of simply bothering each other. They fought together many, many times, and they also helped each other out (despite denying it all the time). Momoshiro would have never admit out loud that they're friends or even like Kaidoh, but secretly, he thought Kaidoh was an awesome friend. One he didn't have to pretend around, and one he could mess around with.

And now five years later, he gets to hear that Kaidoh liked him all this time. So maybe it was only him that thought fighting was awesome, and coming up with the most clever and disgusting insults was a fun past time. Just how long did Kaidoh feel like this? How long has he known? For how long had those insults been something that probably felt like knives stabbing him in the back, if he valued Momoshiro's opinion like that? Did it start in their second year? Or perhaps during their third year as captain and vice captain? Or maybe even before that ...

Momoshiro really can't stop himself as he buries his face into his arms and asks, "How long."

Kaidoh's breath catches in his throat. There are some things he's never imagined telling anyone. Ever. And this is probably at the top of that list. He feels his skin crawl with nervousness but decides to just bite the bullet. It's not like he can dig himself any deeper than he already has.

"Uh. Remember the Regional Finals against Rikkai, second year?" he says, voice so low it's nearly a whisper. His pulse is racing the way it does when he's mid-sprint. "Since the day after that," he finishes, and curls away from Momoshiro, feeling completely mortified.

"Oh." Momoshiro covers his cheeks up with his arms. He remembers that match, he remembers Kaidoh shutting down, and he bled all over the ground when he fell. And then came the bandana … and suddenly, that tiny display of affection all made sense to him now. It's because Kaidoh liked him. Momoshiro feels as if all his memories are tainted now. Ever since that day Kaidoh … he … is it because he stupidly washed that damn cloth and returned it to him, giving him his thanks, and even smiling about it like they shared a secret?

What the hell did he do to make Kaidoh like him? He wants to ask, but feels he wouldn't get an answer anyway, especially since he knows Kaidoh is probably deciding whether or not to run off. Anyone would, really, after that embarrassing confession.

But wait—why did he never tell him? It's five years later, and the only reason Momoshiro knows, is because he bugged him about it enough.

He props his chin on top of his arm, and tilts his face to the side so he can glance back to Kaidoh. "That's an awful long time, too chicken to tell me back then?" He didn't mean for it to come out like it did, like an insult, as if he was angry—but it's the only way Momoshiro knows how to deal with Kaidoh. An angry Kaidoh is familiar. A blushing and stuttering Kaidoh is not.

"Asshole," Kaidoh growls, but there's no bite to it. "Why the hell should I have told you? I thought it would go away." He shifts on the ground again until his knees are pulled up to his chest. "I thought it would just... you know, stop."

Momoshiro bites his lips to prevent himself from asking if it still hasn't stopped. He's not sure if he wants to know for sure that Kaidoh still likes him. That would make everything awkward all the time, permanently. And for god's sakes—he sleeps with him in the same room!

And then Momoshiro lifts his face up from his arms, and turns it around to fully face Kaidoh. He pulls his lips up into a grin, and bends his head down a little bit so the bandana was completely in view. It's a bit uncomfortable on his head, but he's sure he looks awesome in it.

"Did my dashingly good looks pull you in?" he asks with such arrogance that it could rival Atobe's.

"I hate you," Kaidoh hisses, and knocks Momoshiro hard in the shoulder with his fist. The anger is sort of ineffectual since his face is bright red.

Momoshiro's grin grows wider, and he forgives Kaidoh for punching him, because he punches him back on the arm. A punch for a hiss after all.

"You suck at not hissing, creep."

Kaidoh glares at Momoshiro, but finds that he doesn't feel pissed, just relieved, because Momoshiro is smiling and no longer looks like he's terrified to be next to Kaidoh. And Kaidoh doesn't feel terrified to be sitting there either. Maybe they can be okay like this, he thinks. Maybe they can move forward and things that were done or felt five years ago don't have to matter... He still feels a bit of a knot in the pit of his stomach but he can ignore it this time, and for as long as he has to.

He still punches Momoshiro back, though. "And you suck at punching," he grinds out, but his arm stings enough to make that statement hardly true at all.

"You wanna test that out?" asks Momoshiro, pulling up his fist and playfully threatening Kaidoh with it. He raises his hand above his head, but instead of punching Kaidoh, he simply rips the red bandana from his head, and flings it at Kaidoh. "Re-do it, it sucked the first time. You tied in my hair. I told you it gets stuck in it." And Momoshiro promptly turns back around again, waiting patiently.

Kaidoh starts to hiss, but catches himself this time. "Demanding asshole," he grumbles, but sets about re-tying the bandana all the same. He takes more care with it this time, feeling less nervous about being so close to Momoshiro, less like he's about to flinch away and need to go drown himself in the ocean.

He takes time to make sure the edges are even, that he's swept all the hair out of Momoshiro's face, that the top of the bandana is smooth and tight over his head. When he reaches back to do the knot, he brushes Momoshiro's hair up off his neck and holds it against his head with the palm of his hand. Then he pulls the corners of the bandana together and once again brushes the hair up and away, catching any loose strands, determined to do it right this time. His knuckles push into the back of Momoshiro's neck as he ties the knot, making sure it's really secure.

He pulls the top corner back to do the second and final knot, but first pauses to ask, "Does that feel better?" Because he doesn't want to finish only to have to do it all again. "There's no hair stuck in the knot this time," he adds, and flicks a finger against Momoshiro's bare neck to demonstrate his point.

"Stop that," Momoshiro grumbles. "My neck's sensitive." All that brushing and prodding is making him feel goose bumps all over, and it's annoying, especially since Kaidoh is doing it. Stupid Kaidoh. It's all his fault.

He takes the time to concentrate on the question, and concludes that no, he's done a fine good job of annoying his neck, as well as keep out any hairs from the knot. "No, it's fine. Stop touching my neck."

"Okay, good," Kaidoh says. He ties the second knot, this time overly conscious of how his knuckles and fingertips press into Momoshiro's neck, of the goosebumps raising on his skin.

When he finishes, he pulls back and says, "There. Done." He sort of has to agree with Momoshiro. Compared to this effort, his previous tying job kind of sucked.

Momoshiro pats his hand on top of his head, to check how secure it's tied, and it feels a lot better than the previous attempt. He ignores how this is probably because Kaidoh was super nervous and highly conscious of touching him the first time, he really shouldn't think about that. But the bandana feels good on his head, and his hair is not annoying him. He can get used to this alright.

Once more turning to Kaidoh, his legs twisting around in the sand, he grins at the snake. "So, how do I look? Awesome? Better than you? You don't have to be shy now," he says, and then winks at Kaidoh, pursing his lips at him, making a kissy face.

"You still look like an idiot," Kaidoh says, and punches him in the face.

Momoshiro's nose stings like hell, and he's lying down in the sand, with his bandana now disheveled on his hair, but he doesn't care. He's so going to enjoy this. Beware Kaidoh, Momoshiro will never let you forget that you had a crush on him.