Washed Up

A/N: Momo gets his memories back after seven days. One-sided MomoRyo. Ryoma wears a gold diamond plated necklace, which he's been wearing for the entirety when he was on the cruise ship.

Authors: Celianna (Momo), Happiestwhen (Kaidoh) & Gottis (Ryoma)

Rating: T

Events leading up to this log:
- Momo spends seven days wandering around with no memories, avoiding people as he's afraid of them
- Kaidoh and Ryoma both continue to look for him to no avail
- Ryoma gets increasingly worried that something bad happened to Momo
- Back on the ship, Ryoma confirmed to Momo that he didn't have a crush on him (after he confessed he was gay)

Date: June 16, 2012

Seven days. He'd been wandering around without any recollection of who he was for seven damn days. That guy—the one with the weird hairstyle—had said his memories would come back with time. The one with the glasses gave him some ointment. But time continued to pass on, and Momoshiro didn't remember a thing. He'd met some really crazy people, who all seemed to know him, but that didn't jog his memories whatsoever.

Sometimes he'd do something subconsciously, something that he might have done if he knew who he was, but those times were sparse, and came and go whenever it wanted. Momoshiro was simply stuck; he still didn't know, and it was getting really damn annoying.

He walked alongside the shore that he'd seen so many times; he made sure to stay away from that shack he woke up in, in fear of seeing that Kaidoh guy again. He looked very violent, and Momoshiro was almost convinced that it was him that knocked him hard that he lost his memories. Like hell would he go back to that shack again. Even if that meant sleeping out in the open, and scavenging for food himself; it seemed like the better option for him.

"This sucks," he said out loud, and kicked a stupid rock into the ocean. He crouched down to his knees, and stared with blank eyes at the ocean, standing with his feet on top of some rocky parts.

What could he do to remember? He already saw so many people, but nothing … simply nothing. Momoshiro was seriously considering hitting his head again; maybe that would trigger his memory. It's better than nothing, right? He rested his arm on top of his knees and stared down at one particular black rock. He shifted closer, and reached for it with his hand, picking it up out of the muddy sand and gripped it tightly within his hand. He studied it with empty eyes, it was big enough, sturdy enough, dangerous enough. Could he do it? Could he hit himself with it?

Well, maybe.

Momoshiro raised the rock high in the sky, shielding the sun away from him, casting a shadow on his face. It was starting to look like a good idea; nothing else had helped so far. Really, the positive outcomes far outweighed the negative ones. If he was wrong, he'd simply have a huge headache—and it's not like he could remember any less than he already did. If he was right, he'd remember everything again. So what was he waiting for?

The ocean waves washed up to his bare feet, but he ignored them, his mind was dead set on this. He clenched his fingers and dug them inside the small hollows of the rock, and then stretched out his arm to the side, ready to hit the blow. But then something caught his attention. Some light was reflecting into his eyes, and it wasn't the sun. No, it was something next to him, in the same spot he lifted the rock from.

It was a golden necklace.

Momoshiro dropped the rock from his hand, and instead slipped his fingers around the cool jewelry and lifted it up from the water. It was a long golden chain, decorated by diamond shaped plates—five of them to be exact. Two smaller diamond plates on each side, with a bigger one hanging on the end. It wasn't even dirty, it was a shiny gold, the ocean water did nothing to deter its beauty.

Something began to stir up inside of him. He scrunched up his face and narrowed his eyes at the jewelry. Had he seen this before … ? It couldn't be … he didn't remember anything. Yet somehow, this necklace was tugging at his brain, like it had always been stored deep inside of his mind.

Where had he seen it?

Momoshiro slipped the necklace in between his fingers as he fumbled around trying to make sense of it. Was it his? Maybe … Was it someone else's? Someone he knew? Someone he should be remembering? He closed his eyes and gripped the necklace until his knuckles turned white. There was something, something bugging him, prodding him—something that was urging its way up.

Where had he seen this!?

And then it came, a sudden rush, filling up his mind. A blurry image flashed in front of his eyes, the image of a naked, white chest, slipping on this necklace, and turning to him. Momoshiro squeezed his eyes shut tight; who was this? Why couldn't see see his face? Think harder, Momoshiro!

Another flash came, the necklace sparkling bright as slender fingers toyed around with it. Those fingers reached out to grab a hamburger. Hamburgers … ? Momoshiro clutched his head as even more images filled in. One where he was working his hands all over someone's body—a small slender body that was wearing this necklace, struggling against him as he tickled him. Then a different one as the same body laid down on the ground next to him, the necklace slipping into the small of his neck. None of the images showed this person's face, and it was driving him mad.

There was flash filled with blood. Blood dripping down and spilling onto the necklace. Blood? What happened? Did this person get hurt? He could see his own hands rush out to dark green hair, which were now a tangled bloodied mess. Tears were fighting its way out as he cupped the blurry boy's face, before wrapping something around his head to stop the bleeding.

Then suddenly he could see a small lifeboat, out on the ocean, carrying this lifeless body on his back. And there it is; the necklace snapping and it slipped away from the unconscious boy's neck and fell into the water. Momoshiro never gave it a second thought, as he was way too concerned about Echizen Ryoma, to care about some stupid necklace.

Momoshiro's eyes snapped open. His breath hitched inside of his throat and he could feel his heartbeat beating loudly in his ears.

Echizen … Echizen!

He almost tripped and slipped on the rocks as he made a hasty getaway from the ocean shore, the necklace still clenched safely in his hand. His legs carried him running all the way back to the place where he knew he built his shack. The place where he should be. The shack he built for the both of them.

He remembered.

Everything went by so fast, Momoshiro's mind was getting flooded with memories, memories he'd forgotten, memories he never even knew about—everything was rushing back to him. Echizen Ryoma—of course! Momoshiro had already known of his name, and a few people told him about the boy wonder, but it never seemed significant to him at all. Not until now, when he finally remembered. He remembered being so concerned about Echizen that he set out to protect him from Kite who had issued threats against him before. It had all gone horribly wrong, and the last thing he remembered, was Kite putting a hand on Echizen's shoulder. His stomach twisted in knots just thinking back on it; it was all his fault. He brought him in danger.

But what happened afterwards? Was Echizen alright? Did he escape alongside with Kaidoh unscratched? They better have, or otherwise Momoshiro would seriously murder Kite the next time they would cross paths.

The sand pinched between his toes as he ran along the beach. Then, he saw an all familiar figure standing in the water. Taking a moment to study said figure, Momoshiro couldn't have been happier. At least one of them was okay.

Before Kaidoh even knew what was coming to him, Momoshiro had slowed down, and punched him right in the face.

"Asshole!" he yelled at him. "Fucking asshole!" he continued to yell at Kaidoh as he remembered everything again, crystal clear. "Do you know how fucking scary you are when people don't know who you are!? Learn some fucking manners!" Momoshiro paused to breathe, before adding. "Or get some plastic surgery."

Kaidoh felt his face zing with pain and splashed back into the water sputtering. "What the hell?! Momoshiro, you fucking dumbass, don't—" Then he stopped mid-sentence and looked up at Momoshiro, realization dawning on him. "You... you called me asshole," he said slowly. Relief swelled up in his chest, threatening to burst, but it was crushed down abruptly by the echo of Momoshiro's words and Kaidoh leapt from the water, lunging at Momoshiro with full force.

"There's nothing wrong with my face!" he growled, voice full of irritation, and thought, Thank god you're back.

Momoshiro grinned at him, full of his usual confidence, and sidestepped him. Hell yeah, he was back. And he was happy seeing Kaidoh again. He can't believe how much he actually did miss him, and it's not something he'll admit to straight away. "Lots of things are wrong with your face. Look what you made me do, I actually ran away from you! Asshole, seriously. You should have tried to find me."

"Why the hell should I have tried to find you?" Kaidoh shot back. But he did try to find him. Every day. "You were acting like a fucking freak." Kaidoh thought about how long he'd spent holding Momoshiro's hand. Okay, so maybe he'd acted like a bit of a freak himself, but if he was lucky, Momoshiro had forgotten about that.

"Whatever, where's Echizen? Is he … okay?"

"Echizen... well, how do you think he is after you just left the shack and took off? Moron."

Momoshiro's eyes cast downwards and his stomach twisted in a big knot again. "Yeah … probably not good, huh?" He turned his head into the direction of the shack. While he couldn't see it, he knew it was there. "I need to see him." He turned around, away from Kaidoh, but not before throwing his head back with a smirk. "At least I'm better now, no need to worry over me!"

Kaidoh hissed at him. "Who worries about you!?"

Momoshiro laughed; it felt like he hasn't in ages. "You still suck at fishing. God damn moron." And then he sprinted away. "And you're such a girl for holding my hand!" he added as well.

Kaidoh kicked the water grouchily, wishing Momoshiro was still within punching distance. He settled for yelling, "I hate you!" at his retreating back. He didn't at all.

Momoshiro simply blew him a kiss in return. He'll deal with Kaidoh later.

And then he returned to running at full speed ahead, back to the shack he hadn't been to for an entire week. His heart thumped louder with every step in the sand he took. An entire week he was wandering around not having a clue who he was. It was frightening and scary, he'll admit that—but it was probably even scarier for Echizen to not know where he had been, and if he was alright. He's fine now … yeah … he had to get back.

The shack was finally in view and he felt his heart jump inside of his throat. He kicked up his pace and arrived at the door completely out of breath. A thousand thoughts rushed through in his mind; was Echizen okay? Did he eat well enough this entire week? Did Kite try to threaten him again? How was he holding up after seeing him get beaten up like that? Did Kaidoh provide him with food and water, and medical attention when needed? Momoshiro sucked in a breath, and didn't even bother to knocking—why should he—and he flung the door open.

"R-Ryoma!" he called out, his voice hitching as he did. His foot got caught in the blanket Kaidoh used for sleeping, and he almost stumbled right inside of the firepit, but steadied himself just in time. Phew, that could have ended up really badly.

"I'm okay, I'm okay!" Momoshiro immediately called out, referring to both his stupid flailing, and his memories returning.

Momoshiro entered with the force of a minor hurricane, but Ryoma—who sat on his bed—didn't immediately leap to attention. He looked up, frowned and then simply stared at the dark haired young man, mouth slightly open and eyes large and confused.

Momoshiro took in another deep breath as he stood up straight and studied Echizen sitting on the bed. No bandages … no bruises … slightly longer hair than normal, and a confused expression on his face. He seemed, well, fine. Not harmed at least. He breathed out a sigh of relief; that was a load off of his chest. He made his way over to the younger man, wobbling on his feet because it was as if all his strength had left him.

"You're fine," said Momoshiro. He plumped down next to Echizen and rubbed his own forehead, as if it would massage all the bad memories out of him. The memories of him picking a stupid fight with Kite, and getting Echizen in danger because of it.

"I'm sorry for not, you know, coming to see you. I had no idea who I was, and I was … uh … kind of scared of Kaidoh at the moment, and wanted to avoid him as much as possible. Do you know he's really fucking scary when I had absolutely no idea who he was? It didn't help he was threatening to punch me either! And then I just wondered around, talking to other people, and they kept saying I did something stupid to lose my memories like that—well, I guess they were right—but I was still too stubborn to come here. Anyways, I didn't remember anything up till now! Look, look what I found." Momoshiro lifted up his hand to show Echizen the golden necklace he still had with him. "It's yours, isn't it? I found it on the beach in the water, wedged underneath a rock. When I saw it … suddenly everything came back to me, hah. Who knew this stupid necklace would be the trigger? I didn't even pay any special attention to it when you wore it. I think it broke off when we escaped from the ship, sorry about that, it was probably my fault. But oh man, I can't believe I forgot everything." Momoshiro sighed once more and buried his face into his hands.

One violet eye peeked out from behind his finger, glancing at Echizen. "I'm sorry for, you know, starting this whole mess."

He continued to listen to Momoshiro with half an ear. He continued to look at Momoshiro who sat there, next to him, whole and talking and moving and here. Momoshiro talked a lot. Said so much... But he didn't register anything of what was said, not until the necklace flashed before his eyes. Pure gold, worth a fortune, really, but still, he hadn't missed it. Not much, at least. He took it with one hand—the fingernails were bitten down to the flesh on each and every finger—and brought it close to his chest. Something buzzed in his ears. Roared, rather. If it was his own blood that rushed through his veins, or if it was the distant—not so distant—roiling of the sea... It didn't matter. His hand that held the necklace fell down in his lap as he continued to stare at Momoshiro, still dead silent.

Momoshiro still kept an eye on Echizen, waiting for him to speak, to move, to do something. Perhaps he was too shocked to say anything? Or maybe really angry at Momoshiro. Or maybe he had lost his memories. Say something, he wanted to tell him. Anything. A greeting will do. Slowly, he reached out with this hand, his fingers stretched out and hovering above Echizen's lap. The tips of his fingers touched the gold, and he toyed around with one of the diamond plates a little bit, staring at it, avoiding Echizen's silent stare.

"You wore it a lot, didn't you? I never really noticed, but I think my subconscious did. That's why I remembered … remembered all the times you did wear it." Momoshiro's fingers stopped toying with the necklace when he spotted Echizen's own fingers. His nails were shredded and bitten raw, it looked red and painful. Hesitating slightly, Momoshiro trailed his index finger alongside Echizen's. Smooth babyhands were smooth no more.

Momoshiro finally looked up again, at Echizen's golden and unwavering eyes. Those eyes that made his heart jump into his throat and lodge itself deep inside of it, refusing to let go.

"I …" Momoshiro didn't quite know how to finish what he started. Words felt like the hardest thing to form all of the sudden, and stringing together a sentence felt like carrying around the heaviest metal on earth.

Thankfully, Momoshiro's dumb mouth wasn't open for too long, because suddenly Ryoma's was on top of it. The kiss was brief, rough and completely undignified, no real romance to talk about what so ever, but Ryoma's face was, nevertheless, beet red when he pulled back.

It had happened so fast; Momoshiro's face was frozen when he saw Echizen move towards him, and then pull back. It stayed frozen like that, for a very long time. Something in his brain wasn't working, the wheels weren't turning—it was probably because he had hit his head one too many times, but Momoshiro was, for lack of better word, simply flabbergasted. It was like his brain had truly been fried for a few long seconds.

Or maybe he was starting to hallucinate things. That was probably the best explanation he had for this sudden molestation of his lips. Had he drank any cactus juice lately?

He stared long and hard at Echizen's flushed face. No, this wasn't really making any sense to him. Echizen didn't just kiss him. That couldn't be true. He probably had something on his lips. Like a dark smudge of dirt or something. Or maybe Echizen felt his lips looked too cracked and dry so he took matters in his own hands.

Momoshiro flopped his head to the side, imitating a dog that was staring at something thoroughly confusing, and he frowned so hard, his eyebrows touched his eyelashes.

"Hah?" he exclaimed in this completely unintelligent voice. Maybe this wasn't reality. Maybe this was an Echizen clone, and Inui had cloned him and replaced him during the week he went missing. Or maybe Inui gave him something weird to drink, like kissing Inui juice.

But none of it really made any sense."Ryoma, are you okay?" he decided to ask. "Y-you, didn't drink anything weird, right? Did you hit your head?" Momoshiro would have to interrogate Kaidoh later on what happened to Echizen during his missing week. He shifted closer to Echizen on the bed, and rough hands danced around the dark green hair, inspecting his head for any injuries. Finding none, Momoshiro cupped both his cheeks; they were red and hot. "Or maybe a fever …"

Why had he done that? That was so stupid, and he should have known how Momo would react and that he would simply end up feeling more stupid than ever, and why had he worried himself sick over this idiot in the first place, and was he really that stupid (probably) or was he mocking him? No, of course he wasn't, Momoshiro wasn't like that when it came to him. Well, he could tease, but he wouldn't mock. That... Honor (?) was more Kaidoh's department. But, the important thing was... He felt stupid.

He wasn't even pouring his heart out to Momoshiro and saying really embarrassing things that would compromise him completely, but he might as well have been doing just that. Ryoma entertained the thought of simply getting to his feet and run out into the ocean to drown himself. That... Seemed almost tempting right now. He pushed Momoshiro's hands away, golden eyes ablaze. "I'm fine, and apparently you are too, because you're stupid and slow and just..." Back. Momoshiro was back. Most of him wanted to focus on simply that, nothing more. But... But...

"You realize I kissed you, right?"

"Ah." Momoshiro wrinkled his nose. "You did?" He did. "Why? Is it some kind of American greeting you picked up? Missed me that much?"

"French people kiss-greet. Or Italian. I forgot." Ryoma shrugged, annoyed. "But yeah, you ass. I missed you that much. And you're blind and stupid and I...!" He groaned, cradling his head in his hands. "You know what? Just... Forget it. Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. I'm just gonna go drown myself now, if it's all the same to you."

"Wait—hold up a second there. What's going on? Did something happen while I was gone? I don't really understand … I'm sorry for, you know, leaving you and all that. I just, didn't remember, and Kaidoh seriously scared the crap out of me, and made sure I didn't go anywhere near you guys. But what happened to you?" Suddenly Momoshiro felt very, very concerned, he was turning into a mini-Oishi. "...No one hurt you, right?" Because if they did, Momoshiro swore he'd really kill them. Laws be damned.

He sighed and hung his head down. "I'm sorry for not being there. But I'm here now. Please don't be mad at me."

You hurt me, Ryoma wanted to say. But it was unfair, he knew that. Momoshiro couldn't very well help that he had gotten amnesia and got scared of Kaidoh or whatever it was that had been going on... But he shouldn't have fought in the first place. But that fight was Ryoma's fault, so when it all came down to it... All the hurt he felt was his own fault. Simply that. "Nothing happened," he mumbled after a moment's silence. "Nothing. Just... Worried about you. I... And, and then, I..." Had been so afraid everything was too late. Was afraid Momoshiro was dead and he would never get the chance to tell him. But here he was. And even though he hadn't told him, he had... Kissed. Kissed Momoshiro. But the damn idiot still couldn't get the hint, apparently. "Damn it. I can't spell it out for you. Not now." Not when he was feeling so emotionally unstable.

It was nice to know that no one had hurt Echizen while Momoshiro was gone, but something was still wrong. Something didn't feel right. It might have been a week that he was gone, but it felt like Momoshiro returned to a whole other Echizen; one who was flustered, couldn't seem to finish his sentences, and there was something he wasn't telling him. What kind of secret was he hiding? Was it dangerous? Why couldn't he come out and say it?

"Spell what out for me, exactly? I'm confused." Really confused. Echizen also kiss-greeting him didn't help matters. "Did something important happen?" Aside from losing his memory and wandering around like an idiot? What news could be more important than that?

Maybe something happened with him and Kaidoh … they were together for an entire week. Though Kaidoh wasn't really all that sociable, and Echizen wasn't one to talk much either, it was hard to believe anything would have happened between them. Maybe someone else?

Who made Echizen act like this? Unless it was …

"Did I do something?" asked Momoshiro.

"Nope." He paused. "... You didn't do something."

"Eh ... are you expecting me to do something?"

"I've got no expectations. And man, I have to spell it out, don't I?" Ryoma pulled a hand through his hair. "You didn't kiss me back, asshole."

Momoshiro snorted out loud at that. "I'm sorry if I'm caught a little bit off guard when the first thing my best friend does, is gnaw on my lips after one week of no communication. ...Are you part French?"

"... I'm Japanese by blood, and American by upbringing. No French." A beat. "That's not even important!" He picked up a pillow, about to throw it at Momoshiro, when he thought better of it. The last thing he wanted to do was hit him over the head and maybe get the amnesia to return.

"Then tell me what is!" Momoshiro snapped back, and immediately regretted raising his voice like that. He took a deep breath, and calmed himself down somewhat. "Okay, fine. You're not part French—then why the hell are you kissing me." Unless … he was kissing the Japanese way.

Which couldn't be possible. Echizen wasn't like that towards him. He even told him so! Back on the ship at least.

"Why do you think?!" It was Ryoma's turn to raise his voice. "Because I'm a fucking idiot who's realized that I like a total moron and I feel really stupid right now so can we please not talk about this anymore, because I am going to drown myself, I swear!" Well, he wasn't, but he was so frustrated and humiliated right now that he simply wanted to scream and hurt something or someone, and the only person he could imagine hurting right now was himself—since hurting Momoshiro was out of the question. Probably.

"Stupid, no one is drowning today!" He placed a hand at Echizen's chest, to keep him seated on the bed, in case he really was thinking of running away. "Nor tomorrow. Or, any day really, don't do that, I don't want you to drown. Drowning is scary. I couldn't remember if I was able to swim or not a few days ago, so I decided to try it out. Man, that was terrifying trying to get into a deep enough part of the ocean so I could see if I would live or die. Turns out; I didn't lose the ability to swim! My brain is weird, why would I remember that, but not anything about you … nothing at all. It sucked. It really sucked, I hated it. I'm glad I saw that stupid necklace of yours and triggered everything again. I don't want to not remember you … and …"

Momoshiro snapped his head back up straight as he looked at Echizen with wide and confused eyes. "Wait. Rewind—what did you say? You like a total moron? Are you talking about me? No …" Momoshiro took his hand off of Echizen's chest and head leaned back, his eyes so confused and looking to his left, to his right, to the ceiling, to his fumbling hands, and back at his best friend.

At least, Momoshiro thought that was his best friend.

"I'm not a moron," he said sheepishly.

A rather horrified look passed over Ryoma's face as Momoshiro mentioned his tries at remembering swimming again, but then the other boy's hand was gone and he was free to pull his legs up close to his chest, so that he could hide his face against his knees. "I know. I'm the moron. But... But, yes, Momo. I'm talking about you."

This thoroughly confused Momoshiro. He was pretty sure that the memory of being back on the boat, and Echizen telling him in all certainty that he didn't have a crush on Momoshiro, was not some kind of fabrication. Or at least, he didn't think it was. Was it? Did memory loss also mean memory gain?

The confusion he was experiencing was enough for him to slightly reject reality, and to not start stuttering and stammering, and maybe even fall off the bed with his face as red as a crab. Maybe Echizen didn't mean like like, yeah, that could be it. But then why kiss him? Hmm, dilemma.

"But," said Momoshiro. "But … But back then you said … you didn't. Did you lie? Or are you lying now?" It didn't even occur to him that it could have happened sometime in between—they had been together for more than two months after all, almost three!

"Oh man... Follow me here. People can change. Feelings can change." Ryoma tried to think of a way to explain it so that it would—hopefully—sink into Momoshiro's brain. "It's like... Imagine a food you really, really love right now, but you didn't love it the first time you tried it. But the more you ate, the better it tasted, and you got all these emotions that were connected to the food and the experience of eating it, you know? It's the same thing. Kinda."

Food … Echizen was talking about food. Maybe he thought Momoshiro would understand it better this way, but he didn't. It simply made him even more confused.

"So you're saying you love me?" Blunt as ever.

Maybe it didn't matter, since the crucial question was asked anyway. "Yeah."

"Oh." Momoshiro blinked a few times, swallowing the words stuck in his throat. He took a moment, maybe two, maybe five minutes, to let it sink in. But it wasn't. It's not something he had ever expected, not even from the day Echizen told him he was gay. He was still weirded out by the fact Echizen thought he looked good and he couldn't touch him. And now he's saying he loves him?

As a friend?

No, don't be stupid Momoshiro.

But I'm not gay. Those words never left his lips, because he's sure if he said them, there would be hell to pay. And he'd probably lose his best friend forever. He didn't want to lose Echizen again. Not the first time, not the second time, and definitely not ever again if he could help it.

Then what is he supposed to say to that? Thank you, but I don't see you that way? There are plenty of other gay guys out there that might give you a chance? Can you hit my head again? Why all of the sudden love me? Why? What can he say? Momoshiro didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to do, nothing at all. He was drawing a blank.

Usually, when that happened, Momoshiro would start to ramble about something. Something stupid. Something insignificant, but he couldn't find his voice to start his motor mouth. It was confusing, and his chest felt tight, and his toes were curled up against the floor, and he's clawing at the fabric of his shorts. Just what was he supposed to do?

"Since when?" was what he decided to ask. It's stupid, it's a really dumb question, but he asked it anyway. If he didn't, he'd probably screw everything up at once, and lose his best friend.

Ryoma watched as the emotions came and went across Momoshiro's face; it was like watching the roiling waves, so animated and different, and still the same, over and over again. He blinked, trying to clear his mind from that thought, as it only served to make him feel dizzy. "Since... I don't know. I didn't just wake up one day and go 'oh, I do like Momo like that. Okay? That's... not how it works. I don't know. And this isn't going anywhere, maybe I should just..." He threw his legs over the edge of the bed, about to stand up. He needed fresh air, needed to get away from this, somehow.

Again with the running away.

"Don't." Momoshiro wasn't even looking at Echizen as he said it, he's not even physically stopping the brat. But when he did tilt up his head to look at him, there's this sorrowful expression on his face. "Let me be selfish, and tell you to stay. I already lost you once this week, please don't go away again. I know … you … well, no, I don't know. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I bet it sucks. But. Nothing is going to change by you walking out right now, except leaving me behind confused, and kind of scared too. It was a scary week … and … I just remembered everything again, so I'd really rather not go anywhere right now, or let you out of my sight either. I know, it's selfish, and I'm pretty sure you probably want to hit me right now, but … don't just leave after saying something like that. Just don't."

"Momo..." The plea was enough to grab a hold of his heart and twist it, hard. He fell back against the bed, rolling over onto his stomach so that he could bury his face into his pillow. "Alright. Okay. I won't go. I won't leave. But... I don't want to talk right now. I... I don't know. I just feel... No. You're right. It sucks. I feel shitty. So... Don't know." Why was he even talking? He wasn't making any sense, was probably just confusing Momoshiro even more, or made him frustrated. He knew he made himself frustrated, so...

It started to sink in a little, seeing Echizen lay back down on the bed, defeated, and hurt. And it's Momoshiro who was causing that hurt this time. He felt his throat close up, and for some reason, he couldn't remember how to smile anymore. He didn't want it to be like this. Didn't want to be causing feelings inside of his best friend that he had no control over.

Maybe he should have seriously stopped to listen when Echizen said not to touch him. He had done it an awful lot. And crap—didn't he even hold his hand at one point? And then they slept together … Ah. First Echizen wouldn't even let him sleep in the same bed when he built this shoddy shack, they had to resort to lying upside down. That was more than a month ago, but the time they fell asleep together under the stars, he had heard no such protests from Echizen. He simply snuggled closer.

Shit, this really was his fault, wasn't it? Why … why was he always touching him so much. It's no wonder it made him confused, and told him to stop. But Momoshiro never stopped to think what could happen. What did happen.

"I'm sorry," whispered Momoshiro in a soft voice. He slumped down his shoulders, then with one hand, he carefully placed it down on Echizen's back, and started to stroke him comfortably. "For the things I did," he finished. For all the times he ignored Echizen's personal space. For the times he got over protective. For the times he was simply being an idiot. What a horrible friend he was.

The hand was warm and comforting, even through the relatively thick fabric of his t-shirt. And suddenly, uncharacteristically, he felt like crying. Luckily, he still had his face pressed into the pillow, so if the treacherous tears escaped his eyes, at least Momoshiro wouldn't be able to see them. Or so he hoped. But then he didn't take his shaking shoulders into account.

The trembling of Echizen's body shot up through Momoshiro's fingertips. It traveled all the way up his arm, towards his chest, and something twisted and turned inside of him. Something hard, something heavy, like it was clenching around his lungs and it was getting harder to breathe, harder to move. His hand stopped stroking Echizen's back. He paused for several seconds, feeling nothing but the shaking body of the person he deemed most important.

Momoshiro had never felt so helpless before. Not even when he lost his memories.

What could he do?

"I'm sorry," Momoshiro repeated. He dug his fingers into Echizen's hair. He wished he could take everything he's ever done to Echizen away. A clean slate.

Momoshiro seemed so tense, Ryoma vaguely registered. Was he that upset? That angry? Was he going to hit him? If he was, what should he do? Maybe he deserved it, for making things weird/horrible/awkward between them. Maybe he wasn't meant for relationships at all, he always ruined them, didn't he?

The tears wouldn't stop.

But Momoshiro apologized. Again. Why did he do that? He had nothing to be sorry about. Or maybe he did, but Ryoma was the one mostly at fault here. Like always. Momoshiro shouldn't feel bad.

No, the tears weren't stopping, but he had to say something. Break this... atmosphere that lingered between them. Even though there wasn't much space between them to begin with. Not now. Not with Momoshiro this close. Too close? Ryoma inhaled slowly, shakingly, searching blindly for the right thing to say. He couldn't come up with anything, other than...

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't be. Stupid. Just... Don't be afraid I'm going to go around molesting you at every chance given. I'm not like that." In case Momoshiro's mind wandered off with him again, into strange country. His head hurt, Ryoma thought. The emotional strain was too much, it was tiring. He felt exhausted, and he really wanted to simply cuddle up against Momoshiro (but they were almost as close as they could be right now anyway) and fall asleep. But that was childish and needy and stupid. And it really seemed like a bad time. Ryoma silently cursed his own emotions up and down, and he returned to burying his face into the pillow. Better that way.

"It's not you molesting me I'm afraid of …" Momoshiro trailed off. "But …" Momoshiro sighed. "I'm just very touchy feely ... and I don't want you to cry or feel bad … or think it means something."

Ryoma only heard one thing from that babble. "You like to touch me." And for once, it didn't freak him out. Rather, there was an incredibly smug tone to his voice. Which... Was abruptly ruined by a huge yawn.

Now his cheeks were red. "Shut up, brat," said Momoshiro, pouting at Echizen. "I'm sorry, okay? I should have never … I shouldn't now … but it's really kind of hard not to when you're looking at me like that. And wipe that smug look off your face." Momoshiro felt a bit better now. Echizen wasn't crying, instead he was being Echizen again, and even yawning. Was this boring him!?

"... I'll take what I can get, for now." The smirk was back, for a moment, before it melted into something kinder, something almost... Shy. He turned around so that he was facing Momoshiro, and shifted a little so that his head rested partly on one of Momoshiro's arms. "I'm sleepy."

"You don't need my permission to sleep," Momoshiro said with a sad smile.

"I've already got it," Ryoma mused. An arm to sleep on, a warm body... They were all there. His head and throat hurt, because of the crying, but Ryoma was Ryoma, someone who could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, and now he was completely drained, emotionally. He sighed, but it was a soft, almost content sigh, and he closed his eyes, sleep grabbing a hold of him almost immediately.

He felt almost completely safe, the second before he drifted off. It was an odd, nearly euphoric sensation which he carried with him into the Sand Man's world.

While Echizen fell asleep right away, Momoshiro stayed awake, the entire time. He couldn't sleep, not even when he tried. Because he couldn't stop thinking.

Echizen was in love with Momoshiro.

What the hell was he doing to do with this?