"Darren, it is about time we go and feed. I am getting weaker by the moment and it has been almost a week since we fed off of the woman back in-"

"Yeah, Yeah, . Just give me a minute, so I can update my status."

"Darren, I told you that you are not aloud to buy a laptop, and what do you do? You go and buy a laptop. You need to dispose of that foul piece of machinery."

", it's just a laptop, and if I didn't have a laptop how would I update my status?"

"What is this status you are speaking of?"

"It keeps your friends updated on what your- Oh hell no!"

"What is wrong Darren?"

"Steve is trying to add me as a friend! Ha. Ignore."

"What are you speaking of? Back in my day you would not say add friends, you would say make friends. Teenagers and their slang these days. It is ridiculous, children should be brought up to speak properly."

"Oh Vancha just liked my status!"

"How do you know that he likes it? He can not speak to you tellepathicly your not a full vampire yet... Or are you. Oh no, your cheating on me with another mentor. How dare you Darren Shan, I thought what we had was special. You were like a son to me. I-"

"Nah , you don't get it. It's like-WTF Steve just poked me.. How did he do that? We aren't even friends on Facebook?"

"Darren I think you need some blood, your sounding delirious, and what is a Book of Faces?"

"Dammit the little jerk just poked me again."

"Darren I really worry for you."

"Hahaha, Debbie just uploaded the picture she took of Vancha sleeping with his sock monkey."

"Hey! Do not laugh at him! His sock monkey is a very important part of him."

"Woot! 25 friends! My popularity just met an all time high!"

"You have no life..."

"Whatever. You know.. , you should make a Facebook, and send me a request to me my neighboor on farm town, and you can join my mafia on mafia wars!"

"I refuse to take part in living in this Farm Town with you. We are vampires, not farmers Darren, and a mafia war? For fucks sake we are in the middle of a forest, and I do not see-"

"Jeez it was just a suggestion- Gosh mother effing dammit Steve and Paris keep poking me."

"Darren...nobody is poking you. I am the only one here besides you... I think you need blood NOW!"

As the young Facebook obsessed half vampire was being dragged away by his red head mentor, the laptop lay forgotten on the forest floor.

HOURS LATER-

A certain vampire that had snuck away from his adolescent assistant, was sitting on the forest floor holding a laptop.

"What did Darren say that book was called... OH YES! The book of faces. Alright, I will just type that in on Goo-Glee (google). Did I mean Facebook? What do you mean, Goo-Glee (google). I will just click this Facebook book then if Goo-Glee (google) thinks thats what I want...I do not understand how this is fun..."

"! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Damn."

"What are you doing?"

"Uhh nothing Darren just... Run along."

"Whats behind your back?"

"Ha. Nothing. What makes you say that?"

The mentor was desperatly trying to hide the laptop behind his back.

"Oh just you-" and Darren tackled Larten in attempt to see what was behind the old man's back. The laptop flew out of Larten's hands and smashed into the ground 20 feet away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! MARRIAAAAAAAA! YOU WERE SO YOUNG!"

"Darren... It will be okay... Sh-She lived a short live but she will always be the best laptop that- OH WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING! IT'S A STUPID LAPTOP!"

"... ... Y-You just said... It's... Ohmygod... You used a contraction... How very OOC of you... I don't know if ill be able to go on anymore. I feel like everything in my life has shifted... I ju-"

quickly got infront of his assistant and blew the gas he produces from his mouth into Darren's face, causing Darren to fall asleep.

"Now that is more like it. I rather carry him than listen to him talk. No one is supposed to see me.. Use... Th-The Contractions. Hopefully nobody else heard me say that... That Dispicabley ridiculous contraction...

Errr I think they are called contractions, right ? XD anywhos thanks for the reviews, because I wouldn't have wrote this without it. And hopefully this chapter actually makes you laugh :) oh and I don't own the Darren Shan series or the characters.

If anyone is interested in co-writing the next chapter with me PM me.