Disclaimer: I own nothing etc etc
Warnings: SLASH, SEX (PLEASE LOOK AT THE M RATING), and language
A/N This is a very character driven chapter, based on the development of the Arthur/Merlin relationship, and to warn you now, not a whole lot happens. XD This is mostly set-up for the next chapter, when things start to get interesting!
Also just realised that this fic is a strange combination of American and English spellings. I'm English, so I use the English terms, but when I upload the fic, the automatic spell-checker reverts some things to the American spellings. So I'm sorry for any confusion, but it does it automatically, and most of the time I don't catch it. *headdesk*
Health update: I know I've become a lot slower with updating, but unless I see a drastic change to my health in next couple of weeks, it's likely to remain that way. I'm on medication now, which makes me feel like I'm been run over by a truck, and then reversed back over, so this fic is not on the forefront of my mind. However, I have no intention of abandoning it (it is already written, I just need to do a lot of edits) so no need to worry about that! IT WILL BE FINISHED, IT WILL JUST TAKE ME A BIT LONGER! Just to make that nice and clear, lol.
Thanks for your patience, and for your lovely well-wishes!
Cellmate
Chapter 7 - Use and Abuse
"So…" Merlin said, collapsing back on the bed, naked and sticky with sweat. He turned his head to fix the blond with his gaze. "What is it that we're doing here?"
Arthur let out a long, exasperated sigh, licked his lips and rolled his eyes.
It was one week later and the two cellmates had settled into a strange sort of arrangement, where they treated each other with familiar contempt during the day, and fell into bed with each other at night.
After Arthur had admitted to wanting to have sex with Merlin in his drug induced haze, he had backed himself into a corner, and he couldn't very well take it back. Surprising both himself and Merlin, instead of being a general shit about the whole situation, he had chose to make a move on his cellmate again the evening after. Merlin had accepted the proposition, pleased that the blond wanted to have any sort of relationship with him, even if it was purely sexual. Merlin didn't know whether it was the same thing as what Arthur had with Lancelot, but he was frankly far too afraid to ask.
But despite his insecurities, he quite liked actually having time to explore and enjoy Arthur's body, without fearing he was overstepping invisible boundaries. He'd learnt that the blond had a light dusting of freckles on his shoulder blades (from previous sunburn) and was ticklish on the back of his thighs. It felt strange, but weirdly satisfying, to have such intimate knowledge about him.
"What do you mean, 'What are we doing here?'" Arthur repeated a second later, jolting Merlin from his daydreams and causing him to tear his gaze away from his shoulder blades. "If I need to tell you that, we're not doing it right."
Merlin scowled. "That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Emrys, if this is your idea of after-sex talk…" the blond muttered, sweeping his damp messy hair out of his eyes and glaring determinedly at the ceiling.
"You don't want to talk about this, do you?" Merlin asked, gazing raking up Arthur's flushed and naked body. The blond noticed his stare and grinned, pressing a thigh against his cellmate's leg.
"No, I don't," Arthur replied in a blunt voice, shrugging his shoulders. "We're having sex, there's nothing to talk about."
Merlin sighed, but knew not to expect anything more. Although they regularly hooked up in the night - even sleeping in the same bed - anything private or personal seemed to be out of bounds. Their relationship in the day had not changed in the slightest, meaning they barely acknowledged each other, except when flashing each other slightly suggestive glances when nobody else was looking.
They hadn't even talked properly since the night of the drugs, but every time Merlin attempted conversation, Arthur would distract him, usually with some form of sexual activity. Merlin suspected the blond was trying not to reveal anything more personal about himself, especially since he'd all but admitted to being lonely and insecure during his drug induced stupor, but it was already far too late. Merlin had already seen Arthur at his most vulnerable, something he was not likely to forget, and there was nothing the blond could do to about it.
Hating the silence, and curious as to what Arthur was thinking, Merlin tried for conversation again. He was too wake to fall asleep, but too sated to have sex again, and he wanted Arthur to distract him. "So…did you have fun in workshop?" he ventured.
"Emrys, you don't have to fill these silences," Arthur snapped, pressing his knuckles against his eyes in a gesture that looked insultingly longsuffering. "In fact, I'd really prefer it if you didn't. You really don't understand the concept of fuck-buddies, do you?"
Merlin sat up slightly. "So, we're fuck-buddies?"
"No," Arthur sighed. "We are nothing. There is no name. Stop over thinking something that's supposed to be simple."
"Well, sorry I've got a brain, unlike your usual conquests," Merlin muttered sarcastically, digging his toes into Arthur's calf and hoping that it hurt. It was move he would not have dared do more than a week ago, but now he found it oddly satisfying.
The blond yelped, in a strangely high-pitched voice, and jerked away. "You did that on purpose," he hissed, narrowing his eyes at Merlin's innocent expression. "Besides, Lancelot has a brain."
Merlin let out a 'hmm', but was unsure of what else to say, still rather uncomfortable with the subject of Lancelot. It was obvious Arthur cared for the man a great deal, but he really wasn't sure how he felt about it. Should he be jealous? Was that allowed between fuck-buddies? He wasn't sure.
He tried to change the subject instead, proud that he'd drawn the blond into conversation. "So…guess what I did today?" he asked, hoping to spike his curiosity.
The blond merely groaned. "Merlin, I really don't care!"
"So, how are you this morning?" Will asked the next day, rolling his eyes at Merlin's beaming expression. "Disgustingly happy by the look of it. Why do I bother asking?"
Merlin laughed. Not even Will's cutting humour or the surly breakfast server spooning him watery porridge could ruin his happy mood. Although he and Arthur were hardly in a supporting and trusting relationship, he was having regular sex - very good regular sex - and nothing was going to spoil it for him. It was nice to have such a great distraction from his usual worries.
"Nothing wrong with being in a good mood," he replied, eyes flicking to Arthur sat on the other side of the cafeteria. He was eating slowly, mouth wrapping delicately around his fork, reminding Merlin of the night before, when those very same lips, soft and red, had wrapped around his cock.
"Oh, Jesus!" Will exclaimed, startling him out of his daydreams. "I'm trying to speak to you here. You've really got it bad, haven't you?"
Merlin scoffed and looked down at his porridge. "I haven't got it bad, I'm just enjoying having a…sexual…partner..." He dribbled off, and shifted uncomfortably.
"Is that what you are? Sexual partners?" Will's voice was doubtful.
"What if we are?" Merlin raised his head and jutted out his chin, expression defiant, not like the disbelieving tone in Will's words.
"Look, Arthur's already hurt you once, as much as you like to deny it. The post-sex dismissal, remember? I'm just trying to remind you not to get too carried away, that's all," Will reminded him, shrugging and shaking his head.
Merlin frowned. "Why not? I'm with someone exciting, good-looking and -"
"Dangerous?" Will suggested. Although he'd be initially supportive of Merlin having sex with Arthur, their continuing relationship was worrying him, especially as it was obvious Merlin was becoming increasingly emotionally invested and he was fairly sure that Arthur was not.
"Don't ruin this for me," Merlin pleaded, cheeks flushing. "I've never been with someone like Arthur before. I know it's not perfect, but it's different." He looked down at his food, unable to meet his friend's worried stare, feeling slightly ashamed. "I like it."
Will sighed, running a hand over his face. "I'm not going to ruin it for you," he said, grim. "I don't have to. Lancelot's going to do that for me."
Merlin's heart gave a jittery jump and his eyes widened, a familiar feeling of dread descending rapidly on his stomach. "Lancelot?"
Will nodded. "Yeah, I just heard he's out of hospital tomorrow."
Merlin closed his eyes and groaned, hiding his head in his hands. He had nothing against Lancelot personally, especially considering he'd heard mostly good things about Arthur's best friend, but he was dreading his return nevertheless. He and Arthur had just settled into a comfortable routine, and Merlin was fairly sure that when Lancelot returned, he services would no longer be needed.
Mood deflated, Merlin slunk around in a sulk for the rest of the day, shoulders slumped and expression solemn. Lancelot's return was suddenly the only thing he could think about, which caused many near-fatal accidents during workshop, much to Will's visible distress. He just hated that every time he seemed to make some progress with Arthur, however small, something would inevitably happen to prevent it.
By the time he returned to the cell in the evening, his mood was so foul even Arthur looked vaguely concerned. Albeit, only vaguely.
"What's wrong with you?" the blond asked, raising an eyebrow as Merlin collapsed onto his bed, breathing in the warm and now familiar scent.
"Nothing," Merlin replied, working to keep his voice cool and casual. He probably didn't succeed.
Arthur shook his head but accepted the answer, clearly preoccupied with something else. His features were lit up and his eyes were glittering, an expression Merlin rarely saw on his cellmate. "Guess what?"
"What?" Merlin responded dully, though he already had a fairly good idea what the blond was going to say.
"Lancelot's coming back tomorrow," Arthur grinned, his excitement obviously making him a much friendlier person. He actually appeared to be genuinely happy, something that sent strange butterflies flapping in Merlin's stomach.
"That's great," he said, trying not to sound resentful that it was Lancelot causing Arthur to light up like a Christmas Tree. He didn't think he succeeded, but the blond was evidently too pleased to notice.
"Finally some good news," Arthur smiled, before admitting quietly, "Makes a pleasant change."
Merlin watched his cellmate's gaze flicker away, thrown by the strangeness of the uncharacteristic action. "This Mordred thing has really got to you, hasn't it?" he asked, before he could stop himself.
The blond blinked and glanced back up, shaking his head. He had evidently realized that his tone had revealed too much. "No," he snapped, looking defensive. "It's been like this with Mordred for years, but the Lancelot thing was a new low, even for him." He shrugged, but the gesture was rigid, far from casual. "It just took me by surprise, that's all."
Merlin raised his eyebrows, but wisely did not try to contradict his cellmate's words.
"Anyway, let's not talk about Mordred," Arthur said a second later, his face contorting, and a suggestive smile curving back at his lips. "It's ruining my mood - I can think of a lot of things I'd rather be doing."
Merlin rolled his eyes, but didn't think he was completely able to keep the eager expression off his face, because apparently he was about as subtle as a 12 year old. But if it was going to be the last night before Lancelot's return, he was going to make the very most of it.
He nudged Arthur back onto the bed, finding his lips for a needy kiss.
It took only seconds for him to shed the blond of his clothes, pushing him down onto his back and climbing on top of him. He explored the now familiar territory of Arthur's bare stomach, stroking the soft strip of hair and swallowing his cellmate's responding moan.
Although Merlin intended to take his time, the blond had other ideas, grabbing his hand and moving it down to his erection suggestively. But Merlin drew back, shaking his head.
Arthur frowned, breathing ragged. "What?" he asked, eyes wild and glazed.
"I'm not giving you a hand job," Merlin informed him, fingers trailing down his cellmate's toned bronze chest.
The blond was unable to hide his gob-smacked expression, eyebrows shooting up his forehead. "Why not?" he demanded defensively.
Merlin couldn't hold back a smile, threading a hand through Arthur's hair. He was going to miss being able to touch the blond wherever he wanted; he hadn't had the privilege very long, but having the Arthur pliant under his touch had been enjoyable nevertheless.
"Because you're going to fuck me," he said, grinning with a confidence he didn't think he'd ever have. He liked being able to be free and adventurous, without feeling as though Arthur would be shocked, horrified or judge him.
The blond licked his lips, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. "Well, why didn't you just say so?" he grinned, flipping them over until Merlin was flat on his back, blinking in surprise. "Why sex?"
Merlin shrugged his shoulders as well as he could in his position, looking past Arthur's head and at the wall. "Want to make the most of it, I guess."
The blond dipped his lips into the curve of his cellmate's neck, licking at the tender skin. "Most of what?" he asked, although he didn't sound as though he particularly cared about the answer. He sucked another mark into Merlin's skin, before glancing up when the dark-haired man declined to answer. "You're a very confusing person, Emrys - I've given up trying to understand you."
Merlin laughed at the irony, leaning up slightly and fumbling for a bottle of oil. "Yeah, know how that feels," he said, raising his eyebrows. "And you accuse me of talking at inappropriate moments."
Arthur grinned, wrestling the oil out of cellmate's grip and pinching his waist jokingly. "Then I suggest you shut me up…" he said suggestively, causing Merlin to fling in his arms around his blond head and pull Arthur towards him.
He groaned as their mouths met again, sinking back onto the bed and committing the moment to memory.
The next day Merlin slunk down to breakfast with the air of a man awaiting his execution. For perhaps the first time since the beginning of their 'arrangement', Arthur had been the first one out of bed, anxious and eager to be reunited with Lancelot, apparently oblivious to Merlin's own less than enthusiastic response.
It was strange seeing the blond so genuinely excited about something, but it saddened Merlin that he was not the one responsible for Arthur's drastic change in demeanour. He'd got out of bed half an hour later than the blond had done, reluctant to leave the comforting warmth of Arthur's sheets, and dreading his return back to reality.
By the time he finally got down to breakfast, Merlin knew immediately that Lancelot had already returned.
There was a small huddle of prisoners crowded around Arthur's usual table, making his cellmate's familiar blond head hard to spot through the bustling horde; people seemed to be surrounding Lancelot, attempting to congratulate him on his safe return.
As Merlin took his regular seat next to Will, he watched the commotion, eyes surveying Lancelot critically. He was sat beside Arthur, all dark and handsome, gestures friendly and eyes tinkling. He and the blond talked at regular intervals, often interrupted by various well-wishers, but deliberately remaining close.
"Why does he have to be good-looking?" Merlin moaned, dropping his head into his hands.
Will looked up from his breakfast and shrugged. "That's always the way," he replied, though he did sound as though he was at least attempting to sound sympathetic.
"What am I going to do?" Merlin asked, hoping that by some miracle his friend would have a brilliant solution.
Will shrugged again. "Ask for a threesome?"
Merlin smacked his head against the table. Hard.
"So, how's Lancelot?" Merlin asked that evening, after he and Arthur had returned to their cell.
The blond was sat on the edge of his bed, face flushed and expression almost pleased. He wriggled off his shoes and leant back against the wall, giving his shoulders a lazy shrug. "Good, actually. Glad to be back. And Mordred is of course fuming over his return, which makes it even better."
Merlin smiled, but he feared it was a little bit strained. "Oh. Well, that's good." He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, unsure of what to do. Should he get up onto his own bunk and try to go to sleep?
"Well, we do still have to watch out for Mordred," Arthur explained, raising his eyebrows at his cellmate's dithering expression, although he didn't comment on it. "He could be planning something else."
"Yeah…." Merlin nodded, looking away. Having no more to say on the subject, he tried a different approach. "Have a good time in workshop?"
Arthur rolled his eyes and leant forward. "I've told you before, you don't have to fill these silences," he said tiredly, grabbing Merlin's hand and pulling him towards him.
Merlin gasped as Arthur slipped his arms around his waist, attempting to pull him onto his bed. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed, realising that it was a stupid expression, but unable to stop his mouth moving, eyes round with surprise.
Arthur gave him a funny look. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he said sarcastically. "The same thing we've been doing all week."
"What about Lancelot?" The words were out of Merlin's mouth before he could stop them, desperate and involuntary. He mentally kicked himself.
"What about him?" the blond asked, letting go of his waist and fixing him with a bewildered stare.
Merlin opened and closed his mouth for a few moments, unsure of how to phrase his thoughts without sounding even more idiotic. If Arthur's disbelieving expression was anything to go by, the blond already thought he was a little bit unhinged. "I thought…you and Lancelot…well, people have said…you're together. And now he's back…I thought…well, I don't know."
Arthur looked momentarily lost by Merlin's stilted words, but he finally seemed to connect the phrases together, comprehension slowly dawning. "Not that it's really any of your business, but Lancelot and I aren't together like that anymore," the blond admitted, crossing his arms, and cocking an unimpressed eyebrow.
Merlin mouthed "oh", before his curiosity got the better of him. "Why not?"
Arthur glared, evidently deciding whether to answer him or not. "Sometimes you just shouldn't speak," he said, letting out a small sigh, but he chose to answer him nevertheless. "Because Lancelot is with Gwen."
The words took a while to register. "…Gwen? The prison doctor?"
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Well, they've always had a 'connection', as Lancelot put it, but she's been helping treat him after the whole Mordred thing," Arthur explained, leaning back against the wall. "And they got together."
Merlin's eyebrows were disappearing up his hairline, doubt marring his features. "But, is that allowed? A prisoner and a member of staff?"
Arthur suddenly leant back forwards, eyes bright and expression earnest. "No. Which is why if you tell anyone, I will kill you."
Merlin wasn't sure if his cellmate was joking or not, but his stare was scary enough, so he nodded in reply, making a mental note NOT to blurt it straight out to Will. "That's kind of sweet," he said thoughtfully, after a very long pause, attempting to break the atmosphere. "A forbidden love."
Arthur rolled his eyes, but the tension was successfully shattered.
"Are you ok with it?" Merlin asked hesitantly, seizing the opportunity and looking down at the ground.
The blond paused, surveying his cellmate with shielded eyes. "I'm happy for him," he admitted, almost reluctantly. "He deserves it."
Merlin blinked, unable to hide his surprise. "Really?"
"Yeah…" Arthur muttered, looking slightly offended by his cellmate's disbelief. "I do care about him, you know."
Merlin nodded, smiling slightly. "I know," he said, "I just didn't think you'd admit it."
The blond shrugged, looking unnerved and unsure of what to say. He looked past Merlin's head and focused on the opposite wall, working to keep his expression vacant, though he was still wringing his hands anxiously. Merlin's brow furrowed at the sight, committing the image to memory. He found it extraordinary that Lancelot seemed to have such a strong effect on Arthur, whether he would admit it or not. Maybe the blond was just different with everyone he cared about?
After a very uncomfortable silence, worried he had gone to far, Merlin spoke again, desperately trying to coax out his cellmate's familiar feistiness. "Well, I had a good day," he said abruptly, voice thick with false falsetto. "I went to work-shop with Will. Almost killed him a few times, but I can't help my natural clumsiness." Arthur was watching him now, eyebrows knitting together. "It was quite funny seeing the horrified expression on his face though." Now that Merlin was in his stride, he couldn't stop the word-vomit that was issuing from his mouth, despite the increasingly bemused stare the blond was giving him. "And I spoke to my mother on the phone for the first time in ages. Now that was a very uncomfortable conversation - almost as uncomfortable as this -"
"Stop talking, for the love of god," Arthur interrupted, voice ringing with authority. Although his words were snappy, Merlin could see the suppressed amusement on his cellmate's face, eyes glittering playfully.
But he still frowned, slightly affronted. "I was just trying to -"
He was quickly cut off as Arthur launched towards him, catching his mouth in a swift kiss and pulling him forcefully onto the bed. It could have been out of uncontrollable passion, or simply because he wanted to shut his cellmate up, Merlin wasn't sure.
But he liked to believe it was the former.
"So, what happened with Arthur about the Lancelot thing?" Will asked the next day, as they sat at their usual breakfast table, ready for their early-morning chat.
Merlin grinned, shovelling watery porridge into his mouth without a single complaint. He was attempting not to look smug that Will had been wrong, but he didn't think he was succeeding, not if his friend's confused frown was anything to go by.
"Arthur's not with Lancelot anymore," he proclaimed proudly, unable to stop himself from puffing out his chest.
"What?" Will choked, looking disbelieving.
He turned in his seat and found Arthur and Lancelot, sat as usual on the other side of the cafeteria. They were sat facing each other, heads bent forwards and conversing quietly. The crowds that had surrounded Lancelot the day before had dispersed, instead turning their attention to a new prisoner who had arrived that morning.
"They're not together," Merlin said firmly, sucking on his spoon.
"Why not?" Will cried, eyebrows disappearing up his forehead.
Merlin shifted uncomfortably, smile fading. He was well aware that the only reason Arthur and Lancelot weren't continuing their relationship was because Lancelot was with Gwen, but it didn't stop him from feeling happy about it. "Um…Lancelot's with someone else," he admitted, remembering Arthur's warning to not mention the prison doctor.
"Who?"
"Um…don't know," he responded, looking down at his plate. He felt his friend's eyes on him and smiled, attempting to distract him from the lie. "But it means me and Arthur are still…together."
Will's eyes narrowed, lips pursed into a thin line. "Together? Is that what you call it?" he asked blandly, raising an eyebrow. "Because I doubt Arthur would call it the same."
Merlin scowled, anger curling in his stomach, irritated by the assumptions. Ok, Will was right, but he didn't need to know that. "How would you know?" he snapped, surprised at himself. "You don't know anything about mine and Arthur's relationship."
Will looked thrown by the snappiness of his words, but rallied himself a second later, frown deepening. "Relationship?" he yelped, looking at his friend with a mixed expression of incredulousness and pity, something that made Merlin curl his fists defensively.
"Yes," he replied, in a stubborn voice, crossing his arms. He knew that Will was raising a valid point, but was unwilling to back down. He'd listened to his friend's warped opinion about Arthur for far too long, and it had resulted in nothing but chaos.
"Well, the reason I don't know anything about your 'relationship' with Arthur is because I've never even seen you together! He ignores you during the day and then falls into bed with you at night!"
"So?"
"That's not a relationship!" Will insisted, lowering his voice as he realised they were beginning to attract attention. "He's using you, and you're too blindingly in love with him to see it!"
Merlin gaped, anger forgotten, mouth dropping open. "I-I'm not in love with him!" he cried immediately, the words ripping painfully from his throat.
Will shook his head, looking exasperated, but no longer angry. "Maybe not yet. But you're heading very quickly in that direction, whether you know it or not," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "And Merlin, do you honestly believe that Arthur would ever return those feelings?"
Merlin dropped his gaze to the table, trying to hide his growing uncertainty. "You don't know him," he muttered, mind flashing through his time with Arthur, when the blond had been at his weakest and most vulnerable. "You don't know the half of it. He can be a good person."
Will shrugged again, looking doubtful. "Well, you know him better than I do, I guess."
"Yes, I do," Merlin replied firmly, with far more confidence than he suddenly felt.
"I don't want to fight with you," his friend responded, giving him a small smile. "Just…be careful."
Merlin nodded, although annoyed, still somewhat touched by Will's concern. "I will," he promised.
To be continued…
A/N Yes, Merlin has turned into a 13 year old girl - but alas, it will not last long, don't worry! This chapter is really about the development of their relationship, rather than anything else. I just read it through and realised that nothing was different at the end of the chap than it was at the beginning :S
But the next chapter is probably my fav from the fic, because things start coming together! Merlin gets a visit from his mother and a reality check, Morgana's rumbled, Mordred is not happy, and it all kicks off! YAY! Hours to write, minutes to review, so please R&R! :)