Washed Up

A/N: some awkwardness between the two.

Authors: Celianna (Momo) & Happiestwhen (Kaidoh)

Rating: T

Events leading up to this log:
- Set three days after the last log
- Momo and Kaidoh have been avoiding each other like the plague, and haven't spoken since
- People are saying there's a storm coming soon
- Momo rants on his journal (since he can't talk to Kaidoh), and Hazue thinks he's hallucinating because he ate funny mushrooms

Date: August 29, 2012

No, it wasn't the mushrooms.

Momoshiro has been getting pestered by Kaidoh's little brother Hazue for the past couple of days. He thinks he ate some weird mushrooms and that now he's hallucinating.

And he's not, okay?

Momoshiro wishes he was. Then he could pretend the entire thing was a dream, and move on with his life, and not feel like he has to duck behind a trashcan whenever he thinks he spots Kaidoh running in the distance. Not that there are any trashcans out on the beach … so he ends up ducking behind a fern instead. Not to mention the girly squeals he lets out when he thinks it's Kaidoh. But it wasn't a dream, and it wasn't a hallucination, it had been entirely real.

Okay, so he's avoiding the snake. But can you blame him? What they did … what they've done … Momoshiro wishes he'd never done it, it's just so humiliating, and he feels so ashamed and disgusting. Embarrassment doesn't even cover the range of emotions he feels when Kaidoh crosses his mind. He really wishes he hadn't done it, that he would have exercised some control; anything would have been better than doing what he did. Just the memory of it is still fresh in his mind, and he feels a turmoil of emotions, some bad, and some good. It's really mixed, and it's scaring him.

Because god—it felt so good he wants to do it again.

And that makes him feel the most disgusting; that somehow he liked it. That he wants to do it again. That it keeps plaguing his mind every day, every hour, pretty much every minute. Momoshiro simply doesn't know what to do anymore, he's never done anything like this! And of all people, it had to be Kaidoh. That stupid snake. With such a hot expression on his face, with short little gasps, and those fine muscles on his arms, back and stomach …

…No! Not now! Come on!

Stop thinking about it, Momoshiro. He needs to distract himself, this is crazy.

If only Hazue didn't look so much like his damn brother, then he wouldn't have minded it so much that he keeps fussing over his mental health (it's not the mushrooms!). But those two look so much alike, it makes Momoshiro think again, it makes him remember, it makes him feel, and since it's innocent little Hazue, Momoshiro feels like he's going to throw up and he chases him away. As long as he doesn't have to deal with Kaidoh—any Kaidoh—then he can somehow manage to survive this … this … thing.

Avoiding the hut at most times has been one of Momoshiro's priorities. The first night, he didn't even return home at all, he was so deathly afraid of facing Kaidoh, that he slept outside on the hammock. The hammock that Kaidoh had made for him. And he felt all sorts of disgustingness as he … sort of lost control all on his own again, and he wishes he could punch himself in the face with a brick. The day after that, he was covered in bug bites, and decided sleeping out in the open wasn't such a good idea, so he'd snuck inside the hut at night—Kaidoh wasn't there, he's probably avoiding him as well—he'd curled himself up underneath his blanket and huddled in the furthest corner of the room. When he heard Kaidoh's footsteps that night, he thought he was going to have a heart attack. He pretended to be asleep, and he made sure every inch of him was covered by the blanket. His heart was really beating out of control, and just by being in the same space as Kaidoh again, made him think once more, and he sort of got half hard just because of the memory. It was so goddamn awkward.

Momoshiro is repulsed by himself. If only he hadn't done it. If only he hadn't stepped over that line. If only Kaidoh didn't make him want to do it. It's all his fault.

So now, three days later, Momoshiro hasn't said a word to Kaidoh—hasn't even faced him to be honest—and is still avoiding him whenever he can. Except for when he has to return to the hut for daily necessities like … food. Luckily, Kaidoh is running most of the time, so he's never really inside of the hut, that is one one relief, but Momoshiro is cautious anyway. He's already had to chase Hazue away once today (he's not tripping!), and that's enough Kaidoh for him for today. Stupid Kaidoh. Next time he sees a snake in the jungle, he's going to spear it and throw it into the ocean. Or lava. Do they have a volcano on this island? He'd like to throw himself into one if there is.

Momoshiro sneaks across the beach in a stealth like manner, whipping his head around and feeling his heart beat against his chest like a horde of animals. He doesn't see Kaidoh. Good. Hopefully he's not in the hut, because that would be awful. Momoshiro stays outside the hut, right at the door, listening for any sounds, for about five minutes, before he can't hear anything but the sound of the ocean waves, and deems it safe. He goes inside. He rustles around with the kitchenware he's stored, and dumps his hand inside of the bucket full of water to grab a live fish, it takes a few tries since the thing is so slippery but he manages to snatch one. Time to get the hell out of here and cook the thing.

Fish in hand, Momoshiro turns around to dash out of the hut.

Maybe it's because of the fact that Kaidoh has spent the past three days running, but he still feels like he hasn't had time to cool off. He still feels tense, on edge, and confused above all else. What happens now? Does he just avoid Momoshiro forever? He certainly doesn't feel like he can face him anytime soon. The thought alone makes his cheeks burn up with embarrassment, like he's seen something he shouldn't have—more like done something. He can't continue on as himself now that he's seen Momoshiro looking so flushed and eager and wanting. He can't seem to get it out of his head.

Not for a lack of trying.

It's not like Kaidoh wants to picture Momoshiro like that. It's not like Kaidoh wants to picture Momoshiro at all! But that last time he saw Momoshiro's face was that day, and he hasn't had anything to replace that image with since, so it's stuck in the front of his mind, like an insistent, blinking neon beacon. When he closes his eyes, Momoshiro's there staring at him; he doesn't stop. Even the Momoshiro in Kaidoh's head is fucking obnoxious. Among other things ... lately it's mostly those other things, things that make Kaidoh feel totally guilty and disgusting.

The worst part of it all is that Kaidoh can't make himself wish it had never happened. Turn out differently, sure—the ending was certainly not ideal for him; he'd at least have liked to get a punch in before Momoshiro ran away like his life depended on it—but some annoying, hormonally-charged part of him doesn't regret it. It felt too good to regret. Mostly he just wonders … if it will happen again. Now that it's happened once, Kaidoh isn't sure how to be satisfied with anything less. A punch in the arm or stomach or even face just can't satisfy him the way Momoshiro's mouth can. Which is stupid. And gross. And Kaidoh feels like a pervert for even thinking it.

He's kept himself busy with running, so busy that he hasn't had time to decompress. He still feels tight coils of tension in his stomach, he wonders if they're ever going to go away. Is he just stuck with them? Is he just stuck with all these new urges? He thought he'd felt everything there was to feel for Momoshiro. It had overwhelmed him for years, ever since middle school, but now there's a whole new, unfamiliar mix of feelings. Feelings that pound at his brain like demanding questions.

Is it going to ever happen again?

It's been three days and three days already feels far too long to go without an answer. Kaidoh's body feels like it's a buzzing tangle of ragged electrical wires, and it's all he can do to not let them catch on fire and completely fry him.

They haven't spoken. They haven't even been in the same space apart from sleeping, not that Kaidoh's been able to get much rest. Maybe Momoshiro wants to ignore it like it never happened. Well, fine then, asshole. Kaidoh can ignore it too. He doesn't care. It doesn't bother him. Momoshiro is nauseating and what happened was nauseating and Kaidoh will be perfectly fine never thinking about it ever, ever again.

If only Kaidoh's lies sounded more convincing.

The truth is, Kaidoh can't turn his brain off. It's like Momoshiro infected it with a virus and now it's only capable of thinking disgusting, perverted things when it comes to Momoshiro. It's all Momoshiro's fault. Even running doesn't help. Nothing helps. Kaidoh thinks about smashing his head with a rock; maybe then he could erase these all-too-tangible memories. He'd probably just end up with a bad headache though.

He's been telling himself to pretend it never happened, to pretend that it was nothing. But it did happen, and it wasn't nothing, and Kaidoh even has some pretty mortifying marks on his skin to prove it. Not to mention a probably permanent stain of red blush on his face. Which means he has to avoid more than just Momoshiro. If anyone else saw, if anyone else knew … The thought alone is horrifying.

Hazue's been on Kaidoh's case about not looking after Momoshiro—as though it's somehow Kaidoh's job to take care of that dumbass!—because apparently he's been hallucinating; Kaidoh wishes he were so lucky. He wishes this was just one long, bad hallucination. But it's all too real. It was three days ago and it feels like it may as well have been ago five minutes ago for how immediate it all still feels.

The worst part is that Kaidoh thinks that a lot of his frustration would be alleviated if he could just fight with Momoshiro again. Fighting has always been a good outlet, but it suddenly feels like it means far more than it used to. What if they can't fight anymore? What if they can't do anything together anymore? Is this the way things are going to be? Has everything changed for the worse? Stupid Momoshiro. If only he hadn't... if only Kaidoh hadn't... if only they hadn't. But they did and the most annoying part is that, while it was happening, it felt right. It felt like how things should be, could be. How Kaidoh wanted them to be. He doesn't know how to go back to before. He doesn't know how to forget.

And he doesn't know how to face Momoshiro, how to look him in the eye again without his whole body flaring up with heat.

But whether or not Kaidoh actually wants to face Momoshiro is sort of irrelevant, because fate has other plans, and right at this moment, their paths are forced to intersect. They can't avoid each other forever. They're on an island after all. It's inevitable.

That doesn't stop Kaidoh from looking like he's seen a ghost the second Momoshiro's face emerges from the hut. He freezes in his tracks on the first step of the small stairs. Shit, he thinks. Fuck.

Turn around. Turn around and run.

But he's stuck. The soles of his feet feel like they're coated in glue, sticky and heavy on the wooden step. He can't move, can't even turn his head, so he's trapped there, staring at Momoshiro like he's scared of him. Like he's fucking terrified. He kind of is.

The fish in Momoshiro's hand wriggles around as he stands frozen. Until it squirts out of his hand and collides with Kaidoh's chest, flopping around for air.

Immediately Kaidoh starts sputtering and flailing his arms around in horror as the slimy, scaly fish leaps against him in a panic and slides down the front of his tank top. It lands with a plop at his feet, next to Kaidoh's towel which has slipped from around his neck in his panic. He stumbles back off the step and down onto the sand, feeling shaky all over. His shirt is damp now. He feels like there are still fish fins and a tail flapping against his chest. It's totally disgusting. At least now he has a reason to be looking so freaked out.

Even though the past three days he's been walking on eggshells, living as though he's being charged with hormones that keep driving him on, and he's been avoiding the hell out of Kaidoh, Momoshiro still can't forget his playful personality, and he half snorts and half chuckles. That display of panic was quite funny, and for a few good seconds, Momoshiro isn't thinking about what Kaidoh's body feels like against him.

They were only a few good seconds though.

Then Momoshiro clamps up again, he covers his mouth with his hand, pretending like he never said anything—much less laughed at Kaidoh—and now his cheeks are starting to blush like crazy. He hasn't directly faced Kaidoh ever since … back then, and now that it's right in front of him again, looking horrified and startled, those memories simply keep flooding his brain.

And urges sweep through him like never before. Momoshiro wants to do it again. He's been wanting to do whatever the hell they were doing three days ago, but he's so scared, so mortified— this is Kaidoh, how can he feel the way he feels? Why does he want to do these things with Kaidoh?

Maybe someone injected him with a gay drug or something.

That's better than accepting the fact that he, entirely on his own accord, wants to kiss Kaidoh again. Wants to see that scary face flushed with red and gasping for air, eyes squeezed closed. He just wants to feel Kaidoh against him, in ways that fights have never made him feel before. If only this was as easy to understand as a fight … if only Momoshiro could punch Kaidoh right now. But he can't. Everything has changed. He probably might never fight with Kaidoh again—he's scared of what will happen, and if he'll lose control again. He doesn't want that to happen, and on the other hand, he's begging for it.

So what does Momoshiro say to Kaidoh? They both are painfully aware of what transpired between them, and both of them have been avoiding each other, not even a word was exchanged between them. But as always, the easiest thing to say to Kaidoh, as it has been since the day they met, is an insult waiting to leap off of his tongue.

"Idiot," says Momoshiro with a shaky breath. "It's just a fish." It's just Kaidoh. He turns his face away and hopes Kaidoh won't look at him either, to see how entirely red he is.

Kaidoh hisses and stares down at the sand. "You're the one who threw it at me, asshole," he stammers in annoyance. Why won't his hands stop shaking? Blame Momoshiro. Blame the stupid fish. Blame the fact that Kaidoh just ran for three and a half hours without stopping. He stuffs his fists into his pockets. Now if only he could stuff his burning face away somewhere too.

"I didn't throw anything at you!" Momoshiro protests. Good, this is good, words are at least coming out of his mouth. The best way to deal with uncomfortable situations is either 1) run away or 2) act like an arrogant douchebag.

"I think it just likes you," says Momoshiro.

Kaidoh's face crinkles up in disgust and on instinct he raises his head to glare at Momoshiro, like he's done countless times in the past when they've argued. He immediately regrets it now though. He can't look at Momoshiro right now. Can't look at him ever, probably. It's a terrible idea. He needs to stop. He needs to go back to staring at the grains of sand at his feet because they're safe and inanimate and don't make him feel like he's being zapped repeatedly with electricity.

But it's like Momoshiro's face is a magnet and so Kaidoh's stuck there glaring up at him, his eyes narrowed, mouth contorted into a scowl, cheeks flaring up with heat.

"Shut up," he says, but he doesn't really mean it. If they stop talking, if things fall silent, the pretense of normalcy will fizzle away and then Kaidoh's pretty sure he'll have to melt into the sand from embarrassment.

Momoshiro is having pretty much the same thoughts, mixed with some crude fantasies he hopes will never see the light of day again. As long as they keep on bickering like this, like they've always done, then maybe … maybe things don't have to stay changed forever. Maybe he's able to talk to Kaidoh again, insult him … fighting seems like something in the distance though, something way out of his reach. It started with fighting. It started with him being on top of Kaidoh, and that's all it took.

Momoshiro turns bright red again—can't get much redder than he already is! And Kaidoh is glaring at him. God, this is embarrassing. Why can't he dig himself a hole in the sand, and hide in there forever? Become a hermit? Stop looking at him!

"You shut up," retorts Momoshiro in the lamest way possible. "You … owe me a fish."

Without looking at it—gross!—Kaidoh points at the fish which flipped off the hut's steps and is now lying limp, and probably lifeless, on the ground half-covered in sand. "You can still eat that one," he says dismissively, and finally he's able to drag his gaze away from Momoshiro again; he never thought there would be a time when glaring at Momoshiro didn't feel like a good option.

"I don't owe you anything. It's your fault you couldn't hold onto it."

Momoshiro thinks Kaidoh owes him his sanity.

But instead he says, "Asshole, you're the one that ran into me."

"Yeah, dumbass, because it's my hut and I live here." With Momoshiro. Together. Something Kaidoh's been reminded of more times than he can count these past three days. He hasn't even been able to look at Momoshiro's side of the room and not feel something twist in his stomach.

Now that Momoshiro's right in front of him, Kaidoh's stomach is kind of going nuts. His whole body is going nuts. Is he just going to have to get used to it doing that? Is there no off switch?

Momoshiro stays quiet for a little while. "Then I guess I don't live here, too," he says in a cool voice. That embarrassment is slowly turning into resentment, and Momoshiro feels weighted down by a bunch of stone blocks, it feels heavy on his chest. Is he going to have to move out of here as well? Like he did with Echizen?

It had definitely gotten a lot more awkward than with Echizen though …

Maybe he can hang out with Hazue instead, or trade places with him. And hey, didn't that Kirihara bastard totally abandon that lovely shack he made for him? Maybe Momoshiro can live there now instead. Because this right now can't continue, there's no way he can deal living with Kaidoh every day knowing he did that with him. And he did that … that ... disgusting thing. God, it just won't stop coming up. It's something he really can't ignore. Not when Kaidoh is right there, in front of him, like an obnoxious reminder of what they did together. His most embarrassing memory.

Most hottest one too, but that's something Momoshiro doesn't really care about, not when it's making him feel like the most perverted person on earth.

"Fine!" Kaidoh shoots back, and his fists clench in his pockets. Suddenly he feels like what happened between them three days ago really was a fight—a bad one—and now it's all coming to a head. He feels angry, but also disappointed, and also kind of relieved. He isn't sure which is the right way to feel.

Kaidoh's shoulders slump a little and he huffs. "If that's what you want," he adds in a lower, quieter voice. There's a pang in his chest like he's hurt by the notion, but whatever … if Momoshiro doesn't want to live there, then fine, he can do whatever the hell he wants.

Momoshiro is ready to walk away—to walk away from this mess he created, to not be reminded every second of those butterflies swarming around in his stomach causing chaos. He doesn't want to feel them, he doesn't want to feel like this at all. This nervous, dreaded, depressing feeling.

Yeah, he could move out. How is he even able to stay with Kaidoh now? Doesn't Kaidoh hate him for what he did?

After avoiding looking directly at Kaidoh all this time, Momoshiro finally looks down at the man. He regrets it immediately, because the towel that was covering Kaidoh's neck before, has slipped off—probably somewhere in between the fish colliding with his shirt and Momoshiro snorting at him—revealing a row of purple teeth marks dotted on his neck. The marks he caused in the heat of the moment. That moment where he lost all control.

All this nausea settles down in his stomach, and Momoshiro feels dizzy, as if he's about to faint, so instead he crouches down, hanging his one arm between his legs, and the other covers as much of his face as possible. He takes deep breaths to steady himself. Don't look at him right now, just don't look, this is humiliating.

"You …" Momoshiro starts in a small voice, "... does that hurt?" he asks. Now he uses both hands to cover his neck as he hangs his head between his legs, a fiery red. He feels like throwing up.

"Oh," Kaidoh croaks out. His hand snaps from his pocket to cover his neck. The anger he'd felt a second ago instantly shifts back to embarrassment; it's becoming familiar territory for Kaidoh these days.

"It's …" he sighs, like it's the last thing he wants to talk about—well, it is. "No, it's fine," he says finally, in a flat tone like he might as well be talking about the weather. It's almost convincing, until his voice cracks. "I've had worse."

Now Momoshiro's eyes widen. He's had worse? As in, he's done this before? With someone else? As if he wasn't feeling a tornado of emotions already, but suddenly this annoyed, irritated kind of jealousy creeps into him as well. Kaidoh's … done ... stuff like this before? Someone else had driven his body against him, and bit the side of his neck? Disgusting. Terribly disgusting. How dare he. Only he can …

He stops his own thoughts.

Fuck, why is he feeling like this? Thinking like this? Momoshiro can hardly recognize himself anymore.

And he still can't stop himself from saying, "Oh … so you've done … that before." His voice sounds bitter and angry. Momoshiro wants to punch himself.

All the color drains from Kaidoh's face and he stares at Momoshiro in horror. "That's … that's not what I meant! I meant that I've had worse … uh …" He rubs his palm against his neck. What is this exactly? "... bruises." He hangs his head. "Not from …" He trails off. Kaidoh can't finish that sentence. There's no way in hell. His cheeks already feel painfully hot again. He wants to retract his earlier statement, because it's not even true—this is the worst. Momoshiro is the worst. What the hell is wrong with him, saying things like that?!

"Oh," says Momoshiro a bit happier and relieved.

Good, so Kaidoh wasn't off doing dirty perverted things with someone else then. Good.

No—not good. Why is this good? Momoshiro doesn't own Kaidoh, and it's ridiculous that he even feels sort of possessive of him all of the sudden. Maybe Momoshiro is just secretly a vampire, and that's why he did all that weird stuff with Kaidoh, and bit his neck. As if … to mark him as his own. Or something.

That's disgusting.

"Sorry," Momoshiro says in a pipsqueak voice. Sorry for everything. For starting it. For doing all those things. For causing that bruise. For being awkward. For changing things permanently.

Just please don't hate him too.

"Don't—" … What? Apologize? Be sorry? But that would be like admitting Kaidoh didn't hate it. And he did, right? He's mortified by it. Embarrassed. Completely humiliated.

But no, he didn't hate it. Even right now, standing here in front of Momoshiro, having what feels like the most awkward, stilted conversation in the universe—it's making Kaidoh want to hide out in a cave somewhere until his body can stop acting like it's an oven—even now, Kaidoh … doesn't hate it. Because they're talking at least. Momoshiro isn't running off this time. That's something.

And it's Momoshiro, after all. Someone who's impossible, despite his best efforts, for Kaidoh to ever really, truly hate.

He hisses a slow, resigned breath. "I said it was fine."

Momoshiro's head snaps up, and this time he looks directly at Kaidoh—face being red be damned. It's fine? It's okay? "You …" he says. He can't finish it. The possibility that Kaidoh wants to do it again might just kill him on the spot. That he's fine with it … that he … didn't hate it …

And he didn't, did he? No … Kaidoh was into it just as much as he is. And no matter how much Momoshiro denies it, he knows the both of them were into it, they were doing it. It's like they were drunk and didn't know what they were doing, but did it anyway. And even if Momoshiro feels like this is the most embarrassing on earth—several times worse than when his sister caught him masturbating—he wants to do it again, because it also felt like the greatest thing in the world. They're two conflicting feelings, and Momoshiro looks at Kaidoh, gauging whether or not he's thinking the same. Does he want to do it too? Did he enjoy it? Did it feel as right to him as it did for Momoshiro? If he said it was fine then … then …

"Yeah … okay," says Momoshiro. He scratches the back of his neck, which reminds him of the sensations Kaidoh gave him when he was the one doing the scratching, and he's starting to feel lightheaded again.

He wonders; what is going to happen now? Momoshiro can't just ask Kaidoh. He'd rather die. In a volcano. And neither can he be like 'hey, 'sup, wanna kiss?' and then do it. That's weird, and disgusting, and sort of hot, but still just really weird, and Kaidoh would punch him. And then maybe they end up kissing anyway, because now it seems like punching will lead to fighting, which will lead to that day three days ago. Momoshiro is afraid of even touching Kaidoh, he thinks he'll lose control immediately and just … just … do stuff with him again. It's scary. This is so new. He doesn't know what to do with these feelings. They're driving him nuts, but he wants to do it again, and knowing that he does makes him feel disgusted with himself.

Not to mention that right now their conversations are completely awkward and totally stunted. Momoshiro's never had awkward conversations with Kaidoh like this.

Oh wait, no, he did. When he found out Kaidoh liked him in middle school. Oh. Right.

Momoshiro looks up at Kaidoh again, meeting his eyes, and he feels his cheeks burn brighter with his stupid fucking blush. Kaidoh likes him … he's confirmed that much. And knowing this makes all these stupid feelings intensify, and he's sort of happy. Glad knowing that Kaidoh likes him. It's a stupid feeling. There's no reason to be feeling like that. At least for their … 'thing' … he can blame his hormones. But he's got nothing to blame for those butterflies that are jumping off the walls inside of him, and he's grinning a little bit—all because he knows Kaidoh likes him.

So maybe that's why he says it's fine? So Kaidoh really would like … to do this again? Or at least, he doesn't hate Momoshiro for doing it (and he sort of left Kaidoh high and dry). Or maybe he enjoyed it as much as Momoshiro did.

Momoshiro wants to know, he wants to ask—but how in the world do you ask something like that? He used to talk with his fists, but he's sure if he does that, he'll burst into hormones again.

That might not be such a bad idea.

Say something, Momoshiro. Say something to fill in this silence. Say something before Kaidoh leaves.

"You still owe me a fish."

Kaidoh kicks his foot into the sand in front of him, drops Momoshiro's gaze, then looks back up at him a second later, like he's changed his mind. Like he didn't feel like looking away after all. Like looking at Momoshiro doesn't feel quite as horrible as it did a few moments ago. Like it might not feel horrible at all … eventually.

Momoshiro has this strange expression, different from before, better than before. Like he might be a little bit happy, or at the very least, not completely miserable. Kaidoh doesn't know what to make of it. He wants to ask Momoshiro if this means he still wants to stay here, in Kaidoh's hut, in their hut, but he's not sure if things really are as fine or okay as they're both saying they are. Kaidoh wants them to be, but he feels like first he'll have to get rid of all the weird feelings he's having, feelings he wants to act on. He can't keep them and have things be okay … right? That's not how it works.

Unless there's more than one way for them to be okay together. Part of Kaidoh wants to find out if there is, if there's some other way this can go, some other path they can take, some other option that doesn't involve them both forgetting the whole thing ever happened. Because especially now, being here with Momoshiro again, after three days of avoiding him like the plague, Kaidoh feels like that's the last thing he can do. The last thing he wants to do. But … what does Momoshiro want?

He's used to being able to understand Momoshiro, to predict an outcome. Where he'll hit, and how hard. What stupid insult he'll throw at him next. But Kaidoh doesn't have an instruction manual for this. He doesn't know what Momoshiro's going to do, he doesn't even really know what he's going to do himself. But he does know what he wants to do, and it's making him go red in the face and on his ears too, and it's making him feel embarrassed and nervous and annoyed, but Momoshiro's face looks almost the same and somehow that's comforting. They're in a mess, but they're in it together.

He glances at the fish lying in the sand, now very dead, its creepy eyes still staring at the sky like slimy silver coins. Kaidoh's mouth crinkles, revolted, and he looks back up at Momoshiro.

"Fine, whatever," he replies. If it'll help make things less weird between them, then he'll do it. He'll get him his stupid fish. And maybe fishing will keep Kaidoh from thinking about … other things. After all, fish have got to be the world's biggest turn-off. "As long as I don't have to look at it when it's dead."

Momoshiro gets up from his crouched up position, feeling a little bit more confident to stand up straight, and to trust himself not to wobble on his feet. "So you'd rather have a live one …? To eat?"

"No, stupid. I'm saying you can be the one to kill it yourself. You're the one who wants to eat it, after all."

"Well … I don't mind … sharing it ... or whatever." Momoshiro looks at his feet. Running away from Kaidoh seemed like the best course of action these past few days, but right now, he knows he can't keep doing it. He's already ignoring his best friend, he doesn't want this to happen with Kaidoh as well. He doesn't want to move out.

Kaidoh looks at his own feet too, but he feels something lift off his shoulders; he feels relieved. So Momoshiro doesn't hate him enough to want to avoid him forever. He doesn't mind being with Kaidoh, doing normal stuff together. So as long as they just … never touch each other … maybe they'll be okay living under the same roof, eating the same food, sleeping across from each other at night. Maybe. Yeah. Sure.

He shrugs. "If you want," he says, but tries to sound like he doesn't care all that much. Like he'd be fine either way. The last thing he wants is for Momoshiro to think he's … eager or something. Because that would just seem like he wants … and yeah, there's a jumpy feeling in Kaidoh's stomach that's eager for that, too, but he's trying his best to repress that feeling.

Momoshiro sucks in a breath, preparing himself. He walks down the steps until he's in the sand just like Kaidoh, but he doesn't look at him, and instead briskly walks past him, then stops right next to him.

"Don't take forever, Mamushi," says Momoshiro. He tries his hardest to sound casual, to sound normal, to sound like he always does, but he can't help feeling nervous and weird still. He doesn't want to outright say it to Kaidoh, since that's embarrassing, and since when are they the type to share feelings with each other? They don't.

They usually show it … which has become a dangerous zone to them.

Despite all that, Momoshiro forces himself to lift up his hand and pat the top of Kaidoh's bandana. "And don't come back empty handed." His fingertips are already tingling with energy, the same kind of energy from three days ago—he's right, touching each other right now really is dangerous—so he quickly withdraws them. Then he starts to walk away, which turns into a sprint as he feels his face heat up with blood again, and he's embarrassed for even doing something stupid like that to Kaidoh.

Momoshiro makes it a point to run in a huge roundabout circle around the area in which he and Kaidoh were … well. Yeah. He feels like it's turned into some kind of holy land, and running over it (or even touching) is forbidden. Blasphemy.

It doesn't matter he's running away from the hut, he just needs to keep a little bit of distance between Kaidoh and him for the next few hours.

For all Momoshiro likes to complain about Kaidoh's running, he's sure doing a hell of a lot of it himself lately. Kaidoh snorts. It's the first non-mortifying thought he's had about Momoshiro in days. Well, at least it's a step in the right direction.