Change The Fate: The Fallen Angel Arise

By TheUndefeatable

Disclaimer: (noun) a denial or disavowal of legal claim:relinquishment of or formal refusal to accept an interest or estate.

Rate: Rated T just to be safe
Summary: There is always a light in the middle of darkness, you just must be brave enough to see it and to embrace it! Then, you will see that you don't need to take the burden all by yourself; you see that you are not alone. A sequel to 'Face The World Alone: Tale Of A Fallen Angel'
Warning: Mention of child abuse and attempted suicide, some violence and bloodshed in later chapters, but not any thing explicit! Don't like it, don't read it!
A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had a lot of problem writing some parts of this chapter. There were two main points from canon that I wanted to touch upon in this chapter:

1) how unbalanced (and somewhat unhealthy) Severus and Lily's friendship was.

2) By the time the whole lake fiasco happened, how emotionally removed Lily was about their friendship.

I don't know how well I managed to write them. Let me know what you think and of course, have fun reading!

Chapter 15: Reflection

Severus cried for a few minutes, but then he felt spent and his tears dried up. He had cried more in the last week then he has done his whole life. Afterwards, he felt tired and more importantly, he felt stupid because of his reaction to Lily's presence and because of his words. He had a chance of a lifetime: Lily was right there! She cared enough to come, Dumbledore or no, wanting to be friends with him again. And what did he do? He blew it. Him and his big stupid mouth. He threw her kindness and forgiveness in her face, like the ungrateful worthless freak he was. This was his chance. The chance for everything to go back to the way it was and he threw it away with his own hands.

Although, if he was honest with himself – which he rarely was when Lily was concerned – a part of him was dreading exactly that: For everything to go back to how it was before. Severus was many thing, but a fool was not one of them. Since he met Lily, he knew that he didn't deserve her or her friendship; knew that she was way out of his league. And it was not like people let him ever forget it: Tuney's words and attitude, Lily's parents' worried glances, the look that people in Lily's neighborhood gave them when they passed the local park – the look that said 'what sort of negligent parent would let their girl to be around a trash like him', the look that the professors and students alike gave them the whole time they were friends.

Before Hogwarts, it was okay. Because he was the only magical child around and because Lily never showed an interest to befriend other kids, and not for lack of opportunity to do so. Severus Knew that she didn't because none of them were magical and would not understand her. So he felt secure in the knowledge that Lily wouldn't leave him or end their friendship.

However, everything changed after they came to Hogwarts. When Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, Severus thought about trying to get into Gryffindor to be with her, but the fact that he had to share his dorm with the two gits who started to pick on him on the train stopped him. Also, his mother told him that Princes were all sorted into Slytherin and he didn't want to disappoint her. In the end, even the hat told him that what he can accomplish as a Slytherin would be incomparable to what he can do elsewhere.

But since that day, he had this fear that now that Lily had other magical children to befriend, she would stop being friends with him. His fears found ground when after the start of the second year, he noticed how Lily's attitude started to change. So he started to change his attitude accordingly. Giving her more space when she wanted and more leeway, lest she cut him off completely. He loved her too much and valued their friendship too much to do anything else, but it didn't hurt any less when he noticed that Lily had developed a preference to spend time with her Gryffindor friends rather than him.

Then his housemates noticed what was going on and started to push him to end his friendship with Lily and everything just got worse. Their relationship deteriorated so much that it looked nothing like how it was before. However, they kep holding on: Him, because he loved Lily so much and her…. maybe just because she was too stubborn to let go. Severus didn't know…. not anymore. And in the end, the strained rope which connected them finally broke. He didn't blame Lily, not really. After all, who would want to be friends with the likes of him. But knowing that it was not her fault didn't make it hurt any less.

So, yes, he dreaded it, but if the alternative was to not have Lily in his life, then he preferred for things to go back to the way it was. But now….now he has lost any chance of having her friendship ever again. And this time, he didn't have the excuse of Marauders' harassment and Lily's smiling at his humiliation. This time it was all on him. He overreacted and now everything was over. Maybe it would have been better if Dumbledore and McGonagall had not saved him. Because if he was going to ruin every opportunity like this, then he might as well died and saved everyone from the trouble.

~~oOo~~

After Minerva took Lily to Severus' room, she returned to Albus' office to talk to him about an administrative matter. Albus and Minerva were discussing the matter and having tea, when the door connecting the office to headmaster's chambers burst open and Lily entered. There were tear tracks on her face and she hurriedly exited the room without acknowledging the adults or saying anything.

Albus and Minerva exchanged a surprised and worried look. They expected Lily and Severus' talk to be longer and Albus was ready to intervene if it lasted to more than one hour. After all, Severus still needed his rest. So it was surprising that they talk was so short, but the tear tracks on Lily's face indicated that their talk did not go well and that was not good. Albus stood up to check on Severus, but at that moment the fire in fireplace turned green and Rosaline's head showed up in it.

"Headmaster. Minerva. May I come through?"

"Yes, of course." Albus said. After Rosaline stepped through, he asked. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing. Today is the day of my first in-person check-up on Severus. We agreed that I could meet Severus weekly."

"Of course. I just momentarily forgot about it."

"So, may I see Severus?"

Albus and Minerva exchanged a look and then Albus started to explain what happened.

~~oOo~~

Severus didn't know how long he has been lost in his thoughts, before a knock on his door brought him out. What he didn't expect was Ms. Bones entering his rooms.

"Hello, Severus."

"Hello" A confused frown formed on Severus' face. "Has something happened?"

"No, I am just checking up on you. May I sit down?" At Severus node, she sat down in the chair that was occupied by Lily a short time ago.

"How are you doing?" Rosaline asked, but got only a shrug in response.

"I have heard that a friend was visiting, but from your expression things didn't go well. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No" Severus said moodily, as he crossed his arms. Rosaline sighed and said "Well, if you are not in a talking mood, then I will not take more of your time, I just need ask some questions: Is Mr. Dumbledore treating you well? You were concerned before about him abusing his power over you. Has he done anything concerning in that regard?"

"Why everyone keep asking me that?" Severus said frustrated.

"Who else asked you that?"

"McGonagall. Last week. Asked if Dumbledore was treating me well." Rosaline hummed as a small satisfied smile showed up on her face.

"What? What are you not telling me?"

Rosaline thought over her response before deciding to be truthful. "When you told me to ask headmaster about what happened at the end of last year, I did. Minerva and Poppy were also present. We all were horrified to hear about what has transpired and how headmaster handled it. Considering the situation, especially that we didn't have much time to look for another acceptable option for you, we decided to proceed with Mr. Dumbledore's guardianship, but I told Mr. Dumbledore that his every action will be monitored. Minerva and Poppy also promised to keep an eye on the situation. It is good to know that they are taking this seriously. So that is why both Minerva and I asked about how headmaster has been treating you."

Seeing the expression on Severus' face, she was sure that she made the right choice in telling him the truth. "So has anything concerning happened. Is headmaster treating you well?"

"Yes, he has been treating me well. Actually more than well, which I find strange." Then Severus proceeded with telling her about Dumbledore's overly friendly behavior, as well as his words regarding supporting Severus and even teaching him Alchemy. Afterwards, there was a few moments of silence as Rosaline mulled over what she heard. Then she sighed and said.

"Usually, I would say that this is great news…. That it shows that the guardian is taking his responsibilities seriously and I would try to encourage the child to start trusting their guardian. However, that is obviously not the case here…..and considering what kind of person Mr. Dumbledore is, it would not be easy to determine his ulterior motive. But I think his motives at the moment are not important. As long as his motives makes him help and support you to the best of his abilities, then it is okay. We should make the best of the situation. In the mean time, we all are going to keep an eye out for any unusual behavior. If we notice anything amiss or find something that would help us determine his motive, then we will act. I am going to visit you in-person weekly. If you see anything unusual again, you can tell me in our weekly meetings. Poppy and Minerva are going to visit you more frequently. If anything urgent came up, let them know. I know that the situation is not good, but you are not alone. We will support you."

"But if something happens, what can you, McGonagall, or Pomfrey do against Dumbledore? Especially that he is my guardian."

"One part of my job is to go toe to toe with abusive guardians or families and a portion of those happen to be a part of powerful and influential families. So I assure you, I know exactly how to play this game. Also, I think you are underestimating Minerva and Poppy. Maybe each one of us, separately, not be able to win a case against headmaster, but together? We can handle headmaster well enough." There was a dangerous glint in her eyes that reassured Severus.

There was a few moments of silence before Rosaline said. "That part about your education, that is actually great! Mr. Dumbledore is a very influential person and has a great network of people around him. And you, as his ward, are in the unique position to make use of that. Think carefully about what you want to study and even create a list of people who are pioneers in those areas. Even if Dumbledore does not know them personally, I'm sure he can use his vast number of connections to get you to at least meet and talk to them. If you have to put up with Mr. Dumbledore, there is no reason to not take advantage of the privileges available to you."

Talking with madam Bones was like a breeze of fresh air and it was exactly what Severus needed: For someone to acknowledge how unfairly Dumbledore treated him before; To acknowledge that he is not delusional to think Dumbledore's behavior is suspicious; And more importantly, for Severus to know that there was someone on his side, who would go against Dumbledore for him. Severus did not believe that in such a case, they could win against Dumbledore, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that someone would do such a thing for him. And lastly, it seemed that Madam Bones, unlike Lily, did not think badly about taking advantages of people or situations.

Severus did not give a verbal response to what Rosaline said, but the expression on his face was telling enough. After that, they chatted a little bit about his recovery time and his favorite subjects in school, before Rosaline got up and left with a promise to see him next week.

~~oOo~~

If there was any doubt in James' mind that Evans was crying for Snape that day, it was gone. When McGonagall took Evans away, everyone at the table started speculating about what it was about. However, the Marauders were silent, as they had a good idea what it was about. While they were not sure what happened after Evans talked to McGonagall that day to make her act okay, James was sure that this was about Snape's funeral. One look at his friends and he could see that they were thinking the same thing. It made sense that she would request to go to his funeral and the apprehensive look on her face, when she was going, only cemented this idea.

So James and his friends decided to spend their free period – read: waiting for her – in the Gryfindors' tower, because they knew she would show up there after coming back from the funeral. They were soon joined by Evans' girlfriends and under pretext of studying together, they all waited for Evans to return.

~~oOo~~

Evan Roiser was amused. It was interesting how the heads of some of the most prominent families in Wizarding World were scrambling after a half-blood teenager to the point of resorting to asking for help from their children, in order to get any news. He knew that they were asking on Dark Lord's order. He also knew that he should probably do something instead of sitting back and enjoying his housemates clumsy attempts to get information. Especially considering that the hospital wing was found to be empty. But none the less, here he was sitting back and enjoying the show put up by his housemates. Because first of all, his father was not in Dark Lord's inner circle – since apparently their family was not prominent enough –and thus had not contacted him. Second, he was no one's errant boy to do such low level work.

Aside from his housemates stupidities, the other interesting point about the whole ordeal was the target: One half-blood named Snape. Evan always liked Snape. Well, as much as he can like a half-blood. He could still remember when Snape first came to Hogwarts as a eleven years old. He was scrawny and his robes were second hand, but his eyes had fire, his tongue was as sharp as a knife, and he cursed in a way that only a mudblood can. Half-bloods and mud-bloods who are sorted into Slytherin soon learn to keep to themselves, to blend into shadows whether in class or outside of it, and to not be seen among their betters. So Evan thought Snape was going to be like that. 'Give it a week or two' he thought to himself and with that he put Snape out of his mind. Well, he would have, if he had not noticed the interest the Malfoy heir has developed in Snape, during the first month. But he did notice and so he kept an eye on Snape and Snape had not disappointed him.

Whatever flaw Snape had and whatever he lacked, he made it up with his intelligence and tenacity. And also he learned fast. He didn't have the option of blending into background – like others – thanks to his daily fight with those idiotic Gryfindors and loosing points. The Slytherins were not exactly happy to loose points because of a half-blood first year with a foul mouth, and they made him understand how unhappy they were. Evan was sure that Snape was going to take it laying low, but Snape didn't. In less than three months, he had learned the rules of Slytherin house. By the end of the first year, he had managed to create a place for himself in the house. He learned to curb his tongue, but more importantly he learned how to play. He was cunning, ruthless, and he had guts. Between his promise of helping with a course, doing homework, his blackmailing, and his veiled threats given as knowledge of spell work or potions, he managed to make others leave him mostly in peace and even get them to leave his mudblood friend alone. By third year, he was the go to person when one wanted to buy an illegal potion in school, or even if they just wanted to get a potion discretely.

Some of Slytherins attributed his talent and intelligence to being a Prince, but Evan sometimes thought it was actually because he was a half-blood. After all, the families with more inbreedings had dumber children. Personally, Evan thought that fresh blood was needed, that they could sometimes make the Wizarding lineage stronger. For example, that Evans girl, Snape's mudblood, was smarter than some of his housemates put together.

In any case, Snape managed to not only create a place – however low – for himself in Slytherin, but he also got Malfoy's support and got a place among Dark Lord supporters. He played so well that Dark Lord now wants to get his hands on him and has mobilized his followers like this, to make it possible. And yet, what had Snape done? He had given his guardianship to Dumbledore. If it was anyone else, Evan would have put it on them being a fool, but not Snape. No, obviously something else was going on and he was determined to find out what. But that was for later, for now, he was going to sit back and enjoy the show his idiotic housemates were putting up.

~~oOo~~

After lunch, Serena made her way toward the library where she was going to spend her break studying with her friends. When she entered the library, she made her way toward their regular table, between the Arithmancy and History sections. Arriving at the table she noticed with annoyance that, that Hufflepuff boy, Neil something something, is present, as well. He was a friend of Fred, what with both of them being Hufflepuffs and all. He was a nice boy; polite, hardworking, and rather good looking in Serena's opinion, and she did not dislike him. No, the problem was that he was chattery…. too much. More specifically, she was annoyed because he talked too much during their study times. When they were supposed to be studying. When they obviously could not study, because he was talking all the time.

With a sigh, she sat down to be forcefully updated on the latest gossip, no doubt. After she greeted everyone, Francis turned to her and with her thick Italian accent said. "Have you heard? An important student is going to transfer to Hogwarts!"

"Francis, I told you. It is not a transfer student! It is that the headmaster has accepted the guardianship of one of the students!" Neil said exasperated.

"But I have heard that he or she is almost of age, if that was a student in Hogwarts, then we would have known! Because they would have been from Gryffindor and I know most of the upper year Gryfindors." Lena, another member of their group study who like Serena and Francis was a Ravanclaw, said.

"But he couldn't have been a transfer! I told you, my mother works in the department of Children's Support Services of Ministry" Neil said. "They only get involved if the child is here. And every child here goes to Hogwarts." He said with the same child like conviction with which he always told them Chudley Cannons is the best Quidditch team, ever. "So that person must be in Hogwarts." He concluded.

"My uncle works in Ministry and I have heard that Dumbledore became this student's guardian, because they found out their guardian was not suitable!" They all exchanged a meaningful glance , before looking at Tony, the youngest member of their group who was living with his mother's cousin because he was abused by his uncle – his father's brother who was at the time his guardian.

"But that can't be true, if he or she is almost of age, because then the professors would have helped much earlier!" Tony said hotly and then continued in a whisper. "Professor Flitwick found out and helped me in my first year."

"But it must be true, because my cousin's friend works there and he said that when Dumbledore came to the Ministry, he was in a hurry and he insisted that the case must be processed as fast as possible, because the life of his charge was in Danger!" Carl said.

They were all surprised, because none of them could imagine Dumbledore being in a hurry and saying something so….desperate. Susan said, "But I have heard that he accepted the guardianship because this student was the child of important people and they had died."

"Even if that was the case, why would Dumbledore of all people take the guardianship?" Francis asked.

"Maybe his parents were friends with Dumbledore?" Fred said.

"I actually think it would make sense that the parent or guardians were important people, but of the wrong sort! Dumbledore has taken the guardianship because others would not have been powerful enough to go toe-to-toe with them. It also makes sense that they are keeping everything hush hush." Serena said in a reasoning, but conspiratorial tone. At the look she received, she continued. "Don't tell me you had not noticed! The fact that there are so many rumors means that everyone is curious to know about headmaster's charge, yet no one has seen the files or can say anything for certain about it! It is clear that there is something that they want to hide!"

Understanding lit up everyone's eyes and the exchanged glances knowing that what Serena said made sense. They spent some more time speculating about the identity of Dumbledore's charge and which house they were in. When they noticed the time, they moved on to what they were supposed to be doing: Study.

~~oOo~~

After exiting the headmaster's office, Lily made her way toward Gryffindor tower. Reaching the entrance, she realized that she didn't want to go in. She didn't want to face her friends. She didn't want to face anyone. She wanted to be alone. She turned back and went down the sixth floor corridor hoping to find some place to think.

Her mind was in a swirl. She could not think straight. Somethings that she thought to be true, all turned out to be false. She came to a stop in the middle of the corridor. Maybe it would be better that she talked to her friends. They could help her untangle her thoughts and feelings. She turned back toward the Fat Lady's portrait. A few steps and she came to a stop, again.

Her friends never understood her friendship with Severus. They never liked him. How can they help her with this. No, she needed to do this on her own. With that thought she turned back again. But again within a few seconds she came to a stop again. The truth was that Lily needed to talk to someone. She was never the introvert type. She thrived on interactions, by sharing her thoughts, by expressing her emotions. When she was small, she always had her mother and Tuney for that and since Severus entered her life, he was always filled out the role. When she came to Hogwarts, her Gryffindor girlfriends started to play the role of the confident for her, because they were like minded and Lily thought they understood her. So she went to them for anything. Almost anything, because Lily soon came to the realization that she could not talk about Severus with them.

And now, for the first time, she felt alone. She needed someone to talk, but there was no one for her to talk to. Frustrated, she opened the closest door and entered, not knowing that the door disappeared behind her.

~~oOo~~

James was worried and looking at Mary and Alice, he knew they were worried, as well, as they were throwing glances at the door. Lily was gone since morning. She did not show up for lunch, and now she was missing from the Charms class, which was the worst, as it had never happened before. Flitwick asked about her, but no one had actually seen her since morning. James wanted to check the Marauders' map to find her, he had left it in the dormitory. James thought about making an excuse to go and get the map now, but he didn't want to spend the first Hogsmead visit of the semester in detention. So he had to wait until the class was over. Throughout the lesson, he was distracted. He had not listened to a word that came out of Flitwick's mouth about the theory behind Refilling Charm and now he could not get even a drop of the water, from the bowl on the Flitwick's desk, into the cup in front of him.

By the time the class was over, he was completely tired, frustrated, and anxious. He quickly gathered his things and made his way toward the Gryffindor tower. Sirius, Remus, and Peter also gathered their stuff and followed him, knowing exactly what he was thinking and where he was going without one word exchanged.

Entering their dorm, he threw his bag on the bed and quickly opened his trunk. Taking out the map, he opened it and said the password. His friends joined him on the bed and quickly scanned the map, but they could not find Lily anywhere. They scanned it twice more, but no, she was not in school. They sat back and exchanged a look. When McGonagall came to take Lily, she said something about it being regarding Lily's request, what they talked about, or something like that. And now Lily has been out of school ground since morning. That meant their suspicion, about where she was going, was correct: Snape's funeral.

At the thought, James felt a twinge of guilt, again. Since Snape's death, James has been experiencing guilt and shame more. His mind kept replaying all the times that they had instigated a fight, pranked, or humiliated Snape. And no matter what reasons he used, a part of his mind – 'your conscience' a voice said in his head – had an answer ready. Some time it compared Snape's situation with Sirius and his sometimes questionable morals. Sometimes it compared him to Remus who did not standing up to them – his friends – even though they all knew he didn't approve of some of their pranks. Sometimes it brought up Lily's words from that one time that she defended Snape to her friends in the Gryffindor tower. And sometimes it was Dumbledore's word that night about Snape not getting along with his housemates – and it was those times that where worst, because not only he felt guilty about how he treated Snape, but also, it made him wonder that if Dumbledore knew about Snape situation with other snakes, then why he didn't do anything about it.

A look at Sirius, and he was sure that Sirius was feeling similarly about the situation. Sirius won't admit it, but James knew his friend well enough to know what was going on in his head. And James didn't even need to look at Remus to know that he was feeling guilty, even if he was the least involved and guilty of them in dealing with Snape. Peter didn't look exactly guilty, but then he was always more of a follower and the most easygoing member of their group.

James couldn't help it sometimes and thought about 'what if's. What if they had given Snape a chance, like he had given Sirius a chance. True, Sirius hated anything to do with Slytherin and his family. But still. Snape had grown up in a muggle neighborhood. He probably didn't know how the Slytherins actually were like, especially considering that Dumbledore said he doesn't get along with them. If they had given him a chance, how different things would have turned out. He would have liked to say that nothing would change, that Snape's evilness would have ruined everything, like it did his friendship with Evans, but he knew that it was not true.

Evans. That was another problem. How many times he had wished that she would dump Snape! And James even did his best to separate them; encouraging her friends to talk to her to end her friendship with Snape, on one hand and pranking and humiliating Snape, on the other hand. And yet, now that his wish had come true, now that Snape was out of picture completely, he felt guilty for approaching Evans and asking her out to Hogsmead.

James has always been proud of being a Gryffindor. He was confident in his morals and never felt guilt, for he was sure that he was right. Now everything was different. After hearing Dumbledore and McGonagall's words that night, James confidence in his morals was shaken and now he was not sure how to feel any more. For the first time, guilt and shame had crept in and James found out that it was not a good feeling.

~~oOo~~

The room Lily entered was decorated similar to a living room/library, with all the walls covered in shelves from ground to the high ceiling, all full of old tomes. There was a fireplace at the opposite wall, with a set of comfortable looking couches in front of it. There was also an empty portrait hanging above the fireplace. Moving closer, Lily noticed that there was a dish of snacks and a tray with a pitcher and a glass was on the table in the middle. Making her way toward the couch, she sat down and look at the fire burning in the hearth.

The truth was that Lily always considered herself a kind and considerate person and a great caring friend. People around her, especially her family and friends cemented this belief. She thought that she was fair and that she was always there for her friends. Today, that belief was shaken thoroughly. Because how can she be all those things when she was so wrong about her oldest friend; her best friend. Lily thought back to the time before Hogwarts, when she first met Severus. Severus was a quiet, reserved boy in shabby cloths. He was a little bit shy, with a beautiful smile, although he didn't smile a lot. True, he was rude to Tuney, and he had a temper and a rather foul mouth, but it only happened when people – well just Tuney and some other kids in the neighborhood – insulted him and his cloths. And Lily understood why he did it. He was embarrassed and lashed out. She didn't approve it, but she did understand. Lily always thought, those times were easy, because Lily had a friend. She cared about him and she understood him and she knew Severus cared about her and understood her. A strong friendship, based on understanding. A strong friendship where they told each other everything and were there for each other.

But it wasn't true, was it? Because not even in her wildest imaginations could she have guessed what was happening each time that Severus left her to go home. She was his best and only friend for two years, they met each other almost every day. And she never even suspected about his home situation. 'Home situation'. Wasn't it funny? Severus had gone through it all his life and Lily, after knowing about it for more than two weeks, couldn't even bring herself to say the words in her mind.

A part of her wanted to blame Severus, because he never said anything. Another part said that it was her fault. For not noticing anything was amiss. For not suspecting. How can she call herself a great friend, a caring and considerate person when she couldn't tell that something was so wrong in her best friend's home life? What did she expect? That Severus…..the nine years old, shy Severus would walk up to her and tell her that he was living in a hell hole? No! It was up to her to find out and she failed.

And after they started Hogwarts, things became worse. She did not understand Severus, or his actions, anymore. It was like Severus had became a mystery to her. But then again if she had missed something so big before, what else did she miss? When she thought Severus was changing, when she thought he was becoming like his housemates, when she thought Severus did not care about her and her friendship – which was something her friends told her repeatedly, as well – what was really happening? How much of what she thought was true? What was the lie? What was the truth?

As the years passed, Lily convinced herself more and more that Severus didn't care. She believed that Severus was withdrawing from her. But was he? Was he the one who was withdrawing? Or was it her who was doing it? Then she remembered last year, when she promised herself that she won't be left behind. When she convinced herself that if Severus did not want to hurt her by ending their friendship – if he was too much of a coward to look into her eyes and end it – then she would do it. She was a Gryffindor. She was from the house of the courageous. She didn't lack in courage. She would do it, but despite that she could not do it. She kept second guessing her decision, because even though she wanted to leave, to not be the one who is left behind, doing so hurt. It hurt so much. And each time Severus calmly responded to her leaving, it made it hurt more and it made her angry. Angry with Severus, but more importantly angry with herself. Because why was she hurting so much from the crumbling of their friendship, when he was completely fine? It took one year and Severus calling her a mudblood for her to finally end it.

And now….now she has found out that all she had done was wrong. That she misread everything. That she was so focused on how she was feeling that she never noticed that she was hurting Severus, as well as herself. Now she realized how selfishly she was acting when it came to Severus. When he called her a mudblood, Severus had been grieving his mother, on top of being bullied, the exams, probably his housemates, and the prospect of the summer. And yet she had only thought of herself and how hurt she was. True, she didn't know about his mother. Well, it seems there was a lot of things she didn't know about Severus. About her oldest friend. Her best friend. Was it Severus' fault for not sharing? Or was it hers for not asking, for not noticing? She didn't know anymore.

There was another confusing point, as well. That Severus didn't say anything. Keeping silent about his home life, Lily could understand. But the rest? No, it didn't make sense. Why did he never complain about Lily leaving? Why he didn't tell her that he knew she was avoiding him last year? No matter how hard she tried, she could not understand. Why would he keep silent about so many things. She couldn't even guess at what was the reason behind Severus' behavior. Although, even if she had a guess, now she could admit to herself that she didn't know Severus well enough to say whether her guess was correct or not.

"Hm-hm" The sound brought Lily out of her thoughts. She looked around looking for the source, but the room was completely empty except for her –

"Up here, dear, above the fireplace"

– and apparently the lady in the portrait. Lily looked at the lady curiously. She was a plump woman with reddish brown hair and blue eyes. Her wide smile and gentle and kind look put Lily immediately at ease.

"What were you thinking about that had put such frown on your pretty face, dear?" The lady asked.

But Lily who was not still over the appearance of her companion, asked "Who are you?"

"I was a teacher in Hogwarts."

"A teacher? What did you teach?"

"Yes, a teacher, but it was a long time ago. I taught Charms,….among other things. But enough about me, lets talk about you. You looked like to be in need of a listening ear, dear."

Lily contemplated about whether to say anything or not. On one hand, she was indeed in need of a listening ear. On the other hand, the lady in the portrait was a stranger. Should she trust her? But she already knew the answer to that question. She said she was a teacher and just looking in her eyes, Lily knew that she was trustworthy. Her companion was patiently waiting for her to make up her mind, all the while her wide smile encouraging Lily to confide in her. Making up her mind, Lily opened her mouth and told her story.

~~oOo~~

Some unknown time later, after an enlightening conversation with the lady in the portrait, Lily gathered her stuff to go back to the common room. When she was closing the door behind her, the lady called her back and said.

"If you ever need to talk to me again, stand opposite the portrait of Barnabas and think about this room and talking to me. The door will come to you."

'door will come to me?' Lily thought as she let the door close behind her. Then her eyes widened as she saw the door disappeared. She stood there for a few minutes, too shocked to move or do anything, then she gathered herself and made her way toward Gryffindor common room.

~~oOo~~

After Charms, they had Herbology class and once more Evans was missing from the class. James was ready to go McGonagall to ask about her. Mary, Alice, and him wanted to go the moment they entered the class and noticed that Lily was missing, but before they could go, Professor Sprout entered the greenhouse and told them to sit in their place. After exchanging a look, they decided to wait until the end of the class, after all she could come late for the class. She didn't. And they regretted not saying anything before, but on the way back to the castle, they heard from Anjali that she came back to the dorm some time ago.

The next time James saw Evans was during dinner. This time, she was not crying or anything, but there was a grime calm about her which looked out of place. It was expected; that her reaction to be mellower than when she found out Snape was dead. This time she seemed to be a little lost in her thoughts, though she spend some part of dinner time reassuring her friends that she was okay. But she did not say anything about where she had been since morning. Not that Marauders needed to be told. They already knew. Her sad expression screamed that she was coming from a funeral. How did others not notice?

He wanted to go to her and comfort her, but knew that his presence would not be comforting right now. Both because of his history with Snape and because he, himself, was still not sure about how to handle the news of Snape's death. He didn't know how he should feel about the news and this uncertainty weighted heavily on his mind. So it was with a feeling of longing and grime acceptance that he watched Evans' girlfriends try to talk to her and comfort her.