Chapter 2

(Madge POV)

When I wake up the next morning, I hear the shower running and assume it must be Gale. I'd had a difficult time falling asleep at first last night but once I did, I slept all night. I think there may be something in that blue pill I took for my headache that causes drowsiness because even now, after a solid night's sleep, I feel groggy. My headache is gone though.

I sigh, thinking back to what transpired between Gale and I last night before bed. He was doing the one thing I've been practically begging someone to do ever since I first woke up in the Medical Center. He was answering my questions. And giving me fully honest answers at that. I should have thanked him. Should have shown even a hint of gratitude. But I didn't. Nope. All I did was manage to get snippy when he laughed and get myself all emotionally worked up. And it is just plain strange sitting and having deep conversation with Gale Hawthorne. When I'd told him I wanted to go to sleep, I was nervous that he would climb in bed alongside me but thankfully, he didn't. I do feel guilty for him having to sleep on the cold, hard floor with no blanket but I just couldn't bring myself to share a bed with him. I can barely converse with the boy, much less sleep next to him all night under a shared blanket. Married. We are married. I just can't understand how that happened. I mean, I know what he told me. How he explained it all. But somehow, in this damaged mind of mine, I just can't see it happening. Can't see us holding hands or kissing. Can't imagine us doing other things married people would do. Gale Hawthorne has seen me naked. Naked! A feeling of embarrassment washes over me at the thought of all this and instinctively, I pull my knees up to my chest and hug my arms around them.

If I ignore what everyone says happened over the past year and only focus on what I actually can remember, I feel inexperienced. All my life, I've been single. Never had a boy ask me out on a date. Never even really had a close friend who was a boy. Never been kissed, never known what it feels like to get a present or even a hug from a boy. And I'm supposed to make the leap from that to being married? I close my eyes and shake my head slightly to myself. I don't know how to make that happen. I just don't.

I hear the shower water turn off and the knowledge that Gale will soon reappear before me sends a flutter of butterflies through my stomach. I contemplate pretending to be asleep still but before I can decide, the bathroom door opens and Gale steps into view.

"Morning." He greets me. His eyes flash of undeniable hope as he looks at me. I look away, not wanting to also see the disappointment I knew would follow as soon as he realized I still didn't remember him as my husband.

"Good morning." I mutter quietly as I fiddle with the stitching on my blanket.

"Did you sleep alright?" He asks as he sits in the chair and begins to put on his shoes.

"I did, thank you. I appreciate you letting me have the bed." I offer up, knowing I should have said thank you yesterday.

He shrugs as if to tell me it was nothing and keeps his eyes on his hands as they tie up his shoelaces. There's a very awkward silence and I feel like I should make conversation but I have no idea what to talk to him about. And I have a feeling he hasn't a clue what to chat about with me either based off our mutual silence. Thankfully, a knock at the door lightens the feel of the room. Gale goes to answer the door and I don't see who it is but they give him two papers and leave.

"Itineraries." He says holding them up for me to see.

"Itineraries?" I question as I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah. They do that here I guess. Let's us know where we're supposed to be when, you know?"

"Well, let's see what we're doing then." I say holding out my hand to take my copy. I hadn't realized that we would have schedules to follow but since I have no inkling of what my life is like at the moment, I guess it's for the best that I have a schedule to lay out my day for me.

"We're supposed to go to breakfast at 8:00. That's in 20 minutes. Then we each have our own appointments. Looks like I've got task orientation all morning." He says as he reads over the papers.

"And I have to go back to the Medical Center. Doesn't say why though."

"They probably just want to check you out, make sure you're feeling alright."

"I guess so. Um, I want to take a shower but I don't know where my things are."

"You don't really have much stuff. Bringing us here was challenging and adding luggage would have made it all the more difficult. There's soap and shampoo in the shower. And we're all supposed to wear these grey outfits. Everyone wears them but I'm not sure what the reason for that is."

"Oh." I say as I think about the reality of all my worldly possessions being gone. I don't care about the clothes or jewelry or anything like that but it feels so empty to think that all I own right now is a simple grey top and pants, a bar of soap and some shampoo. I climb out of bed and head for the bathroom. If we are expected to be at breakfast in 20 minutes, I'll have to hurry. In the bathroom, I take a quick shower being careful not to get my stitches wet as I wash my hair. The stream of water doesn't hold much pressure, which makes it easier to be cautious. The water is also bordering on cold, barely qualifying as being lukewarm. And it's just a shower stall. No bathtub like I have at home. I'd give anything to be at home, in my house, the one I grew up in, where I could soak leisurely in my tub with water that's warm and relaxing. After I get out, I dry off with a towel and dress in the standard outfit. I avoid looking in the small mirror over the sink because I don't want to see the wounds on my face or the stitches in my head again. Just having to see all the scrapes and bruises that cover my arms and legs is enough for me right now. I don't have a ribbon to tie my hair back with so I just leave it down. Maybe I can find a band or clip later today and figure out a way to style my hair that'll conceal the stitches and cover where they had to shave my scalp.

When I come out of the bathroom, I find Gale has made the bed and is waiting patiently for me.

"Feel better now that you got a shower?"

"I guess. A bath would've been better. At home I always prefer to use my bathtub." As soon as I say it, I regret it. You don't have a bathtub because you don't live in the Mayor's house anymore, I scold myself. I assume Gale and I live in the Seam. I should know this.

Gale's face falls a little and he doesn't say anything about my slip up. Just gives me a tiny smile and takes a deep breath. "Ready to go?"

"If you are. Lead the way."

I follow behind him as he leads us down a few hallways and to an elevator. He punches a few buttons on a keypad and we head upwards, the elevator stopping along the way and a few more people getting on before we continue. I keep my face turned towards the floor both out of embarrassment over my wounds as well as nervousness over all these new and unknown surroundings. As I'm looking down, I notice Gale's hand move towards me a bit and then retract and his fists ball up. It seems like he may be wanting to hold onto me but is fighting off the urge. And I'm glad he's resisting because I'm just not ready for that yet.

Once we arrive on the level where the cafeteria is, we follow behind everyone else into a large windowless room lined with tables. Up at the front of the room is a wall with a large window-like cutout where everyone is handed a tray of food. The room is buzzing with activity. People talking amongst other members of their tables and laughing. My stomach rumbles at the smell of food and it's only now that I realize just how hungry I am. Gale and I get in line and wait our turn. While were waiting, I'm lost in thought as I watch all the people of the room when all of a sudden I hear my name cried out and see a small, dark haired girl bounding towards me, frantically waving her hands at me. I take a step back initially, not sure what to do because I don't know who she is or how she knows me. Just seconds before she reaches me though, Gale whispers "It's my little sister Posy. She's your biggest fan."

I nod to him. That makes sense. I knew he had a sister I think but I don't know if I met her. Wait, that's not true. I did meet her. At a viewing with Prim,I think. She was eating strawberries and had sticky hands. The memory seems so foggy but I feel like it should have been just the other day though in reality it was probably almost a year ago. The girl reaches me, throwing her arms around my legs, obviously delighted to see me.

Gale reaches down and swoops her up in his arms. "Hey Pose, how about a hello for your favorite brother too, huh?" He teases her and kisses her forehead. She gives him a toothy smile and a giggle but twists around in his arms and reaches for me, arms wiggling for me to take her. Gale tries to stop her. "Hey Posy, Madge is a little tired still. Maybe she can play with you later, okay?"

"No, it's okay. I'll hold her." I tell him softly as I reach my own arms out and take the little girl from him. It feels strange but she's just a small child. This I should be able to manage. He looks at me and I can't figure out what emotion is in his eyes before the little girl demands my attention.

"I have to tell you something." She says, her face suddenly extremely serious.

"Okay, go ahead."

"I broke your perfume on the floor. I'm sorry." She confesses and her little dark eyes brim with tears that look as if they may pour down her cheeks at any moment. Perfume? She broke my perfume bottle? Well that's no big deal. Not to me anyway. It was just Capitol stuff anyway, nothing I picked out myself. She looks like it's weighing heavily on her though so I do what feels natural and give her light squeeze of a hug along with a smile.

"That's okay. Don't worry about it."

Her eyes get bigger and she lights up. "You're not mad at me?"

"Of course not. I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen all the time."

She turns and gives Gale a big grin. "See, it's okay. You didn't havta be mad at me bout it!"

"I already told you I wasn't mad. But you weren't supposed to be touching Madge's things and you know it."

She turns back to face me and whispers loudly "He yelled at me bout it."

"You yelled at her?" I ask in shock. She's so tiny I can't imagine yelling at her. Especially over something so trivial that must have been an accident.

He sighs and looks annoyed slightly at Posy tattling on him. "Didn't mean to yell. She caught me off guard and I was a little on edge. It was while you were in the games." He explains then adds, "I already apologized to her." And then he shoots Posy a look.

The little girl in my arms looks at my face and reaches up with her petite hand and runs her fingers over my healing cuts. It's makes me self conscious but I try to remind myself that all children tend to be curious and that's all she is. Simply curious. But it also makes me think that everyone is looking at me and becoming curious about what happened to me. Hopefully the scars won't be too bad.

"Is your boo boo getting better?"

"Posy! Leave Madge alone." Gale answers her before I can even get a word out. He seems like he's being very protective of me, not wanting her to bother me. She looks at him, giving him a face that makes me want to laugh. This little girl is quite the spitfire and most definitely related to the Gale Hawthorne that I remember! Watching someone so tiny dish out attitude right back at Gale is pretty amusing I end up having to bite my lip to keep the laughter from slipping out.

"It's okay." I manage to say without laughter. "She's just curious."

"She should have better manners." He mumbles back at me and gives the girl a look of his own. She ignores him and turns her attention back to me.

"My dollies didn't get to move here with us."

"Aww, that's too bad. How many dollies did you have?" I ask her, a little surprised that a Seam child would have the luxury of a doll, much less multiple dolls.

"You know that, silly! I have 3!" She giggles as if I had been teasing when I asked her.

"You gave her your old dolls." Gale leans over to remind me quietly.

"Oh, right, of course." I say and I feel my cheeks blush with embarrassment. If I can't even carry on a conversation with a small child how in the world will I ever manage to fit in with people my age? I see Gale motion to a table and I follow his gaze to see his family sitting with the Everdeens. His brother nods back at him and comes over to us.

"C'mon Posy. Gale and Madge need to get their food and you need to come finish eating your own food." The boy, Rory I assume, tells her as he reaches for Posy.

"I wanna stay with Madge!" She pouts and clings tighter to me. I'm flattered but uncomfortable all at the same time.

"Nuh-uh. Ma already told you that you needed to finish your food, now come on. You can see Madge later." He tells her, refusing to bargain with her.

She starts to pitch a fit and I get more uncomfortable, not knowing if I should step in or even if I did, what I should be saying. Do I tell her it's okay to stay with me or do I encourage her to do as he told her or what? Gale steps in and pulls her from my arms, carries her back to the table and hands her over to their Mother. She has a tantrum the whole way there causing people at other tables to turn and stare at us, only furthering my discomfort. I look down to the floor, focus on my shoe and try to ignore my surroundings. Gale returns looking something of annoyed or frustrated.

"Sorry. She's kinda going through a phase right now and she can pitch a fit with the best of them when she doesn't get her way." He apologizes as he runs his hand through his hair.

I halfway nod in reply and then thankfully, the line moves forward and we're suddenly at the head of the line. This keeps us from having to have conversation as we now collect our food trays. Once we have our trays in hand though, we have to go find seats. I assume he'll want us to sit with his family but I really wish I didn't have too. It isn't that I have a problem with them or anything, I just don't know them and it feels so awkward. Personally, I'd like to go find a table alone. Just me, no one else. Not even him.

"Do you, um, want to sit with my family? We don't have too. I know it might be weird for you right now and all." He asks hesitantly.

"May as well get it over with." I mutter and head towards them. I already made him sleep on the cold, concrete floor all night. The least I can do is allow him to enjoy a meal with his family.

He looks at me and there's such a sadness haunting his eyes that I have to look away. I begin walking towards the table and I know without checking that he'll follow behind me. Come on Madge, you can do this. You can hold up an illusion with the best of them, you've done it for years. Surely you can make small talk over breakfast with a handful of people.

I set my tray down next to Prim and Rory and across from Katniss. At least I know the Everdeens. Well, mostly just Katniss but Prim a little. Gale takes a seat next to me.

"Hi Madge."

"Good morning Prim." I say and give her a smile. I look down at my breakfast tray and see that I have some sort of porridge or oatmeal, a handful of raisins and walnuts and a glass of water. Not exactly the Belgian waffles and whipped cream that Mabel would have made me had I been at home but I feel so hungry that I really don't mind. I try to keep food in my mouth to avoid having to talk but my mere presence at the table seems to have everyone acting funny. Like they don't know what to say anymore than I do. Mostly it's just slightly forced small talk about nothing specific. When breakfast is over, everyone disburses to their assigned places saying hurried goodbyes as they scatter off. I guess I need to head over to the Medical Center. I look over at Gale and Katniss, the only two remaining people, apparently waiting on me.

"I should get going. I'll catch up with you later." I say through one of my illusion smiles. Perhaps if they think I'm happy and doing fine they won't worry about me or look so sad. When they do that, it just makes me feel guilty. I turn and begin heading off without waiting for much of a response and Gale calls out after me.

"Want me to walk you to the Medical Center?"

"No, I'm fine. You have your own places to be." I call back over my shoulder. I avoid making eye contact.

Once I finally find the Medical Center, after a few wrong turns that is, I check in at a desk with a woman who checks for my name on a list only to have to flip several pages before finally locating it apparently and she tells me to have a seat, that someone will be out for me momentarily.

"Mrs. Hawthorne? I'm Dr. Castillion, please come with me." A man with salt and pepper hair and silver wire-rimmed glasses tells me. Hearing my name said like that sounds so foreign. Mrs. Hawthorne? Doesn't even feel right. The it occurs to me why the woman at the desk couldn't locate my name on her list at first. I'd given her the name of Madge Undersee, not Madge Hawthorne. Didn't even occur to me. Geez, I can't even get my own name correct. This is ridiculous. I follow him to a small room which I assume must be his office. There's a file cabinet and desk and two chairs. And not much else. Apparently, in 13, less is more. So far everything I've seen is sparse, dull and cold.

"I wanted to meet with you this morning because I'll be the Doctor overseeing your recovery. I'd like to establish some baselines on you and then we'll meet each week or so to chart your progress."

"So you think I'll make a full recovery? That I could regain my memory?" I ask hopefully. Please say yes, I think in my head, please say yes.

"I don't see anything on your initial intake stats that would indicate this to be permanent. We'll have you meet with therapists who will lead you through activities meant to spark and awaken your memories. If need be, I may prescribe medicines or treatments along the way. Our ultimate goal is for you to have a full recovery."

"Okay, well, where do we start?" I ask eagerly, ready to get going. The sooner I start treatments, the sooner I might have my life back.

(Gale POV)

I can't sleep. All night I listen for her. Listen for the sound of her sleeping, breathing. It's the most amazing thing to have her alive and here with me but at the same time it isn't really her. Not my Madge. This Madge is nervous around me and pulls away if I touch her. My Madge isn't like that. My Madge likes to curl up against my chest and loves me. This Madge definitely doesn't love me and she sure as hell isn't curling up in my arms and resting her face against my chest. I'm not sure if this Madge even likes me. I can tell when she finally falls asleep. Her breathing evens out and that makes me relax a little. I try to think back to when we weren't a couple. Try to think of any interaction we had. It was minimal at best. Occasional passing by with Katniss where I usually made some sort of snarky remark to her if anything. She remembers planning to have a garden but not making it. What happened just before that that might help me to help her remember? Was there anything positive? After much thought, all I can come up with won't help me. The night in the meadow. The one with the infamous ruffled nightgown. That was before the garden was cleared so she probably remembers it but not in the same way that I do. All she'll remember is that I snapped at her for trying to help me, made her cry and caused her to lock herself out of the house. She won't know what I later confessed about that night. She won't know that I was snippy with her because of the dream I was having about kissing her. Won't know that the sight of her in that ruffled nightgown drove me crazy in a good way. Nope, she won't remember any of that. Why did I have to be such an ass to her? If I hadn't been, maybe if I'd even once bothered to be halfway decent to her she'd be just a little more comfortable around me now. It's my own fault.

When the clock tells me it's morning, I finally get up from the floor and head into the bathroom to shower. When I come out, she's awake, sitting up in bed with her knees pulled to her chest, blanket tucked around her. Part of me had hoped she'd wake up and remember me today but one glance at her leery blue eyes tells me it's false hope. In the elevators going to breakfast I have to fight back the urge to wrap my arm around her and pull her to me. It's the most awful of feelings when she pulls away from my touch and that's the only thing giving me the control to fight that urge. It's like having my heartbreak over and over but I can't tell her that, have to try not to show it. At breakfast, things seemed to be going somewhat smoothly as I watched Madge hold Posy. This is good I thought. She's doing good. She's comfortable with Posy just like she always was. But it was short lived. Her lack of memory about the dolls she gave Posy seemed to fluster her and it was only furthered by the scene Posy made with her tantrum. Madge looked so uncomfortable and all I wanted to do was hug her close to me and comfort her. But how do you ease someone's discomfort when you yourself are part of it? And I figured she wouldn't want to sit with my family so I asked her, offering for us to sit alone and her response sent my heart right out of my chest. May as well get it over with. That's what she muttered. Get it over with? The Madge I know, the one I love and desperately miss, would never say that. She loved to spend time with my family, even before she really got to know them, that was something she enjoyed doing. So when I hear her say those words-get it over with-my heart just fell. I was about to tell her we'd sit somewhere else but she marched right over and sat on down with everyone. You could feel the tension during breakfast though. No one quite knew what to say so everything ended up feeling fake and forced. Stiff. And she had her illusion smile plastered across her face the whole time. Even when she left, she flashed it at me and Katniss, leaving saying she didn't want me to walk her to the Medical Center. Of course, she doesn't know that I can tell the difference between a real Madge smile and the illusion Madge smile. She has no idea we've ever talked about the difference. It's brutal having to watch your wife fake being happy. This is so frustrating and I feel like I don't have her back at all. And truthfully, I don't.