Flames of Rejection

We used to be happy. We all used to sit together in the spacious living room enjoying each other's company, my parents never small talked with each other but I could tell they enjoyed each other's company. Sometimes I even remember seeing dad laugh a little…..but that was a long time ago. Most big things start out small, a little incident there, a small disagreement there. One cloudless night a large storm appeared over the island, the thunder and lightning scared me out of my bed and I ran down the hall to my parent's room. As I got closer I heard shouting, at first I thought it was Dad yelling at one of the servants again. As I tip toed closer I heard my mother's voice... shouting too. I just heard parts of the conversation:

"…..Iroh is weak and this nation deserves…"

"….he is your brother. Not only is he….it is...birthright…"

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU INSOLENT WOMEN!...I suggest you learn your place".

I poked my head around the corner to see a dark singe on the blinds and pieces of glass and pottery strewn across the floor. My father's eyes smoldered and flared behind his contorted face. I thought to myself "if dad doesn't like them why should I"

"I don't like him either dad. You would be a better leader than him anyway"

My parents look to the door and stare at me. I can see my father is hiding his satisfaction of my opinion but my mother looked at me with such concern and anger that for a second I wondered if dad was right. Then I shook the feeling away and believed that he was.

"Go back to your room young lady" mother said. "I will speak to you in the morning"

I looked to my dad in complete disregard to my mom to seek his approval and he nodded to me and I skipped down the hallway secure in having dad's good graces. I chose my future like this a little bit each day, not enough to be noticeable at first but eventually my path was set and I could never go back. It got to the point where I would go out of my way to please Father even if it meant disobeying mom. I would taunt Zuko incessantly. I didn't really care about him anyway but I could see dad was amused by it so the more I did it the more I felt accepted by dad.

It was her eyes that I despised, those judgmental eyes that made me cringe yet surge with anger every time she looked at me. Sometimes she wouldn't even say anything to me and she would just shake her head is disappointment her eyes downcast and her gait sad. I pretended like I didn't care but to be shunned by my own mother left a hole in my heart. I tried to fill it with training but even I couldn't train as fast as I was developing. They called me a prodigy, I knew it was true and I loved fathers attention and his praise and lording it over Zuko made it all the better. Even then with all his praise he still ignored me when it did not suit him to acknowledge me. My mother tried to turn me into a young lady but I hated her for what she had done and refused to do anything she said. She eventually let me be and didn't bother me unless it was to punish me for doing something. I wanted her to argue with me, to yell at me, to do something with me but all I got was silence.

The voices. They were my only companion, my only friend, my only way not to be left alone. I know what people say that hearing voices make you crazy but so does being alone. I was numb inside all my soul went to training and perfection. The night that it all came crashing down on me was when I told Zuko that grandfather was sick old and someone would usurp him anyway and dad could take the throne he would be better than uncle. My mom heard it and said:

"Azula not another word"

As I ran down the hallway towards my room I heard her say

"What is wrong that child"

I embraced the voices and they accepted me. They welcomed me….and I welcomed their power.