Kendall's .
The worst part about all of this is the waking up after only a few hours of sleep, and having to get up to cough. The coughing was okay. I was handling it alright but it was the times when the blood would come out with it. Sometimes with the blood coming out with it, I would have to get up and just wait by the toilet or the sink so I could wash the blood away. And in those times, really was the only times I would think about the whole situation. Well whenever Logan brought it up I would think of it too, but seeing the blood actually coming out with my cough was a real eye opener.
I hated having to get up because yes, it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch but I would always wake him up. Between actually coughing, and getting out of bed, I would be surprised if he didn't wake up. With my body completely doubled over, my head in the sink, letting the cool water mist onto my face, I didn't hear him. I heard something like glass hit the counter and when I turned to the side I saw a tall glass of ice cold water. I stood up and turned completely seeing Logan leaning against the door frame in nothing but a pair of black sweats. I wiped my chin fast and put my hand under the water, rinsing it off. He yawned and rubbed his face. "Sorry…" He shook his head and pointed to the glass.
"Drink some water…you might want to take your pills…" He glanced at his watch and nodded. "Just only one though." I nodded and turned back to the sink opening the medicine cabinet. "Before we go back to sleep I want to show you something." I grabbed a white pill bottle and unscrewed it fast. I poured one out onto my hand and tossed into my mouth fast. I grabbed the glass and took a big swig, swallowing hard. It burned like it usually did but I suffered through it. When I put the glass back down it was half empty and I looked to him. He put out his hand and I took it smiling small. He led me out, after I turned out the light, and I followed him out of the dark bedroom. We didn't walk far in the hallway because he stopped right in front of Maggie's room. He gently pushed the door open and I peered over his head, smiling instantly.
Laying in her queen sized bed with the blankets kicked off was Maggie. She was in a pair of reindeer pajama pants and a plain white shirt with fuzzy pink socks. She looked really cute, like when she was a tiny baby. But she wasn't alone. Snuggled into her older sisters side was Sam. She was in a big shirt, covering her whole body, kind of like a dress. I recognized it as one of mine. My heart melted and I squeezed Logan's hand. He turned back to me and smiled. "That's not all." He pushed past me softly and led me a little further down the hall stopping in front of Chris's room. His door was already pushed open all the way and I almost laughed out loud. Chris was on his stomach, just in a pair of black boxers with his little brother laying over top him. Literally. He was draped over his brothers broad body also only in a pair of boxers. His mouth was hanging open, and a little drool was falling onto his brothers bare back. Logan turned back to me and chuckled quietly. "Remember when the two older ones use to do that to us?" I nodded and he walked into me, yawning, and laid his head on my chest. I set my chin on his head and sighed quietly. "Penny for your thoughts?" I closed my eyes and shook my head. "So…let's go to bed?" It was a question that made me think he would have done something else, but I ignored it because I was sore, and felt another cough come up. I lead us back down the hallway into our room and let go of his hand walking to my side of the bed. My chest was hurting again. I was feeling weak again, because of using all my energy to cough up earlier. When I laid down I kept the blankets off and squeezed my eyes shut hearing a wheeze come out. "We don't have to go out tomorrow…or well today." I opened my eyes and squeezed my hands tight.
"We promised the kids black Friday shopping."
"Kendall…" I turned my head fast to see him pulling the blankets up under his chest, laying on his side. He was staring at me and as best as I could I turned to him.
"I just need to sleep. When I wake up I'll take my other pill and be ready to go. I'll be okay Loges."
"Kendall you need to rest as much as you can." I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw tight. "I know the kids will understand. Besides, it's sowing like crazy out there. I don't want…"
"Logan." He went quiet and I re opened my eyes. He was looking at me, worried and with hurt eyes. "If I wasn't up to doing it, I would tell you."
"Would you?" I raised my eyebrows and he shook his head softly. "You've been stubborn since the day you were born. If you rest it's because someone is making you." I rolled my eyes and scooted closer to him. I put my face in his neck and one of his hands moved up to my head and ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and put one of my arms around his waist, to pull myself closer to him. I pressed our bodies together and he lightly kissed my forehead. "I know the kids will understand. And maybe we could have a family day with the snow falling outside, the fire blazing, and watch a bunch of Christmas movies. It will be a fun day." I sighed softly and felt another cough coming up. I went to pull away but he held me close to him. "Don't even try to fight me on this Mr. Man." I closed my eyes quick and felt eh cough rip up from my chest and out of my mouth. Along with what I assumed to be blood. I was let go of fast and I sat up quick, covering my mouth and coughing into my closed fist. I coughed a few more times, feeling more blood coming out and a few tears coming out of my eyes. When I knew the coughing wasn't going to continue I looked back so embarrassed and disgusted with myself. Logan slowly pushed himself up and moved to get out of the bed.
"Logan…I'm so sorry…" He shook his head and walked quick to the bathroom. I let out a small sob and also got out of the bed. I walked slowly into the bathroom to see him splashing water on his face. He gently rubbed his face and neck for a minute or so before standing up and grabbing a wash cloth to dry himself. We locked eyes through the mirror and he turned quick. I could see the blood on my chin and slowly moving down over my neck. He moved forward quick and wiped over my face with the towel. I closed my eyes and let another sob out.
"Shh…it's okay. It's alright Ken…" I felt my head shake as he gently dapped at my chin and neck. "Kendall step forward for a second…" I was tugged gently and I opened my eyes slowly. He turned around and put the wash cloth under the water. His skin was clear of blood and I swallowed a sob, feeling the burn rip down my throat. He turned back to me and continued wiping up my face. He tried getting me to look at him but I looked over his head and shook, softly. I was feeling so weak I couldn't even bring my arms up to wipe my face. "Baby…you need to calm down. Just breathe in and out softly and slowly." His free hand rubbed over my chest, soothingly and in a loving way. I dared to glance down at him and he looked up to my face quick. He stopped moving and put his hand down holding the cloth. "You feeling okay?" I shook my head as best as I could and he tossed the cloth back quick and put his hand son my slim and pathetic waist. I breathed in hard and almost couldn't breathe back out. Just walking the short distance from the bathroom to the bed, was so painful and excruciating I almost didn't make it. He set me on the edge of the bed and sighed quietly. I looked up at him and he frowned, biting his bottom lip. "Here…just…just lay down. I'll take care of the sheets as best I could…" I didn't hear the rest of his sentence because I laid down on my pillow fast and fell asleep hard.
I woke up shivering and wheezing. Again with the wheezing. It was so God damn frustrating…I wanted nothing more than to have my lungs removed and just end the torture. But when I opened my eyes and got up to rub my chest and groan, I stopped. I slowly pushed up and couldn't help the smile on my face. Form down stairs I heard soft music playing along with the singing of my 5 favorite people. I sat up the rest of the way ad stood up on wobbly legs. I looked down and realized I was in a pair of grey sweats tied around my waist, and a plain white shirt. I looked back down at the bed and saw there was no sheet on the bed. Underneath where I was lying, there was a soft and warm blanket. I had no idea why the sheet was off and only a blanket on my side. I also was completely aware that I had no blankets over top of me before I woke up. I shrugged it off and headed to the closet. I peeled off my shirt and glanced at my reflection in the mirror at the back of the closet. I was skinny, that was obvious, but I was also a lot paler then I remember. I again shrugged the thought off and grabbed a random sweater hanging up. I pulled it on and slipped on a pair of fuzzy warm slippers.
When I walked down the stairs I stopped on the second to last one. Christmas music filled the living room. Dancing around, and cleaning the furniture in the living room where my two sweet girls. They were singing softly to themselves and wearing smiles as big as the house. I stepped off the last step and cleared my throat loud enough to get their attention. Maggie turned fast and smiled even bigger. "Daddy!" She put her rag down and walked to me quick. She stepped to me and hugged me tight. "How are you feeling dad?"
"Uhm…fine. A little confused. What's…what's going on?" She pulled away and smiled grabbing my hand and leading me through the living room. Samantha quickly walked to my other side and grabbed my hand jumping slightly. I chuckled and let them pull me into the kitchen but we didn't stop. Even though the kitchen smelt like Christmas and bacon, and I was craving the bacon. They walked me into the laundry room and I saw the garage door open. Maggie let go of my hand and walked in before me.
"Poppa? Daddy's awake." I followed in, after picking up Samantha and setting her on my hip. I stepped into the garage grateful for my slippers. The door was open letting the wind and snow come in, making it about 20 degrees cooler then it usually is. Logan was staring at me, while holding a ladder. I glanced up and saw Chris was on the ladder looking in the attic.
"Hey honey…how do you feel?" I smiled and walked around the front of my car and towards him still holding Sam. "You look peaky." I only smiled and looked up to see Chris in a sweater and gloves and hat, searching for, I have no idea what.
"What are you guys doing?" Logan sighed and I glanced down to him.
"Well…I don't remember where we put the tree." I snorted loudly and put my head back laughing. "What?" I shook my head and reached up, gently hitting the back of Chris's leg.
"Get down Chris…the tree isn't up there." I looked down to Logan and he gave me a weird look. "Loges we had a real tree last year. Remember we went out into the woods and stayed in that cabin because of the storm…" Logan slapped his forehead and Chris hopped down off the ladder. "We should go get a new one, a fake one today so we can put it up." He opened his mouth to say something about our talk last night, and I sighed. "Don't' start…" I looked to Chris and handed Sam over to him, growing weak. "Can you search online, and see if there is any sales on trees today? Maybe over 7 feet?" He smiled and nodded but turned to Maggie. They gave each other weird looks, and Maggie quickly took Sam from him. I frowned and Chris turned to me and Logan.
"I need to talk to you guys about something." I perked up and leaned against the car crossing my arms over my chest.
"Joey go inside with your sisters and get dressed to go out!" Logan yelled out into the snow and a few seconds later, Joey ran in, covered in snow. He was smiling though and ran past us, following after his sisters. "And hang up your coat…he didn't hear me." I smiled and pulled Logan into me, letting him lay his head on my chest. "What's up buddy?" I rubbed Logan's arm gently and Chris sighed sticking his hands in his pockets.
"I didn't get my scholarship to Notre Dame." I went still and Logan stood up straight. "It's okay…I don't care. I can go to school here and play football MSU."
"Chris…" He shrugged and I felt really bad. He wanted to play for the fighting Irish since he was a little baby. He's wanted to be a quarterback since we watched our first football game together. I loved that he found a passion and I loved that he worked so hard for it. Just to see it slip form his hands. Much like how my life was…