Kendall's P.O.V.
Sometimes just sitting with your two best friends can be the best therapy you need. I love my family. I love my husband but since finding out my cancer is spreading, it hasn't been easy being in the same room as him. And it sucks even more being around my kids, who don't realize how serious it has gotten. Chris and Maggie might realize but they aren't saying anything, which I guess I can be grateful for. But being around Logan now is the absolute worst.
James and Carlos don't really ask about the cancer. They know it's there and they now know it's gotten worse but they don't bring it up. Probably because they don't want to upset me or just don't want to think about one of their closest friends dying. I don't care either way. "Look at her tits!" I glanced up at the screen and smiled small. Carlos always had something perverted or disturbing to show us when we hung out. I don't know why we continued to go over to his house to hang out. James sighed, irritated next to me and I turned to him. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and brought his phone closer up to his face. "You guys aren't watching…this is the best part."
"Carlos your dumbass movie doesn't have anything good about it. First of all it's just tits and ass, and a bunch of gore. Second, you're showing it to your two best friends who happen to be gay, and have a good taste in cinema." I chuckled and Carlos slouched in his seat frowning and crossing his arms over his chest. "Aha. I knew they had it up." James pushed his phone in my face and I took it sighing and scanning over the screen. I saw a picture of myself and the headline that read "pop star dying with terminal cancer". I frowned and tossed his phone back on his lap. "I think you need to the papers and straightened them out. If the kids saw this, especially Sammy and Joey…"
"It wouldn't matter. Logan is acting like I've already died. If he doesn't blurt it out to them I'd be surprised." I turned my attention up the screen, making both of them go silent. I never really voice my thoughts about my marriage or what's happening in it to these two but I couldn't help it. It just slipped out. And that wasn't all. "You know the last time Logan told me anything positive or did anything nice for himself, was just before I was diagnosed. I mean why can't he just see anything good? Why does it all have to be bad and sad? Because that attitude doesn't help me feel any better. I thought this was a relationship that I could trust him and in return give him love and attention and whatever he wants. Why can't he make the most of what's happening in our life right now so that when I do die he can…"
"Kendall!" I was shoved lightly by Carlos who jumped up and paused the movie on the screen. He looked down to me, obviously upset. I swallowed hard and he poured out his bottom lip. "You're not going to die! Stop complaining about what Logan is doing if all you're doing is the same thing! I can't take you and Logan complaining about this!" He stopped in front of me and tossed his hands up groaning. "As soon as you get this taken care of, were going out on the ass so I can beat the fuck out of you." I smiled small watching him sit back down hard. I turned hearing James snickering next to me and laughed out loud with him.
We watched the rest of Carlos's stupid gore porno and even stayed to have dinner with his wife and kids. He met his wife just at the height of out fame and has been inseparable since. They married a year before Logan and I and they night after our wedding, they had their first child, Benjamin. After that they only had one more, Christina because she couldn't have anymore, but it never made them sad. Carlos frequently says those three are the best things to ever happen to him and that he's never been happier, which made me happy for him.
During dinner, James stayed relatively quiet, keeping to himself and it made me a little sad. Here I was with a husband and four kids, and yet I was complaining about my pathetic life, while he had no one. Except his friends, which was really, only me Logan and Carlos. It's not that he never wanted to get married and have a big family, it just never happened. He says it's because of how he was as a kid and teenager. He slept through women and men like it was going out of style. Never once did he try to have a real relationship. So now, he's "paying the price". This is his karma. He can't keep a guy to stay with him for any relationship because the "planets" won't allow it. He got into some weird spiritual stuff as well, but I don't like to dwell on that.
By the time I left Carlos's house with James it was almost 10 at night. He dropped me off in front of my dark and empty looking house. Before I got out, he gave me a big hug saying he was going to continue to pray for me, and if I needed anything, or if my kids did to just call. I smiled and gave him a kiss to the cheek before getting out and walking up to the house. I fumbled with my keys in the dark until ii found the right one, and pushed the door open.
The only light on in the house was coming from the Christmas tree in the living room. Usually we turned those off, to save energy, so if it was still on, it meant someone was awake. I walked slowly into the living room and smiled seeing a sleeping person on the couch. As I got closer my smile turned to a frown seeing an empty bottle of wine on the ground, knocked over. I looked to the couch and sighed softly seeing Logan, fast asleep his mouth slightly open, drool coming out. I bent down carefully and put a cold hand on the side of his face. He jerked fast and sat up even faster. I watched him look around, confused and worried. When his eyes fell on me, he breathed out hard and wiped the corner of his mouth. "What time is it?"
"A little past ten." He nodded and scratched his head. "Enjoy your wine?" He turned to me, clearly offended and I stood up, grabbing the empty bottle with me. I unzipped my jacket and walked in the kitchen turning on the light. I walked right to the garbage can and tossed the bottle in it. I stopped short seeing the kitchen a mess and shook my head walking to the sink and taking off my jacket, tossing it on the counter.
"You were gone for a long time." I only nodded turning the water on in the sink hearing him walking up behind me. "How are they?"
"Fine." I really hoped my voice came out icy and bitter because I meant for it to. Rather than sit with our kids and try to give them a normal childhood, he drank himself to sleep.
"Do you have a problem with me having some wine?" I laughed and shook my head washing the bottom of a pan. "Okay…fine Kendall. I'm just going to go to bed. Be an asshole all you want." I turned fast seeing him in fact walk out. Or rather, stumble out still drunk. I rolled my eyes and went back to work on the dishes, thinking to myself.
With the kitchen clean and the house locked up, I shut off all the lights and made my way up stairs. All the kids doors were closed, except for Chris's. His light was on still and I smiled seeing him passed out on his bed with his laptop almost falling to the floor. I walked in, gently grabbing it, and closing it. I walked over to his desk and set it on the wood softly. As I reached for the light switch something caught my eye. A piece of paper that had Norte Dame at the top. I picked It up carefully not to wake him and squinted reading it.
"Congratulations…we would like to welcome you to the fighting Irish family…" I read the whole thing, realizing that he did get his scholarship. He got his football scholarship to play football in college. He lied to us.
"Dad?" I turned quick, feeling disappointed and watched him stand up quick.
"What the hell is this?" He stepped forward and his mouth dropped open seeing the note in my hand. "Why did you lie to us? You have a scholarship to play for Notre Dame Chris!"
"I don't…I don't want to dad."
"What do you mean? You've wanted to play since you were two!" I didn't mean to raise my voice but I was completely astonished. Chris never stepped a toe out of line, and now he was throwing away his future and lying to us. This wasn't like him.
"I…" He paused and shrugged his shoulders looking at the ground.
"What's going on Chris?" He looked back up at me and sighed out hard.
"I didn't want to go because you're sick." I felt my posture fall slightly as he stepped back and sat on his bed. He put his gaze to the ground and I carefully sat down in his desk chair. "I thought you and pop would need me here, helping with Sammy and Joey and Mags…I didn't want to leave you guys. Not right now. Especially now." He turned up to me and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry I lied. I just know how pop would have taken this. He would have…forced me go…"
"No…" I shook my head and sat back feeling like an awful father. I mean because…I was. "Chris you don't have to do anything like that. Were going to be okay. You don't need to put your life on hold just for us. I know…I know that's what family does but your future is and should be the most important thing right now."
"Dad…"
"Christopher you are going to college next fall and we will be fine here." He sat back and I folded the letter back up and stood up, still holding it. "Get some sleep. I'm going to need help tomorrow taking your brother and sisters shopping." He only nodded as I walked by and out of his room, shutting the door softly. I walked quickly down the hall to my own bedroom and shut the door kind of hard. Logan was nowhere to be found, but when he heard the door shut he appeared from the closet. He was only in a pair of boxers but was in the process of pulling a shirt on.
"Are you trying to wake the kids?" I walked to him quick and shoved the note into his chest. He gave me a dirty look but opened it up, sighing. I didn't stay to watch his reaction. I walked to my side of the bed and kicked off my shoes and peeled off my shirt. "He got in…he got the scholarship...why did he lie to us?"
"Because he thought he needed to stay here and look after you and me and the kids. He though he need to step in our shoes and take over taking care of this family. And now that I'm worse, he's even more convinced." I took off my belt and let my pants fall off my waist and legs. I sat down hard and laid back in the bed, pulling the blankets up over my body. I laid flat on my back and closed my eyes sighing out hard. For almost a minute I didn't hear anything form him, and when I opened my eyes, and turned my head to look at him. He was staring quietly at the note still, in complete disbelief. There was a part of me that wanted to get up, hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay. Another part was saying to go talk to Chris and tell him he should do whatever he wanted, or what he thought would be right. But I was turning into a very selfish man who was going to start thinking of himself. Everyone else in this house (mostly Logan) so doing it, so why shouldn't I?