Chapter 18

(Madge POV)

I'm glad he doesn't follow me this time. I don't want to be around him right now and I don't want to fight either. I just want to think all this over in my head and decide how I feel about it all. I'm wiping tears from my eyes as I round the corner and smack right into Rory.

"Madge? What's wrong?" He asks immediately concerned at the sight of my tearstained face.

I just shake my head. "I'm okay."

"You don't look okay. Want me to go find Gale for you?"

"No. I just need to be alone right now. Need to think some stuff over. But I'm fine, really."

"You and Gale had a fight, huh?" He says, giving me a knowing look.

I just look at him, tears pouring down my cheeks again.

"Come on, let's go talk somewhere. I promise I'm a really good listener."

I recall what Gale had said yesterday about how Rory and I had been very close friends back home and I decide that maybe talking to a friend is just what I need. Maybe just talking it through will give me a little clarity. I look to Rory and nod. He gives me a half smile and leads me towards his house.

"Is your family home?" I ask cautiously. I don't want to discuss this with everyone listening. Just Rory.

"Nah. Ma's at work and Vick and Posy are still in school. The lower grades had some kind of activity after classes today. Nobody will hear us talk."

"Okay."

Once there, we sit down and he just looks at me for a minute. I don't know where to even start. "Did you know that right after we all came here, that President Snow had viewings all over Panem? With my father pleading for me to turn myself in?"

The shock on his face lets me know right away that he wasn't aware of it. "No, I didn't know."

"Me either. But Gale did and he didn't tell me about it. My father sent a personal plea to me, broadcast over the entire country and Gale didn't tell me. Him and Katniss both knew about it this whole time."

"Did he say why he hadn't told you?" Rory asks calmly. Not taking sides, not judging. Just listening.

"He said I was too fragile. That I seemed so overwhelmed with everything as it was that he was sure it would be too much for me to handle."

"What do you think about it? Would it have been too much for you?"

I stop and think about this. My instinct was to be angry that Gale withheld something from me. I hadn't really stopped and done what Rory just asked. I hadn't stopped to think if it really would have been too much for me to handle or not. I close my eyes and try to picture how my first days and weeks were here in 13. It was true that I'd been overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Everything was foreign to me and scary almost. I'd woken up in an unfamiliar place, found out I was married to Gale, who at the time I didn't know, discovered my father had poisoned my mother, that all my family was locked away in the Capitol, and that I'd been sent into the games as a cruel twist of a marital contract. It had been a massive amount to take in. And it had felt unbearable. Suffocating even.

"I'm just…I feel so betrayed that all this time he knew about it."

"Madge, I can't even imagine what it's like to go through all you've had to deal with since you woke up here but I do know that Gale is crazy about you. He would never do anything to hurt you. Ever. So if he decided that something might be too much for you, then it was probably coming from a place of good intentions."

"That doesn't make me feel any less foolish."

"That's just because you're looking at it all wrong. Don't feel foolish, feel loved. He loves you so much that he wanted to protect you from any further heartache since you were already trying to make sense of so much. He made the decision to not tell you about the video because he loves you."

His words ring through my ears making more sense than anything I was personally thinking. He's so very right. He's so right. I'm just looking at it wrong is all. "Rory, you are wise beyond your years, you know that? Thanks for the perspective." I tell him, giving him my most grateful smile. And then the smile doesn't feel grateful enough so I lean forward and give him a hug.

"Ehh, it was nothing. Like I said, I'm a good listener. Anytime you wanna talk, feel free to come find me." He says with a shrug as if it were nothing.

"No, really, thank you. Gale told me that you and I used to be really close. It's nice knowing that we're friends."

"Not just friends, family." He says with a smile. "Now go find Gale and smooth this all out. He's probably stressing like crazy."

"I will, thanks again!" I call out over my shoulder as I head out the door, ready to go straighten this out with Gale. I need to apologize for getting upset, for overreacting.

(Gale POV)

It was hard not to follow her. I know she's upset with me and that's fine, but I just wish I could get her to see that I wasn't trying to withhold information or keep secrets from her. I just didn't want her to have to know about the video from her father. For starters, there was nothing she could do about it anyways. Secondly, it was all Snow speaking. Her father wasn't really calling out for her. Snow was. And I'll be damned if I ever let him get his hands on her again. Thirdly, it would have just been one more difficult thing for her to have to deal with and her plate was full enough as it was. I didn't want it to be a tipping point that would take her under completely. And more than anything, most importantly, I'd really thought I was making the right decision. And I did it out of love. My motives had been completely pure. But how in the world do I get her to see that now? The look in her eyes was the most brutal part of it all. She'd looked so betrayed.

I didn't follow her because I didn't want her to be even more upset. If she needs a little space, I can give her that. For a couple hours or so. I hope that's all she needs. I hope she won't pull away for longer. It'll kill me. It really will. Especially after we've made so much progress in getting back to us. I just got her love back, I can't lose it now. Not again. Not ever.

I decide it would be a good time for me to go check on Katniss. When I'm done seeing her, I can go look for Madge and try again to explain and apologize. Down in the Medical Center, it's much calmer than it was before. No hallways full of waiting refugees from 12. The worker at the front desk lets me know what room I can find Katniss in and I make my way down the long hallways, looking for her room number. When I find it, the door is closed and I peek through the little window on it to be sure it's okay for me to visit. She's laying in bed, leg hanging up in some sort of device. She looks miserable.

I knock as I open the door. "Feel like some company?"

She shoots me a glare but it's a teasing one and I know it well enough. I enter and take a sit in the chair by her bed.

"Looks like you survived the mission a little better than I did."

"Yeah but I almost didn't if that makes you feel any better. My hovercraft was literally taking off as I got there with my last group. If we'd been even five seconds slower, we would have been stuck out there."

"Geez Gale. Why'd you cut it so close?"

"Didn't intend too. It was crazy. I managed three runs though. Two in town, one for the Seam."

"You did a Seam run?"

"Yeah, my last one. They didn't have enough people in town. Sent me and Wyck to Seam to help out since there were so many there."

"I did four runs. The first three were smooth but that last one, well, this is what I have to show for it." She grumbles as she gestures to her leg.

"What's the prognosis? You gonna be on your feet again anytime soon?"

"I wish. I'm down for at least six to eight weeks. Then I get to do some super fun physical therapy for another six weeks after that. And that's assuming everything heals as planned. If not, I may be looking at more surgeries."

"Sheesh. Rough prognosis. What are you gonna do for six to eight weeks?"

"Probably lose my mind." She jokes sarcastically. "But really, I'll still be working with the Defense Department. Just no missions anytime soon. And a lot more sitting down."

"Hey, did you know that there was more than just the one video of Madge's father played over Panem?"

She looks surprised for a second before answering. "Yeah…I did. Who told you though? It's supposed to be classified."

"Oh, Thom shared it with Madge and I at lunch. Everyone from 12 saw it firsthand-it isn't classified anymore."

"Oh. Didn't think about that yet. So Madge knows now too, huh?"

"Yeah, she knows. And she's not happy that we kept it from her. She's actually not even talking to me right now."

"It wasn't like she could have done anything about it even if we'd told her. She'll get over it." Katniss shrugs as if it issn't a big deal. And really, I guess to her it isn't.

"You should've seen her face. She looked so betrayed. And the worst part is that just last night, she finally told me that she loves me again and now, just hours later, she isn't even speaking to me."

"She loves you again, huh? I'll never be able to wrap my head around that. Gale Hawthorne and Madge Undersee. That's just not something I ever expected to come home too. But for what it's worth, I've never seen two people look so right together as you two do. She'll get over this Gale, she will."

"Thanks. What's the deal with you and Mellark these days?"

I get another teasing glare from her before she really answers. "I don't know. I find myself wanting to be with him and then other times it just seems impossible. Thankfully, he's a very patient person."

"You should just go for it already. Being in love, it's the most incredible feeling I've ever had. You'd probably like it if you'd just let yourself be with him already. I can tell you like him. It's so obvious."

"Yeah, maybe so." She sighs and I can tell this is as far as she'll be letting the conversation go. She's not one to talk about her feelings and it isn't like us to do so. I only asked because it's rare to get her like this. Rare for her and I to spend much time alone. Back before her games, we were always together. It won't ever be like it was before. We're both too different people now. But it is nice to have this friendship, even if it's different than it once was.

"The videos of Madge's father, were they pretty much all the same?"

"No. They got progressively worse as it went along. Each one had him looking just a little more crazed than the one before. Between you and I, I think he's taken the brunt of the fallout from our disappearance."

"Can't we do anything about it? Can't we rescue him somehow?"

"A rescue mission? Out of a Capitol Prison?" She asks pointedly with raised eyebrows.

"It could work. If we had enough insiders to help."

"It would never work." She says shaking her head.

"I just wish there was something we could do. For Madge's sake."

"Wishes and dreams my friend, wishes and dreams."

"Tell me about it."

We sit in silence for a few minutes as we both think about how much we wish things were different. How we wish Snow was around. How we wish there were no games. It would be so much better for every single person that way. But she's right. Nothing but wishes and dreams. No way will we ever have a completely free Panem.

"I'm gonna go try to talk to Madge again. I'll come by and see you again tomorrow if I can."

"Thanks. I have a feeling I'll be going a little stir crazy by then. Probably would appreciate the company."

I leave and try to figure out where to begin looking for Madge. And also what it is I can say to make her understand. I go by our place but find it empty and seemingly untouched. She doesn't appear to have been here. Where else would she go if she wanted to think or be alone? Not to my family's house. No way to be alone there. I was just in the Medical Center and I didn't see her there so I know she hasn't gone to talk to her therapist or anything. The agriculture center? To sit on the benches by the trees? Maybe. I head that way and just as I enter the area with the trees, I see her. She's here. Not sitting though, walking this way though she hasn't spotted me yet. I pause and wait so she can see me. I hope whatever look crosses her face will give me a clue as to where I might stand with her right now.

"Gale! There you are!" She exclaims as soon as her eyes spot me. She quickens her pace, heading towards me. Good, I think to myself. This is good. It means I have a chance to make this better.

"Hey, I was looking for you. Feel like talking?" I ask as she reaches me.

"I was just looking for you too. Been all over the place."

"I was in the Medical Center, checking on Katniss." I explain.

"Oh. I hadn't looked there yet. Anyway, I do want to talk to you though." She says, biting her bottom lip a little. Like she's nervous or something.

"Come on, let's go home. It'll be more private there."

As we walk, we are both silent and then I feel her small hand slip into mine. Even better I think. She's not angry anymore, that's for sure. Relief floods through me. We might just be okay.

Back in the privacy of our own place, she sits on the bed, patting the spot next to her for me to sit too. I do.

"Listen Madge, I really want…" I begin before she holds up her hand to cut me off.

"Wait Gale. I just need you to listen for a minute, okay?" She says softly, not angrily at all.

I nod and wait.

"I want to apologize to you for how I reacted to finding out about the videos. I'm sorry. And I want you to know that I was wrong for being angry with you. I wasn't looking at the situation in the right way. My instinct, however wrong, was to feel as if you'd done something behind my back but really all you were doing was trying to love me. I realize that now."

"I promise I didn't keep it from you for any reason other than I didn't want it to hurt you more than everything already had. I promise."

"I know that. I do. And while I still wish you would have told me about it, I do understand why you didn't."

"And I only knew about the one video clip. I never knew it kept going. You'd been having such a hard time with everything that when they asked me if I thought you should see it, I told them no, not yet. I'm sorry that I made the wrong decision. I really am."

"Gale, stop. It's okay. I just overreacted. I don't blame you. I know you made the decision for what you thought was best at the time."

"So we're okay? Us?" I ask her, just to make sure. Just to hear her say that we are.

"As long as you can forgive me for how I acted earlier." She says, her face both apologetic and hopeful.

"Guess that makes us both forgiven then." I say with a smile. It feels so wonderful knowing that everything is okay between us again. It may have been a small tiff but she's just so precious, so important to me that any problem will always feel huge.

"Guess so." She grins back and then I can't help but pull her to me, kissing her as we fall backward onto the bed. She's laying over me, kissing me in a way that stirs my desires for her. I run my hands downward over her back and onto the curve of her hips. Her mouth moves over my cheek and down over my jaw, onto my neck. A quiet moan escapes my throat and I feel her hands snake underneath my shirt, hands running over my stomach. I pull at her shirt, peeling it away from her, her skin smooth beneath my hands. Just seeing her, hovering above me, nearly takes my breath away.

"You are so exquisite, so beautiful." I tell her, staring at her with nothing but want. She smiles and her cheeks blush. I love how she blushes in moments like this.

When her lips move against mine again, I feel her hands lingering at the waistband of my pants. Her fingertips running lightly underneath it. Teasingly so. The craving I have for her intensifies and I have to have her. I roll us over and pull my shirt off. Her hands working to unfasten the button of my pants and I shove them off. I slide downwards as I kiss her face, then her neck and down over her chest. Her fingers knot in my hair and she gasps as my mouth reaches just beneath her navel. My tongue trails teasing kisses over her stomach. When she arches her back and utters my name in a breathy voice, I move back up to kiss her, running my hands up her thighs. She says it again, "Gale" all breathless and wanting, making me lose all control and give myself over, desperately needing her.