Chapter 19
(Madge POV)
"If this is what happens after we have a fight, I think I might have to become more disagreeable going forward." I tease as I lay, sprawled across our bed, tangled in Gale's arms and the blankets.
He laughs softly in my ear and runs his fingers over my arm, slowly up and down.
"What you think I'm joking? Because I'm so serious right now." I continue to tease. I hadn't expected that making up would be so…so inconceivably wonderful. I was literally floating on happiness right now.
"We don't have to fight to do this you know." He says as I feel his lips press gently to the top of my head. I can still hear the laughter in his voice and I know he loves this every bit as much as I do.
"Was it always like this?"
"What do you mean exactly?" He asks laughing out loud again.
"This perfectly wonderful. Being together. The two of us."
"Always. Everything with you has been that way. Even when other things we were dealing with were bad or stressful, everything with you has always been so perfect."
I sigh happily at his words and close my eyes. I try to imagine what we were like back in 12. I hate that I can't remember but I'm so glad that he patiently waited while I my heart found his all over again. It was like it was meant to be, the two of us, falling in love.
"Hey, how's Katniss feeling? I didn't ask you." I ask him, realizing.
"She's not super happy about being layed up in bed. And she's down for 6-8 weeks, maybe longer. And she won't be helping on any missions anytime soon."
"Oh that's awful! 6-8 weeks? It must have been pretty bad."
"Yeah, she's pretty lucky to have made it back to the hovercraft like that."
"What was it like? Was it scary being out there?" I ask. We never really talked about his mission after he'd returned.
"Yes and no. It was really good to be outside and breathe in fresh air and smell the outdoors, the trees and dirt, you know? But knowing what we were doing, how dangerous it would be if we got caught, that was more than a little bit scary."
"Did you have any problems, like Katniss did?"
"Sort of. I was assigned to town runs at first since I was more familiar with the woods in that area. Because of that, I had smaller groups to work with than she did. That was a good thing, it made it easier to keep everyone together as a group. The hard part was that they were all from town and not really understanding the urgency of the mission. It was hard to get them to move as swiftly as I needed them too. But I still managed to get two groups of town people back to the craft."
"Only two groups from town?"
"Yeah, not enough people there who they were able to get to me. Seam was going nuts so they sent me there for the final run. It was a madhouse. People everywhere, trying to escape, trying to get through the fence. I managed to get one good, fast moving group from there before we came back here. It was close though. Too close for comfort."
"What do you mean close? Like they would just abandon you out there?" I ask in horror as I sit up.
"Well, not abandon but they would have to leave without me if need be. Our time span for the rescue was tight and if I'd been much slower at all, they wouldn't have been able to wait for me. I would have had to stay out there until they could manage to come for me again when it was safer."
"And when would that have been?"
"Who knows? Maybe a couple hours. Maybe days. It depended on the Capitol really. How long it would be before we could slip past them."
"Gale, I had no idea that they might have to leave you out there!" I tell him as horrible thoughts fill my mind as I picture what could have happened.
He sits up too, hugging me to him and kissing my forehead. "It's fine. I'm here and I'm just fine. No need to let yourself get all worked up over what could have happened."
I'm quiet in his arms for a moment before I ask my next question. "Do you think you'll have to help on anymore missions? Now that Katniss is injured, I mean?"
"I don't have to do anything. If you aren't comfortable with me doing missions, I won't do them. But nobody's asked me to help out on anymore anyways. I only got asked this time because I knew the woods outside of 12 so well. I'm sure I'll be back washing dishes tomorrow."
"I am glad that you were able to save so many people. I hate thinking about 12 being destroyed."
"I know. I'm thankful for those we were able to rescue but we left so many behind." He says quietly and I hear him take a deep breath in. I can tell he's remembering being there and having to run away with helpless people still behind.
"You can only do so much. You're just one person."
"I know that. I just…I wish things could be different. Wish that Snow wasn't in charge. Like if all of Panem could be free? No games, no Capitol, no Snow? It would be so much better I think."
"Gale, what do you think is happening to my father? I know you said the videos weren't really him speaking to me but rather President Snow sending me a message through him. Do you think they're hurting him Gale?"
"I think anyone in a Capitol prison is in bad shape. I don't think it's good for any of them."
"But specifically about my father, do you think my disappearance is making it worse for him?"
"Madge, if there was anything at all I could do, I would. I really would. But you have to just try and remind yourself that your father knows you're safe. He's happy that you escaped, that they can't get their hands on you ever again. Try to think about that instead of the rest of it." He tells me softly, obviously avoiding giving me a direct answer to my question. In a way, it's still an answer though. It means that yes, in fact things are worse for my father because I vanished from the arena. That he's being tortured because of my absence.
"I wonder about my mother and about Mabel. If anything's happened to them? And what about Peeta's family? It's so terrible not knowing if they're all okay."
"They probably aren't bothering your mother. She was so sick it wouldn't do them much good, you know? And as for Mabel, well, all I can say is she's a lot tougher than she looks. She's Seam and Seam people are tough. As for the Mellarks, I don't know."
"Did they tell you how they would do it? How the Capitol planned to destroy 12?"
"No, and I didn't ask. It's easier not to think too much about the things you can't help. The things you can't change."
"Yeah, I could see how it would be."
We lay quiet in each others arms for awhile, both lost in thought about 12 and the Capitol and the misery of everything.
"We're two really lucky people, you know that?" He says to me.
"The luckiest." I agree. And I mean it. We're the luckiest people I know. We have each other and we're safe in 13 where the Capitol can never hurt us again. Lucky is barely good enough to describe it really. But in the back of my mind, it's hard not to notice the guilt I feel for all of it. The guilt that will probably always linger for everyone not so lucky as we were.
(Gale POV)
I'm in the back of the kitchen, just getting started on the dishes when my supervisor comes in and stops me.
"Hawthorne, you've been reassigned. You can take this slip down to the Defense Department."
"Right now?" I ask as I take the slip of paper from her hands. I'm glad to not be washing dishes but I wasn't expecting to be reassigned to Defense.
"Yes. They're expecting you." She says as she steps in to take my place at the sink.
I head on downstairs to Defense and find Haymitch waiting for me at the front desk. He waves me back to follow him and in his office we sit down. I don't have to get temporary clearance to come back or anything like I usually do.
"So what's going on? Why am I working down here now?"
"Well Kiddo, it's like this, Katniss is outta commission and without her, my team is down a person. She suggested I bring you on board and in truth I'd rather work with you than some nitwit they might rustle up for me here otherwise."
"Is it temporary? Until Katniss comes back?"
"Nah, it'll likely be permanent. Why? That gonna be a problem for you?"
"I uh, I just need to talk this all over with Madge. I don't know how she'll feel about all this. Would I have to leave and go on missions?"
"So the princess wears the pants, huh?" He chuckles.
"If that's the way you wanna call it, fine. Doesn't insult me one bit. She's pretty much my everything and I won't leave her behind again if she doesn't want me to." I shrug, not letting him get to me. And I mean every word of it. I'll flat out refuse if they tell me to go on a mission and Madge doesn't want me to go. Just won't do it.
He shakes his head and sighs. "Fine, fine. Get her approval if that's what you have to do. And yes, there may be missions. It's just part of it."
"I can talk to her tonight and I'll let you know tomorrow. These missions, are they always rescue ones? Is that what I'd always be doing?"
"They vary. Some are rescue, though not typically of the size of the one you just worked. Some are just delivering and collecting messages with our undercover people. Your face is recognizable thanks to Snow and all his viewings and searching for all of us. That'll probably keep you stuck here a lot of the time. Won't use you unless we have too."
"Okay, I'll talk to her and let you know. Anything else for now?"
"Nope. No need in getting into it unless you're actually gonna do the work. Come see me tomorrow at 9. We'll see where we're going from there."
"Okay, thanks." I tell him as I get up and head out of the Defense Department. I decide to go see Katniss again before I talk to Madge. I'm hoping she'll be willing to shed a little more light on what all it is that I'll actually be doing. Maybe tell me some of the missions that she's worked on. When I talk this all over with Madge later, I want to be able to give her as much information as possible.
I find a very bored Katniss, still laying in bed with her leg up in traction.
"Oh thank God. I've been seriously about to die of boredom."
I laugh a little. "That much fun, huh?"
"I'm stuck in bed in a room by myself nonstop. What do you think?"
"Nobody else come to visit?"
"Yeah, Peeta's been here but he's at work right now. Prim's at school and my mother is working."
"Speaking of work, I just found out that I was transferred to Defense."
"You're welcome." She says with a smile.
"Yeah, about that…" I start off.
"Don't tell me you'd rather be washing dishes?" She asks with disbelief on her face.
"Maybe. It's just with Madge, things are different for me now. I don't know how comfortable she'll be with me going out on missions. She had a hard time when I was gone the other day."
"It's a good job Gale. You'd finally be getting to do the things we always wished we could do. You're going to be a part of the team that fights against the Capitol and all that they stand for. This is what we used to dream about, you know?"
"Key word being used too. Look, I'm all for being opposed to the Capitol. But I won't risk anything with Madge. I know what it feels like to think I'm going to lose her and I don't want her to ever have to feel that about me. I'm gonna talk it all over with her tonight and give Haymitch a final decision tomorrow morning. I came here to you hoping you might be willing to give me some insider perspective on what I'll really be doing."
"Shut the door. I'll tell you enough so you can make an informed decision." She tells me with a sigh.
I do as she says, shutting the door so we can speak without being overheard. Missions are always considered classified and she's supposed to be limited as to what she can say.
"So you want to know what the missions are like, right?"
"Yeah. What kind of stuff will I be doing?"
"Well, if you're here in 13 it's usually research and prep type work. Gathering background information and stuff before missions. It's a lot of reading and watching videos and stuff like that."
"And if I'm not in 13?"
"Not all missions are like what we just did. That was a huge one. I've been out on a couple. They aren't all that big a deal."
"C'mon Catnip. I need real details here." I tell her. I don't want the same vague crap that I already know.
She hesitates. Thinking to herself. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't want to break confidentiality or if she doesn't really want me to know what it's like. I wait though, not pushing her to hurry.
"Gale, I'll tell you this and it's all I can say. You'll be a part of missions and you will have to leave 13 periodically. Sometimes it'll be for a few hours, sometimes a few days. It varies each time. Sometimes you'll be rescuing people and sometimes you might be just a messenger or transferring information. Anytime you have to leave 13, it'll be somewhat dangerous though sometimes more so than others. And more often than not, you won't be able to let anyone know where it is exactly that you're going. A lot of what happens in Defense is secret. I don't think it's anything you wouldn't be able to handle though. And I think you'd like it if you just gave it a shot."
"If Madge wasn't a factor, I would be down in defense right now, rearing to go. But life is a whole different thing when you're married. It isn't just about me anymore. I won't do anything without talking to her first and only then if she's okay with it. Thanks for telling me what you could."
"Come back and see me tomorrow after you talk to Haymitch?" She asks sounding glum. I think she's pretty disappointed that I'm not sure I want to transfer to Defense. Back before her games happened, both she and I would have jumped at the chance to do this. But what she can't seem to understand, what I was trying to explain, is that things are different now. I'm different now. And even if that disappoints her, I still feel like it was all a change for the better. Being with Madge makes me a better person.
"Yeah, I'll see ya tomorrow."
I head upstairs, unsure of how to really go about talking this over with Madge. Just yesterday we were talking about how she didn't like me being gone. I'd held her in my arms and told her how I wasn't planning on leaving. How I would be staying right here with her. I had no idea this was going to be offered to me. There's a part of me that is just itching to get out there and be a part of anything that works against the Capitol. But the other part of me, it never wants to be away from Madge again. Because, what if the worst happens and I get captured? What if I get hurt? What if I can't get back to her? I'd never forgive myself for what it would do to Madge. We've been through far too much already for me to go taunting fate with opportunities for more problems to arise.