"I want…to be as strong as you," Shin mustered up the courage to say. "I want to be there for you…like you are for me now." Vacillation twisted his tongue, and although his thoughts were beginning to muddle, he forced out what first came to mind: "I want to be able to say…'I want to live.' But I can't picture any of that for myself."

The ache's gone now… thought Shin, who'd inadvertently begun to regain his composure again. I'm embarrassed to have said all that. It's not like me. None of this is like me. I don't know if any of what I said is true. Do I truly want those things? Am I lying to myself? I don't know.

Suddenly, a soft laugh fluttered from Lena's lips. "I didn't think…you'd actually tell me that," she chuckled while wiping away the tears from her pink-stained cheeks. "I'm…flustered. B-But more than that, I'm so happy you've found something to want, Shin." She gently pulled back from Shin, and with a tear-licked smile, she eyed the pink splotches clinging to Shin's cheeks as well.

The rosy warmth Shin recognized but had no name for melted into his chest, dousing the embers of pain that lingered within him. I like this feeling… What is it? My body feels light. A slim smile poked at the corners of his lips.

"I know it's almost impossible to imagine," Lena continued, "but I'm sure the idea of all this happening seemed impossible too. It'll only be impossible if you die first. So, can I rely on you to survive until then?"

Shin nodded, clearing his throat as he glanced at the damp spots on Lena's uniform. "I apologize about your uniform."

I never wanted anyone to see me cry, but I guess a part of me is okay with it. I'm confused about what to think.

"Hm? Oh, don't worry about it." Lena brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You look…surprised? Did you think I'd have a fit over my clothes getting a little damp?" She tilted her head.

"Shinei!"

Maybe. "No. It's nothing."

A smile materialized on Lena's face again. "You're already back to your usual self…even though your face is still red." She twirled the strand of hair she brushed aside around her index finger.

Shin was silent, and rather than responding, his eyes drifted to the window that was illuminated by a few white lights from the front of the building. Anju said my cheeks sometimes turn a little red when I'm around you, and Kurena said that's so unlike me. Theo said I'm the most oblivious person he's ever met. Raiden said I'm an idiot. I wonder what goes through their heads.

Lena expelled a hefty sigh. "Well, I should get going. We're heading out early tomorrow, so you should try and get some sleep too. Goodnight, Shin. And…thank you, again." Briskly standing up, Lena allowed her locks of hair to swoop back over her shoulders, obscuring her face.

"Captain," called Shin as Lena placed her hand on the door handle. "Thank you." He observed as Lena nodded without looking back, and with that, she promptly exited his room.

Left alone in the silence of his room that was trampled by the whispers of the Legion in his ears, Shin rubbed his eyes and stared out the window to the ginkgo tree outside. Is what I want…really what I want? Was I just overwhelmed? What does it feel like to want something? His eyes locked onto the red poppy in its white, rectangular vase on the windowsill. I don't know. I guess I feel better after crying, but I would prefer not to be seen or heard. But she really cares about me this much? A twinge of pain flickered through his chest. It still hurts to consider.

"SHIN!"

Then, a soft knock arrived at Shin's door. He gazed at the tree, the crescent moon, and then the flower, but he remained silent. Keeping his back to the door, he soon heard the sound of the door opening, and footsteps approaching him.

"Sorry for intruding," sighed Theo over the click of the door closing. "I saw the Captain walk out teary-eyed. She said everything was fine, but…" He paused for a moment. "This doesn't mean I'm concerned about her or anything. I'm just curious. Shin? Geez. I know you don't always want to talk, but at least let me know you're listening." Dull taps from Theo's boots echoed through the room.

Shin closed his eyes. "Sorry. The Captain just wanted to talk to me about a few things."

"'A few things?' That's not very specific."

"It hurts."

"I gave her my report, and she checked in with me."

Theo sat behind Shin and crossed his arms. "Did you tell her something disturbing?" He arched a brow.

"No."

"Then why was she crying?"

Shin was silent for a moment. "Because she cares." He watched as a small, dark leaf snapped from the ginkgo tree and glided towards the ground.

Theo let out a sigh. "That's the Captain for you. But…are you okay, Shin?" He leaned his shoulder into the back of the chair.

I don't know anymore. "Yeah. I've sorted some things out with the Captain. You don't need to worry. Sorry if you did." He focused on the poppy's stamen, and then, the red ring of petals.

"Kill me!"

I still don't want to live. Why? I guess it'll still take time. But even though I have multiple reasons to live, and multiple things I think I might want, I'm still somehow indifferent to my own life.

"Shin? Shin?"

"Hm?"

Theo stood up and began to circle around to face Shin head-on with the clunk of his boots. "You could at least look at me when I'm talk…" He gulped back his words when he scrutinized Shin's red, puffy face, and the damp marks on his shoulder. "Shin…what happened?"

"Nothing."

Theo grit his teeth. "You say that even when a blind person can tell that you've been crying?!" He balled his hands into fists and averted his eyes from Shin. "Tch. It's not like we haven't heard you crying before. You don't need to hide it. I mean, we all cry."

"I don't want to die…"

"It's already been sorted out."

The image people have of me isn't a fool who cries over things he doesn't understand to begin with. I don't know why I cried. I don't know what I felt. I don't know why I felt it. I don't want those feelings, but I don't want to have no feelings.

Lightly scratching at his elbow, Theo pressed his back to the wall and stood in silence for another few seconds. "You know, it's not a crime to feel things, Shin." His eyes sank to the glossy, wooden floor at his feet. "You've ended so many lives that I can't help but wonder if you're just numb to it. I mean, completely numb to it. But I know you do feel something when they're dying, and when you kill them. You just don't show it."

Shin nodded. "I never wanted to kill the people I put to rest. It's normal for me to be the one to end their life. In fact, maybe that's something I want: to let them rest. But it doesn't not hurt to see their last moments, hear their last words, and take their lives away. I'm glad if I can end their suffering, but…" He blinked slowly.

"It's all your fault!"

"Hey, Shin?" Theo glanced out the window and located Shin's ghost-like reflection. "It's not something we can really fix the issue for, but it's not your fault." He narrowed his eyes and lowered his shoulders. "I know you don't believe me, even if you stay silent. But instead of thinking about why it's true, try thinking about why it's not true every now and again."

A smile tugged at Shin's lips. "Thank you, Theo."

Theo crossed his arms. "I'm just saying in hopes that you'll be more efficient. That's all." His jaw shifted to the left a bit.

A quiet, bullet-ridden chuckle escaped Shin. He lifted his chin that bore the dried rivers of his tears to meet Theo's olive-green eyes.

"What's so funny?" muttered Theo.

Shin inhaled a breath of the moment he did not want to lose. "Nothing." He allowed his smile to linger.

Theo's expression twitched into an innocuous, wry lour that he promptly suppressed. "Whatever… But you really warmed up to the Captain fast, huh?" Restoring his sangfroid, Theo exhaled slowly. "I'm jealous. You let her see you cry. Why not us?" He noticed the new hue of pink that adhered to Shin's cheeks. "You know what, never mind. Someday, just tell her how you feel. We're all dying, watching the two of you like this. Even Kurena looks like she wants to rip her hair out over it."

As though his tears had become translucent stitches to the intangible wounds he'd suffered, Shin sank into the rich, syrupy feeling in his chest. "I don't know what you mean. I told her how I felt before you came in." He felt his heart fervently bash at his ribs.

Theo's eyes split open. "You did?! Wait." He face-palmed. "Ugh, not that kind of… Geez, Shin. No wonder she was crying. Tch. I mean, just tell her you like her already."

Shin raised his brows. "Why would I do that? I thought that was implied. I don't dislike all of you."

Theo buried his face into his hands and shook his head. "You're hopeless, Shin. And liking and 'not disliking' are two completely different things. You're the only person I know who's ever said 'I don't dislike all of you' as a compliment. Whatever. I'll let you rest and get your head on straight." Dropping his hands to his sides, Theo marched to the door and swiftly took his leave.

"Theo, don't nudge him towards her!" whined Kurena in the background.

"Kurena, if you don't want to lose the opportunity…" chuckled Anju.

"N-No! Besides…if that's what he wants…I should just…be happy and supportive."

"Let's bring this somewhere else. Shin's not deaf," Raiden chimed in. "He may be an insane knucklehead, but he's not deaf."

Shin felt his smile grow, nurtured by the sweet, steaming milk of ecstasy that flowed from behind the door. It'd be nice…to just experience moments like this without immediately thinking about how they won't last. He eyed the paper report on his desk one last time, and with that, he rolled his body which felt to him like it was quite a bit lighter than usual into bed. Now that it's my turn to chase after you, Captain, can I reach you?